SAHM advice

[financialpeace]

Thank you

[Peace Of Mind]

SAHM advice

DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yesterday will not be soon enough.  

We paid off all bills but the mtg., had some cash set aside for the "what ifs" and then practiced a few months without my income.  Easy peasy.  

The best part other than being free from all the b.s.?  We saved more money because I enjoyed cooking again so we didn't eat out so much,  I had the time to cost compare, and cut all our regular bills to 1/2 by taking the time to review current insurance policies, cable bills, and any other monthly bills we had.  And a bunch of other stuff that I can't recall right now.**  I know that part was really helpful.  

OH! And DH and I argued less about household chores!  We just found other things to argue about since we had all that extra time.  

**  The other stuff I was able to save on was clothes, shoes, purses that I'd buy because I worked in a professional setting where I wore nice suits, dresses with jackets that were very expensive.  As I got where I hated the job so much I was spending more money on nicer things to give me the incentive to get up to deal with all the crap on a really bad day/week.  It got to be my only incentive to show up that day.  hahahaha!  But I no longer needed high end work clothes nor had any reason for my frivolous shopping sprees now and then.  

[yogiii]

Congrats, I think you will really enjoy the time at home.  I took a year off when my DD was born and DS was just turning 3.  DS refused to take naps anymore, so I had essentially no time that was kid free.  Keep that in mind for when you are staying home.  There it not much time in the day to "get stuff done" if the kids are awake the whole time.  You can do general chores like laundry and cooking to a degree but it wasn't like I was going to be able to re-finish my floors or clean the whole house with the kids around.  I did have somewhat of a schedule where we'd do the library Mondays, grocery store Fridays, etc.

The biggest benefit was the reduced stress for everyone.  DH really enjoyed when I was home because there were certain things I could do that you can't when both people are working.  E.g. If he needed something done on his car, I'd give him mine for the day and take his in to be fixed.  Or drop him off at work after he dropped of his car.  I was just available to do things at the drop of a hat as long as I could tote the infant seat around with me.  So even if it didn't seem like I was getting much done on a day to day basis at home, the time spent with the kids was well worth it and our overall household stress was reduced.

[Miss Tequila]

Jul 13, 2017 13:22:31 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I would recommend talking with your dh about both of your expectations, and talking about how you will continue to address those expectations vs. reality moments after you make the decision.  

While not a true sahd, dh works part time and we've had our issues with this.  I don't believe that a sahs needs to do all the housework, but I will definitely admit that I am frustrated that I do significantly more house and yard work than my spouse who works less than half of what I do.  

I took a very long maternity leave with my first and then worked only 20 hours for a few years. I believed that there was no way my spouse should come home and have to take care of chores after working all day. My rule of thumb was that if he worked 40 hours then I should to, on the chores, cooking, laundry, etc.  I would be livid if I had a spouse that didn't work as much and I did more at home...but I'm single so I won't have to worry about that

[Deleted]

If I was working the same 40 hours he was, then we'd also be splitting all the other tasks as well. Ie who gets up in the middle of the night, baths, who does the evening dishes, etc. 

I could never see being that anal about stuff myself. Neither party should feel eternally taken advantage of... but it's really difficult to do a side by side comparison of jobs that are so different. 

[Deleted]

Lol.

That made me think of a conversation we had last Friday when a few of my friends were over and husband was explaining to them how stupid salespersons are who call him.. he was like, i'm a mason... I don't need software... why would I need software. To which I was like, to you know, do all the tasks that I do for the business that you don't... payroll, marketing, etc. we had a nice laugh.

lol again I just realized that's why this week he mentioned one day that maybe I should be on payroll. but I was like why? ... yes ss. but it wouldn't be that much, and i'm just not into counting and tallying scores that way. But then we are common pot people, obviously.

To me, there are tasks that need to be completed to keep our family functioning. We split those up in a way that makes us happy. If anyone is unhappy, we rearrange... but realistic as to what that means for everyone involved.

[ArchietheDragon]

Aug 9, 2017 15:49:36 GMT -5 oped said:

To me, there are tasks that need to be completed to keep our family functioning. We split those up in a way that makes us happy. If anyone is unhappy, we rearrange... but realistic as to what that means for everyone involved.

We are the same, except we split them up in a way that makes everyone unhappy.  If anyone is happy, we rearrange....  

[Deleted]

I'm thinking you might be doing it wrong Archie


Honestly though, you've had a rough year. We all have rough years. My last one has sucked donkey balls honestly. I'm pretty sure that's why daughter wants to try school.


Its more challenging when the kids are all so young... does it help if I tell you soon they will walk in the door, go to their rooms and only come out again if you text them in obnoxious tones?

[financialpeace]

I was typing a long update but lost it long story short, notice has been given so there's no turning back now. My last day is September 8th. I did panick for a few days thinking I made a mistake and we will be broke, but that has mostly passed. I'm really looking forward to being home but am nervous about what the budget will really feel like. I know we can make it; I'm just not sure how much we're going to feel the pinch.

I think we'll do okay finding a balance in our responsibilities but we'll just have to see how it goes.

[bean29]

Aug 9, 2017 16:45:09 GMT -5 oped said:

I'm thinking you might be doing it wrong Archie


Honestly though, you've had a rough year. We all have rough years. My last one has sucked donkey balls honestly. I'm pretty sure that's why daughter wants to try school.


Its more challenging when the kids are all so young... does it help if I tell you soon they will walk in the door, go to their rooms and only come out again if you text them in obnoxious tones?

Or they want you to order something off Amazon or take them shopping. 😕

[tcu2003]

Aug 9, 2017 17:33:49 GMT -5 financialpeace said:

I was typing a long update but lost it long story short, notice has been given so there's no turning back now. My last day is September 8th. I did panick for a few days thinking I made a mistake and we will be broke, but that has mostly passed. I'm really looking forward to being home but am nervous about what the budget will really feel like. I know we can make it; I'm just not sure how much we're going to feel the pinch.

I think we'll do okay finding a balance in our responsibilities but we'll just have to see how it goes.

So now that your last day has passed and you've been home with the twins a few weeks, how goes it?

And wow, I can't believe they're almost 3!

[financialpeace]

Sorry for the delay tcu, I just saw this. I knew the transition would be hard, but I underestimated it. My life kind of blew up with a ton of change all at once. We sold our house and moved into an apartment less than 1/3 of the size my first week off. One of my girls has been pretty stressed with all the change and has been having night terrors. Neither of them sleep through the night anymore. They used to be great sleepers. They also refuse to nap now. They went from 2+ hour naps to nothing. This all went on as hunting season started. So for the most part my husband is either at work or hunting and even when he’s home the girls only want me. I’m exhausted and depressed. The girls are also finally getting their 2 year molars so they have been very whiny and grouchy. I know they are benefiting from me being home, but right now it doesn’t feel like it was a good move for me. Things will be better when we find another house to buy. No yard for the dog is a major pain when the kids have to get bundled up and go out with me every time the dog needs walked. We are also getting a puppy tomorrow, so that will make things even more crazy. We committed to her six months ago before we were even thinking about selling the house. She’s specially bred for hunting so we had to put some serious money down and don’t want to walk away from it. Overall I’m just stressed and tired. Life is relentless and the few breaks I get are nowhere near enough.

[Shooby]

Wow, that's a lot of life changes, no wonder you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed.  Why did you sell your home and move into an apt at this point?  I may have missed that post.  

[gs11rmb]

That sounds awful.  How long until you buy a new house?  I know you decided to stay home but is there a mothers' morning out program that you can send the girls to for a few hours two or three times a week?

[alabamagal]

Sorry you are having such a rough time. With all the stress right now can you ask your DH to do less hunting?

[tcu2003]

Hugs, FP. That does sound stressful. I hope things start to improve for you soon and you start to enjoy your time at home with the girls.

[zibazinski]

It’s the hunting season. One of the ladies I volunteer with is basically a widow during it but she’s glad because they eat what he kills and she’s sick of pork and wants venison.

[Deleted]

My dad just brought home moose for the year, yum, yum. 
But unless he’s guiding others, it doesn’t seem like it should be a nonstop effort?  I know other states have different rules though.

[Tennesseer]

Aug 9, 2017 16:45:09 GMT -5 oped said:

I'm thinking you might be doing it wrong Archie


Honestly though, you've had a rough year. We all have rough years. My last one has sucked donkey balls honestly. I'm pretty sure that's why daughter wants to try school.


Its more challenging when the kids are all so young... does it help if I tell you soon they will walk in the door, go to their rooms and only come out again if you text them in obnoxious tones?

Reminds me of this The Onion 'news article' from a few years ago.

[financialpeace]

Now I feel bad for being so negative. It’s not all bad. We have occasional good days lol.

I don’t really have any option for childcare here and there to give me a break. A friend and I are trying to trade a few hours every Friday so that could be a nice break every other week but illness and schedule issues get in the way. We get out quite a bit with hiking groups, music class, and story time at the library when everyone is healthy. Those things help a lot. My husband was home for a couple days before going back to work and man did that make a huge difference. Hunting season is mostly over November 15th so life should get much easier then. He works 6 on 8 off so I’ll have lots of opportunity to get some solo time then. As hard as the hunting season is for me I don’t want to ask him to go less. It is his passion and this year he got to get out of state tags as a birthday present. He’s been gone so much because he’s hunting two states and different kinds of game. He doesn’t guide other people but he is definitely the guy in charge of things amongst his friends and he helps everyone out with their stuff and getting their animals as well. I like having the meat so am willing to tough it out. It just ended up being a crazy time that we weren’t expecting.

We decided to sell our house because we never intended it to be a long term house for us and the market is high here. We sold it without realtors and got full asking price. Made a nice profit and put a lot of cash in the bank. We are actively looking for a place to buy. We want acreage but can’t find anything we like. We do have some land we might build on. At this point we are thinking of buying a cheap house that we can use as a rental later but purchase it at owner occupied rates. We’d probably stay there until I go back to work and then build or buy our long term place. We will be looking the 1st and 2nd and hope to find something then that will work.

Pup arrived Tuesday night and she is amazing. It’s hard to juggle her needs with the kids needs in the apartment but she is so worth it. Her personality is unbelievable. So sweet and gentle. And surprisingly I feel less stressed with her than I did before we got her. Dogs have always been my passion in life, but it became a backburner thing when the girls were born. It’s so nice to be focusing more on something that means so much to me even if it is a lot of work.

Thanks for the comments venting helps

[Deleted]

Ok. It doesn’t sound like you are thinking to, but just want to say don’t build now if your stress is already high. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

It's not an easy or smooth adjustment from being a working mom to being a SAHM (or vice-versa). Plus you've thrown in moving!!! That's a lot to take all at once. Give yourself grace. Come here for adult interaction and venting.

I don't work in the summer, so for 15 years I've made the switch every June. For me, routines are a huge help when I stay home. Otherwise, I end up at bed time having no idea if I accomplished anything and feeling guilty about it. 

[busymom]

I agree with oped that if you don't want additional stress right now, hold off on building a house.  (BTDT)  The idea of buying a house that you're comfortable with NOW, and then keeping it for a rental in the future sounds good.  Just make sure it's in a good school district.