Commute from hell

[Ava]

My dream of moving close to work seems so unattainable. I have a one-hour commute each way and it's getting at me. Moving closer to work would cost me approx. $6,000 between paying a management company to rent out my condo (they keep the first month rent), plus first last and deposit on a new place, plus moving costs, plus painting and getting new appliances to rent out my condo (my appliances are really old), etc. I can't sell my condo because it's underwater by a lot. So I have to rent it out.

I get in the car each day and I am so tired and frustrated. Traffic is crazy. I drive on the right to reduce stress but it takes forever to arrive at work, and forever to come back home. Driving on the left took me 45 minutes each way but it was giving me heart palpitations by the time I decided to switch lanes. At the end of the day I am exhausted because of the drive. I have nothing to tie me up to this area, I just don't have the money to move.

I don't get stressed out by finances, in general. I get the bills, I pay them, my 401k and HSA are maxed out on automatic deduction, etc. I go on vacation and enjoy myself. I don't spend a lot of time worrying or thinking about finances.

I max out retirement accounts because I feel it's a priority. I arrived in this country in my 30s and worked mc-jobs for a few years. I am really behind on retirement savings. Now that I can max out, I do.

Lately, tough, the long commute and the inability to move for lack of funds is what is popping in my brain more and more. And the fact that there's always a priority coming up and taking precedence over moving. Like paying off credit card debt, needing a newer car, the 2018 IRA, the 2019 IRA after that, I need braces and oral surgery, etc.

Sometimes I watch those House Hunter episodes on YouTUbe and I see everyday people with every day jobs having a budget of 500K for a house. I don't get it. How can they afford it? I know it's reality TV so probably not accurate.
I see some of my coworkers driving pretty fancy cars and owning a home in an expensive area close to work. How do people afford all that? What I am doing wrong? Granted, most of them are two-income families, but still.

Do you ever feel like this or is it just me? Would I ever find a way out of this commute?

[plugginaway22]

Is there a possibility of negotiating to work from home a day or 2?  Or work 4 long days to save a day of driving?  That is a long commute when it consumes 2 hours of each work day, I'm not sure I could do that.  This would take priority for me over braces, as well as funding my 2019 IRA.  Quality of daily life is important.

[Ava]

Apr 28, 2018 10:59:20 GMT -5 plugginaway22 said:

Is there a possibility of negotiating to work from home a day or 2?  Or work 4 long days to save a day of driving?  That is a long commute when it consumes 2 hours of each work day, I'm not sure I could do that.  This would take priority for me over braces, as well as funding my 2019 IRA.  Quality of daily life is important.

I have been approved to work from home on snow days. Believe me; it used to take me 4 hours to come back home in snow. And it snows quite a lot here during winter. So, I am happy I got that.
But working from home is an exception and not something you can do on a weekly basis. I also get to start working one hour later to avoid the worse of traffic. If I had to start at 8.30 my commute would be longer.

[Ava]

The braces and oral surgery are part of the same treatment. They have been in the back burner for years, but it's also a quality of life issue and it would improve my breathing, sleeping, etc. I am getting to an age where I feel the surgery and treatment is a now or never thing, but if I don't have them my situation will continue to deteriorate.

[Ava]

Another thing is that the area where my job is located has a higher COL, reflected in higher rents. Rentals in the area go above $1,000 a month for a studio.
My idea is to rent for a year or so and then buy. The cost of condos there is higher, and the real estate taxes are through the roof, but if you are patient and have a pre-approval, a good deal pops up every few months. Mostly though, it gets eaten up by corporate investors that are able to pay cash above asking price and then turn the property into a rental. I have already talked to a real estate agent specializing in the area.

[stillmovingforward]

I too have a commute from hell. 1 hour on a good day, each way. 2 if the road God is against me. I validate it by knowing that I make an additional $20,000 of I drive south. And housing is beyond expensive (Seattle area). That extra money every month that I make enables me to live easier.
Like you, I am starting to look at other places. However, I'm looking with the knowledge that I will have to change jobs. And that it will take a while to find a high paying one (almost anywhere will be less expensive cost of living!) My intent is to move to a new job in a lower cost area and just sock money away for retirement. I too got a late start on retirement but due to health issues, refuse to forgo my few fun activities I do now. As there is a chance I won't live long enough to use my retirement money.

[Ava]

Apr 28, 2018 12:34:15 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

I too have a commute from hell. 1 hour on a good day, each way. 2 if the road God is against me. I validate it by knowing that I make an additional $20,000 of I drive south. And housing is beyond expensive (Seattle area). That extra money every month that I make enables me to live easier.
Like you, I am starting to look at other places. However, I'm looking with the knowledge that I will have to change jobs. And that it will take a while to find a high paying one (almost anywhere will be less expensive cost of living!) My intent is to move to a new job in a lower cost area and just sock money away for retirement. I too got a late start on retirement but due to health issues, refuse to forgo my few fun activities I do now. As there is a chance I won't live long enough to use my retirement money.

I love your post and I hope you can find a way out of that situation.
Where I live, it's like a dessert. We often hear about "food desserts" but I live in a "jobs dessert". From my town you have two options in diverse directions. Either way you'll be driving 45 minutes to an hour for a decent job. In fact, my commute is easy compared to going to the other location where jobs can be found. There's congestion and road construction that way and it's a horrible commute.

I like the company I work for and would like to stay with them.

I've thought about moving and searched for jobs in Florida for a long time, but no bites. Most employers don't like long-distance candidates.
If I were to consider jobs in nearby states, maybe I could get something. But I'm in CT and the places relatively near have a high cost of living; NYC, Boston, Maryland, etc.
Besides, the few people I know in this country live in this area and have become second family.

[Ava]

Stillmovingforward;

I also refuse to give up my few luxuries. The main one is traveling to the old country every year. Yes, it's expensive to fly there but once I arrive my family takes care of the cost of my vacation such as theater, restaurants, etc. I stay with them for free. It's my time away from work and the time I get to spend with my family. Other than that I live pretty simple. But things such as heat in the winter and medical costs take a bite out of the income I get.

[stillmovingforward]

I hear you. The same is for the area I'm in as far as the job desert. However, i had good luck with a therapist for a problematic personal relationship. He gave me methods to control anger, anxiety, and stress. I find those same methods work for traffic! I've followed your story for several years and, no offence, but think a few sessions with a counselor for handling stress would be very helpful for you. It did wonders for me! And was well worth the money.

[raeoflyte]

I moved to my current office 5 years ago, and moved across town 4 years ago making my normal commute 45 minutes 1 way.  But I need to be traveling to other offices regularly which increases it to an hour to an 1 1/2 hours one way.  I plan to be in this house at least 15 years so committing my life so far away is hard especially with young kids.  I can't ever be the one to help them when they need something during the day, and I'm having to leave work earlier and earlier for activities in the evening.  It was really bad timing for my current job, but a corporate job opened up that would allow me to work from home and I went ahead and applied and got the job.  I start tomorrow.  I'll continue to commute for a month or two because all of our on site management was fired 13 weeks ago and I'm trying to keep things together until the new person starts and get her up to speed, although that as been delayed another week.  

I don't know how much I'll like working from home per se, but getting back 7.5+ hours a week is too good to be true.  I want to use the time to focus on my school work so weekends are spent with the kids instead of frantically trying to get things turned in.  

I hope you find a solution Ava.  I found books on tape a life saver for my commutes.  To make the most of my commute I would I listen to the books my job promotes and literature books for school when I could.  I also really like to just listen to books just for fun, and when I found reader I liked I'd stick with them for a long time.  The Harry Potter series is still probably my favorite, and takes up a lot of hours.   

[Shooby]

  You really just have to decide what matters to you the most and what you value.  An hour each day, every day 5 days a weeks seems like that  would be quite grueling after awhile.  I  mean,  i could do that for awhile, but if that is where you are most likely going to work for the next decade going forward, I personally would want to live closer even if i had to give up a few other things.  However, only you can decide that.  I mean, my time is something i value greatly, so you are spending another 10 hours per week simply driving.

[countrygirl2]

I was in a similar situation and worked about 1.5 hours from home. Was a close job when I took it and they moved our whole office

to the other side of Houston. I had a mentally challenged daughter across the city in the country and worried constantly. I tried to get hubs

to move but like he said that company would move you whenever wherever and if you didn't move it would likely be another long commute.

It was a huge company, good pay, and I eventually had to quit and go elsewhere. I did get one closer to home but it was not a good fit and I

hated the job, I ended up having to quit anyway as by then had mom and DD at home. I was sick, had to give up for reasons I did not want to,

ended up leaving jobs I liked then just had to give up on working. It ruined my SS, worked almost 30 years and had to quit to soon to get what

I should have. I feel for anyone with long commutes and trying to give families your time too. Hope it works out for all of you.

[Shooby]

It's not an easy decision.  If you are happy and comfortable where you live now and have established friends and family, then maybe  you don't want to move.  However, working full time is a huge chunk of your life as well.  Would you be able to find a job closer to where you are if that is where you want to stay?  Or are you willing to move? Or, could you move a half hour closer or something like that?  

[Ava]

Apr 29, 2018 9:18:18 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I moved to my current office 5 years ago, and moved across town 4 years ago making my normal commute 45 minutes 1 way.  But I need to be traveling to other offices regularly which increases it to an hour to an 1 1/2 hours one way.  I plan to be in this house at least 15 years so committing my life so far away is hard especially with young kids.  I can't ever be the one to help them when they need something during the day, and I'm having to leave work earlier and earlier for activities in the evening.  It was really bad timing for my current job, but a corporate job opened up that would allow me to work from home and I went ahead and applied and got the job.  I start tomorrow.  I'll continue to commute for a month or two because all of our on site management was fired 13 weeks ago and I'm trying to keep things together until the new person starts and get her up to speed, although that as been delayed another week.  

I don't know how much I'll like working from home per se, but getting back 7.5+ hours a week is too good to be true.  I want to use the time to focus on my school work so weekends are spent with the kids instead of frantically trying to get things turned in.  

I hope you find a solution Ava.  I found books on tape a life saver for my commutes.  To make the most of my commute I would I listen to the books my job promotes and literature books for school when I could.  I also really like to just listen to books just for fun, and when I found reader I liked I'd stick with them for a long time.  The Harry Potter series is still probably my favorite, and takes up a lot of hours.   

Congratulations on the new job!
I don't think I would like to work from home 100% of the time, but if you have kids and school it will be a life-changer- for the best- for you.
I've tried the audio books but I cannot get into it. I like music and updates about the weather, traffic conditions, so I listen to a radio channel I like.
With audio books, if I got engaged in the story I became distracted with traffic. I had a couple of close calls for being engrossed in an audio book.
For the most part, I would pay attention for a while, then loose track, and then pay attention again, wondering what happened with the story, etc.

[Ava]

There are no decent jobs where I currently live, and I am not attached to the area. The friends I have that are like second family live here, but if I were to move close to work they would be 1 hour away. I see them mostly on weekends, holidays, etc. so that would be fine.
I rather be close to work.
The problem is that the area where my job is located is expensive and real estate inventory is low, real estate taxes are really high. So it costs a lot to live there. The closer you get to NYC, the higher the rent or mortgage. Add to that credit card debt, the need for a car loan in the next few months, surgery and braces, I don't see how I'm going to swing it, at least not in the near future.
Maybe with my next promotion. I just got promoted so that won't happen for a couple of years, at least.

My job was less than 5 miles from home, but they moved the office in 2015. I thought it would work itself out somehow. A new job would open closer to home, or I would find a way to move. But it's been three years and no solution.

[saveinla]

We paid a lot of money to get a 2 bedroom condo close to my work rather than pay the same and get a huge house in the suburbs, so that I have a 3-4 minute commute to work instead of being stuck in the freeway for an hour or more. It's worked well for us, even though sometimes we feel we have missed out on not having a big house - not when I have to clean though

[yogiii]

Can you go in early instead of late?  I get to work at 630 to avoid traffic and try to leave by 4. 

[debthaven]

Ava you've been struggling with this for a long time ... yes you need to save for the future, but you also need to enjoy your life now.

If you move closer to work, can you still save a good amount for retirement even if you don't "max" your retirement accounts? If so, that's what I would do. There's an expression, "perfect is the enemy of good". Yes it's great to max your retirement accounts, but maybe it's even better to find a balance you can live with so you can live closer to work and still contribute to retirement even if you don't "max" retirement. Maybe you don't need to live next door to work but you can find a place with a 25-30 min commute. A compromise ...

I know your mom staying with you is very important to you. If you are planning on renting for now and finding a place to live, maybe rent a cheaper (ie 1BR) place for a year or two and give your mom your bedroom when she's here until you know where you want to buy?

To be clear, I am NOT suggesting buying a 1BR, just renting one for a year or two until you get a better idea of where you want to buy.

It's all a juggling act, trying to juggle the present and the (unknown) future.

[flutterby]

My commute has really been bothering me lately, too. It's about 45 minutes in the morning and an hour to 1:15 in the evening. Maybe it wouldn't be so annoying if I lived, say, 40 miles away, but it's less than 12 miles. Over an hour for 12 measly miles!!  So that's 10 hours every week in commute time.

The problem is that I work for the state, and as you'd imagine, almost all the positions are downtown within a 6 block radius of where I work now. And to make it worse, my controller doesn't allow work from home AT ALL (though many other agencies do), no flex schedules (though ALL other agencies do), and we have to be there until at least 4:30 (though since she leaves at 3, most of us leave closer to 4, and no other agencies require accounting to stay past 4) so no escaping before traffic gets really bad. I need to be with the state for two more years until I'm fully vested, and after that I'll probably go private just so I can find somewhere closer to home. Until then, I'm stuck, and it will continue to annoy the crap out of me.

[NastyWoman]

Apr 29, 2018 20:46:46 GMT -5 flutterby said:

My commute has really been bothering me lately, too. It's about 45 minutes in the morning and an hour to 1:15 in the evening. Maybe it wouldn't be so annoying if I lived, say, 40 miles away, but it's less than 12 miles. Over an hour for 12 measly miles!!  So that's 10 hours every week in commute time.

The problem is that I work for the state, and as you'd imagine, almost all the positions are downtown within a 6 block radius of where I work now. And to make it worse, my controller doesn't allow work from home AT ALL (though many other agencies do), no flex schedules (though ALL other agencies do), and we have to be there until at least 4:30 (though since she leaves at 3, most of us leave closer to 4, and no other agencies require accounting to stay past 4) so no escaping before traffic gets really bad. I need to be with the state for two more years until I'm fully vested, and after that I'll probably go private just so I can find somewhere closer to home. Until then, I'm stuck, and it will continue to annoy the crap out of me.

Hey! I didn't know there was some else with my commute! Except at night. Then I use Google maps and won't leave until my commute is 45 minutes or less. That normally neans staying an extra hour or so but that is better than spending that extra half hour in my car.

Fortunately work is relatively flexible in that I have trained them to the " I can only control the my-butt-in-the-seat time,  from there on out I get there when I get there."

If they ever get difficult about that my 10 hour workdays will be over and I think they know that

[TheOtherMe]

When I had a 1 hour commute if I could go in at 6:30 AM, my manager let me do that.  That was in the days before the federal government had the option to choose your start time within a range, go to 4 10 hour days, or work at home.  

I was very grateful and chose the 7 AM start time when that option was finally available.

That same commute now would be longer than an hour on a good day.  

I did the commute for 25 years.  It wasn't easy.  However, the agency had several offices in the Denver metro area.  About every 18 months to 2 years, my office was changed.  I couldn't outguess them, so I lived where I wanted to live.

[zibazinski]

Apr 29, 2018 20:46:46 GMT -5 flutterby said:

My commute has really been bothering me lately, too. It's about 45 minutes in the morning and an hour to 1:15 in the evening. Maybe it wouldn't be so annoying if I lived, say, 40 miles away, but it's less than 12 miles. Over an hour for 12 measly miles!!  So that's 10 hours every week in commute time.

The problem is that I work for the state, and as you'd imagine, almost all the positions are downtown within a 6 block radius of where I work now. And to make it worse, my controller doesn't allow work from home AT ALL (though many other agencies do), no flex schedules (though ALL other agencies do), and we have to be there until at least 4:30 (though since she leaves at 3, most of us leave closer to 4, and no other agencies require accounting to stay past 4) so no escaping before traffic gets really bad. I need to be with the state for two more years until I'm fully vested, and after that I'll probably go private just so I can find somewhere closer to home. Until then, I'm stuck, and it will continue to annoy the crap out of me.

At least there’s an end in sight.

[stillmovingforward]

Ava: you could rent a one bedroom but get a screen and portion off a section of the living or dining room room for a bed when your mother visits. Or one of those loft beds. Just a thought. That's what I would do!

[empress of self-improvement]

Apr 29, 2018 13:32:49 GMT -5 yogiii said:

Can you go in early instead of late?  I get to work at 630 to avoid traffic and try to leave by 4. 

Does that actually work for you? I'm on 93 South at 4:45 AM to go home and it's crowded. Even more so when I get past 495 since people are getting on. Although summer is usually a little easier due to school being out.

[thyme4change]

You day it will cost you 6k, but you may breakeven in a year. Gas and wear and tear on your car costs you. At 40 cents per mile, 6k is 15,000 miles.

[Ava]

May 10, 2018 19:24:09 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

Ava: you could rent a one bedroom but get a screen and portion off a section of the living or dining room room for a bed when your mother visits. Or one of those loft beds. Just a thought. That's what I would do!

Totally. I wouldn't pay rent on a two bedroom unit. One bedroom would be used 3 months out of the year.

Rents are high in the city, though. A one bedroom or loft would be probably over 1K a month.

[Ava]

May 10, 2018 19:52:52 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

You day it will cost you 6k, but you may breakeven in a year. Gas and wear and tear on your car costs you. At 40 cents per mile, 6k is 15,000 miles.

Yes, I would break even if I moved closer, as long as I go for a one bedroom or loft.

The problem is the initial cash outflow. I would need the money upfront and I never get to put together that amount. There's always something popping up that costs money. Literally today I got a newer car. Before that I had other expenses, such as the CPA software study and exams, the two online classes I'm taking, medical bills, etc.

The 6k would be for the deposit, first and last on the rental, plus one month's mortgage on my condo. The rental agency keeps the first month rental payment, so I would have to cover one month mortgage and HOA out of pocket. Then there is the cost of renting a van for moving, painting my condo before putting it up for rent, getting newer appliances, etc. It may even be more than 6k, that's an estimate.

[debthaven]

Ava I saw on YM how much you are saving for retirement ... I'm sorry but (with affection) I think you are crazy! You are supposed to live now too, not just live for retirement!

Even if you cut back retirement from 41% to 30%, you'll be saving WAY more than most people do, and you'll still have some left to live your life (ie pay off debt, pay off the new car, rent a new place).

The other thing I have been meaning to ask you is, I don't know how much your condo is underwater, but at some point, it COULD be worth just selling it. Dunno, but something to think about.

[Ava]

May 13, 2018 18:18:56 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Ava I saw on YM how much you are saving for retirement ... I'm sorry but (with affection) I think you are crazy! You are supposed to live now too, not just live for retirement!

Even if you cut back retirement from 41% to 30%, you'll be saving WAY more than most people do, and you'll still have some left to live your life (ie pay off debt, pay off the new car, rent a new place).

The other thing I have been meaning to ask you is, I don't know how much your condo is underwater, but at some point, it COULD be worth just selling it. Dunno, but something to think about.

I know

It looks crazy how much I'm saving for retirement, but it makes sense to me.

I'm in my mid-forties and only started saving six years ago, but only enough to get the match.

Four years ago I became serious with retirement savings, and I increased my contributions gradually. When I got a promotion last January I put the extra money in savings, so I am basically bringing in the same paycheck as before the promotion.

I plan to retire by sixty, that's why retirement savings are such a priority for me.

As for selling the condo, not doable. The condo is easily 20K underwater, plus realtor, plus closing costs, etc. It's easier to turn it into a rental.

[Shooby]

  Easier to turn into a rental?  Do you desire to rent and be a landlord?  A poor tenant can rack up tens of thousands in damages pretty quickly.  I mean, that is doable if you have the desire and the drive to do it.  But, there are potential costs in terms of money, peace of mind, etc.
  As for being underwater, sometimes you have take a loss in life to move forward.  But, it's all about what works for you.