Yeah, I don't think so......

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

So I got a phone call from my sister this morning.  My niece (her daughter) has decided she may want to come out here and is looking at flights.  My niece, who is in college, who is living with 7 other people in a house and is exposed to God knows how many other people.  I told my sister that if she wants to come and calls, I'll have an answer by then but I was not going to roll out the welcome mat without discussing things with TD.

If she does call, after our talk we are going to tell her that while we'd like her to come, we are not comfortable about what her exposures have been and are not willing to open up our house to her right now.  Both TD and I have been incredibly careful.  We choose our outings carefully and try not to expose ourselves to a lot of people unnecessarily.  We have chosen not to partake of some of our social obligations because there are too many people, we talk to much and all of us are of an age group that are more at risk.  

Are we being too conservative?  WWYD in this situation?

[laterbloomer]

I back you up 1000 percent. You haven"t even mentioned her exposure from getting on a plane.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I don't think so.  You got health risks you need to consider.  I don't recall if TD does but even if he doesn't where would it leave him if you contracted COVID.   Since she is not someone you is in your "bubble" right now as I've heard articles call it and you have no idea who is in her "bubble" or what she has been doing all this time my answer would be absolutely not.

If she still insists and you don't feel comfortable saying no all together I would still say no way in hell is she coming to or staying at your house.  She needs to stay at a hotel and you will meet her in a public location where you can safely social distance and wear masks.   And possibly quarantine herself 2 weeks before that depending on where she is coming from.

I probably see a lot more people than other people on the boards do but those are all people I have been seeing since this started.  No way would I be allowing any out of state visitors to come see me.  Why even tempt fate in that regard.  If she wants to come down there and sight see fine she can do it without you guys.

[irishpad]

I think you are spot on in your reaction.  In my profession I get exposed to too many people (and I have underlying conditions, namely previous pulmonary embolisms) so I have refrained from being near my 83 year old mother so I don't bring anything to her.   Have visited her just once (she only lives an hour away) and kept the entire visit as safe as possible: masks, mostly outdoors, etc.    You are not being unreasonable at all.   

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Jul 17, 2020 14:41:36 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I don't think so.  You got health risks you need to consider.  I don't recall if TD does but even if he doesn't where would it leave him if you contracted COVID.   Since she is not someone you is in your "bubble" right now as I've heard articles call it and you have no idea who is in her "bubble" or what she has been doing all this time my answer would be absolutely not.

If she still insists and you don't feel comfortable saying no all together I would still say no way in hell is she coming to or staying at your house.  She needs to stay at a hotel and you will meet her in a public location where you can safely social distance and wear masks.   And possibly quarantine herself 2 weeks before that depending on where she is coming from.

I probably see a lot more people than other people on the boards do but those are all people I have been seeing since this started.  No way would I be allowing any out of state visitors to come see me.  Why even tempt fate in that regard.  If she wants to come down there and sight see fine she can do it without you guys.

Both of us are about the same age, >60.  I have hypertension but am generally healthy.  He has a tumor, but it is benign and controlled with meds (like my hypertension).  I think both of our risks are about equal.

She only wants to come for the weekend.....and can't afford a hotel.  

I was just wondering if I was being a bit of an alarmist.  I didn't think so, but it's nice to have verification.

[Lizard Queen]

That would be an um, no. College age living with 7 people and getting on a plane? Maybe hells to the no.

[anciana]

Jul 17, 2020 14:50:28 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

That would be an um, no. College age living with 7 people and getting on a plane? Maybe hells to the no.

That exactly! How good are those 8 college people living together at minimizing their exposure and taking precautions if she's thinking that a weekend trip to her aunt and uncle with some moderate health issues would be prudent?

[TheOtherMe]

No way would I let her stay with me.  Way too much risk.  

I was exposed by my own sister, who was asymptomatic at the time.  

I'm done taking chances.

[Deleted]

Nope nope nope. No is a complete sentence!

She can afford air fare but not a hotel?

[billisonboard]

Here is what I am not hearing. "I got a call from my niece. We are very close and ..."

What I am hearing is,  "Time for a trip somewhere.  Mom, call Auntie and see if i can crash at her place."

[Deleted]

  

The virus doesn't care who it uses as a vector - the man at the market, the nextdoor neighbor, your niece, etc.   Seems like a lot of risk to take when the young woman didn't even call you herself.

[crazycat]

I say NO . My SIL tried to do this for Fourth of July . She texted DH and said we are coming down and want to visit , see everybody , including 89 year old mom . My DH told her - HELL NO !!! Of course she threw a fit , cried , etc . but they didn’t come . 
And get this , her DH is a prison guard .  🤦‍♀️

[pulmonarymd]

This is your niece by the sister who is a trumpist. I do not expose myself voluntarily to anyone who is not taking this seriously, and I cannot be sure they are as careful as I am. The only exceptions would be my children, and even then I know they are trying to be careful. So, no, I think you are being prudent

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Jul 17, 2020 15:12:15 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Here is what I am not hearing. "I got a call from my niece. We are very close and ..."

What I am hearing is,  "Time for a trip somewhere.  Mom, call Auntie and see if i can crash at her place."

My sister just gave me a head's up that she might call, so I could discuss it with TD, she did not call and ask and she told her daughter she needs to call me first.  My niece hasn't called as she's not made any decision about this yet.  I do appreciate the advanced notice.  It gave us a chance to come on a consensus and be on the same page so I have an answer if she does call.

[Happy prose]

No way. Can you gift her one night in a hotel as a birthday/Christmas gift? Then maybe invite over for a bbq? I'm sure she'll understand not wanting people in your house. My own daughter only sees me outside.

[andi9899]

Jul 17, 2020 14:50:28 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

That would be an um, no. College age living with 7 people and getting on a plane? Maybe hells to the no.

This. Don't do it!

[giramomma]

Jul 17, 2020 14:50:28 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

That would be an um, no. College age living with 7 people and getting on a plane? Maybe hells to the no.

There's no maybe.

It's oh, hell no.

[TheOtherMe]

Jul 17, 2020 15:33:31 GMT -5 pulmonarymd said:

This is your niece by the sister who is a trumpist. I do not expose myself voluntarily to anyone who is not taking this seriously, and I cannot be sure they are as careful as I am. 

This is the reason I was so nervous when my sister exposed me.  

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

No, you are not being too conservative. This is not the time for weekend out- of-state visits from extended family. Is there even anything open in your area for her to do (museums, etc.)? Is she working? Will she need to quarantine for 2 weeks upon her return home? That alone would be enough to tell her “no, not at this time”.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Jul 17, 2020 17:16:27 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

No, you are not being too conservative. This is not the time for weekend out- of-state visits from extended family. Is there even anything open in your area for her to do (museums, etc.)? Is she working? Will she need to quarantine for 2 weeks upon her return home? That alone would be enough to tell her “no, not at this time”.

To answer your questions, she is nannying for a couple of lawyers, so it will be a weekend trip.  While there are some things open, we are slowly opening up.  For instance, the local bus system prefers you not to be riding a bus unless you are going to work, or other essential business.  Some stores are open, but curbside pick up is preferred.  Most restaurants are take out only still.  

My niece wants to play in Seattle.  Even less is open there because they are a step behind where we live.  

I doubt she’d have to quarantine when she got home, but if I was employing my niece to look after my kids, I would think twice about employing her after she got on a plane.  

[Deleted]

She can't afford a weekend getaway to Seattle anyhow even if there wasn't a pandemic. 

[NastyWoman]

Jul 17, 2020 15:43:39 GMT -5 Happy prose said:

No way. Can you gift her one night in a hotel as a birthday/Christmas gift? Then maybe invite over for a bbq? I'm sure she'll understand not wanting people in your house. My own daughter only sees me outside.

If it were me, and I can afford to gift a night in a hotel, my answer would be. Love to have you over after this Corona thing is under control (vaccine/treatment). Let's talk at that time. Until then I am not having anyone come visit. I might add in a "sorry but" but that would be about it. No indoor, no outdoor, no kind of visit right now!

[dannylion]

That would be a hard "no."  It's not an emergency trip and she has too much exposure to random people who have exposure to random people, and on and on.  No. 


Learning to deal with adversity and not to consider unlimited entertainment options a birthright will build character.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

No phone call, so guess she decided to bail on the idea. I can’t say I am disappointed, but I would have told her that this was not a good time.  

She is angry right now.  She makes very good money nannying for these married lawyers but she works during the week and has weekends off.  All of her housemates and her sister are making more money than she by sitting on their butts doing nothing (well, for a few more weeks) so she sees the disparity and doesn’t like it.  She tried filing for the bonus unemployment on the job she left last Aug. (not fired, just didn’t want to work there anymore and got this job) and was (rightfully) denied.  

She picked up the nannying job this summer to spend one of her last semesters in college in Italy, and that’s not happening.  

I am not sure I want to deal with that angst anyway.  She just has not learned the lesson that life isn’t fair yet.

[stillmovingforward]

Plus - you live a LONG way from Seattle! What was she thinking...........?

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Jul 18, 2020 14:55:35 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

Plus - you live a LONG way from Seattle! What was she thinking...........?

A few years ago, she and 2 friends stayed here and played in both Seattle and Vancouver.  It is easier to stay there, but not impossible.  

[NancysSummerSip]

Jul 17, 2020 14:34:33 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

So I got a phone call from my sister this morning.  My niece (her daughter) has decided she may want to come out here and is looking at flights.  My niece, who is in college, who is living with 7 other people in a house and is exposed to God knows how many other people.  I told my sister that if she wants to come and calls, I'll have an answer by then but I was not going to roll out the welcome mat without discussing things with TD.

If she does call, after our talk we are going to tell her that while we'd like her to come, we are not comfortable about what her exposures have been and are not willing to open up our house to her right now.  Both TD and I have been incredibly careful.  We choose our outings carefully and try not to expose ourselves to a lot of people unnecessarily.  We have chosen not to partake of some of our social obligations because there are too many people, we talk to much and all of us are of an age group that are more at risk.  

Are we being too conservative?  WWYD in this situation?

Nope, not in your case. Your health has had its share of compromises over the years, as I recall. No taking chances for you.

I am in a similar position as your niece: I plan to travel to Denver in September, a trip twice changed due to the pandemic. My cousins were going to have me stay with them, but she's a nurse and her hospital forbids her to have guests from hot spot states (like mine). I will absolutely stay in a hotel if I do go. Her parents are both locked down in assisted living, and I am hoping to be able to see them by that time (it was not allowed in April or July, when my earlier trips were planned).

It's not about me. Well, it is. I am the visitor from the highly infectious-rate state. So I am the problem child here. They have to be careful of me. At the same time, my DH is highly vulnerable to the infection. So it is about him, too.