NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 5, 2017 9:38:00 GMT -5
And make sure to tell your kid not to hold a lecture in the backyard for all her friends after she catches one saying you lose your virginity if you use a tampon. Other moms don't like that. I had that talk with Gwen after I explained clinically where babies come from. Mommy isn't sure how she's handle a call from the school since mommy wouldn't have much of a leg to stand on.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Oct 5, 2017 10:19:12 GMT -5
I learned it all from Judy Blume . Seriously, I sort of did...my mom talked to me about it when I was 10 but by that time 2 of my friends had already started and told me about it. Then I read "Are You There God It's Me Margaret" and that pretty much cleared it all up for me
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 5, 2017 10:19:33 GMT -5
I went to the library for DS and asked the librarian. She recommended three books and I read all three. One was to simplified and he was beyond it, the other was too extreme, and the one was just right. I gave it to him to read and told him if he had any questions then to ask me. He was, at that age, 11-12, mostly concerned with "hair" in places that didn't have hair before. But that alleviated any uncomfortableness between us because he could read it in privacy plus talking to him, I might have skipped something that was important that I didn't think about. Why does the book 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears' come to mind? I know, right?
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Oct 5, 2017 10:30:13 GMT -5
And make sure to tell your kid not to hold a lecture in the backyard for all her friends after she catches one saying you lose your virginity if you use a tampon. Other moms don't like that. I had that talk with Gwen after I explained clinically where babies come from. Mommy isn't sure how she's handle a call from the school since mommy wouldn't have much of a leg to stand on. My mother used to tell me virgins couldn't use tampons
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Oct 5, 2017 12:31:50 GMT -5
Another vote for the care and keeping of you younger girl version. I bought it for my DD when she turned 9, she's a young 4th grader. I developed late but her body shape is different and she's already got the start of buds. At her well visit, the ped said on average this mean to expect hair in 1 yr, period in 2.
I told DD to read the book and ask me questions as she went or when she was done, either way we'd talk. Well she read it over and over again. Then, she brought me certain parts, and we decided to read thru it together letting her pick which sections. Well she first wanted to talk about chest development which includes several pics of stages in the book and she wanted me to confirm her stage. I did and that led to us making a trip to the store to buy 3 bras of different types. Then, we made a second trip a few weeks later to buy 5 more once she decided what she did and didn't like about the first set.
Then, the next focus was on the period and I thought the book was really well written. We talked about it several times and she's continued to ask questions. She's actually excited about getting it which makes me feel like maybe I overdid it, but hey I'd rather her not dread it. I did focus on how wonderfully God made women's bodies in particular and how this cycle will mean that her body is getting mature enough to have babies and how she will be becoming a woman over the next several years.
We also talked about how each family handles this topic differently so she shouldn't be spreading info. She also should come to me with questions about what she hears for me to confirm or contest. I do know that one of her friends is also developing more quickly and her mom used the book and had a similar talk so I confirmed with that mom that it would be okay for the two of them to compare notes with or without us because let's face it, girls need to have confidantes.
I said she should focus on understanding her own body for a while and then we will talk about how boys develop. We will also branch out to sex soon after that or when she starts on those questions whichever happens first.
My DH read the book too and I've told DD that he has. He said it cleared up some of his own knowledge LOL. He's willing to be as involved as she wants. I've told DD that I'm telling him about our talks so that he's up to speed and that we bought bras and that we will tell him when she has her first period. She's glad he is interested but she does feel awkward about it. The next question session I'll wait until he's free to incorporate him directly and see how that goes.
I developed closer to 8th grade with my period at the end of the year. My mom wouldn't buy me bras because I "didn't have anything to cover up". That was definitely the wrong approach and I took to wearing skinny strap tank tops under all of my clothes so I could look like the other girls as much as possible. She also didn't talk to me about my period (school and books educated me) and sex was just don't do it until you're married which I do agree with from a religious standpoint and managed to do, but it left me with weird hangover guilt about even sex within marriage that I've had to work hard to overcome.
I do plan to do something special like a weekend away to celebrate her first period.
Anyway, be open and honest and not afraid to say I want to think about how to answer that and I'll get back to you within X days and then of course follow thru.
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gambler
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Post by gambler on Oct 5, 2017 13:06:12 GMT -5
from a guy: i had the "talk' with one of my daughters,wife at the time was not around. very awkward but i kept it factual.what it was,why and what to do. at the same time we talked about pregnancy and how to avoid it, all in all me and her can now talk about anything.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2017 13:17:04 GMT -5
I learned it all from Judy Blume . Seriously, I sort of did...my mom talked to me about it when I was 10 but by that time 2 of my friends had already started and told me about it. Then I read "Are You There God It's Me Margaret" and that pretty much cleared it all up for me Judy Blume is doing a Masterclass this spring. I already signed up.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Oct 5, 2017 13:59:28 GMT -5
from a guy: i had the "talk' with one of my daughters,wife at the time was not around. very awkward but i kept it factual.what it was,why and what to do. at the same time we talked about pregnancy and how to avoid it, all in all me and her can now talk about anything. We got our 9yo DD the "Care and keep of you" book. After she went through a few pages she said she had a few questions. When I sat down with her my DH INSISTED that he be there as well. Because DD needs to know that if mom is not around then she can still go to dad for anything she might need. I was so proud of him for doing this. So kudos to you for doing this! I dads that are so invested in their children.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 5, 2017 14:22:28 GMT -5
I think the biggest factor is removing the shame of bodies/sex. I'm struggling because of messages I received in childhood, but I don't want DS to see his body as dirty or shameful. At the same time, I'm tired of telling him to quit handling himself every 5 seconds.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 5, 2017 14:25:07 GMT -5
I tell Gwen grab your crotch all you want when you're alone however when in front of "company" you keep that area private. It's part of basic learning basic manners, like not picking your nose in front of people and chewing with your mouth closed.
You don't do what a friend of my mom's did and yell "OMG what the hell do you think you are doing!?" when you walk in on them.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 5, 2017 14:26:58 GMT -5
I'll have to make sure I say it's not something you do in front of other people - Mom included.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 5, 2017 14:28:12 GMT -5
And make sure to tell your kid not to hold a lecture in the backyard for all her friends after she catches one saying you lose your virginity if you use a tampon. Other moms don't like that. I had that talk with Gwen after I explained clinically where babies come from. Mommy isn't sure how she's handle a call from the school since mommy wouldn't have much of a leg to stand on. Fuck 'em. You go Gwen, you give out that accurate sexual information!!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 5, 2017 14:28:35 GMT -5
I tell Gwen grab your crotch all you want when you're alone however when in front of "company" you keep that area private. It's part of basic learning basic manners, like not picking your nose in front of people and chewing with your mouth closed. You don't do what a friend of my mom's did and yell "OMG what the hell do you think you are doing!?" when you walk in on them. when he hits 11-12 I already know all bets are off. I'll make sure I knock before coming in and handle all crunchy socks/towels with tongs.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 5, 2017 14:32:30 GMT -5
And make sure to tell your kid not to hold a lecture in the backyard for all her friends after she catches one saying you lose your virginity if you use a tampon. Other moms don't like that. I had that talk with Gwen after I explained clinically where babies come from. Mommy isn't sure how she's handle a call from the school since mommy wouldn't have much of a leg to stand on. Fuck 'em. You go Gwen, you give out that accurate sexual information!! Yeah but then they show up at your doorstep claiming they are going to turn you in for letting your kid hand out porn in the neighborhood. Took my mom forever to figure out the lady was talking about a pamplet from the gyno's office.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2017 14:55:42 GMT -5
What I will not do with my daughters: "Come to me when you are ready for birth control..." And when I did come to her for birth control: "What do you need birth control for? Boys will think you are a slut!" This was my mom, basically. I ended up going to the health department, they provided free birth control, thankfully. I knew better than to ask my Mom! Thank God for Planned Parenthood.
One very liberal, unorthodox Mom I know kept a large supply of condoms in the bathroom when her daughter was at an age where sexual experimentation might start. She replenished them, no questions asked- whether her daughter used them personally or handed them out to her friends it was all good. A little more liberal than I could have been, but I liked the idea.
One post mentioned "don't tell your brother"; I feel the opposite way. Boys ought to know. I honestly can't remember if/when I told DS but hiding the whole topic of menstruation from boys just reinforces the idea that it's shameful.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 5, 2017 15:00:14 GMT -5
Fuck 'em. You go Gwen, you give out that accurate sexual information!! Yeah but then they show up at your doorstep claiming they are going to turn you in for letting your kid hand out porn in the neighborhood. Took my mom forever to figure out the lady was talking about a pamplet from the gyno's office. Mmhmm, ok crazy lady, good luck with convincing anybody that's porn. I get really frustrated that the kids who are getting comprehensive sex ed at home are the ones who are also told not to share that information lest they offend people. That's how you get kids who think they are dying when they get their period or that you can't get pregnant having sex if you pull out. The kids who have the correct information are the ones told not to share it - everyone else hasn't been told they shouldn't wander around repeating whatever they've heard or anything that pops into their head.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 5, 2017 15:07:27 GMT -5
Yeah but then they show up at your doorstep claiming they are going to turn you in for letting your kid hand out porn in the neighborhood. Took my mom forever to figure out the lady was talking about a pamplet from the gyno's office. Mmhmm, ok crazy lady, good luck with convincing anybody that's porn. I get really frustrated that the kids who are getting comprehensive sex ed at home are the ones who are also told not to share that information lest they offend people. That's how you get kids who think they are dying when they get their period or that you can't get pregnant having sex if you pull out. The kids who have the correct information are the ones told not to share it - everyone else hasn't been told they shouldn't wander around repeating whatever they've heard or anything that pops into their head. I understand. I struggle with the right balance between screwing what other people think and ending up turning Gwen into a social pariah.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 5, 2017 15:14:51 GMT -5
Mmhmm, ok crazy lady, good luck with convincing anybody that's porn. I get really frustrated that the kids who are getting comprehensive sex ed at home are the ones who are also told not to share that information lest they offend people. That's how you get kids who think they are dying when they get their period or that you can't get pregnant having sex if you pull out. The kids who have the correct information are the ones told not to share it - everyone else hasn't been told they shouldn't wander around repeating whatever they've heard or anything that pops into their head. I understand. I struggle with the right balance between screwing what other people think and ending up turning Gwen into a social pariah. Me too. I'm leaning towards "You shouldn't go around shouting this from the rooftops, because people do handle things differently, but if you ever hear anyone say something that you know is wrong, you should say something." But B is a bit of a know-it-all anyway. Can't imagine that she would hear something incorrect and NOT correct it. Just like her mommy, that one. High school is gonna be rough.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 5, 2017 15:23:29 GMT -5
I understand. I struggle with the right balance between screwing what other people think and ending up turning Gwen into a social pariah. Me too. I'm leaning towards "You shouldn't go around shouting this from the rooftops, because people do handle things differently, but if you ever hear anyone say something that you know is wrong, you should say something." But B is a bit of a know-it-all anyway. Can't imagine that she would hear something incorrect and NOT correct it. Just like her mommy, that one. High school is gonna be rough. That is pretty much where I stand but I don't expect a 7 year old to understand nuance so at this time "don't go shouting it from the rooftops" works. But if she does shout it from the rooftops she won't be punished for it. I probably won't be as tactful in handling the situation as my mom was.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 5, 2017 15:29:31 GMT -5
I'll have to make sure I say it's not something you do in front of other people - Mom included. yep, I just keep reminding the kids that they should do that in private Eta both of mine still strip down in the living. Sigh.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 5, 2017 17:14:05 GMT -5
I knew better than to ask my Mom! Thank God for Planned Parenthood.
Planned Parenthood was my savior. To pay them back when I didn't have much money, I volunteered there.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Oct 6, 2017 11:51:48 GMT -5
I have nothing to add to the "what to say" conversation... but PLEASE help you daughter find which pain reliever works best for her. Back in the day there was this whole myth that somehow Midol was more 'magical' than aspirin or even tylenol and that you needed 'special' stuff for cramps. Yet, midol was the same stuff as aspirin/tylenol - it just COST more. I was adamantly told that aspirin would solve my cramp problems... and I must be 'faking' the cramps if it didn't and it didn't even take the edge off the cramps. . My HS friends told me to try tylenol and since I had a job and could buy my own stuff I tried it. And it did nothing. At some point Advil/Motrin came on the market and my life changed. Ibuprofen removed cramps - and I could take it BEFORE I got to the cramp part of the cycle and not have any cramps. Or if I got to the cramp part but took medication too late -I could take a higher dosage and kick the damn things to the curb...
Ibuprofen was a life saver for me.. my periods were a breeze without cramps. The handful of years I spent with monthly cramps made me DREAD the rest of my life. Ibuprofen made my period a mere inconvenience rather than a show stopper.
Make sure your kid tries different pain relievers to find out which one works.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 6, 2017 12:26:33 GMT -5
I tell Gwen grab your crotch all you want when you're alone however when in front of "company" you keep that area private. It's part of basic learning basic manners, like not picking your nose in front of people and chewing with your mouth closed. You don't do what a friend of my mom's did and yell "OMG what the hell do you think you are doing!?" when you walk in on them. when he hits 11-12 I already know all bets are off. I'll make sure I knock before coming in and handle all crunchy socks/towels with tongs. I taught my son to do his own laundry a few years ago. Crunchy socks were not on my mind at the time, but it will be an added bonus when the time comes. (Or maybe it has - I don't know because I don't do his laundry!)
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Oct 8, 2017 22:39:40 GMT -5
The girls were 13 and 16 when I first met EXGF so I never had to deal with any of that.
They had no problem whatsoever texting me to ask me to go out at night and pick up tampons for them. I actually knew their preferred brand better than their mother. Every time I received that text, I bought a ton of chocolate, put it in the fridge, put the tampons in the bathroom, and sent them both a text letting them know where everything was.
In three years, I think there was two months when all three were on the same cycle. Most of the time, they were a week off each other, which meant I often had one week of peace each month.
As for the sex talk, I simply told the girls if they ever had any questions about anything on that from the male perspective, they were free to ask. This has mostly resulted in a few conversations with the 17YO where I've explained why she needs to be more patient with her boyfriend and also communicate what she wants. I also bought a box of condoms and made sure the girls knew where it was kept in the house.
At their current age, I was more worried about them knowing what relationship abuse and battery are, how to recognize it, and what to do when it happens.
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