Captain Awkward - Awkward conversations

[swasat]

Let me start by saying, I LOVE Captain Awkward! She is awesome-ness

Ran across this nugget this morning. I. Can't. Even. Fathom. 


captainawkward.com/2017/07/13/992-my-husband-is-dating-my-mom/

Dear Captain Awkward,



I am a 34 year old straight woman in an open marriage with a 39 year straight man. I have taken far more advantage of the openness of our marriage than my husband, at least until recently. I have had a string of long-term affairs and short-term flings. During the past 8 months I have basically been living with another man in a neighbouring town to the one I live in. I am drawn to men who are starkly different than my husband, who is an intellectual, moderate in terms of his vices and has a disdain for the type of men who spend every evening in a pub.



I have a drinking problem but it is not a problem I feel any need to resolve and I am drawn to men who are also drinkers like me. I can have a glass of wine in the morning and drink until I pass out in the afternoon and wake up when my lover comes home and go to the pub with him and start drinking again. My husband can’t tolerate that behaviour which is why I moved in with my current lover.



This past Sunday my lover and I went to a country pub and I glanced in the dining room and saw my husband with a beautiful older woman, but not just any woman. It was my mother and, from the way they looked at each other and were touching, I could tell instantly that it was more than a friendly lunch; they were quite obviously in love with each other. My mother is 54 years old and is breathtakingly beautiful and, unlike me, hasn’t let her body go. My husband, who is also handsome and fit, looked like he was happier than I had ever seen him. I went to the toilet and threw up and then I dragged my lover out of the pub and went straight to the off-licence where I bought a litre bottle of vodka and drank it at his house until I passed out.



I can’t help but feeling betrayed by my mother and my husband. There has always been something lurking beneath the surface with them and since I haven’t been living with my husband for a long time, I guess she made her move and he couldn’t resist or maybe it was the other way around. Knowing I can’t go back to my life as it once was makes me miss it so much. My mother is the one having long talks with my husband at night, or going to a nice restaurant with him or the theatre and I am at a grubby pub every night with my alcoholic lover.



I have started stalking them, sitting in the car down the street from our house, drinking vodka from the bottle, and watching them come out hand in hand to play tennis in the courts down the street or go out to dinner. I have sneaked in the house and gone up to what used to be our bedroom and found my mother has moved all her clothes into the wardrobe and taken what I had left out and I have even seen a tube of lube on the bedside table (my mother is post menopausal). Seeing that made me hate her more than you can believe. My husband would be disgusted with the way I have let myself go and would probably refuse to have sex with me but he’s happily screwing my mother now and enjoying her perfect body.



I haven’t confronted either of them yet. I would love to put an end to their happy little relationship. It is sick that my mother stole her daughter’s husband and I despise her for that. I can forgive my husband but I could never forgive her and I can’t tolerate the fact that they are together.



What should I do?

Talk about being clueless. 

[wvugurl26]

I can't even with this. I just can't.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

That can't be real.  It's one evil twin away from being an All My Children plot line.

[chiver78]

[giramomma]

Reading posts on my birth board can be very interesting. I really don't mean to be too judgy, casting stones at glass houses and all that. And I certainly was no prude.

But sometimes you have to wonder WTH with some of these women.

[zibazinski]

So it seems like the husband got tired of the overweight alcoholic sleep around and moved on. Looks like everyone got what they wanted. The wife left first, she didn't get dumped for her mother.

[swasat]

The level of clueless is what got me.

Umm....what about you lady? You were the epitome of all things propriety that now you are casting stones at your spouse? 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

If it's an open marriage then he's free to be open too.   What's good for the gander is good for the goose.

[Shooby]

Alrighty then.

[Shooby]

Wtf is an open marriage? If u wanna boink other people then dont get married. Asshats all of them.

[andi9899]

Wow. That's all I got.

[Opti]

I'm surprised Captain Awkward was so nice and long in her response. She basically moved out of the martial home for 8 months and wants to be mad at her husband and Mom? I get it has a big ick factor, but she basically abandoned the marriage. Not for a few weeks, not for a couple months. But 8 months. Odds are he started talking to her Mom to get advice and it led to this.

Time for the letter writer to suck it up and leave legally.

[MJ2.0]

Sept 13, 2017 13:48:13 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Wtf is an open marriage? If u wanna boink other people then dont get married. Asshats all of them.

I don't think I'd agree to one.... but IMO as long as both people are happy, SAFE, and honest, I am not theoretically opposed to the idea.

[chiver78]

Sept 13, 2017 14:01:11 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Sept 13, 2017 13:48:13 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Wtf is an open marriage? If u wanna boink other people then dont get married. Asshats all of them.

I don't think I'd agree to one.... but IMO as long as both people are happy, SAFE, and honest, I am not theoretically opposed to the idea.

it's right up there with any other relationship that isn't for me, but is between consenting adults. 

[giramomma]

People get married for all sorts of reasons. One doesn't need marriage for monogamy, either. You can be monogamous without legal paperwork.

I do hope she's responsible though.

 On my birth board, there have been a few women who have sex with different men within a day or two of each other (and very close to when they ovulate). Which, OK. Whatever. But then they are surprised that pull in and pray isn't all that effective, or aren't sure if their partner uses BC...and these women don't. And then paternity becomes a real concern.


I did think of this, though, even if the ages are off.

[swasat]

And then there is this GEM!: captainawkward.com/2015/12/02/803-my-daughter-is-dating-someone-incompatible-please-help/

Dear Captain Awkward,



First off, I want to let it be known that we are a family of Christians; I believe there is only one true God and that to be saved it must be through Jesus Christ. I have raised both my children “Paul” – 19 years old – and “Mary” – 24 years old – to be strong in faith and put their trust in God.



However, I fear for my daughter’s life. She recently confessed to me (this past summer) that she is seeing someone, let’s call him “Jim.” Jim is not who I want for my daughter and I worry that their incompatibilities and differences will lead to her being hurt.



One, his family is Catholic. We are a Baptist Christian family. I don’t believe in the teachings of Catholicism. Even worse, Jim is an atheist and does not believe in God and I feel that he will drag Mary down spiritually. This is the biggest thing that I am scared of, and while I have tried to tell Mary that she should break up with Jim for her own wellbeing, she will ignore me or pretend I didn’t say anything. It hurts me deeply that she would choose to ignore her own mother like this. She should know that God’s love is not to be taken lightly.



Secondly, We are a Chinese family and Jim is from an American family. I worry that the cultural compatibility will be an issue.



Three, Mary has a masters degree whereas Jim has only his bachelor’s. I feel that he will come to resent my daughter for having a higher education since he is the man in the relationship (and I have seen many relationships end because of this).



Four, I am scared that he will be a bad influence on Mary. He does not smoke or do drugs but according to Mary he does drink on occasion. Mary tells me she does not drink (she claims she does not see the point) but for how long until she gives into the temptation of drinking? What about peer pressure from hanging out with his family and his friends?



Five, I feel like Mary is settling in life and Jim is a result of that. Another example: She is in a marketing job and they are not paying her very well (only 40K and she has a masters degree). She says she loves it but I don’t think she does, I think she’s just trying to rebel against me. She doesn’t even listen to my suggestions that she move back home to Virginia (she lives in New York) to save on rent or so that I can help her grow.



Six, I am scared that Jim will pressure Mary to do sexual things. I have already warned her that her purity is an important gift from God, but I am so scared that she will ignore my pleas. And because Jim is a man, I am worried that he may rape her even if she says no.



Mary has always been very independent, but she is still young and not mature. I need help in making her realize that Jim is not a good person for her and that she will suffer in the long run as a result from being with him. If she does not break up with God, how can I help lead them back to God so that they can have a Christ-like relationship?



Thank you,

Concerned Mother

CA's reply was PURE awesome-ness 

What if YOU become a missionary?



And, if you are not currently married (and forgive me, you don’t mention a husband/Mary’s dad), you could find a man of the church to marry. One who is totally compatible with your culture and your beliefs!



Maybe your prayers are really telling you about God’s plan for you. Also, what better way to lead than by example? Perhaps Mary will be so moved by your sacrifice that she’ll follow you. The Lord works in mysterious ways!



Perhaps not, but at least you can comfort yourself in knowing that you’ve done all you can to spread your faith in the world. It’s never too late to be what you once might have been!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Tiger mom on steroids.

[chiver78]

oh please don't take this on a religious tangent and make me have to move this thread....! 

but damn you, OP! I had never heard of this site before. now I have a new site to keep me busy on slow nights, like Not Always Right. lol!! 

[giramomma]

Sept 13, 2017 14:17:40 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Tiger mom on steroids.

That second letter, a fair amount of it could have been written by my folks.

[swasat]

Sept 13, 2017 14:19:09 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

oh please don't take this on a religious tangent and make me have to move this thread....! 

but damn you, OP! I had never heard of this site before. now I have a new site to keep me busy on slow nights, like Not Always Right. lol!! 

 You are welcome 


But seriously though, she is awesome. Half the time I am reading and going "Damn right woman! You nailed it!"

[MJ2.0]

Dear Captain Awkward,

First off, I want to let it be known that we are a family of Christians; I believe there is only one true God and that to be saved it must be through Jesus Christ. I have raised both my children “Paul” – 19 years old – and “Mary” – 24 years old – to be strong in faith and put their trust in God.

However, I fear for my daughter’s life. She recently confessed to me (this past summer) that she is seeing someone, let’s call him “Jim.” Jim is not who I want for my daughter and I worry that their incompatibilities and differences will lead to her being hurt.

One, his family is Catholic.


OH NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  NOT CATHOLIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Sept 13, 2017 14:19:09 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

oh please don't take this on a religious tangent and make me have to move this thread....! 

but damn you, OP! I had never heard of this site before. now I have a new site to keep me busy on slow nights, like Not Always Right. lol!! 

she only updates once or twice a week, I've found. That keeps it manageable.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 13, 2017 14:25:26 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Dear Captain Awkward,

First off, I want to let it be known that we are a family of Christians; I believe there is only one true God and that to be saved it must be through Jesus Christ. I have raised both my children “Paul” – 19 years old – and “Mary” – 24 years old – to be strong in faith and put their trust in God.

However, I fear for my daughter’s life. She recently confessed to me (this past summer) that she is seeing someone, let’s call him “Jim.” Jim is not who I want for my daughter and I worry that their incompatibilities and differences will lead to her being hurt.

One, his family is Catholic.


OH NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  NOT CATHOLIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In some circles that is worse than being anything else.   Catholics have been big targets of both the KKK and Nazis.   There is a reason why it's WASP and not WASC

[swamp]

Sept 13, 2017 14:25:26 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Dear Captain Awkward,

First off, I want to let it be known that we are a family of Christians; I believe there is only one true God and that to be saved it must be through Jesus Christ. I have raised both my children “Paul” – 19 years old – and “Mary” – 24 years old – to be strong in faith and put their trust in God.

However, I fear for my daughter’s life. She recently confessed to me (this past summer) that she is seeing someone, let’s call him “Jim.” Jim is not who I want for my daughter and I worry that their incompatibilities and differences will lead to her being hurt.

One, his family is Catholic.


OH NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  NOT CATHOLIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Catholic, atheist, alcohol drinking, undereducated white devil rapist!!!!! 

[MJ2.0]

Sept 13, 2017 14:35:23 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 13, 2017 14:25:26 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Dear Captain Awkward,

First off, I want to let it be known that we are a family of Christians; I believe there is only one true God and that to be saved it must be through Jesus Christ. I have raised both my children “Paul” – 19 years old – and “Mary” – 24 years old – to be strong in faith and put their trust in God.

However, I fear for my daughter’s life. She recently confessed to me (this past summer) that she is seeing someone, let’s call him “Jim.” Jim is not who I want for my daughter and I worry that their incompatibilities and differences will lead to her being hurt.

One, his family is Catholic.


OH NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  NOT CATHOLIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In some circles that is worse than being anything else.   Catholics have been big targets of both the KKK and Nazis.   There is a reason why it's WASP and not WASC

I know.  But that was back in the day where there weren't as many people of color and white people had the time/energy to slice and dice up other white people into categories.

[billisonboard]

[alabamagal]

Sept 13, 2017 14:25:26 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Dear Captain Awkward,

First off, I want to let it be known that we are a family of Christians; I believe there is only one true God and that to be saved it must be through Jesus Christ. I have raised both my children “Paul” – 19 years old – and “Mary” – 24 years old – to be strong in faith and put their trust in God.

However, I fear for my daughter’s life. She recently confessed to me (this past summer) that she is seeing someone, let’s call him “Jim.” Jim is not who I want for my daughter and I worry that their incompatibilities and differences will lead to her being hurt.

One, his family is Catholic.


OH NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  NOT CATHOLIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was raised Catholic, my husband is from a Southern Baptist family and his grandfather was the founding preacher at many small churches in the area that they grew up.  On the day my husband told his grandparents that we were engaged, he had a stroke.  Now I'm not saying that is what caused it, because there were other things that made him high risk, but apparently engagement announcement put him over the top!

DH's family did attend the wedding in a Catholic church, after much discussion about what they would not do.  No they did not have to kiss the ring of the priest, or be forced to take communion (we did not have a mass anyway).  We did have drinks at the reception though  .

[chiver78]

yep, I knew it. I've got three CA tabs open. one is the general scroll, the other two are older stories I still want to read later that were linked at the bottom. thanks for the negative productivity I was going to have anyway already!  

[Tiny]

Wasn't Letter #2 a plot arch from the Gilmour Girls?

[happyhoix]

Sorry I call BS on the first letter - someone was pulling Captain Awkwards' leg.

First of all, I haven't met a drunk yet who admits they are a drunk. A true drunk would have left out all references to excessive drinking and hanging out in pubs, and the letter would have been one long whine about 'my DH is dating my mom' without mention of her frequent affairs with other guys or the fact that she's been living with someone else for a while.

I think it's a troll - although a very amusing troll.