2019 - Organize Your Life & Declutter Your Stuff

[debthaven]

Sharon how scary! I'm so glad your DD is ok!

TheOtherMe I hope your sister will listen to reason. I think she will end up listening to her DD (the nurse).

[TheOtherMe]

I think you are right debthaven  I told my niece it become two sisters arguing but I can't sit and watch what is happening any longer.

[debthaven]

Could you talk to the person who manages his accommodation? It must be common for people there to need more supervision.

I'm sorry I know this is so hard on you.

ETA: Your niece may know how to contact a SW, or be able to find out.

[debthaven]

This weekend
- pharmacy/Thurs
- bottle bank/Thurs

- request photocopy account/Thurs

- mark 7 retakes

- Shitepile

- update online class spaces
- Quickbooks (ongoing but no news yet)

This is just this week's list, a bit longer. I managed to do a couple of things on my way home today. Catching up on laundry.

[gs11rmb]

TheOtherMe dhs.iowa.gov/DependentAdultProtectiveServices/Families/WhoQualifies


Dependent Adult Protective Services

1-800-362-2178 (toll-free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week)

To report abuse, neglect, exploitation, or self-neglect of a dependent adult, please call the toll-free number above.

If a person is in imminent danger, call 911.



Do NOT email a report of abuse, neglect or exploitation as this email is not monitored during non-business hours and could result in a delayed response to the report.

[ohmomto2boys]

TheOtherMe - we had this issue with my mom.  My dad was in complete denial of the care that mom needed - he thought what he was doing was good enough.  It wasn't.  We understand he really tried and they didn't have a lot of money, but he wasn't using the resources available to him because he didn't think they needed them.  Me, my brother and sister had to step in to get her the care she needed - she had parkinsons and dementia.  It was a bad combination.  It is really hard to see someone decline, but to see them not get the proper care is very very hard.  I hope your sister will listen and get him the care he needs.  She needs to understand it is no reflection on her, it is a very hard job to take care of someone.

  

[Iggy aka IG]

TheOtherMe, I am so sorry about the entire situation.

gs11rmb and others:  The support you are lending TheOtherMe here is amazing. 

Our CO problem pales in comparison to what others are going through.  It's not yet resolved, but it seems trite to complain about it now.

[debthaven]

it seems trite to complain about it now.

No Iggy aka IG ! We all have different problems at different points in our lives. The amazing thing here is the support we get from each other.

You think your CO issue is trivial? Here's my complaint from today ... I start late on Thursdays so I drove in. (I usually take the train to Job 1.) I was so concentrated on rehearsing my lines (car bluetooth from a sound file on my phone) that I missed my exit! Now THAT's trivial!

So what's the update?

[Iggy aka IG]

LOL, debthaven !  Been there, done that.  Not with play lines, per se, but with everything else going on in my head. 

The update:  The original initial prognosis of a $700 flue fix turned into problem # 3 or #4.  The HVAC dude said he is puzzled, even with 25 years of experience.  I stayed at home all day yesterday with him (he was gone 3 hours to go pick up parts and lunch), and he is going back up there today "with fresh eyes".  I trust him enough to be there alone, and apparently DH doesn't give a shit enough to take the day off to babysit him so there's no alternative.  Yes, we stayed in the house last night.  And no, we shouldn't have.  After 3 hours of sleep, I woke up, got ready in 10 minutes, packed a bag, and came into the office.  If it is not completely resolved today, I will stay at a hotel.  DH and I are now bickering, and he can do what he wants.

I tried to be understanding and nice yesterday, but my bitch is back. 

Meanwhile, I had been still feeling funky after recovering from the Christmas flu and Tuesday made a doc appointment for this afternoon.  I will be asked to check for CO poisoning, as we don't know how long it has been leaking.  Apparently, CO monitor alarms only go off if the level is at 40-50 for a period of at least 15 minutes.  (Check with your HVAC professional or alarm manual just in case, though, I am exhausted and might have those numbers slightly incorrect.)  As mentioned before, I'm an asthmatic since and my lungs are already compromised.

ETA:  I just found this:  Carbon monoxide Levels

[debthaven]

I absolutely think you are doing the right thing not staying in the house Iggy! Menfolk can be so stupid. I hope the issue gets resolved today, and that it doesn't cost too much. Please keep us updated.

ETA: You were lucky!!! This is super serious!!!

Dumb question, since you're an insurance agent, but would your policy cover the cost of the hotel?

[tcu2003]

Peter Walsh’s 31 Days to Get Organized Challenge:


Day 1 -Set up a donation bin. And, everyone in your house finds 5 items to place in the bin.

Day 2 - Shoes. Gather all of your shoes up from your closet. If they have dust on them, don’t fit, etc, put them in your donate bin. Only keep shoes you love, wear, and that fit you well.

Day 3 - Home Safety. Being organized is not just about closets and files, it's also about ensuring the best life for you and your family. The New Year is a great time to check smoke detectors in your home. Make this your 10 minute challenge for the day and make your family a little safer in the process!

Day 4 - This year’s challenge Mantra is “No more later” aka stop procrastinating. Today's challenge is to contact someone, preferably by phone, that you’ve been putting off. It could be a friend, family member, for more coworker, etc, but do it today!

Day 5 - The Junk Drawer.

Day 6 - Holiday Decorations. The holidays are over and it's time for the decorations to come down.

Day 7 - Bathroom cabinets! Pick one bathroom cabinet, and get rid of anything too old, expired or you don’t use, and put everything away in its proper space.

Day 8 - Plastic Food Storage Containers.

Day 9 - Hanging Clothes. In his video, he says that anything that has dust on it needs to go.

Day 10 - the mail. If you have mail pretty much all over your house then today's the day we're going to get that sorted out.

Day 11 - under the sink.

Day 12 - Clear out old magazines, catalogs, flyers, etc.

Day 13 - Gift wrap

Day 14 - space underneath your bed

Day 15 - Getting the fridge & freezer organized.

Day 16 - "The Lower Third Technique"! (For those notmwatchint the videos on Facebook, it’s basically to take a stack or pile of clothing and focus on the bottom 1/3 of the stack, as you’ll likely find you can donate most of that part of the pile).

Day 17 of #31Days2GetOrganized - Bills & Receipts. Paperwork can be a nightmare but a simple system can solve a lot of the headache. Gather your bills and receipts together. Unpaid bills go in your mail tray from Day 10 of the challenge. Paid bills and receipts have a home in an expanding file. Get one! #ItsAllTooMuch #LetItGo #NewYearsResolution #Declutter #Organize #NoMoreLater #Bills #Receipts

#31Days2GetOrganized

[debthaven]

This weekend (updated)
- pharmacy/Thurs
- bottle bank/Thurs
- request photocopy account/Thurs
- Shitepile/Thurs
- mark 7 retakes
- update online class spaces
- Quickbooks (ongoing but no news about the last problem yet)

I did NOTHING during the week but I feel like I've finally caught up. With laundry too. :-)

startsmart that's SO exciting about the book!!!

 

[startsmart]

TheOtherMe- I wanted to provide a suggestion on how you can approach this topic with your sister, having been a caregiver to someone with Alzheimer’s for three years. I know that you and your sister have a lot of disagreements so I can’t promise how she’ll react!

“I know that you have taken on more of the responsibility with dad, and I am so grateful for all that you’ve done with him and for him. One of the things I have noticed, in seeing him more infrequently, is that he has had a sharp cognitive decline. I don’t think it something we notice day today, but week to week, and month to month. I know this has nothing to do with the great care he has received, but it’s a normal part of aging. It really worries me and scares me because I know we want the same thing, for dad to be safe and happy and well. Here are a few things I noticed dad could do 3 months ago that’s he’s struggling with now... I don’t think it’s an isolated incident but think we should have a medical professional do an evaluation. Sometimes elderly people struggle short term due to an infection but a neurologist can tell us if he’s had any memory issues that we need to be aware of.”

[finnime]

This is so hard, TheOtherMe.  

[debthaven]

Start I think that's GREAT!

The only problem is that it's TheO that has been the primary caretaker, because her sister works FT. Since TheO is retired, she does the majority of the care.

Since her sister is the one that deals with their dad more infrequently, you'd think she would have noticed. But alas it doesn't seem that way.

[nikiz628]

TheOtherMe- I know it's tough being in your situation, but I just wanted to tell you that your dad is so lucky to have you as an advocate.

[startsmart]

Ooo,
Thanks debthaven! TheOtherMe / share that earlier one with your niece

“I’ve been noticing a few things concerning dad that have me really worried and I wanted to talk to you so that we can come up with a plan to keep him healthy and happy. These might seem like small things, I’ve been trying to keep a close eye so we can advocate for his car. Over time some things get better and some get worse but I don’t think this is normal aging. I’m not surprised or blaming anyone else who hasn’t noticed these things, I’m sure that when I saw your kids growing up I didn’t notice the same things that you did as their mom, because you had a lot more time with them. Here’s what I’ve been observing...”

[TheOtherMe]

startsmart   That is pretty much how I started the discussion with my niece last night.  It confirmed to my niece what she has been seeing.  

I talked to my friend again and he said since my niece works at the hospital, they have a social worker and he is a patient at their clinic.  

gs11rmb   That is who I called about my aunt.  By the time they got back to me, my aunt had died.  I will talk to the facility director where dad lives and have them evaluate him.  That will have to happen if he is going to assisted living there.  If his issues are too much for them, by living where he does, he is on the waiting list for the nursing home affiliated with the hospital.  The hospital is who runs the facility where he lives (which just came to me as I typed this).  The administrator should be able to get a social worker involved.

Schools are being closed already for tomorrow due to what looks like a big snow storm.  I'm guessing that means, dad won't get his lunch delivered and neither one of us will be able to take him to lunch.  I do feel bad about that and I will feel worse about not seeing him on Saturday if the forecast is accurate.  He turns 95 on Saturday.

I do want to thank each and every one of you.  Without my real life friend and each of you, I could not get through this.  I think my niece is going to be of great assistance also.  

I can't thank you enough.  

It helped me so much to talk to my niece.  She was thinking the same things but needed confirmation to confront her mom.  I actually got a good night's sleep last night.  

[TheOtherMe]

Jan 17, 2019 17:13:15 GMT -5 startsmart said:

Ooo,
Thanks debthaven! TheOtherMe / share that earlier one with your niece [img src="http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/wink.png" class="smile" alt="" src="//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png"]

“I’ve been noticing a few things concerning dad that have me really worried and I wanted to talk to you so that we can come up with a plan to keep him healthy and happy. These might seem like small things, I’ve been trying to keep a close eye so we can advocate for his car. Over time some things get better and some get worse but I don’t think this is normal aging. I’m not surprised or blaming anyone else who hasn’t noticed these things, I’m sure that when I saw your kids growing up I didn’t notice the same things that you did as their mom, because you had a lot more time with them. Here’s what I’ve been observing...”

As for dealing with her own kids, what you said is definitely true.

DN2 had terrible ear infections and developed his own language.  He taught that language to DN3.  Until DN2 was evaluated for kindergarten, she had no idea that his speech could be helped.  He went through speech therapy and DN3 did at the same time.  DN3, being younger, had a much easier time getting his speech back to where it should be.  He just learned to communicate with his brother.

[debthaven]

That is absolutely mind-boggling to me, given that your sister is a teacher.

In the past here they didn't treat speech disorders or lateness until the kids were in K or first grade. Thankfully my local speech therapist was married to a Brit and hired an Australian. (The Anglo-Saxons were always MUCH more proactive about speech delays. That has probably changed, I'm guessing the French have caught up by now.)

My sister (early childhood teacher) came over for the summer the year DD turned 3. DD still wasn't speaking then. My sister told me ignore all the people who told me that Einstein didn't speak till 4, and to get DD into speech therapy STAT. I did.

TheO, your sister seems to be in denial about a LOT of things. Her sons' issues, and now her/your dad's issues.

I'm sorry, because the burden ALWAYS seems to fall on you.

95 is an amazing age! Whatever happens in future, please remember that that's something to be immensely proud of, because he would never have reached that age without your great love and attention.

[TheOtherMe]

In her defense on her sons, she had kept her license up  but was a stay at home mom at the time.   She didn't start her teaching career until her youngest was in school.  Mom and dad lived here then and didn't notice anything either.  

I was in Colorado and only saw them for a short time so no way would I notice a speech problem.  

At that time, the speech therapy was free, covered through some federal program that no longer exists.  

Dad's family has had very long lives.  His mother was 94 when she died.  His older sister and 3 older brothers all died at 97.  The remaining siblings are all in their 90's.  

One thing I have realized is that there is no way I want to live to be his age.  

My poor niece and nephews feel the same way.  BIL's parents were both over 90 when they died.  So all four grandparents lived to be over 90.  They did watch their paternal grandfather spend 17 years in a nursing home with Parkinson's.  

[Sharon]

Someday's it is amazing how much a little bit of extra time to relax feels so good.  We took out boss out to lunch today for his birthday so I knew that last night I didn't need to pack a lunch for today.  Tonight it was so easy to pack my lunch when I didn't have to take the time to wash out all the little containers I use, day after day after day.  I was also still so full from lunch I didn't cook dinner, it was a few crackers with peanut butter and a glass of milk.

The dishwasher is now running and I am settled in for the evening.

[debthaven]

This weekend (updated)
- update online class spaces/Fri
- mark 4 second-year finals/Fri

- mark 3 first-year final grammar/vocab /Fri

- mark 3 first-year final essays

- Quickbooks (ongoing, they say they've resolved the issue)

Sharon could you get more containers, maybe enough for 2 or 3 days? Or a bento-type box with built-in compartments? (Not necessarily that brand of course).

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jan 17, 2019 11:46:21 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Jan 17, 2019 9:33:11 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

If your sister says no then I think it's time to call in a social worker.  I understand that your sister wouldn't deliberately do anything to hurt your father but her lack of action is turning neglect into abuse.

I don't know where to look for a social worker.  

After talking to niece, it sounds like sister is in denial, but that denial is neglect, imo.

Yes, it is quickly on the way to abuse.

I was in his apartment today.  Things are not going well in the apartment.  It's apparent he's not taking the eye vitamin recommended to slow the progress of macular degeneration.  He bought aspirin and asked if they came in a bigger size because he can't see them.

He hasn't asked to buy circle work puzzles in weeks.

He loves to watch Iowa Hawkeye basketball but he doesn't remember to watch them, even though he cuts the sports television listings out of the paper every morning.

Yes, I came home and cried again today.

Hugs

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Regarding deep cleaning chores for January. I have 42 on my list. I’ve completed 12. Since it’s already the 18th of the month, I need to step up the pace there.

[raeoflyte]

I watched a couple episodes of the Marie Kondo show on netflix.  There's no drama, and the houses and people are very normal.  The before and afters aren't these amazing transformations--they look good, and you can tell a difference but its like what normal people could accomplish in 4-6 weeks which is the same amount of time that the families are spending on it.  I can't imagine that the show will have a 2nd season, since...no drama and how many times can you watch people pile all of their clothes on the bed and go wow--I didn't know I had so many clothes!  But I'm super intrigued by her folding and clothing storage ideas.  I would have skipped over that if I had read it in the book, but watching it on the show makes me want to try it.  She's never mean to anyone and never tells them they have too much stuff.  Even when they have too much stuff.  Lol.  

I know her joy concept is weird, and I hope they get into that at some point about the stuff you keep because you "have" to.  I wonder if there is a cultural aspect to some of that.  From my very small exposure to Japanese culture there is pride taken in doing what you're supposed to do, so I wonder if the shop vac brings you joy because of the work you can do with it?  

[TheOtherMe]

My vacuum cleaner will never bring me "joy", but I will not be getting rid of it.

[wvugurl26]

I've wondered about the joy thing for tools and things you just need. I watched a video of someone else doing linens. For those things joy was does it smell good, is it in good shape, do I want to continue to use it?

That to me made more sense to frame it that way. If you have a bunch of sheets and towels with holes in them, etc they probably don't bring you "joy".

DH inherited queen sheets when he bought his house. They are clearly from the pre pillow top mattress era and don't fit properly. I should donate them to an animal shelter so they quit taking up precious space in our tiny linen closet.

[raeoflyte]

I love vacuuming.  That is one thing that just makes the house feel clean to me without being a ton of difficult work.  A good vacuum that is easy to clean definitely brings me joy.  Lol.  

[megaptera]

Hi everyone, I think it's time to jump back in.
I've got some difficult decluttering to do; my DS1 suddenly and unexpectedly passed away at the beginning of 2018. It's been a year of grief and healing, and continues. He wasn't living with us at the time, but we acquired all of his possessions. My DH, bless him, went through and discarded/donated what he knew I wouldn't want to keep (DS1 had some hoarding tendencies). Everything else is in boxes in the guest room; I will go through it someday. Or not.
In the meantime, I've been working on the rest of the house, and want to continue. I did pretty well when we moved into this house a couple of years ago, but need to get rid of more. Please help keep me accountable.
This weekend I'll work on DS2's room and more importantly, teach him how to keep it up. (He's 15; wish me luck.)
We've watched a few episodes of Tidying Up. While I don't usually follow Marie's method of decluttering (but I'll try it), I love her attitude and her ritual of greeting the house and thanking items; it all speaks to my hippie-heart.