Funny or cute stories

[Opti]

I’ve just started an after-school job at a print shop. My job involves cleaning, making sure the machines always have paper and ink, and clearing jams. My trainer is showing me around showing how to check the paper and ink levels and explaining what the machines do. Soon, we get to the biggest machine.



Trainer: “And now we get to the banner printer…”



Suddenly, the machine starts making this ungodly grinding noise.



Trainer: “And the beast awakes; that, dear squire, is Grendel’s Mother. When she roars like this, there is but one solution. One must take up Hrunting and strike at the beast’s head.”



I look at her like she’s crazy.

The trainer grabs a Nerf sword with the word Hrunting written on it from beside the printer and whacks the printer with it. The grinding stops.



Trainer: “Seriously, she’ll do that every now and then; just smack her. Right here, not over here, and don’t hit any buttons when you hit her. The old hag is older than both of us and replacing her would cost more than we make off her in two years. Percussive maintenance has proven effective. Just don’t use Naegling on Grendel’s Mother; he’s just for getting paper to fit into the compactor.”



“Naegling” was written on the back of the yardstick, which was indeed useful for getting things into the compactor.


notalwaysright.com/i-was-a-teenage-beowulf/201194/

[sesfw]

  Thanks for the laugh ......... Needed it today

[toomuchreality]

🤣

[Opti]

(I answer the telephone at my work and get scam calls all the time. Instead of trying to call them out on their scam I decide I would scam them back instead.)



Scammer: “Hello. I am calling from [Well Known Photocopy Manufacturer] to confirm that we have updated information on file. Can you tell me the make and model of your photocopier?”



Me: “Certainly I can help you with that! It’s a Bugatti FU7510.”



Scammer: “Bu- Errrr, I’m sorry. Could you repeat that, please?”



Me: “Bugatti FU7510.”



Scammer: “Hmmmm, I don’t seem to have that on my list. Are you sure that’s correct?”



Me: “Oh, yes. The machine is right in front of me and it clearly says Bugatti FU7510.”



Scammer: “That is strange. I have never heard of a model called Bugatti before.”



Me: “Really? Well we’ve had this machine for a few years now and it’s the best one we’ve ever had. Very, very fast and quite stylish, too!”



Scammer: “Really? Okay, well I’ve made note of it. Thank you.”



Me: “Oh you are MOST welcome! Have a great day!!”



(Every time they call I come up with some name for the make and model off the top of my head but I always start the model number with ‘FU’ for obvious reasons.)

notalwaysright.com/popular/

[Opti]

(I am delivering pizzas to a hotel room in the early evening. I am a guy in my mid-20s with exceptionally long hair. The customer’s name on the bill is “Katie”. After knocking on the door, I hear someone approach it, but they don’t open the door. Instead, I sense them looking through the peephole, which is followed by some loud whispering.)



Voice #1: “Guys, it’s a chick!”



Voice #2: “Are you sure?”



Voice #1: “Yes!”



Voice #3: “Dude! Is she hot?”



Voice #1: “I can’t tell. What do I do?”



Voice #3: “Dude, take off your shirt!”



(For the next few moments I hear a lot of shuffling noises. Finally, the door opens, and what do I see? Three scrawny, dorky-looking, and shirtless teenage boys, completely bewildered to see that I am not, in fact, a girl.)



Me: “Sorry to disappoint you. Now, which one of you is Katie?”

notalwaysright.com/popular/

[Opti]

Not funny, but I don't want to start another thread.


(I work in an adult-themed shop. A female customer has just walked up to make a purchase.)



Me: “Hello. How are you today?”



Customer: *grumbles*



Me: “Okay… Did you find everything?”



Customer: *grumbles*



(I take this as my hint to stop trying to be helpful and just get this over with as soon as possible.)



Me: “All right. Your total is [price].”



Customer: *handing me money* “You really should be ashamed of yourself, you know.”



Me: “I’m sorry?”



Customer: “You must not be a proper lady, working in a place like this. Shameful!”



Me: “You mean me working here, trying to make a living and keep my bills down, is shameful compared to you walking in my store to buy smut and hooker clothes, then acting very rude towards me?”



(The customer turns bright red, pays, and leaves.)

notalwaysright.com/popular/page/2/

[Tennesseer]

There used to be a website called "Heard On The Streets Of New York". Short conversations between others and heard by someone else from NYC were posted on the site. There was some pretty funny stuff posted. Some really bizarre.

There is a Facebook site by that name but does not appear to be well visited nor conversations posted on a regulator basis.

[spartan7886]

Jul 30, 2020 22:38:38 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

There used to be a website called "Heard On The Streets Of New York". Short conversations between others and heard by someone else from NYC were posted on the site. There was some pretty funny stuff posted. Some really bizarre.

There is a Facebook site by that name but does not appear to be well visited nor conversations posted on a regulator basis.

Is this what you're thinking of?

overheardinnewyork.com/

I had completely forgotten about that site.

[Tennesseer]

Jul 31, 2020 13:28:12 GMT -5 spartan7886 said:

Jul 30, 2020 22:38:38 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

There used to be a website called "Heard On The Streets Of New York". Short conversations between others and heard by someone else from NYC were posted on the site. There was some pretty funny stuff posted. Some really bizarre.

There is a Facebook site by that name but does not appear to be well visited nor conversations posted on a regulator basis.

Is this what you're thinking of?

overheardinnewyork.com/

I had completely forgotten about that site.

That's it. I over thought the name of the site. Some real odd/strange/bizarre/funny/thought provoking conversations like this one (I apologize-I laughed while shaking my head) near the top of the page:

That, and Blasting That Music at All Hours
Suit #1: I had to dig a four foot trench last weekend.
Suit #2: Why?
Suit #1: Well, we’re putting a waterfall into my swimming pool.
Suit #1: That’s why they invented Mexicans.

–Trinity Place
Overheard by: B-tron

Posted 2020-07-07

Quote

Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

[Opti]

Ted Turner: I’m down to a little more than a billion. You can get by on that if you really economize and don’t buy a lot of planes and yachts and stuff.



–nypost.com



Posted 2020-06-25

Quote

Ted Turner


celebritywit.com/page/5

[toomuchreality]

Aug 2, 2020 10:00:06 GMT -5 Opti said:

Ted Turner: I’m down to a little more than a billion. You can get by on that if you really economize and don’t buy a lot of planes and yachts and stuff.



–nypost.com



Posted 2020-06-25

Quote

Ted Turner


celebritywit.com/page/5

Poor, poor Ted. 🤣

[billisonboard]

Aug 2, 2020 10:00:06 GMT -5 Opti said:

Ted Turner: I’m down to a little more than a billion. You can get by on that if you really economize and don’t buy a lot of planes and yachts and stuff.



–nypost.com



Posted 2020-06-25

Quote

Ted Turner


celebritywit.com/page/5

I think he was poking at fellow billionaires: The Giving Pledge

[irishpad]

I think Ted's perspective is a little off from us "normal" people, but I do admire how he committed so much of his wealth to those in need.  Warren Buffet and Bill Gates are also wonderful examples.