Gift for teenager

[thyme4change]

My daughter and her really good friend are both turning 18. I am terrible at gifts.

My daughter's friend has struggled with her parents. There are some real problems there and she has treated our house as a sanctuary. We have always told her that her parents love her and to try and meet them where they are. But, we have also felt the need to be her college guidance /pressure. She does very well in school, but her parents don't know how to help her along. They also don't have money - her Mom is a waitress and Dad is on disability. She openly loves us, and calls us 'the other parents'. She calls our house home.

Anyway - I was thinking about giving my daughter a high quality jewelry item - like a good, classic pair of earrings or something. I was considering also getting something like that for her friend too. Nothing too extravagant (like a nice bracelet or earrings, but not like diamonds.)

(a) Is a "nice" gift too weird? Is the 18th birthday the right time, or should I wait until graduation?


(b) Is jewelry the right gift, or is there something else that would be more appropriate?

Any thoughts? I always like hearing the variety of answers I get here.

[Deleted]

If it were me, I'd give my own daughter an individual birthday present since I assume they don't share the same date.  I'd get the friend something different.  They aren't twins.  It can be nice for the friend as well, but it doesn't have to be identical.  The friend might not even want earrings or a bracelet.

But do get her something personal . . . not something more appropriate for graduation or just money.

And I'd probably get them the same thing for graduation.

[oped]

It sounds like the friend might need something more practical than jewelry? Maybe first semester books?

[thyme4change]

Aug 9, 2020 19:07:03 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

If it were me, I'd give my own daughter an individual birthday present since I assume they don't share the same date.  I'd get the friend something different.  They aren't twins.  It can be nice for the friend as well, but it doesn't have to be identical.  The friend might not even want earrings or a bracelet.

But do get her something personal . . . not something more appropriate for graduation or just money.

And I'd probably get them the same thing for graduation.

The gifts would be separate. My daughter is incredibly unselfish, but I would definitely make sure my daughter knows she is #1.

I once told her that if her friend needs me, I will always be in her corner....unless it is my daughter against the friend, then friend is dead to me. Lol. My daughter has to take my love the way I package it. 🤪

[thyme4change]

Aug 9, 2020 19:11:12 GMT -5 oped said:

It sounds like the friend might need something more practical than jewelry? Maybe first semester books?

Maybe. I was thinking this for birthday. Cash for graduation. But maybe I should do nothing for birthday and more cash for graduation.

[mollyanna58]

Get her something nice for her birthday; gemstone earrings, maybe.  Something that she will always remember as something special.

[nidena]

You could even do one of those really beautifully written cards with some money in it or a simple card with a heartfelt note from you and money.

[busymom]

As much as jewelry is a lovely gift, since her parents don't appear to have much money, how about something to help her continue her education?  Does she have a good laptop?  I like the idea oped gave of paying for her first semester books.  JMHO.

[tcu2003]

I like the jewelry idea.

If you wanted to do something to help encourage her to go to college, what about paying for her to take the SAT or ACT?

[thyme4change]

Aug 9, 2020 23:42:10 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

I like the jewelry idea.

If you wanted to do something to help encourage her to go to college, what about paying for her to take the SAT or ACT?

That is a good idea. I will make sure she is signed up. If she isn't, I will get her to sign up with my CC right away. I might just do that, not birthday related.

[thyme4change]

Aug 9, 2020 22:52:51 GMT -5 nidena said:

You could even do one of those really beautifully written cards with some money in it or a simple card with a heartfelt note from you and money.

That would be lovely, and I am HORRIBLE at that stuff. I had to write a couple of sentences to my mother for her 80th birthday, and it took me a month and ended up with a weird statement about silliness. I sound so disingenuous because being nice and serious are not my normal state. I wrote my husband a heartfelt note when he graduated law school, and it is probably my best work - but it still makes me cringe.

[oped]

A woman once came to an evaluation for a senior homeschooler with a hand calligraphy and drawn beautiful diploma to display on the wall with a place for me to sign as evaluator and I had to practice my own signature like 20 times before I'd sign it because I was afraid of messing it up... 

But the actual words. I can help you edit if you want  

[alabamagal]

I would do jewelry (and I’m not a big jewelry fan!). If that is what you think she would like. I think a meaningful gift is great, even if there are things that are needed. Those can come later.

[andi9899]

Aug 9, 2020 19:11:12 GMT -5 oped said:

It sounds like the friend might need something more practical than jewelry? Maybe first semester books?

I like this idea. My first thought was if it was something expensive like jewelry then the parents could sell it for cash. I don't know if they are that bad, but people will do some crazy stuff to get by.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Aug 10, 2020 10:50:47 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Aug 9, 2020 19:11:12 GMT -5 oped said:

It sounds like the friend might need something more practical than jewelry? Maybe first semester books?

I like this idea. My first thought was if it was something expensive like jewelry then the parents could sell it for cash. I don't know if they are that bad, but people will do some crazy stuff to get by.

In the dental van, we used to give the little kids an electric, cartoon character toothbrush.  They were provided by one of the toothbrush manufacturers for free for us.....I think they cost about $7 in the store.

More than one kid told me their mom sold the last toothbrush I gave them.....so nothing is inconceivable in my brain.  

[bobosensei]

Aug 9, 2020 19:14:43 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Aug 9, 2020 19:11:12 GMT -5 oped said:

It sounds like the friend might need something more practical than jewelry? Maybe first semester books?

Maybe. I was thinking this for birthday. Cash for graduation. But maybe I should do nothing for birthday and more cash for graduation.

Does the friend have a stable enough home that she can keep cash without someone taking it or trying to guilt her into giving it?  It could be hard for her to hang onto the cash until college starts to use for books or dorm stuff she might need.

[thyme4change]

Aug 10, 2020 13:31:22 GMT -5 bobosensei said:

Aug 9, 2020 19:14:43 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Maybe. I was thinking this for birthday. Cash for graduation. But maybe I should do nothing for birthday and more cash for graduation.

Does the friend have a stable enough home that she can keep cash without someone taking it or trying to guilt her into giving it?  It could be hard for her to hang onto the cash until college starts to use for books or dorm stuff she might need.

I believe her money would be safe. It is more of a moral / religious / life choices difference of opinion that causes conflict. I think her parents are theoretically supporting college (if she isn't going to have 20 babies starting on her 18th birthday) but they don't have a background to help her through the process.

[Deleted]

Aug 9, 2020 19:43:13 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Get her something nice for her birthday; gemstone earrings, maybe.  Something that she will always remember as something special.

Something she'll always have. Graduation can be cash if you like, but something personal for her birthday.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Tiffany has some very simple silver chains for @$65. You could then add an initial pendant or something for graduation. Every one loves “a little blue box”.

You could also get her a bracelet or pendant engraved with the GIS coordinates for your house — her second home. YDS gave one to his DGF for her birthday for a place special to both of them. IIRC, he got his from Pura Vida.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I'll go out on a limb as one who has raised two girls: Jewelry is bit young for an 18yo in my world. It just wouldn't be useful. 

Do they have their own laptops, Bose headphones, nice work/interview clothes, cashmere sweater, fancy shoes? Is there a hobby that either of them have that getting something that's a "bonus" for it would be good?

I'm certainly not against the jewelry idea; it just isn't as big of a deal to us in our setting at age 18. 

[thyme4change]

Work clothes for an 18 year old? I think Chick-fil-A provides uniforms. Fancy shoes? They all wore vans to prom. Cashmere sweaters? That doesn't seem useful for a college student - especially here. Do people really dress up for class?

The 18 year olds in my world wear jewelry every day, and a high quality piece can last a lifetime.

[cktc]

Can you have the girls give their opinions on gifts for each other then use their insight to pick out something a little more upscale? Or even give them a spending limit and let them pick the gifts themselves.

My teen niece and cousins are all over the map in interests. One is into beauty and fashion, one is a surfer hippy, and the other is into gaming and anime. They would probably all be happy with a tech gift, but I can't say for certain.

[thyme4change]

Aug 11, 2020 9:05:38 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I'll go out on a limb as one who has raised two girls: Jewelry is bit young for an 18yo in my world. It just wouldn't be useful. 

Do they have their own laptops, Bose headphones, nice work/interview clothes, cashmere sweater, fancy shoes? Is there a hobby that either of them have that getting something that's a "bonus" for it would be good?

I'm certainly not against the jewelry idea; it just isn't as big of a deal to us in our setting at age 18. 

When you say "jewelry is a bit young" do you mean that only people younger should receive jewelry as a gift, or do you mean that 18 is a bit young to receive jewelry, as you don't really start acquiring nice pieces until you are older?

My earlier response was hasty, because I am not sure what you are really saying here.

My sister gave me a ring for my 18th birthday and I loved it - right up until I was 27 and someone broke into my house and stole my jewelry box.