What a woman to do? lol!

[Deleted]

Apr 5, 2011 8:49:22 GMT -5 @tea4me said:

I get a kick out of the SAHMs that put on FB: I am a nurse, doctor, teacher, psychologist, housekeeper, cook, blah, blah, blah, 24 hours a day because I am a stay at home mom. I never get a vacation or sick days, blah, blah, blah.

I always want to ask them what kind of pay and benefits they get with that. ;D

pay is not necessarily equivalent to importance.

[tea4me]

Apr 5, 2011 8:55:45 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

Apr 5, 2011 8:49:22 GMT -5 @tea4me said:

I get a kick out of the SAHMs that put on FB: I am a nurse, doctor, teacher, psychologist, housekeeper, cook, blah, blah, blah, 24 hours a day because I am a stay at home mom. I never get a vacation or sick days, blah, blah, blah.

I always want to ask them what kind of pay and benefits they get with that. ;D

pay is not necessarily equivalent to importance.

Working moms do the same things for their children but they don't have to talk about it.

For the record: I have no children.

[michelyn8]

Apr 5, 2011 8:58:39 GMT -5 @tea4me said:

Apr 5, 2011 8:55:45 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

pay is not necessarily equivalent to importance.

Working moms do the same things for their children but they don't have to talk about it.

For the record: I have no children.

No, working moms don't have time to talk about it because in addition to working all those jobs at home, we have to maintain our part-time (40+ hours week) job to pay the bills.

[Deleted]

well, I don't see what's so wrong about being a SAHM OR a working mom. I also don't see the need for both to constantly justify their position to the other.

[yogiii]

I'm a working mom

When I was on maternity leave, I often got comments that started with "since you're home and not doing anything ....". I can understand how SAHM's feel the need to be defensive. There are a ton of things I could do around the house if I was a SAHM (not to mention taking care of my baby) that I wind up having to do at night or on the weekends, also some stuff just slips, like the house isn't up to my neat freak standards most days of the month. I'd love to be SAHM, but I would feel guilty about being able to work and not working. Part time would be ideal but isn't an option for me right now. Hopefully something that I can make happen in the future.

[pepper112765]

I think that those that bash the other are trying to make themselves feel better about the decision they made. Whatever works for the family, works for that particular family. As a single parent, it's not so much a choice of whether to be a SAHM or work. I have to work. And my two eldest were a bit resentful about my having to work and not spending the quality time, especially when they were younger. So there is a consequence. When my son recently told me how he felt (who will be 16 on Friday), I had to explain that, working like I did was all for them. I never benefited from state assistance, Section 8 or any of that stuff, I've worked for everything that we have. The things they don't see, like how they are able to go to the doctor, dentist, orthodontist, because I provide insurance; that every need and some of their wants were met. If I didn't work like I did, they wouldn't have had that. So sometimes you are damned if you do, and damned if you don't. The kids believe that your job is more important than them, you go to work because providing for your children is of paramount importance, a duty and a responsibility. They wanted for nothing material, but did want and need more time from me than I was able to give them when they were younger. It's a bit different with my youngest daughter, because I have an employer that doesn't penalize you if you have to take off for your kids, they are generous with leave, you can bring your children in to work if need be. But getting to this point was a process and it took, I'm sad to say, most of my two eldest children's younger years for me to get there. So at the end of the day, I've done the best I can with what I have and I can't be sorry for that.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I can understand why any mother feels the need to be defensive, no matter what you do you can't win. The media doesn't help with it's bad reporting of studies (like the one where working mom's supposedly make their kids fat) and running articles about how a SAHM is worth $150k (or some such amount) every freaking mother's day.

At some point you have to stop caring what other people think or you are going to drive yourself insane.

[Deleted]

Apr 5, 2011 9:07:14 GMT -5 michelyn8 said:

Apr 5, 2011 8:58:39 GMT -5 @tea4me said:

Working moms do the same things for their children but they don't have to talk about it.

For the record: I have no children.

No, working moms don't have time to talk about it because in addition to working all those jobs at home, we have to maintain our part-time (40+ hours week) job to pay the bills.

And as long as comments like this continue... the defensiveness and justifications will continue... as long as one side keeps say... but i'm obviously better... what option does the other side have?

[pepper112765]

Apr 5, 2011 8:42:25 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Snerdley - I like you

DH and I are both working FT, and will continue to do so once baby girl arrives. MIL/my mom will be watching her for us. I have had people even make comments about that ("Oh, too cheap to pay for daycare so you con your mom into watching her?"). Geeze - we will be taking care of our family in the best way that we can. Maybe everyone else should go attend to their bratty children & stop trying to tell us what to do! ;D

And that is the best daycare provider that you can possibly get is your mother/mother-in-law. I was very fortunate that my mother was able to care for mine, and those of my friends and other relatives, for lack of finding suitable, affordable daycare, so I was truly blessed in that sense. Those that made those comments just wish their mother/mother-in-law would do the same.

[Deleted]

Apr 5, 2011 10:08:40 GMT -5 yogiii said:

I'm a working mom

When I was on maternity leave, I often got comments that started with "since you're home and not doing anything ....". I can understand how SAHM's feel the need to be defensive. There are a ton of things I could do around the house if I was a SAHM (not to mention taking care of my baby) that I wind up having to do at night or on the weekends, also some stuff just slips, like the house isn't up to my neat freak standards most days of the month. I'd love to be SAHM, but I would feel guilty about being able to work and not working. Part time would be ideal but isn't an option for me right now. Hopefully something that I can make happen in the future.

I'd love to go PT while the kiddos are young. Hopefully we can work that out. Meanwhile, I'll be working FT while MIL and other members of DH's family watch the baby.


Oped, I agree. We need to be more understanding and supportive of the choices that moms make. Neither choice makes one a better person.

[thyme4change]

I'd save your part time years for when they are in school and have to be a million different places at 4:30, every single afternoon. Especially if you have multiple kids in a tight age range. I look back at the pre-school age and think of how easy it was. Now, I have to come to work really early, and I struggle to get everyone to where they need to be at time they need to be there. Carpooling would be a lot easier if they didn't try to make the teams "fair" by placing them according to ability. I don't care if my kid's team loses every game - let me be on the team with his 2 best friends so their Moms and I can work out a schedule. Right now, there is only one other kid from my son's entire school on his team, so I can't use this opportunity to meet new people and work out carpooling. Agh!

But, that is just my struggle now. And just my input. We had great baby and preschool care - but I wish I could have part-time hours now. My kids really need me now - homework, driving around, etc.

[Deleted]

thyme, I've heard that argument a lot, too. Generally as long as your baby is given the care and attention it needs, it doesn't have to come from Mommy or Daddy - but when your kids are older they want YOU to be at their games, recitals, etc.

Hmmm, I'll have to re-think things a little. PT probably won't be possible for several more years anyway.

[yogiii]

thyme - That is what I'm thinking. My son is 10 months old and I do have family watching him, so I know I'm lucky. I'm hoping when he is older and involved with sports or other activities I can go down to something less stressful. Right now my job is very demanding and I struggle to be away from home for only 11 hours. I have a half hour commute each way and I leave even before the baby is awake, DH and I stagger hours a bit.

[Deleted]

I wish i could have stayed home when the kids were babies... but it wasn't workable then... I knew i wanted to homeschoool and we worked towards that... I like being home now. I think my son would have been better off being home as a toddler... but it is what it is... we all do the best we can...

I don't think anyone should do anything but what is best for themselves and their family. I would never suggest everyone should homeschool... although i'd work to help anyone who wanted to be able to... but i HATE when one mother or another assumes that she is better/doing it better because she works/stays at home... it makes me want to respond in kind... and thus the 'debate' continues...

[thyme4change]

MJ and yogii - I also have to put on that as much as I loved having a baby and toddler and even preschooler, I like my kids so much more now than I did then. I'm not that "Mom" kind of person - so I'm guessing I'll like them more and more as they grow up. I love talking to them now and being with them. They are 6 and 8 now - so we aren't discussing the tactical disadvantages of the Libyan army, or anything. But we can actually do stuff that we all like. Maybe if I was more of a baby person I would feel more regret about having to work during those years. But, what I do remember is making faces at them, reading to them, singing to them, handing them brightly colored objects and then thinking "Well, that burned 10 minutes, now what..." If you feel differently about time with your kids (and you don't have to admit it either way - there are a lot of judgmental people out there, so I never, ever, ever said it when the kids were little, I just kept it inside and felt like a bad mommy and wondered how everyone spent their days with their babies) you might want to take a different path. Do what feel right. But, if you don't have the option to go part time when they are very young, don't feel like you missed the window to be there for your children. They probably have one or two vague memories before they are school aged. They will remember if you are home every day after school.

[yogiii]

thyme - Thanks for your input. I'm not bored with the baby stage, but like you I think I'll enjoy it more and more the older he gets. I can already see that now.

[Elizabeth]

Apr 4, 2011 11:51:58 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

Fair to whom? It is like this, if you don't pay my bills, then you have nothing to say to me on whether I am a SAHM, Wahm, or hubby stays home or whatever.

Agree!!

[Elizabeth]

For me, my situation is very good concerning my job and my manager, although she doesn't have kids herself, is very understanding of when I need to stay home with the kids. I can work remotely, so I usually am still working even when I'm at home. I have to give MAJOR proprs to people who are WAH. I thought I was going to rip my hair out and rock in the corner when the daycare was closed last week for Cesar Chavez Day. It was the last day of our fiscal year end, my e-mail was blowing up, and my phone was ringing off the hook. Add a 3 and a 5 year old's needs and demands to that and I was at my wits end. I wanted to reach through the phone and slap the guy who called me and teased me about sitting out in my yard sipping mai-tais in a bikini while "working" from home. Pffft. He has no idea how much work it is!
In my family life, no it's not fair. I bring home almost half the bacon, fry it in the pan, and clean it up. In addition to laundry, cleaning, bathing kids, etc. DH just comes home from work and plops and that ass doesn't leave the couch until it's time for bed.

[Deleted]

Apr 5, 2011 15:13:33 GMT -5 Elizabeth said:

In my family life, no it's not fair. I bring home almost half the bacon, fry it in the pan, and clean it up. In addition to laundry, cleaning, bathing kids, etc. DH just comes home from work and plops and that ass doesn't leave the couch until it's time for bed.

see, I told DH before we got married that was NOT going to happen. If you want me to cook, clean, have, and raise kids without your help, I'll need you to make enough money where I don't have to work. So we have a system - I still do a majority of the home work, but he helps with the dishes, he'll cut veggies for dinner, and I got him helping with laundry when I'm at class.

[upstatemom]

Many of my friends have been full time or part time SAHM at some point in their lives and and as ours kids have grown into teens, many have gone back to work. I guess most of us are really lucky that we have been able to finds jobs that offer the flexibility to be there for the kids when they are sick, have a game or what ever else pops up. I am amazed that so many people have a problem with other Mom's choices.

We never judge each other in what choices each made. We offer support, traded daycare when need, gave kids rides and helped each other and those friends who do work full time.

My kids were in at in home daycare at my cousin's house and loved being with the other kids. They definitely did not suffer by being in daycare away from me.

[upstatemom]

Many of my friends have been full time or part time SAHM at some point in their lives and and as ours kids have grown into teens, many have gone back to work. I guess most of us are really lucky that we have been able to finds jobs that offer the flexibility to be there for the kids when they are sick, have a game or what ever else pops up. I am amazed that so many people have a problem with other Mom's choices.

We never judge each other in what choices each made. We offer support, traded daycare when need, gave kids rides and helped each other and those friends who do work full time.

My kids were in at in home daycare at my cousin's house and loved being with the other kids. They definitely did not suffer by being in daycare away from me.

[daisylu]

Apr 5, 2011 9:07:14 GMT -5 michelyn8 said:

Apr 5, 2011 8:58:39 GMT -5 @tea4me said:

Working moms do the same things for their children but they don't have to talk about it.

For the record: I have no children.

No, working moms don't have time to talk about it because in addition to working all those jobs at home, we have to maintain our part-time (40+ hours week) job to pay the bills.

[swamp]

Apr 5, 2011 12:14:45 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

MJ and yogii - I also have to put on that as much as I loved having a baby and toddler and even preschooler, I like my kids so much more now than I did then. I'm not that "Mom" kind of person - so I'm guessing I'll like them more and more as they grow up. I love talking to them now and being with them. They are 6 and 8 now - so we aren't discussing the tactical disadvantages of the Libyan army, or anything. But we can actually do stuff that we all like. Maybe if I was more of a baby person I would feel more regret about having to work during those years. But, what I do remember is making faces at them, reading to them, singing to them, handing them brightly colored objects and then thinking "Well, that burned 10 minutes, now what..." If you feel differently about time with your kids (and you don't have to admit it either way - there are a lot of judgmental people out there, so I never, ever, ever said it when the kids were little, I just kept it inside and felt like a bad mommy and wondered how everyone spent their days with their babies) you might want to take a different path. Do what feel right. But, if you don't have the option to go part time when they are very young, don't feel like you missed the window to be there for your children. They probably have one or two vague memories before they are school aged. They will remember if you are home every day after school.

Holy crap, I think you live in my head............Mine are 3 and almost 5 and I like them much better now that they can talk to me and do stuff.

[tloonya]

Apr 4, 2011 12:55:35 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Apr 4, 2011 11:57:59 GMT -5 phil5185 said:

my spouse is 110% supportive of my career

He must be a coach?

Hah, we both do the same thing, but my career is actually more important than his (to him).

No watch after him He is getting ready to mooch off of you when you make a big bucks!!!


Well I say the world is messed up because of the working full time mothers. I agree women CAN work. But working to the point when it leaves their kids annatended IS WRONG!!!

However look what we are talking about in times when kids are having 2 moms or 2 dads or simply living with 1 dad and 5 of his wives and 30 siblings...

We are ought to put this subject to rest. It is useless discussion in light of today's family structure that is changing from day to day and from sex to sex...
Thanks for your time.

[lisabelle]

I have no kids. All my coworkers do. I do work for a family oriented company. The men and women take off for everything under the sun when it comes to the kids which I think is great and the kids deserve that and should have their parents support in all they do.

[lisabelle]

I have no kids. All my coworkers do. I do work for a family oriented company. The men and women take off for everything under the sun when it comes to the kids which I think is great and the kids deserve that and should have their parents support in all they do.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

But working to the point when it leaves their kids annatended IS WRONG!!!

I wouldn't leave my kid annatended either, sounds painful.

[tloonya]

Do I hear 'hate them' in those both posts from lisabelle?