thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 4, 2011 10:34:33 GMT -5
This weekend, I was talking to some people telling them about when my husband was in law school, I was working full time, we had a toddler and I was pregnant. It was a hard time in our life - but you do what you have to do, and it had an end date - so I just put my head down and my tail up and just motored through.
I'm glad we did, because we were able to get my husband through law school and into a job he really likes. The industry is lucrative. And now, it is all behind us, and we created the life we want.
What is the period of time that you really worked your tail off, or had to really struggle to just get through the crap, but now you've emerged on the other side?
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Apr 4, 2011 10:41:23 GMT -5
When ds was dx with autism. We had to slash our budget to cash flow $1500/mo in therapy costs, and I did nothing but drive him from appointment to appointment (with baby in tow) for a couple years. Then there was the basic worry that never left my mind. Oh, and the endless supplements we tried to see if that would help (I gave him B12 shots which actually were *phenomenal* in getting his language established).
We stopped that about two years ago once we realized the toll was too much. But ds is doing really well now - definitely in the high functioning level - and can be in a regular classroom with an aide. We still have the endless worry, but I know he'll never have to be institutionalized or anything when he grows up and that is a huge relief.
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Clever Username
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Post by Clever Username on Apr 4, 2011 10:44:10 GMT -5
Job I hated. Long commute. Harrassed by cow-orkers. But I wouldn't quit a paying job without a replacement.
Thanks for reminding me of that. jerk
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Apr 4, 2011 10:55:43 GMT -5
That's an easy question for me to answer. The hardest time in my life was when I divorced my first husband and struggled to support myself and two kids with little child support (he was supposed to pay $75/ mo for each, but rarely actually paid anything). No help or moral support from family because divorce was against their religion.
Things started to turn for the better when equal employment laws were passed and I was able to transfer to a better paying ( blue collar) job that had previously been held only by men.
Things got really, really better when the kids grew up and I had only myself to support, then I married DH.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2011 11:01:58 GMT -5
The hardest time in my adult life was being pregnant with DS and the 6 months after he was born. I required numerous IV's and medications while pregnant - I couldn't drive and I had trouble walking. Then when DS was born he had severe colic and didn't sleep more than 20 minutes at a time until he was around 6 months. DH was struggling with a bad flare of what we later learned was an autoimmune disorder that will most likely lead to kidney failure. His flare was brought on by our exhaustion because of DS. This whole time I was seeing a physical therapist a few times a week because of problems resulting from my pregnancy.
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Jake 48
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keeping the faith
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Post by Jake 48 on Apr 4, 2011 11:04:09 GMT -5
I took
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 4, 2011 11:11:26 GMT -5
DH and I spent nearly all of 2009 unemployed. DH is bi polar and we struggled to come up with $1000 a month to cover all of his medications since we couldn't afford insurance. We pulled together enough money to move from CA back to MN. DH landed a job the day after we moved into town (our old town - Riverside, CA- was recently listed as one of the top 5 worst places to find a job).
Lost our house to foreclosure after we moved. The rental house we moved into turned out to be a . The police kindly notified us a week after moving that it was an illegal rental and we had 30 days to find a new place to live or the city would evict us.
Moved again into a wonderful house (that we rent from my parents). I started my job in January 2010 and DH is still employed as well. The way we see it- 2009 sucked, 2010 was our 'rebuilding year" and 2011 is going to rock dammit.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 4, 2011 11:16:31 GMT -5
Last year with 2 pregnancy losses.
I am pregnant again so things are looking up, I hope. Maybe 3rd time is a charm?
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Post by illinicheme on Apr 4, 2011 11:36:43 GMT -5
The last year or two of grad school was a probably the toughest time in my life so far. I did not have a good experience, so it was very stressful trying to get everything completed and graduate (I had to get the department involved - don't ever be someone's first student.) I was probably mildly depressed for awhile during that time.
I got laid off a little over a year ago, which led to some of the lowest individual days I've ever had, but fortunately I found a better gig very quickly (~1 month).
Overall I've had it pretty easy. But I haven't had kids yet and my parents are still in good health, so I'm sure there's some difficulties coming.
ETA: DH and I have spent two separate 6 month periods living on opposite coasts for jobs, but in the grand scheme of things, that wasn't too bad.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Apr 4, 2011 11:39:09 GMT -5
I was married to an alcoholic who wasn't working. I worked but made just about the same amount as the mortgage. I kept the bills paid mostly except the phone because he would call people long distance drunk.
He was also abusive and his drinking came on suddenly after 17 years dry so I wasn't dealing well. I was also in college a couple of nights a week. And going to alanon almost every night and OA meetings.
He wouldn't let me sleep at night, he was awake playing the stereo loud with the windows open in the winter.
I would take him to treatment programs but he would check himself out.
It took me 5 months from the day he started drinking to when I was willing to walk away from everything. I lost my house, marriage and half the furniture and had to hide so he wouldn't kill me for leaving. He had threatened my father and brother if I left so I had to warn them and my niece and nephew were told he wasn't their uncle anymore.
When I left him things were instantly better. My parents had invited me to move home. My brother helped get my half of the stuff and store it at his house. My boss put a stop payment on my Christmas bonus and issued a new one and it was 2 days to payday.
Within a month I found an apartment, joined a gym, bought new furniture and moved out of my parents house. Dad gave me 1,500 to get furniture.
Two years later dad gave me 13,000 and I bought a house and 6 months later met my boyfriend. It will be 25 years this month since we met and 27 since my divorce was final.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2011 11:39:13 GMT -5
It would have to be the last few years of my first marriage. Husband was unemployed, drinking heavily, verbally abusive. I caught him buying things for himself with my ccs and hiding the bills. DS and I never knew what state he'd be in when we got home from school/work. My choices were very limited: leave without DS and go live in a (out of the question), leave with DS and rent someplace decent and still pay the continuing costs on the house (husband would have lived there indefinitely and I didn't have the cash flow), or leave with DS and default on the mortgage (trash my credit rating for years to come). It really seemed intractable. He didn't want a divorce, he said. "I want to stay around and torture you."
Finally, I came home on a Friday evening in August and the A/C was out. He threatened to kill me if I didn't find somebody to fix it. I had him removed from the house with a Restraining Order. He never spent another night there. A couple of days later DS got home from school and his Dad was on the couch. He went to the neighbor's and called the police. DS was 12 at the time. Fortunately, one of the police officers was married to a teacher at his school and visited a lot so DS liked and trusted the police. Even better, that officer was on duty that day.
The next year was still difficult as the divorce proceeded; he lived in an El Cheapo motel funded by a HELOC I took out on the equity in the house as an advance against his share. It took a long time to reach a property settlement but I finally had a decree a year later. We were free. Single motherhood was a breeze compared to that.
That was 1997. I've now been married to a wonderful man for the last 8 years, DH finished college and has a good job. Last year the Ex died of liver failure. I really don't wish him ill in the afterlife. He created his own hell on earth.
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Post by cytoglycerine on Apr 4, 2011 11:54:30 GMT -5
I am at what I'm hoping to be the tail end of the hardest time in my life...I am just about finished with my battle with cancer - on the winning side of course! not the dying side lol . Although it was a relatively "easy" cancer to deal with, everything else that comes with the illness (not working, being at home sick day after day with nothing to do, money being tight, everyone worrying about me, etc, etc, etc) has taken it's toll...I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!!! But the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel is so bright now I need sunglasses ;D I've only got one more post-treatment test to do, and I'm getting back on my meds in the next few days, so things should start looking up! I even sent out my resume to a position I'm really interested in, and very well qualified for...Hopefully something will come of it! Even just a call-back would boost my spirits.
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Post by lulubean on Apr 4, 2011 11:56:46 GMT -5
I don't think of them as hard times though looking back they might have been. Two toddlers and DH in the navy, just married and sent overseas (though I thought that was fun other wives could not deal with being away). Dh pursuing his bachelors along with working to support the family. I think of them as struggles but not hard. The hardest was our stillborn daughter.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2011 12:40:47 GMT -5
I struggled fresh out of college. I worked a job that paid less than $10/hr, my share of rent was $650/month and my share of the utilities was around $200/month. I don't even remember how or what I ate. My mom was paying my car insurance, cell phone, and car payments, and I still barely squeaked by each month. Needless to say I didn't have any savings. I thought about quitting every single day as I hated that job and the pay wasn't remotely worth the hassle, but I stuck it out til I got a better paying job. That was a long 9 months.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 4, 2011 12:58:28 GMT -5
The hardest was our stillborn daughter. I can't imagine. I'm so sorry.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Apr 4, 2011 13:04:24 GMT -5
I don't know that I've quite emerged through the other side, but mine was 6 months ago. I left DH (well technically I made him leave) & I had a 3 wk old & a 2 yr old. Now I am back at work full-time & spending 40% of my pay on daycare & struggling to make ends meet, but everyday it get easier & everyday I am more convinced I made the right decision for myself & my kids.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Apr 4, 2011 13:18:05 GMT -5
We've either been really lucky or there's something to that karma thing, because we haven't really had any hard times as adults. A huge chunk of my childhood was really shitty, so that either gave me a different perspective which makes dealing with stuff as an adult seem a lot easier, or the universe got the pissing on my parade stuff out of it's system for a while so I got smooth sailing as a young adult.
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dancinmama
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Post by dancinmama on Apr 4, 2011 13:33:23 GMT -5
There has been more than one, but I would say the worst for me was when my "daddy" was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He fought a good fight, but passed away a little over a year later. He was and still is my hero. I still miss him very much.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2011 13:47:52 GMT -5
I don't know that I've quite emerged through the other side, but mine was 6 months ago. I left DH (well technically I made him leave) & I had a 3 wk old & a 2 yr old. Now I am back at work full-time & spending 40% of my pay on daycare & struggling to make ends meet, but everyday it get easier & everyday I am more convinced I made the right decision for myself & my kids. Angel D- thanks for the update! I remember your earlier posts and I'm glad you're feeling better about your life.
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strider
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Post by strider on Apr 4, 2011 13:48:57 GMT -5
We've either been really lucky or there's something to that karma thing, because we haven't really had any hard times as adults. A huge chunk of my childhood was really shitty, so that either gave me a different perspective which makes dealing with stuff as an adult seem a lot easier, or the universe got the pissing on my parade stuff out of it's system for a while so I got smooth sailing as a young adult. This is so true for me right now. I need to go knock on some wood.
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Post by dragonfly7 on Apr 4, 2011 14:58:19 GMT -5
Emotionally: The unexpected death of our infant daughter last spring. I didn't feel even close to being myself again until December, which is likely why my unemployment has lasted so long.
Financially: August 2008-January 2009. DH lost his job and insisted on doing Primerica full-time even though my net income was barely enough to cover the rent, water, and electricity bills with maybe $50 to spare (He made $500 in the seven months he did it). One of the two vehicles died. I think I can attribute at least 1/3 of our credit card debt to this time. My corporate office fired three of the seven staff members, including the manager, another quit, and we were managed long-distance by someone who had no retail store experience. They eventually hired a new manager, and the other two staff remaining staff members were either fired or quit because they didn't get along. She promoted me to full time within two weeks just because I was the only one left in the store who understood what was going on.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 4, 2011 15:30:11 GMT -5
Dark - I also think we have been really lucky. Our "hard time" wasn't even a "bad time" it was just a little crazy - and tiring. While I was going through it, a friend of mine got deployed to the mid-east. I thought my life was a piece of cake - at least my husband came home every night after studying. He wasn't gone for a year, and living in a war zone with bullets flying past him. Comparatively, my problems were tiny.
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Post by debtheaven on Apr 4, 2011 15:37:20 GMT -5
My hardest time was when my ex left me for an older model, in a foreign country, with a six-year-old, a four-year-old, and a one-month-old. That was a long time ago, in 1992. I have since remarried a wonderful man who helped me raise those three children and then we had a child of our own.
My second hardest time was about 12 years ago when DH and I lost all our four parents within less than 22 months. DH's parents died 22 months apart, mine died 13 months apart. DS3 was an infant, and the oldest child was 11. DH took the Eurostar back and forth to London every second or third weekend for two years. I flew back and forth to NY every other weekend for two months to see my Dad. (I was too late for my mom). My fabulous friends would take turns driving me to the airport on Fridays. I'd arrive back in Paris on Monday morning and go to straight to work from the airport. That period is generally pretty much a blur.
But all that totally pales in comparison with those of you who have lost children. My heart goes out to you. Your strength and resilience is an inspiration. Nothing can ever compensate for such an immense loss, but I wish you only wonderful things going forward.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Apr 4, 2011 15:51:38 GMT -5
Emotionally: The unexpected death of our infant daughter last spring. I didn't feel even close to being myself again until December, which is likely why my unemployment has lasted so long.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2011 15:54:23 GMT -5
But all that totally pales in comparison with those of you who have lost children. My heart goes out to you. Your strength and resilience is an inspiration. Completely agree.
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Post by bobbysgirl on Apr 4, 2011 18:25:26 GMT -5
I am so sorry for the posters who have lost children. My heart breaks for you. I have many friends who have lost their young children to cancer. I have those friends because we battled childhood cancer with our son . He was DX at 4 years old and it took 8 years to heal him. He had a bone marrow transplant at 5 years old and is the only survivor of a cluster of 11 children. He has some side effects of the treatment, but I am so blessed to still have him.
Those eight years were tough. At the same time my DH was waiting for a heart transplant because he had myopothy. (Agent Orange did us in but good) So I worked weekends and sold Avon and raised 3 other kids and took care of 2 chronically ill people. DH's transplant was wonderful. He passed in July with a nervous system lymphoma. (Brain tumor) (Agent Orange) So I am a very tired girl. Now you know my whole life story!
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Post by tea4me on Apr 4, 2011 19:02:13 GMT -5
Wow. This thread makes me realize how fortunate I have been.
The hardest time in my life is nothing compared to these.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2011 19:03:40 GMT -5
For me it was 2008-2010 after I decided to follow my wife to Upstate NY so she could attend grad school. I should have listen to my guts and my mom: it was stupid to leave a secure job to move to a place where I had no guarantee to find a job. I should have done the long distance thing till I found a job (my wife upstate NY and me NJ)
I lived off 20K savings for 9 months and still did not find a job so work 2 part time jobs. We were broke, depending on parents, I was miserable/went thru depression, and life was bad.
Things started getting around mid 2010 and 2011 is looking great so far.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 4, 2011 19:29:45 GMT -5
I can think of a few.
The one that sticks out happened last year, when I was terminated (unjustly) from my job. The ensuring court battle and fiancial situation made things hard. Being unemployed is bad, but try being unemployed and having to pay lawyer bills. It worked out though, I won the case, got a decent payment, and got my job back. I've since found an even better job with a bright future.
I've struggled with clinical depression. During my junior year in college it got pretty bad, and at times I considered taking my own life.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Apr 4, 2011 19:59:42 GMT -5
I am very sorry to those of you who have lost loved ones. No financial situation can possibly compare. For me it is a toss-up between having a painful and potentially blinding eye infection during my second year of law school (with the constant worry that I'd go blind and my $125K education would be down the tubes) and being unemployed and living with DH's parents for ~4 months after I graduated. Honestly, though, I was lucky to find a job as quickly as I did... mid-2009 was not the greatest market for fledgling attorneys.
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