How old were your kids when you let them stay home alone?

[Ryan]

My oldest son is 10 and 1/2 and I have twin 8 year olds.  Occasionally, if my wife needs to pick up my daughter and I'm not home yet, she'll let the boys stay home for 5-10 minutes on their own until I get home.  She locks the door, tells them not to eat anything, etc.

My kids currently go to an afterschool program that they really do not like.  There's nothing wrong with it, but I think as the kids get older, more of their peers drop out of it.  My older son said that there are only 2 kids from his grade that go (used to be 10-15).  Anyways, they've been really making the case for them to walk home by themselves next year and just stay at home until my wife gets back (about 45 minutes).  We are down the street from the school, so it's only about 1/2 block away.  I'm not really comfortable with this just yet, but honestly I'm not sure when I'd be comfortable.  

I currently pay around $40/day to have my kids go to afterschool care, but they only go a couple times a week because my MIL picks them up the other days.  

What are your thoughts?  I'm thinking we'll probably end up asking my MIL to do it every day and use afterschool as a backup, but I hate to ask her to do that.  I am guessing it would be tough to find someone to pick them up every day for like an hour. 

[chapeau]

Keeping in mind that my daughter isn’t old enough for this yet and my personal experience is decades old, 10 1/2 is young to be responsible for an 8 year old.
My mom let me stay home alone for short periods before she left me with my younger sisters and brother. How well do your boys get along? Do they encourage each other to do stuff (either good or bad)? And what is your neighbor situation? Or how close is your wife or MIL in a situation the boys are uncomfortable with? Will the older one decide he’s “in charge” of the younger? Would the older one be okay alone while the younger still goes to aftercare? And finally, does your state or municipality have any laws about this? Some places do, so it might be something to look into. Granted, the law probably isn’t going to come into play unless something bad happens or someone reports you, but it’s a consideration.

[thyme4change]

My daughter came home to an empty house starting at 11. My son came home to an empty house starting at 10, but my daughter wasn't far behind, and I was usually home within 90 minutes. I can't remember when we started leaving them during evening hours. It was probably a couple years later. But likely not for concern about leaving them, and more about us not really going anywhere.

[oped]

11 and 9, for how long again? I’d be inclined to... do they have phones?

[irishpad]

It is amazing how things change through the generations.   Grew up on a farm and I'm sure from age 7 and on, there were multiple times that there was no parental supervision sometimes for hours at a time.   I was driving a grain truck and on the tractor in the field in the summer between 2nd & 3rd grade (so i guess i was 8 at the time)    In my school, I see those kids that age and just think, "my parents were crazy"  lol   But then again, farm life is totally different, so much more danger out there now.  

[oped]

Some of it is better understood. Sometimes we overcompensate. Sometimes, and i don't mean to be graphic here, but we don't make 9 or 10 of them any more, so we tend to protect the few we do better ... 

[alabamagal]

A lot depends on how mature they are, how well they get along with each other, and how close to neighbors for backup/emergency.

I think we did it when they were 11, 10 and 8. I always felt better with having 3 of them so they could rely on each other. My kids also got along well. DH owned a business and was 5 minutes away which also helped us.

With technology today, you can install a security system that will tell you every time a door is opened, so you can know when they get home. Even cameras inside and out if you want. If your kids want to stay home, then put the responsibility on then, and let them know if they screw up they lose that Priceline.

[Malarky]

I let my kids stay at home for an hour or so from 3rd grade on. 

I live two blocks from the school and I had several parents call, concerned that my son was walking home by himself.  His younger sister was with another parent.  

I pointed out that he wasn't alone.  There were a hundred other parents out there judging me. 

They're 21 and 24 now.  And miles ahead of many of their peers in their ability to function in the real world.

[zibazinski]

Remember the law can and will be called on you. 🤬

[justme]

It was mid/late 90s, but my parents would let me ride the school bus home starting in either 4th or 5th grade when my mom picked up substitute jobs at the middle school. We had close neighbors with some of them being home in the day, and my dad was usually home within 30 minutes of me. Also I was supposed to enter from the back of the house so no one saw a kid unlocking the door by themselves even though no one went down our street unless you lived there or were visiting someone who lived there. But I also started babysitting kids in 6th grade. Those were lawless times back then. 

[weltschmerz]

Apr 4, 2019 12:06:38 GMT -5 irishpad said:

It is amazing how things change through the generations.   Grew up on a farm and I'm sure from age 7 and on, there were multiple times that there was no parental supervision sometimes for hours at a time.   I was driving a grain truck and on the tractor in the field in the summer between 2nd & 3rd grade (so i guess i was 8 at the time)    In my school, I see those kids that age and just think, "my parents were crazy"  lol   But then again, farm life is totally different, so much more danger out there now.  

My sister and I came home from school to an empty house and made French fries from scratch. In hot oil.
We were 6 and 8 years old.

[Ryan]

Apr 4, 2019 11:49:59 GMT -5 oped said:

11 and 9, for how long again? I’d be inclined to... do they have phones?

They'd be home for 45 minutes. I just realized that my state has the strictest requirement for leaving kids home alone, so I guess that's a no go.  Kids under the age of 14 can't be left home for an "unreasonable" amount of time, no definition of "unreasonable".

Of course, we have friends that do the same thing but probably not worth the risk.  I actually wasn't crazy about the idea either though.  It's one thing to be home, leave the kids inside your house, and then come back in 20 minutes.  It's another thing to have them walk home and have people see them walking by themselves into, what they probably assume, is a vacant house.  

[oped]

Unreasonable for 11 and 9 is 8-12 hours not 45-90 minutes.

[oped]

Are there neighbors home? Do they have phone?

But ultimately you need to do what makes you feel comfortable.

FWIW. I know 12 year olds that babysit. I never hired anyone that young but they do. The age range for the Red Cross babysitting course is 11-15.

[kadee79]

I grew up on a farm too and my son mostly grew up rural...so we both did things early...I could leave him alone when he was about 8-9, and some days were like that since I worked nights & hubby was working days...there might be some alone time in there.

[irishpad]

I starting babysitting at about 12/13.   Again, a different generation.   One family was two girls 4 and 7 years younger than me.   Holy smokes, would never do that now.   The other was two boys about the same age........   oldest has spent a lot of time in jail, youngest is a very responsible citizen.   I claim no responsibility of the formation of any of them.   lol  

[thyme4change]

Apr 4, 2019 17:58:26 GMT -5 oped said:

Unreasonable for 11 and 9 is 8-12 hours not 45-90 minutes.

I can not imagine any law enforcement agencies saying and hour is too long for an 11 year old. That would be ridiculous. I wouldn't even worry about it until hour 3 or 4.

[TheOtherMe]

I babysat infants at age 12.  This was back in the 60's.  I never had contact information for either parent.  They knew mom was across the street.  

My niece's kids got to where the oldest hated after school care, especially summer day care.  That was about age 11 or 12.  While he and sister argued if parents were around, they behaved very well when I cared for them once a week.  

I think he was 12 and sister 9 when they got each of them a phone, put the landline back in and gave them more numbers to call than just mom and dad at work.  The decision finally got made because niece works a strange schedule.  She works 9 hour days with some weekends.  If she works weekends, she has days off during the week.  They now had to pay for the full week of before and after Y care.  Brother had to walk with his sister to and from school.  

During the summer, both grandmas either had them at their houses or they dropped by a lot.  Great nephew is now finishing 8th grade.  No way is he going to Y care. 

They were not allowed to have friends in the house.  They never asked me to have friends over when I was there.  It was so obvious that he hated day care in the summers when I picked them up at noon.  The only day he liked going was the day they went swimming.  Niece still had her friends from when she went full time, so she wasn't fighting about going.  That was only a matter of time.

[Tennesseer]

I would be more worried about leaving the kids home alone for an extended period when they are in their teens and the parents think the teen kids are responsible enough to not have parties at the house while the parents are away on vacation.

"No, mom and dad.  No one was here while you were gone.  I swear.  The neighbors are lying again."  

[chapeau]

Apr 4, 2019 19:45:11 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

I would be more worried about leaving the kids home alone for an extended period when they are in their teens and the parents think the teen kids are responsible enough to not have parties at the house while the parents are away on vacation.

"No, mom and dad.  No one was here while you were gone.  I swear.  The neighbors are lying again."  

My parents left my sister home overnight in charge of my two youngest siblings when they took me for college orientation. She was 16, and my grandfather lived 2 blocks away. Last year my youngest siblings told mom about the party she had. 20+ years later, and mom is disappointed in my sister. Two years later they left me in charge when they took her to her freshman orientation. I painted the basement. (And my parents think I was the bad one...)

[Tennesseer]

Apr 4, 2019 19:57:03 GMT -5 chapeau said:

Apr 4, 2019 19:45:11 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

I would be more worried about leaving the kids home alone for an extended period when they are in their teens and the parents think the teen kids are responsible enough to not have parties at the house while the parents are away on vacation.

"No, mom and dad.  No one was here while you were gone.  I swear.  The neighbors are lying again."  

My parents left my sister home overnight in charge of my two youngest siblings when they took me for college orientation. She was 16, and my grandfather lived 2 blocks away. Last year my youngest siblings told mom about the party she had. 20+ years later, and mom is disappointed in my sister. Two years later they left me in charge when they took her to her freshman orientation. I painted the basement. (And my parents think I was the bad one...)

When I was a senior in Catholic high school, my sister was a sophomore and my brother was a freshman at the same school as me. One time, the parents were out of state on a two week vacation. Word in the school hallways was there was going to be a big party at our home the coming Saturday night attended by freshman and sophomores not only from our high school but from several public school high schools in the city too.

The numbers of expected people to attend concerned me and I had to find a way to stop the party. Then it dawned on me what I needed to do to stop it.

The nun who was the assistant vice principal was a dental patient of my dad's and I knew her and she knew me. I went to her for help. I told her what was going to happen that weekend and I needed help stopping it. Sister MJ said "Say no more. I will take care of it,"

Sister MJ called my sister and brother, separately, down to her office and told each of them she was aware of the party and they better not have it.  The convent where the nuns live was by the high school and the high school was a five minute walk from our home.  Sister MJ told the siblings she would be watching our home from across the street and she better not see anyone going into the house.

No party happened.

My siblings did not know it was me who ratted them out until years later.  Fortunately, they laughed when I told them I was the rat.

[oped]

And 10x the number expected show up... I mean, I heard...

[oped]

Daughter asked to use my dad’s cabin and I said I’m sure it will be ok but you will need an adult. She was quizzical but I assured her I’d ruined that possibility for her long ago...

[Tennesseer]

We all had friends over when the parents were away.  Ten, twelve or so people were the norm.  But not 300 or 400 plus at one time.

[oped]

Melted cheese in the wok. Is a fully loaded sentence to my father, still.

[Tennesseer]

I had a parent approved (and parent attended) party at the house in ninth grade.  Party in the basement.  About 100 plus classmates showed up.  My older brother was a member of a popular high school city band and they played at the party. 

Party was a success and well remembered years later what with a live band (who played for free).  

[NastyWoman]

You could start with having only your oldest son walk home next year and wait another year before letting the twins walk home as well. I asume we are talking schoolyears here and that would mean that everyone is 1.5 years older before the three of them are on their own. I

I have no personal experience with this since we lived in SE Asia when my kids were that age and we had a live-in housekeeper

[saveinla]

Apr 4, 2019 11:15:04 GMT -5 Ryan said:

My oldest son is 10 and 1/2 and I have twin 8 year olds.  Occasionally, if my wife needs to pick up my daughter and I'm not home yet, she'll let the boys stay home for 5-10 minutes on their own until I get home.  She locks the door, tells them not to eat anything, etc.

My kids currently go to an afterschool program that they really do not like.  There's nothing wrong with it, but I think as the kids get older, more of their peers drop out of it.  My older son said that there are only 2 kids from his grade that go (used to be 10-15).  Anyways, they've been really making the case for them to walk home by themselves next year and just stay at home until my wife gets back (about 45 minutes).  We are down the street from the school, so it's only about 1/2 block away.  I'm not really comfortable with this just yet, but honestly I'm not sure when I'd be comfortable.  

I currently pay around $40/day to have my kids go to afterschool care, but they only go a couple times a week because my MIL picks them up the other days.  

What are your thoughts?  I'm thinking we'll probably end up asking my MIL to do it every day and use afterschool as a backup, but I hate to ask her to do that.  I am guessing it would be tough to find someone to pick them up every day for like an hour. 

 I paid another mom to pick up son after school and drop him off at daycare, when he was in elementary school. It was a nice arrangement, because she liked the money, the daycare was on her way home and she was going that way anyways . School was over at 2 PM and no way was I able to get out from work that early.