2021 Declutter Stuff & Organize Your Life

[anciana]

That sounds like an awful lot, debthaven, I am so sorry. I wish I could just pop over, bring some coffee cake and sit with you for a bit and just listen. It sounds like you need a breather, a pause, and I hope your boss sees that and makes it possible for you. Hang in there, we’re here to listen!

[debthaven]

Oh I wish you could too anciana ! Thank you. 

I can't stop crying, and DH can't hide his anger and disgust, which obviously doesn't help.

[laterbloomer]

Oct 14, 2021 17:39:38 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Oh I wish you could too anciana ! Thank you. 

I can't stop crying, and DH can't hide his anger and disgust, which obviously doesn't help.

Let yourself cry. a hard, ugly cry. It's amazing how therapeutic that is. And you won't cry that long if you just let loose.

[ners]

 debthaven

[finnime]

debthaven, let the crying out. Your DH is just going to have to deal with the fact that he married a complete woman with real emotions and needs. And you're doing great with your cup running over, telling your manager what you need to keep everyone successful and moving forward. Good for you.

I understand so well about being overwhelmed to the point of being unable to function. When that's the case, you must find a way back to firm ground, whatever is needed to do that. Hugs to you.

[seriousthistime]

debthaven, my old boss used to say that if we feel like we need to kill someone (anyone) when we sit down at our desk, it's time to take some time off and the sooner the better. 

It sounds as if you are at that point. 

I have been at a point where I felt I would crack due to the stresses at the job and at home. I was losing up to 5 pounds a week during that time.  I was not hungry, I was not sleeping, and I felt very jittery all the time. I was convinced I was terrible at my marriage, work, and parenting.  I did get back on track, but I had to learn to be good to myself. 

I wish I were right around the corner from you.  This time, I would buy your coffee. And we would chat and laugh and cry and talk about how to "live to fight another day" in whatever way we defined "the fight."

Hugs hugs hugs, girlfriend. 

And tell your DH that I have seen every single episode of The Great British Baking Show, and I see people showing real emotions, including tears, pretty regularly.  So much for a uniform "stiff upper lip." 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Oct 14, 2021 11:25:10 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Oct 13, 2021 11:10:20 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I am so sorry Knee Deep in Water Chloe    

I have seen video from local school board meetings as well as the local health board and board of supervisors when they have discussed mask wearing.  

I would not want to be in any of their shoes.  

I don't understand why people can't separate work from personal life but this issue does seem to have sent people over the edge and they do think it's okay to do things they would not have done before.

It's not just mask wearing, but vaccination requirements, teaching critical race theory, etc.  I think things started to go off the rails a few years back when school districts wanted to stop teaching about evolution or teach creationism as well as evolution, and the current political climate has made people ugly-confrontational. 

In this area, the county public health officer quit when he and his family started to get death threats. 

Exactly. DH had two death threats last year. He was trying to make it to three before he quit this year, but other things pushed him over the edge. And it's just constant--several times a day a new person mad about something made up. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Oct 14, 2021 11:45:18 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Knee Deep in Water Chloe I'm unsure of your financial situation but it sounds like it might be worth planning to move sooner rather than later, ie between terms/semesters. It's just so wrong that you're going through this. 

Do any 2 of your 4 kids live near each other? Or are they all in totally different places?

Thank you; I do appreciate it. It's unethical for me to quit during the school year. DH has given notice effective 30 June 22. He's may take sick time (He has 225 days of it + three weeks of vacation.) He has massive ulcers right now--well for the last few months actually. He meets with his gastro____ist on Monday. 
Last week at a regular cleaning & exam, the dentist almost wrote him a note for a month off of work because DH is grinding his teeth so much. 

One lives in Washington State, one lives in the "Middle" of Oregon and the other two  and Miss Grandbaby live where we used to live and where my mother and sister and a few of DH's brothers and their wives live. So, it's going to be tricky figuring out where to go. I do have to find a job, and DH says I should get one that I actually want instead of just finding "whatever". 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Oct 14, 2021 16:40:28 GMT -5 debthaven said:

I'm REALLY not proud of this at all, but I emailed my best friend at work (who is now my boss) to tell her I was, um, basically cracking up. Job 1 is EXTREMELY strict, Job 2 is far more easy-going. 

I asked her to either replace me for one of two Thursdays in November, or allow me to do one online. Either one would be exceptional. 

I DID point out that it would probably be in their interest to allow me to do one or the other instead of me going on sick leave and having to replace me for ALL my hours for the rest of the semester. 

I feel horribly ashamed and embarrassed, but alas it appears that I'm at that point. DH is British and a great believer in "keeping a stiff upper lip and just getting on with it". So needless to say, my current mental state is also causing a huge amount of strife at home.

I am nearly 63. Except for the few months after my ex left me and our three children nearly 30 years ago, I have never felt so lost/unable to cope. It's terrifying.

I should probably post this on the depression thread instead of here.

I'm sorry, I don't want to derail this thread. But I ALWAYS know EXACTLY what to do, in every situation! But this time I don't have a clue.

Do you think it has anything to do with the pandemic and the long-term stress that's causing?

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Oct 14, 2021 17:01:46 GMT -5 debthaven said:

I'm sobbing now. Thank you so much Sharon .  To be honest when you first posted about moving, I thought you wouldn't leave your mom, although I knew you'd be so much happier nearer your DD and your grandkids. I am SO HAPPY that you are making that move!!! Life is short.

My DH can be harsh. He's been through a lot. But he's still British through and through and to his generation (still) that Stiff Upper Lip is more important than ANYTHING else. I'm a NY Jew and I NEVER hide what I think. DH is ALL about being polite, hiding how you really feel, etc. 

My friend/now boss S is younger than DH but similar, so we'll see how she responds to my email. She just took over that job. My guess is that she won't respond immediately because she'll be checking it out with our former boss B (who S replaced). 

I KNOW B would say, replace DH for one of those days, or let her do a class online. Or even both! But B has been a manager for many years, and S is very new to managing people, so she just follows the rules ...

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Oct 14, 2021 17:39:38 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Oh I wish you could too anciana ! Thank you. 

I can't stop crying, and DH can't hide his anger and disgust, which obviously doesn't help.

[toomuchreality]

I'm so sorry, that so many of you very nice people are going through such hard times, right now.
I wish I could help.

I have actually hospitalized myself in the past, because my depression got so bad.

I don't know that I could help, but if you ever want, or need to talk, feel free to message me.

BIG hugs
Take care of you ♡

[azucena]

Debt - I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed.  It's not a failure to speak up for yourself.  It's very healthy.  I don't think the YM 2x4 will reach across the ocean to smack your DH, but I'm willing to try.

Chloe - I get that you're likely under a contract.  From an outside perspective, this seems like one of those rare circumstances where contract be damned.  If it won't completely hinder you finding a new job, please consider quitting.  You're under just as much stress and duress as your DH.  I hate that it's taking a toll on his health and likely yours as well.  FWIW, I'm a school parent from afar who appreciates what your DH has been trying to do.

[snapdragon]

Sending hugs to everyone.

Stress and everything else is a lot to process. I am right up there with "things" going on and not seeming to have enough spoons to deal. It's OK to drop the spoons.

Debt - I seriously want to go the France and give your husband a Clue and help you out by having you go with me as a guide to all your favorite places so you could relax. To be honest I would drop the damn play and have your "understudy" do it. 

Sharon - So happy that you are placing your needs before your Mom's. I know how hard that can be. Enjoy being close to your DD and her family.

Chloe - That has got to be beyond stressful for your DH and you. Take care and please be careful. People are crazy and don't seem to be able to have a difference of opinion civilly anymore. It just goes from 0 to Bat Shit Crazy in a instant right now. 


    

[startsmart]

Quick Update before the weekend! 

I had a productive birthday yesterday including picking up new plants that I now need to pot and groceries so I can meal prep this weekend (thai chicken curry and shepard's pie). I just spent an hour in the backyard cleaning up, it was getting really messy out there and time to put things away for winter. The pool stuff is now stored but I still need to empty the pool, clean it well and then put down the sand base and rocks around the edge. Then figure out how to best store it for winter so it doesn't refill with snow or get damaged. 

I picked up some wood yesterday too so I can build out shelves in a small closet for games and puzzles, hoping that will be an easy project I can finish today. Then I can get back to the ongoing projects of my purple quilt and preparing my master closet for new shelves. 

Oh, and one of my kitchen cabinets is literally falling off the wall so I need to get it taken down before it falls down. 

((hugs)) to everyone going through rough work, moving or personal stuff. We are so lucky to have you here and are here when you need us. 

[snapdragon]

Glad you are doing better Start! 

[laterbloomer]

Knee Deep in Water Chloe I don't know what to say. I only read about that kind of behaviour, and mainly it seems to be an American thing. Up here people feel strongly about masks and vaccines but we just don't have the same levels of violence around it you guys do. Good luck with it.

So there is a chance of turning my one year contract into full time permanent. There are 7 positions to be distributed between about 20 of us. And 6 contract extensions on top of that. So I'm going to be redoing my resume and coverletter and preparing a 500 word "assignment" about why I am the best for the job. 2 of the jobs are in my cachement and low and behold there are 2 of us that live in this area. That SHOULD give me an edge but we will see. I'm accepting all good vibes, prayers and wiccan good luck spells at this time 😉

[debthaven]

Thanks everybody for your hugs and good wishes. They are so greatly appreciated. 

I'm so happy you're feeling better startsmart .

snapdragon I regret not dropping the play but it's too late now. We don't even have understudies lol. I was about to postpone the surgery but DH pointed out it's "forced rest". 

Knee Deep in Water Chloe , living with death threats is NOT in your contract! I don't think you should wait till summer.  

Fingers crossed for the job laterbloomer ! When will you find out?

My DH is EXTREMELY helpful in concrete ways ... shopping/cooking/laundry/errands (since he works from home). But he has no patience for "emotions", shall we say. 

My boss wrote a very nice email saying she'll see what she can do about getting a replacement for one or two classes. She also told me I need to cut down in Semester 2 ... which I am already doing. 

Knee Deep in Water Chloe it's not the pandemic per se. But I took on a lot more hours while we were teaching remotely, and then that became my "new normal". With the commute, I can't handle it.

This weekend
- pre-op doc appt/Fri
- call about pre-op PCR/Fri
- work out Job 2 oral marks/Fri
- mark 13 speeches/Sat
- rehearsal/Sun

I got a bit done and had a quiet afternoon at home. 

Today was the last Friday I had professor/staff classes scheduled. I've decided to keep my Fridays free. I'd make an exception for E whose oral defense is in early December, but not for the others.

[azucena]

Just ran across this quote from NPR life kit - it comes to my email so I'm not sure how to find it on their website.

    Practice strategic underachievement: This one might be a harder pill for perfectionists to swallow, but a great tool for your toolbox nonetheless! Burkeman suggests deciding on a cyclical basis to “choose what to fail at” — maybe that means not keeping a squeaky clean home for six months or doing the minimum amount of exercise — so you can focus on the most important things to you. “Instead of constantly feeling bad about yourself when you fail to do an impossible amount,” says Burkeman, giving yourself some conscious grace and room for other things in your life “is a lot more pleasant because [...] you don't have to then keep beating yourself up for not doing something humans can’t do.”

[plugginaway22]

My DH and I have always been 'over achievers', hard to sit and relax, list makers, always feels like we should be 'doing' something. Well I retired from the rat race in September and he is still working. There has definitely been a re-set period for me and it is oddly comforting. I may still be sitting in my robe at 11 am but oh well. There is a master list of things that I wanted to happen when I retired, and maybe a couple of things have been chalked off, but I am OK with the slow transition and decompressing period.

I snapped at DH so hard the other day when he again, casually asked what I had done that day. Maybe I did NOTHING, ok? Actually he was just making conversation but it is that habit of always trying to get something accomplished. 

Anyway, I feel for you Debt because my last year of employment was HELL, not only because of the buyout but add COVID and being in the office, and also when you are seeing light at the end of the tunnel, everything work related seems like a bunch of BS.

I want to rejoin this group since a home clean out is on that master list!

[startsmart]

I have missed having productive days! When I was sick it was a struggle to walk to the kitchen for water or to microwave food and so I am taking advantage of feeling good again. 

The yard is looking good: 
-set out the bushes to plant this weekend
-fixed the path so I can stake down the weed blocker and start laying bricks
-tossed a few dead plants in my compost box to break down
-rolled up the hose, the electrical cords and some rope
-put away pool noodles, floaties, temp gauge and the umbrella
-put my garden tools (mower, string trimmer, hedge trimmer) under the shed for winter 
-picked up a bunch of sticks blown in by the wind 
-refilled 2 bird feeders 
-trashed the hummingbird feeder which had broken 
-picked up trash, sorted recycling and took out trash
-moved a bunch of random stuff into the garage to sort later 
-installed my cymbal art project outdoors 
-picked out pots to go inside for potting new plants 

THEN I came inside and: 
-added 2 shelves to closet and organized puzzles
-pulled out all the candles to organize 
-did half the dishes 
-folded all the clean towels and put them away
-wrote and sent 2 cards 
-worked on squaring up my random quilt (still needs quite a few rows) 
-cleaned up my bathroom
-finished unpacking bags from my trip 
-put the new raised planter on the front porch
-went through junk mail


I have an ambitious weekend planned so if I can keep up my energy I know I'll get a lot of it done. I do need to go back to my PO box tomorrow (they were closed by the time I went today) for a package that was too large for my box. Otherwise I should be staying in and working, cooking and completing my projects. 

[debthaven]

Beware ... clearly startsmart is BAAACCKKK! LOL! 

Thank you plugginaway22 .   Last year my boss at Job 2 said, we always try to do our best, in every situation. Maybe during this new lockdown (lockdown 2 here in France), our new goal needs to be "good enough"? I REALLY took that comment to heart (probably too much so ...)

I just made an expensive but hilarious mistake, and I need to share it with you. My faculty student E finally submitted her PhD thesis tonight. I wanted to give her a voucher for a massage at DD's and my favorite place.

I don't know what happened, but it turns out I paid for 2 massages, and *I* received the email to E saying "Debthaven has given you a gift!".

I wrote to the spa by email and on Facebook to say there was a mistake, I only bought 1 massage, not 2, and I'm counting on them to refund me for the second one.

I then forwarded the "you've received a gift!" email to E saying that although I adore her, I'm only gifting her 1 massage, not 2 LOL. 

(I had considered getting us both a duo massage to celebrate her submitting her thesis because we are close, but then decided that was far too intimate.)

I'm NOT happy about being out that money. But worst-case scenario I can always use the second massage myself, or gift it to DD. So I've decided to laugh about it. It's very late here, so nothing will get straightened out before tomorrow or (more likely) Monday.

[moneysquirrel]

startsmart -- We can tell that you are feeling better.  You are getting so much done compared to me.  (Then I remind myself that I am retired and I will get done what I can when I can.)

plugginaway22 -- Welcome back.  It took me a while to just feel like doing anything major after I retired.  Now I only do what I need to do and most importantly I try not to have firm deadlines as to when something have to happen.  

debthaven -- If you can keep the 2nd massage for yourself.  You could do with some pampering and you deserve it.  Hang in there we are behind you. Think of all of us literally holding you in an upright position.  One day at a time. 

Today I caught up on laundry and ran the dishwasher.  Also finished the order I had and worked on another flowerpot. I also ran a few errands.  

Home repairs are at a standstill.  Have to wait for either supplies or contractors.  The entire area is in the same predictament so there is no cause for me to get frustrated.  I know that the supplies for a major part of the repairs have been ordered.  Just have to wait until they come in and I get on the schedule.  I emailed the other contractor a few minutes ago and am waiting to hear back from him.  In the meantime,  I will be restructing some of my sinking funds to help with financing that part of the repairs that the insurance won't cover.  The delay means that I can set some more aside each month until I have to start paying it out.   

I will try to check in more often.  

[debthaven]

I'm trying to be constructive/proactive.

Per my Job 1 boss's email about trying to replace me, I checked out my colleagues' schedules. I found someone who doesn't usually come in on Thursdays, but she's coming in that afternoon. She MAY be willing to do that Thursday morning too. 

I asked my Job 2 boss if I could do my last Wednesday morning classes online. I don't have afternoon classes that day, and they just write their reports on Google Drive while I "monitor" them. They've done that remotely for the past 3 semesters. Doing it again won't kill them. 

I'm hoping that even just one of those options work, if not both. 

[debthaven]

Think of all of us literally holding you in an upright position. One day at a time.

Thank you moneysquirrel.  That made me cry (again!)

[startsmart]

I’m very lucky to have a flexible work schedule. My updates and projects need to be done by Monday so I can work on them over the weekend. Since the weather was good today I got a lot of outdoor time in.

Candles are organized and need a home, I’m going to be burning them daily to use them up as much as possible, some have been around years. My weekend list “only” has 18 items on it but I got 6.5 done today.

Just one task is planting about 400 bulbs so I have my work cut out for me!

[debthaven]

Ouch Start I completely forgot that A and I were supposed to go buy bulbs together! She always goes during Oct/Nov half-term. I will ask her to buy/order some for me, I won't be going with her this year. 

(How crazy is it that I am looking forward to my wrist surgery so I can say, Sorry! I'm not allowed to leave the house/drive!)

[TheOtherMe]

I have not managed to get everything out of my car.  I think the only left in the car that is mine is what is left is a case of water.

The rest goes to my sister's house.  She sent some things she couldn't fit in a carry on.  I also brought back her cooler which I did use on the way back.  I also brought 3 small bags of baby clothes that she plans to make a quilt from.  Toddler loves Grandma's quilts but I suspect this one might be a wall hanging.

I can't find my garage door opener.  I remember closing the door the morning we left and putting it "somewhere safe" in the car since I wouldn't be using it for 3 weeks.  Well, I can't find the "somewhere safe".  My sister has the extra one and I may have to get it back from her if I don't find mine.

The cats have both spent the day sitting on me.  They definitely learned to play with their toys while I was gone and have done more of that than they used to.  

It's good to be home.  While I miss the Toddler and his parents, I don't miss the chaos of a small apartment with constant noise unless toddler is sleeping or at daycare.  

I also sleep better here.  I actually like the mattress DN1 and his wife have.  I have the name of it and will be seeking one out for me.  My mattress has not been comfortable for a few years.  

The mattress at the last hotel was horrible which made sleeping difficult.

[CCL]

Oct 15, 2021 14:19:55 GMT -5 plugginaway22 said:

My DH and I have always been 'over achievers', hard to sit and relax, list makers, always feels like we should be 'doing' something. Well I retired from the rat race in September and he is still working. There has definitely been a re-set period for me and it is oddly comforting. I may still be sitting in my robe at 11 am but oh well. There is a master list of things that I wanted to happen when I retired, and maybe a couple of things have been chalked off, but I am OK with the slow transition and decompressing period.

I snapped at DH so hard the other day when he again, casually asked what I had done that day. Maybe I did NOTHING, ok? Actually he was just making conversation but it is that habit of always trying to get something accomplished. 

Anyway, I feel for you Debt because my last year of employment was HELL, not only because of the buyout but add COVID and being in the office, and also when you are seeing light at the end of the tunnel, everything work related seems like a bunch of BS.

I want to rejoin this group since a home clean out is on that master list!

Before long you will be wondering how you ever found time to go to work. Congratulations on your retirement!

I never get up before nine and usually don't do much til around one. Afternoons and evenings are when really start getting busy and getting things done. I always plan something extra to do every day. Sometimes it's small like cleaning out a drawer. Sometimes it's something big like painting a bedroom. I like to have a schedule and accomplish things even if I am retired. I just do it on my own schedule now.

[laterbloomer]

debthaven I'm going to give them a month. It will probably be sooner but I don't want to torture myself do I'll not think about it until late November.