Summer 2020 weddings

[jelloshots4all]

My daughter and I were talking this morning.  Both my kids work in hospitality, and their bar/restaurant also has a banquet hall.  When the Rep St Supreme court removed the state stay at home order, my county lifted all requirements including how many people could be in one place.

My daughter isn't sure how her work is handling this in regards to cancellations, but they are not required to cancel their venue at this time.  

So if you had a wedding 6 weeks away- 3months away, would you cancel?  Would you reduce the number of people (or maybe your guests decide not to attend)?

[taz157]

I have a cousin who was to get married in early October. They cancelled it this past weekend because of the virus. They haven’t rescheduled it yet but she did say it won’t be this year.

I have a coworker whose son is getting married next weekend. It was much more low-key than initially planned.

[irishpad]

I'm one state over from you, in NW Minn

It is all over the place at my parish.   

    Some postponing for a year.

    Have had a couple of weddings with just 10 people -  planning for a party later.

    Some trying to delay a few months so at least their grandparents / older relatives feel comfortable coming.

    In all cases, the couples realize that many of the guests will choose not to attend.  


One of the things I've been telling the grooms is: Your bride may have dreamed (thanks weltschmerz , good edit) about this day since she was a little girl (the guys, first time they think about their wedding is sometime after they've proposed!)  so be especially compassionate / understanding because her dream day isn't going to happen like she thought.   

In a sense, it is a little time of mourning with losing that dream.  

[mollyanna58]

A friend's daughter was supposed to get married in late June.  They have postponed it until October 2021.  The wedding venue does not want to refund the deposit, because NY may be open for this kind of event by the original date.

[weltschmerz]

May 27, 2020 13:31:10 GMT -5 irishpad said:

I'm one state over from you, in NW Minn

It is all over the place at my parish.   

    Some postponing for a year.

    Have had a couple of weddings with just 10 people -  planning for a party later.

    Some trying to delay a few months so at least their grandparents / older relatives feel comfortable coming.

    In all cases, the couples realize that many of the guests will choose not to attend.  


One of the things I've been telling the grooms is: Your bride has dreamed about this day since she was a little girl (the guys, first time they think about their wedding is sometime after they've proposed!)  so be especially compassionate / understanding because her dream day isn't going to happen like she thought.   

In a sense, it is a little time of mourning with losing that dream.  

Not all brides.  I never thought about it when I was a little girl. I'd be just as happy with a justice of the peace at the courthouse instead of all that drama and expense.

[bean29]

IDK, I have a DN that is getting Married in October.  I think we will all go, at least the immediate family.  I don't think they will cancel.  He is Early 30's and she is mid 30's.  The biological clock is ticking.  I have no idea how fancy the wedding will be.  He is an engineer/computer science major and she is a dental hygienist.  They  don't have any money concerns.

I have another DN that is 25 or 26.  His Fiancé is finishing up a nursing degree.  They were planning to get married next summer.  It was supposed to be one of those barn weddings.  My Mom told me they were thinking about changing it to a tent on her parent's farm.  Again since it is immediate family - if they have a wedding, we will go.

[finnime]

My niece is getting married Saturday. Rather than the big affair in Boston she'd been planning for well over a year, it's going to be 8 people in the church. She's using Facebook to share the service with us all. I know it was a hard decision for her but necessary.

[giramomma]

I got married right after Sept 11. We had folks that couldn't come to our wedding because transportation was shut down.

I had a small reception, about 30 or so. (Always the good YMer, we saved our money for a 20% down payment on our first place.)

I was prepared to marry my husband no matter what, on our wedding day.  I wanted to be married. I didn't actually care about the party much. At that point, I didn't really care who witnessed the wedding, just so long as that it was legal and proper from a religious perspective.

I wanted a good day. I had a good day. Was it the best day of my life? Goodness, no. And I never expect that it will be the best day of my life.

If I had to do it again, I'd probably have a wedding of just DH, our parents, and my BIL. 

[Miss Tequila]

I'm struggling with this now.  We are supposed to get married in August but there is no way that what we had planned will happen.  

With my first wedding we were poor (I was still in college) so while we had a wedding, it was not something I would have now.  I picked a beautiful location and threw my YM ways out the window.  We both have a lot of friends and family so while I wanted it fairly small, it was easily going to be about 150 people (all I heard from everyone was "don't forget to invite me"!).  I was not wearing the traditional big, formal wedding gown but I did have a very elegant gown picked out (I actually bought two gowns because I wasn't exactly sure which one I wanted!).  

My wedding as planned will not be able to happen in August.  At this point, there is one Saturday in November open but I got married in November last time and kind of feel icky about getting married so close to the last time (My first wedding was November 12 and this would be November 21...even the same damn numbers!).  Next summer they only have Friday dates available and BF is strictly against Friday or Sunday weddings (he thinks it just means the people were cheaping out!lol).

And honestly, with such worry about my older relatives getting sick, I don't know if I would be comfortable having a large gathering until this virus is over.  Imagine being the person whose wedding your relatives attended that got sick and died...yes, I'm crazy but I do think that.

We are going to talk tonight.  All I care about is having my children and our parents there.  A small part of me is sad that what I planned probably won't happen but the grown up in me knows it's about the marriage and not the wedding.  

[Lizard Queen]

By the time I got married, my parents were getting up in years. I felt like it was going to be the last family bash (of which they were becoming very few and far between), so I had more of a wedding than I was really comfortable planning. I was right, my dad died 3 years later.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

My niece was supposed to get married 6/6/20 in BC.  As she was getting married in a resort town, we got our hotel reservations in Jan (and even then we would still have had a 35 mile drive to the wedding).  She cancelled the wedding in April, and got married a few weeks ago.  Only the couple and parents were at the wedding.  

When she cancelled in April, I tried to get my hotel costs back from Expedia.  The border was closed and no way we could go, but our reservations were non refundable.  We figured we would just go up there for a long weekend.  Border is closed until 6/21, so that’s not going to work so I called the hotel.  We got refunded!

That was our only wedding this year.  I think we are good until 2021.

[Miss Tequila]

May 27, 2020 16:38:51 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

By the time I got married, my parents were getting up in years. I felt like it was going to be the last family bash (of which they were becoming very few and far between), so I had more of a wedding than I was really comfortable planning. I was right, my dad died 3 years later.

I completely understand.  My mom is in poor health so that was one of the reasons I made the wedding date so soon after getting engaged.  She can't travel so we can't do any kind of destination wedding (plus, we would have to pay for everyone so a destination wedding would be close to the same cost as what I wanted in the first place!)

[jelloshots4all]

Miss T I thought about you as my daughter and I were discussing.  I will never get remarried again, but you sound so happy and I am disappointed for you!  But "knowing" you, you will find a way to make it what you want!

[thyme4change]

My nephew postponed his April wedding until August. I think in AZ you are allowed to have 50 gather. Their original wedding only had 52 invited guests (I don't know if that counted the couple.) I'm guessing if there is a resurgence and AZ closes up again, they will just get married anyway, as they are good Christians and do not live together. All of their vendors let them push the date with no penalty (but they did reprint their invited). August in Phoenix is pretty miserable, so there was a lot of availability.

[clexie]

My niece just got married on Saturday.  Just his and her family.  All us aunts and grandparents watched via Zoom.  There will be another wedding next year with the reception.

[Anne_in_VA]

We have a niece who had a wedding date of this week but they decided to postpone it after the virus started in the US.  They haven’t set another date yet, but I imagine it will probably be next year.

[NastyWoman]

May 27, 2020 16:23:08 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

I'm struggling with this now.  We are supposed to get married in August but there is no way that what we had planned will happen.  

With my first wedding we were poor (I was still in college) so while we had a wedding, it was not something I would have now.  I picked a beautiful location and threw my YM ways out the window.  We both have a lot of friends and family so while I wanted it fairly small, it was easily going to be about 150 people (all I heard from everyone was "don't forget to invite me"!).  I was not wearing the traditional big, formal wedding gown but I did have a very elegant gown picked out (I actually bought two gowns because I wasn't exactly sure which one I wanted!).  

My wedding as planned will not be able to happen in August.  At this point, there is one Saturday in November open but I got married in November last time and kind of feel icky about getting married so close to the last time (My first wedding was November 12 and this would be November 21...even the same damn numbers!).  Next summer they only have Friday dates available and BF is strictly against Friday or Sunday weddings (he thinks it just means the people were cheaping out!lol).

And honestly, with such worry about my older relatives getting sick, I don't know if I would be comfortable having a large gathering until this virus is over.  Imagine being the person whose wedding your relatives attended that got sick and died...yes, I'm crazy but I do think that.

We are going to talk tonight.  All I care about is having my children and our parents there.  A small part of me is sad that what I planned probably won't happen but the grown up in me knows it's about the marriage and not the wedding.  

I know it is not the same but why not have your marriage as planned with very few attendants and send invites out to all the people you wanted to see for your first wedding anniversary. If you keep the group now to a very small group you might even be able to invite some of those you want to protect for the actual ceremony.