cronewitch
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:44:20 GMT -5
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Post by cronewitch on Mar 25, 2011 23:50:34 GMT -5
We know Charlie is head of household now that you have been to obedience training.
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olderburgher
Established Member
Joined: Jan 9, 2011 9:55:17 GMT -5
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Post by olderburgher on Mar 26, 2011 8:31:44 GMT -5
After my granddad died when I was a kid and early teen, my dad's mom lived with us every winter from early November till March when we would take her back up to the remains of their farm for the rest of the year. Years later when my daughter and her two kids were tossed out by her sleezeball Ex, they came to live with us. While we initially had to do some "adjusting" to each other, that was great and I got the privilege of being "pop-daddy" to two lovely granddaughters. My daughter finished her education got a secure job and has now moved into her own home. I actually miss them and would do it again in a minute.
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Deleted
Joined: Apr 28, 2024 5:28:38 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2011 8:35:07 GMT -5
We know Charlie is head of household now that you have been to obedience training. Hey!!!! Ah, when you're right, you're right.
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ohsuzanna
New Member
Joined: Mar 23, 2011 18:32:02 GMT -5
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Post by ohsuzanna on Mar 26, 2011 9:47:55 GMT -5
I could do this. I know my parents would take in me and my children. I am fortunate to have the type of parents that would do anything for their kids.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2011 10:59:41 GMT -5
I was speaking last week to a colleague who said that his daughter and her husband moved in with them temporarily and they enjoyed it so much they decided they wanted to make it permanent. Then Daughter #2 and her husband moved back into the area. After a lot of searching they found a house in an expensive suburb of NJ with 3 kitchens and enough room for 3 families. It had been on the market 18 months and had been discounted significantly from its original price. They each put in 1/3 (this being northern NJ, it was $300K each), and my colleague and his wife are thrilled to have their daughters, sons-in-law and grandchildren close by.
The realtor who sold that place must have heaved a huge sigh of relief.
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cronewitch
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:44:20 GMT -5
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Post by cronewitch on Mar 26, 2011 11:10:35 GMT -5
I knew a family that all lived in an apartment building. Anyone who was looking for a place to live rented there so my friend had a one bedroom but never locked the door. All his cousins lived in the building and they all acted like they were welcome to come and go as they pleased to the other apartments.
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qofcc
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:30:58 GMT -5
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Post by qofcc on Mar 26, 2011 13:24:06 GMT -5
My dad has fond memories of his grandparents moving in with his family so that his mom could take care of them until they died and when his parents were elderly, he moved in with them and took care of them until they died. I don't remember any major generational friction and the person doing the taking care of was considered the head of household. My dad moved in with us for a few months last fall and it drove my DH nuts because our house is just not properly set up for multi-generational living. If we had a proper guest suite, I think it would have been fine and that's on the list for the next house. Dad found an apartment just down the road and he still has a key and is free to come and go here as he pleases and he's welcome to stop by at meal time, but it's easier without him sharing the 1 bathroom and sleeping on the sofa.
When I was a child after my parents got divorced, we moved into my mom's parent's house for several months. Even though they had a huge house with 2 kitchens and we had a floor to ourselves, it was hard to adjust to the different parenting and housekeeping styles. My mom is extremely disorganized and her mom had plastic slipcovers and plastic runways to walk on so there was constant fighting. My mom called a few days ago and said that my sister and her husband are buying a bigger house with 5 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms and they said if she wanted they'd add a kitchenette to the basement and convert it into an apartment for her to come and live with them. My mom said she's not ready to give up her house yet, but when she is, she's certainly not going to live in the basement, she's going to wait until their oldest goes to college and take over her bedroom/bathroom suite so she can be upstairs in the middle of the family and use their kitchen. I pointed out to her that she wasn't invited to move into the family area and live with them, she was invited to live downstairs from them. I'm not the popular daughter this week.
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Apple
Junior Associate
Always travel with a sense of humor
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Post by Apple on Mar 26, 2011 13:56:21 GMT -5
I don't think I could do it. In my family we're all just too stubborn.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2011 14:16:10 GMT -5
I don't think I could do it. In my family we're all just too stubborn. I agree. Once when I was in India, I was talking with my female colleagues about how glad I was to have a good job and the ability to buy a house on my own after my divorce at age 43. They said earnestly, "Well, couldn't your family take you in?" A sweet thought, and typical of the Indian culture, but I had to laugh at the thought of showing up with DS (then 12) on my parents' doorstep 600 miles away, asking if we could move into their 3-BR house, in an area with no opportunities in my field. I know my parents would have taken me in if I were destitute, but the idea was that they'd send us through college so we could provide for ourselves. The plan has worked well.
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lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
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Post by lurkyloo on Mar 26, 2011 14:21:03 GMT -5
My mother is a very prickly person--she had control issues with her own mother and severe insecurity issues with my dad's mother. As an adult she never lived with either of them. I don't think there's any way I could stand living with her again, and given the way she's treated me recently there's not a lot of motivation on my part to make it work. Dad comes out for extended visits, but I'm sort of reeling after this most recent one. Part of that is because of a medical event a few months back--had various ramifications, some of which (having to take him to therapy) were predictable and others (being used to the center of attention and having everyone else do everything for him) less so. It particularly highlighted the downside of having a SAH spouse, which is that it didn't occur to him to do things like pick up after himself, or think "Gee, since I'm retired maybe I ought to do something about dinner instead of asking my daughter what she's making when she gets home from work."
So...I dunno. We do have an in-law suite, that's currently occupied by our housemate (who's the one who does most of the heavy-lifting housework). If he moved in full-time, she probably wouldn't be here anymore...yeah, we'd need a full-time cleaning lady. Which would be vastly preferable to having my mother around 24/7!
My IL's would be welcome, but I'm not sure they'd want to make the move out here--they have a large support system and a lot of family where they are right now. Would we move back to take care of them, if circumstances so indicated? I honestly don't know.
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Agatha
Familiar Member
Yes, I guess I'm a rather sedate dragon. Fire-breathing only at request or when absolutely necessary
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 22:21:21 GMT -5
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Post by Agatha on Mar 26, 2011 21:31:08 GMT -5
agathas, that sounds like a great living situation! and I totally understand your son's viewpoint. it's a very different dynamic when it's your mom vs. your aunt. Yes, it is, Chiver. And I try to enjoy every moment of it. I sometimes do regret my son moving out so early in life but it was necessary at the time (a new job in a different state and him in college) and I had done the same at his age. I missed him a lot and was really looking forward to having him with me for awhile. But he was right. I just think it's marvelous how independent and responsible he is. I just look at him sometimes and say to myself, "Damn. . .I do good work."
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