how have you changed during the pandemic?

[crazycat]

It has really made me see family members and friends in a different light . Most I want nothing more to do with . They are just stupid, selfish , and I’m completely done . 

[raeoflyte]

Fat for sure. Lost so much of how I identified when eberything shut down. But while I started the pandemic worried about employment options we ended up so stupidly busy that I could barely breath for months. I've felt broken since September. This is the first weekend I can really be off the clock, and I'm trying to figure out how to get back to some semblance of normal.

Add in everything happening outside of my front door, and it isnt going to be a quick recovery.

I've enjoyed the time with my kids. We havent done the scavenger hunts or big game nights for several months. But we've had a lot of good time together.

[raeoflyte]

Dec 11, 2020 22:47:56 GMT -5 crazycat said:

It has really made me see family members and friends in a different light . Most I want nothing more to do with . They are just stupid, selfish , and I’m completely done . 

I don't want to like this, but I definitely get it.

[countrygirl2]

Did my Xmas shopping on line.

Haven't been out for a nice meal in forever.  So many retail places have closed down not much fun to shop. Don't go to the mall anymore.

I know a lot of folks are unemployed but we don't see them where we live, we are rather isolated. There are people in need for food here, I guess lines up at the food bank in town.

What is the reason for food prices raising?

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 11, 2020 22:47:56 GMT -5 crazycat said:

It has really made me see family members and friends in a different light . Most I want nothing more to do with . They are just stupid, selfish , and I’m completely done . 

I also found this out.  Some of them, I never want to see again.

[bookkeeper]

I grew up seven miles from town on a farm.  Isolation was there every day when the sun came up.  You absolutely had to have a hobby or skill you were working on to get you through the winter months.  That being said, this pandemic lockdown feels like a long winter to me.

I miss my friends these past months.  DH and I are retired, but many of our friends are still working.  Their jobs expose them to much more risk than we are willing to sit next to.  Our social lives have stagnated, much like everyone else.

I am very thankful that we are retired, managing work and kids and school during a pandemic does not look like fun...at all.  We have changed how we view an outing.  Meet somebody at the bar for happy hour....nooooo, meet you in the parking lot for a ride on the bike path..good.  We have tried to take advantage of the good things that are available locally.  Bike paths, camping spots, hiking trails all are good suggestions.

On a personal note, DH and I have had a shift in our relationship.  His car/train accident last year, followed by the pandemic precautions have left us both with a new normal.  We have both learned to have more patience and I believe we are both better at letting go of things that don't matter.  DH broke 4 ribs last year and had a chest tube for a couple weeks after the accident in addition to a broken arm and leg.  We do all we can to hide from the Covid rather than go through a month in the hospital again.  

Financially we are in a good place, we are fortunate.  I think it's time to donate to the food bank again.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

so sorry to hear about DHs accident, bookkeeper. I did not know about that at the time. Hope he is doing well!

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Dec 11, 2020 14:59:20 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I've become lazier.  So that's awesome...not like I needed help in that area!  

Hey! I've been gone. You've been gone. Good to see you, my friend!

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Dec 11, 2020 17:59:57 GMT -5 pulmonarymd said:

Dec 11, 2020 17:31:41 GMT -5 Tiny said:

That's a sucky feeling. I laughed when I read this. I first lost my "faith in humanity" back in my teenage years. It seems to get restored and then it's gone again.

As I've gotten older - I've found that maybe it's me who needs to "restore faith in humanity" by my actions. It's so confusing. And the anger/bizarreness of the last 5 to 4 years hasn't helped.

If you look around and watch carefully you will find something that will start to rebuild your faith in humanity.

I am having a BAD day. Had a lawyer threaten to sue me today. WTF.

I feel like I have majorly pissed off someone important. No idea who, but I wish to apologize profusely. I will get on my knees and beg to make it stop.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

It's hard for me to separate the pandemic from a few other things that have happened in the last 15 months. 
Since June 2019, 
*~DH and I have had a major obstacle in our marriage. 
The pandemic made that obstacle bigger, and we ended up on completely different sides of it instead of trying to surmount it together. 
*~We launched our youngest child. That was awful for me. Then she came back home six months later due to the pandemic. 
*~Before the pandemic, my job was making me cry almost everyday. Then it got a little bit better. Then the pandemic hit. The pandemic has affected my industry second only to how medical care has been affected. How I do my job--even what my job is--is completely called into question. 
*~Then, I started a new graduate school program; that was going to happen anyway regardless of pandemic. But combining that with the stress of the pandemic has not been fun. 
*~Then, of course, there's the election. Awful. 

Anyway, it's hard to separate how just the pandemic has changed me, but I certainly connect with statements like: 
I enjoy being in my home. 
I am okay being an introvert. 
I am realizing that busyness is not the answer to "what's the purpose of life?". 
I am realizing that working ten hours a day and 60 to 70 hours per week is not actually going to ever get every thing done, so maybe it's okay to slow down a bit. 
If we all stay home permanently, I definitely have way too many clothes. 

[thyme4change]

I'm now a slob.

[sesfw]

I am having a BAD day. Had a lawyer threaten to sue me today. WTF.

I feel like I have majorly pissed off someone important. No idea who, but I wish to apologize profusely. I will get on my knees and beg to make it stop.

I'm sorry md ........ I know you've had a very rough year both physically and mentally.  Hope you get this mess straightened out quickly.  You don't need the added stress, especially in your profession .

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I am developing an unhealthy compulsion to buy TP. Like I can't pass a display of it without getting anxious.

Logically I know it's silly and I know people lived without it for thousands of years just fine.

But that product is now forever imprinted with all the anxiety I felt back in March. Our local Walmart looked like a set piece from The Walking Dead.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to grocery shop again without a panic attack. It'll be a long time for sure.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Dec 12, 2020 13:49:56 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I am developing an unhealthy compulsion to buy TP. Like I can't pass a display of it without getting anxious.

Logically I know it's silly and I know people lived without it for thousands of years just fine.

But that product is now forever imprinted with all the anxiety I felt back in March. Our local Walmart looked like a set piece from The Walking Dead.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to grocery shop again without a panic attack. It'll be a long time for sure.

I think you have handy people in the family?

Install a delux bidet.

[Deleted]

Dec 12, 2020 13:49:56 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I am developing an unhealthy compulsion to buy TP. Like I can't pass a display of it without getting anxious.

Logically I know it's silly and I know people lived without it for thousands of years just fine.

But that product is now forever imprinted with all the anxiety I felt back in March. Our local Walmart looked like a set piece from The Walking Dead.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to grocery shop again without a panic attack. It'll be a long time for sure.

Thank you for your honesty because I thought I was alone with the TP thing and the fear of shopping.  I have to try really, really hard to consciously slow my breathing while in most stores, but find myself shaking when I get back in my car.  One day I sat and cried before leaving the parking lot.  March is etched in my memory as the worst combination of fear and being defenseless that I've ever had.  No masks, no hand sanitizer, no hope.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 12, 2020 14:17:44 GMT -5 @donethat said:

Dec 12, 2020 13:49:56 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I am developing an unhealthy compulsion to buy TP. Like I can't pass a display of it without getting anxious.

Logically I know it's silly and I know people lived without it for thousands of years just fine.

But that product is now forever imprinted with all the anxiety I felt back in March. Our local Walmart looked like a set piece from The Walking Dead.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to grocery shop again without a panic attack. It'll be a long time for sure.

Thank you for your honesty because I thought I was alone with the TP thing and the fear of shopping.  I have to try really, really hard to consciously slow my breathing while in most stores, but find myself shaking when I get back in my car.  One day I sat and cried before leaving the parking lot.  March is etched in my memory as the worst combination of fear and being defenseless that I've ever had.  No masks, no hand sanitizer, no hope.  

Me too.  I really don’t get it either.  I think every time I go to Costco, I should throw one of those sized packs into the cart (we go about every 2 weeks, a pack lasts us about 3 months!).  My way of dealing is to avoid the aisle altogether.

I HATE shopping.  I don’t get anxious, but I’m in and out fast.  I avoid it until we have reached a point where we are out of milk, fruit and veggies.

Is there a support group for this!

[empress of self-improvement]

Dec 12, 2020 14:33:33 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Dec 12, 2020 14:17:44 GMT -5 @donethat said:

Thank you for your honesty because I thought I was alone with the TP thing and the fear of shopping.  I have to try really, really hard to consciously slow my breathing while in most stores, but find myself shaking when I get back in my car.  One day I sat and cried before leaving the parking lot.  March is etched in my memory as the worst combination of fear and being defenseless that I've ever had.  No masks, no hand sanitizer, no hope.  

Me too.  I really don’t get it either.  I think every time I go to Costco, I should throw one of those sized packs into the cart (we go about every 2 weeks, a pack lasts us about 3 months!).  My way of dealing is to avoid the aisle altogether.

I HATE shopping.  I don’t get anxious, but I’m in and out fast.  I avoid it until we have reached a point where we are out of milk, fruit and veggies.

Is there a support group for this!

I think this is it. I have 45 rolls of toilet paper and I still think I need to buy more when I wonder by the aisle. I am one person and it will take me probably all of next year to use it all. I've been forcing myself NOT to go down that aisle.

[oped]

I had an existential crisis after the last election. It lasted a long time. Its all caught up as well with building the house stress and transitioning from homeschooling to kids launching I'm sure. 

Most people know I homeschooled and helped to run a large homeschooling organization. I threw myself into it. That was my village. I spent a lot of time and resource building it and maintaining it and formed friendships that felt like family. 

But I homeschool in central PA. I did it for educational reasons. Most do it for religious reasons. We ran a secular group and it was never an issue, we focused on what we had in common. And i thought I demonstrated by my actions and words and priorities my values and how much we actually did hold more alike than different... and how people 'like me' weren't the enemy. 

And then they all basically told me to go fuck myself. Many of them didn't think that is what they were saying... love the sinner right... but that's what they were saying. 

I started breaking away then, but it was a slow process. I know its not my place to judge, but I maintained relationships with people who seemed to me to actually LIVE their tenets, to be Christian in action rather than just words, I could respect that... but one by one they showed who they were... Covid was the last for most of them as the Fox news parroting and covid=fake came out. I have acquaintance level interactions with 4-5 families still. That is all. My homeschool group had 100+ families... I was close with at least 30. Super close to at least 10. I am super close with 1 still. 

I'm sure that this ultimate 'ending' especially with the girl I spent so many hours tutoring, was a big issue complicated by Covid and on the same timeline. Also that I have been largely unable to do creative work during the pandemic. Gardening and weight loss were good to focus on but not as great this winter. 

The election was hard. Even winning the presidency, so much is still so fucked. It surprised me a little to have essentially a breakdown AFTER that though, although apparently if you hold too much too tight it all has to process eventually and, well..,  It also doesn't help that I broke some of my own rules about when to ask for help. I'm doing better now, but I'm not sure how it all works out exactly... or when... or how much is attributable to what. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 12, 2020 14:16:49 GMT -5 Rukh O'Rorke said:

Dec 12, 2020 13:49:56 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I am developing an unhealthy compulsion to buy TP. Like I can't pass a display of it without getting anxious.

Logically I know it's silly and I know people lived without it for thousands of years just fine.

But that product is now forever imprinted with all the anxiety I felt back in March. Our local Walmart looked like a set piece from The Walking Dead.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to grocery shop again without a panic attack. It'll be a long time for sure.

I think you have handy people in the family?

Install a delux bidet.

That is on the to do list at some point.

But the anxiety is still there. Toilet paper and canned goods. Completely irrational but it's still there and not going away no matter how much I try.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 12, 2020 14:16:49 GMT -5 Rukh O'Rorke said:

Dec 12, 2020 13:49:56 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I am developing an unhealthy compulsion to buy TP. Like I can't pass a display of it without getting anxious.

Logically I know it's silly and I know people lived without it for thousands of years just fine.

But that product is now forever imprinted with all the anxiety I felt back in March. Our local Walmart looked like a set piece from The Walking Dead.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to grocery shop again without a panic attack. It'll be a long time for sure.

I think you have handy people in the family?

Install a delux bidet.

That is on the to do list at some point.

But the anxiety is still there. Toilet paper and canned goods. Completely irrational but it's still there and not going away no matter how much I try.

[jerseygirl]

I put in a bidet - not separate but just a non electric attchment hooked up to the water. It’s very nice, wish I had done this years ago
I went to Japan on business about 6 times and liked the bidet attachment but these were all electric- with even music to disguise toilet sounds in ladies room.
So I just have the water. Feels very clean and using much less TP

[mamasita99]

Dec 12, 2020 16:37:39 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

I put in a bidet - not separate but just a non electric attchment hooked up to the water. It’s very nice, wish I had done this years ago
I went to Japan on business about 6 times and liked the bidet attachment but these were all electric- with even music to disguise toilet sounds in ladies room.
So I just have the water. Feels very clean and using much less TP

Stupid question, but you still need TP, right? To get dry?

[haapai]

Dec 12, 2020 17:12:43 GMT -5 mamasita99 said:

Dec 12, 2020 16:37:39 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

I put in a bidet - not separate but just a non electric attchment hooked up to the water. It’s very nice, wish I had done this years ago
I went to Japan on business about 6 times and liked the bidet attachment but these were all electric- with even music to disguise toilet sounds in ladies room.
So I just have the water. Feels very clean and using much less TP

Stupid question, but you still need TP, right? To get dry?

No, it's not a stupid question.  I'm waiting for the answer too. 

[jerseygirl]

Dec 12, 2020 17:12:43 GMT -5 mamasita99 said:

Dec 12, 2020 16:37:39 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

I put in a bidet - not separate but just a non electric attchment hooked up to the water. It’s very nice, wish I had done this years ago
I went to Japan on business about 6 times and liked the bidet attachment but these were all electric- with even music to disguise toilet sounds in ladies room.
So I just have the water. Feels very clean and using much less TP

Stupid question, but you still need TP, right? To get dry?

Do like the Europeans snd have a small towel near
Or, actually only need a little tp to dry

It’s on toilet in my bathroom, husband doesn’t even want to try

[seriousthistime]

I'm so sorry, pulmonarymd.  Reading your post made me very sad.

I have two kids who are MDs in ERs in a hard hit area. I have to say that it's tough but they trained for this; they trained for the worst.  You, too, are tough.  You trained for this, and most of us appreciate the hell out of you and the people you work with, more than you know. 

My training is not in medicine, but in law. When it's our loved ones, we expect more than the standard of care.  We expect the world.  We want EVERYTHING to be done perfectly and expect the best outcome.  But your legal obligation is the standard of care, right?  

I have a family member in the hospital right now, not for COVID.  I wrote about this in another thread.  It could turn out okay for him, or it could not -- and if he survives, the range of outcomes is vast.  The only way I can deal with this is to trust the medical professionals, not second guess them, and realize that however devastating the worst outcome could be for us, the people in whose hands my loved one rests are doing the best they can because they don't want a bad outcome either.  They care.  They truly do.

---

As for how I have changed, the pandemic solidified my plans to retire. It made me realize that life is not a matter of a dollar amount in net worth, liquid or otherwise.  Life is paying the bills my lifestyle, not the lifestyle to which I aspire.  I realized in a Myers Briggs seminar last year that I am not the extrovert I thought I was.  I had just pushed myself in situations requiring me to act like an extrovert.  I also learned from the people I work with, who are primarily extroverts, that being thanked for the work they do was as meaningful as more money.  I mentioned to a co-manager that I learned I needed to thank people more, and he said he thought I was already very good at thanking people.  Was it rote, and I just didn't realize I was saying it?  And if it was rote, was it meaningful?  Since that time, I have thanked people (mostly by email these days) not just through a quick 'thank you' but more of a 'thank you, great job, I knew I could count on you to handle this assignment with your usual excellent attention to detail, we are so lucky to have you on our team.'  I have been doing that way more in the past nine months.

So, how I live my life.  Working at home has been satisfying in some ways, but my house is not big enough to have dedicated office space.  I'm uncomfortable in the space I have.  I've tried different set-ups.  None of them particularly work. My health is important and it has taken a back seat to the job for too long.  I live far from my kids, friends, and loved ones, and look forward to traveling when it is safe to do so.  In the meantime, we text, call, or zoom more often than we ever did.  Before all this, I wondered why I was spending so much money for my wireless bundle.  Now I know. And I spend way less money at the gas pump or the restaurants, so I'm good. I tip much more generously on takeout.  When I get a Door Dash order, I tip on the website and leave an extra tip near my front door. They deserve it.  I'm donating way more to charitable causes.  That means the gofundme campaigns of people I know, or know of, or the causes my friends vouch for.  And the food banks.  The healthcare clinics. The social service organizations. I keep reaching out. I want my life to touch somebody else's life. If I can't know the meaning of all this mess, I would at least like to know I made a small difference in someone else's existence. 

[thyme4change]

Dec 12, 2020 16:11:38 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Dec 12, 2020 14:16:49 GMT -5 Rukh O'Rorke said:

I think you have handy people in the family?

Install a delux bidet.

That is on the to do list at some point.

But the anxiety is still there. Toilet paper and canned goods. Completely irrational but it's still there and not going away no matter how much I try.

Lol. I did the same thing today. I was in the TP aisle to get scotch tape, and I really struggled to pass the tp and not grab some. We have a bunch. I did, however, resist.

[buystoys]

Every time we go shopping now, DH asks if we need TP.  He's remembering my panic earlier in the year when the shelves were out for weeks.

[pulmonarymd]

Dec 12, 2020 18:06:37 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

I'm so sorry, pulmonarymd.  Reading your post made me very sad.

I have two kids who are MDs in ERs in a hard hit area. I have to say that it's tough but they trained for this; they trained for the worst.  You, too, are tough.  You trained for this, and most of us appreciate the hell out of you and the people you work with, more than you know. 

My training is not in medicine, but in law. When it's our loved ones, we expect more than the standard of care.  We expect the world.  We want EVERYTHING to be done perfectly and expect the best outcome.  But your legal obligation is the standard of care, right?  

I have a family member in the hospital right now, not for COVID.  I wrote about this in another thread.  It could turn out okay for him, or it could not -- and if he survives, the range of outcomes is vast.  The only way I can deal with this is to trust the medical professionals, not second guess them, and realize that however devastating the worst outcome could be for us, the people in whose hands my loved one rests are doing the best they can because they don't want a bad outcome either.  They care.  They truly do.

---

As for how I have changed, the pandemic solidified my plans to retire. It made me realize that life is not a matter of a dollar amount in net worth, liquid or otherwise.  Life is paying the bills my lifestyle, not the lifestyle to which I aspire.  I realized in a Myers Briggs seminar last year that I am not the extrovert I thought I was.  I had just pushed myself in situations requiring me to act like an extrovert.  I also learned from the people I work with, who are primarily extroverts, that being thanked for the work they do was as meaningful as more money.  I mentioned to a co-manager that I learned I needed to thank people more, and he said he thought I was already very good at thanking people.  Was it rote, and I just didn't realize I was saying it?  And if it was rote, was it meaningful?  Since that time, I have thanked people (mostly by email these days) not just through a quick 'thank you' but more of a 'thank you, great job, I knew I could count on you to handle this assignment with your usual excellent attention to detail, we are so lucky to have you on our team.'  I have been doing that way more in the past nine months.

So, how I live my life.  Working at home has been satisfying in some ways, but my house is not big enough to have dedicated office space.  I'm uncomfortable in the space I have.  I've tried different set-ups.  None of them particularly work. My health is important and it has taken a back seat to the job for too long.  I live far from my kids, friends, and loved ones, and look forward to traveling when it is safe to do so.  In the meantime, we text, call, or zoom more often than we ever did.  Before all this, I wondered why I was spending so much money for my wireless bundle.  Now I know. And I spend way less money at the gas pump or the restaurants, so I'm good. I tip much more generously on takeout.  When I get a Door Dash order, I tip on the website and leave an extra tip near my front door. They deserve it.  I'm donating way more to charitable causes.  That means the gofundme campaigns of people I know, or know of, or the causes my friends vouch for.  And the food banks.  The healthcare clinics. The social service organizations. I keep reaching out. I want my life to touch somebody else's life. If I can't know the meaning of all this mess, I would at least like to know I made a small difference in someone else's existence. 

Thanks, had a better day at the hospital. Working with people you like, and are all working for the same outcome works. I think I hit a wall yesterday in this thing. Felt I had had enough and could not handle more. Woke up a bit rejuvenated for whatever reason, and knew I could go on. The biggest burden is having to remain positive so I can help my younger partners, the nurses, and the respiratory therapists get through this. Have to be strong for them. Just needed to vent some. Better today. Must have been the good thoughts from all of you

[Mardi Gras Audrey]

This pandemic has been really hard on me. I have become more depressed and a lot less patient than before.

I have become very disappointed in my fellow Americans, especially after the election debacle. How we could have 70 million people vote for someone who has made it clear he cares nothing about anyone in the world except himself is totally mind blowing. Seeing friends and family post stuff on Facebook supporting the lies and garbage that is being told is depressing me.

My job is getting to me also. I work in healthcare and having to argue with patients to wear a mask is ridiculous. The selfishness we are seeing is disheartening. Additionally, our mgt has made it clear that we are disposable to them (help covid pts but don’t want to provide ppe for it). They keep piling more stuff on us with no addl (in some cases, less) resources. Then if someone gets hurt because we made a mistake or not enough time to do things right, it is our fault.

I think I need to change things up and would love a vacation but that isn’t happening anytime soon :-(

Having u guys helps though.... knowing there are good, reasonable people out there that care.

[Lizard Queen]

Dec 12, 2020 18:33:10 GMT -5 buystoys said:

Every time we go shopping now, DH asks if we need TP.  He's remembering my panic earlier in the year when the shelves were out for weeks.

That's good though. Anything that makes a DH think ahead, is a good thing, imo.

My DH seems to struggle with planning ahead, though he's always been good about keeping up the tp/paper towel supply. It's the Dutch bargain hunter in him.