Death of a former family member

[simser]

What would you do if you found out about the death of a former family member?

In context- she was my ex husbands aunt, my favorite member of his family, and the *only* one I kept in contact with after the divorce (well I have 1 of her kids on Facebook as well).

No funeral (she's across the country from me), but do you think a card would be welcomed to her husband/kids? I emphatically DO NOT speak to my ex husband, so I would not send it to him or his parents. I have sent his father (my second favorite member of his family) something when a mutual friend died, so I can send an email to his father, but would not send a card because his mother would read it. The aunt is married to the mothers brother.

[Blonde Granny]

Yes, a card would be appropriate. I would send it to the person you mentioned that you have contact with on Facebook.

[sesfw]

Definitely send a card to her family.  Include a small wonderful memory of her and how grateful you are to have known her.

They will be glad she is remembered.

[TheOtherMe]

Sept 10, 2017 20:20:40 GMT -5 sesfw said:

Definitely send a card to her family.  Include a small wonderful memory of her and how grateful you are to have known her.

They will be glad she is remembered.

[Anne_in_VA]

 X2

[Deleted]

One thing I do like about my family is that ex means nothing in this case. When my mother's brother died, all her siblings' exs came to the proceedings, even my father. When my father's parents died, my mom was there. Just because you divorce a person doesn't mean you leave everyone or don't still care for them. I'd send the card and memory. 

I did this when ex step mother number one's mother died. I had a few fond memories of her mother.

[Deleted]

I'm just reinforcing what everyone else says but heck, yes.  I love my Ex's family.  They stood by me when I had him removed from the house with a Restraining Order and my former SIL and her husband came from NYC to Des Moines to attend DS' wedding.  Do what your heart is telling you and write the family a nice note. 

[toomuchreality]

I can't stand being anywhere near my XH2. But when his mother died, I went to the funeral.

I'm in agreement. Send a card. They will be happy to know she really did mean as much as they thought she did, to you.




→ I'm sorry for your loss. 

[gambler]

send the biggest flower arrangement you can, make it bright colors, nothing like stirring the pot  especially at a family gathering.or is this just something i would do? 

[Deleted]

I am always hearing that aunts and uncles of my ex are dying.  They are of that age (mid-to-late 80s).

They were all very kind to me before and after the divorce.  We basically lost contact, but I'd run into them here and there.  I actually taught two of my ex's first cousin's kids, his ex employee's kid, and a dozen of other "small world" situations.  And I don't live in a small world these days.

I always send a card.  Sometimes I go to the funeral, but I skip the "family" ceremony at the funeral home although no one would turn me away.  It would be hard to since I would be standing with my kids.  That's what I try to remember: these people are my kids' relatives, too.

Do what feels right and don't second-guess that feeling.  We get hung up on stuff that doesn't matter as much as we think it does.

[swamp]

Unless there is an outstanding Order of Protection, you can't go wrong by sending a nice card.   I'd also make a donation in their name to whatever charity they supported.