dee27
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Post by dee27 on Jun 22, 2017 15:41:52 GMT -5
It is so difficult to deal with a parent who has memory issues. You might be surprised because she may be fine in an assisted living situation after she adjusts to a new living arrangement. At least, she will be safe. Even my mom who was in a day program benefitted from being with other people in a secure environment. The catch is if you wait too long to get your MIL into an assisted living facility, she may not qualify because her level of assistance will be higher, and she will be placed in a nursing home instead. Good luck.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jun 22, 2017 16:09:55 GMT -5
The reason facilities are so careful about admissions is because once they have admitted someone, they legally cannot just kick the person out on the street with nowhere to go. Instead, they must work to secure a place that is safe and appropriate. And although they may pushes it withnyou, you as the family are NOT required to take them home with you. Also, let me know if you end up with any "extra" puppies this summer as I am getting ready to adopt. LOL! Lol, you'll be the first person I contact!
All kidding aside, most responsible breeders will take a puppy back if they don't work out. So we might be able to return the last two but will still have two dogs to deal with.
MIL has forgotten that she called her sister when she got the first puppy and told her that she bought her sister a dog.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jun 22, 2017 16:21:47 GMT -5
It is so difficult to deal with a parent who has memory issues. You might be surprised because she may be fine in an assisted living situation after she adjusts to a new living arrangement. At least, she will be safe. Even my mom who was in a day program benefitted from being with other people in a secure environment. The catch is if you wait too long to get your MIL into an assisted living facility, she may not qualify because her level of assistance will be higher, and she will be placed in a nursing home instead. Good luck. Yes, one of her issues is that she doesn't think she needs to be around people. And most people won't measure up to her standards. She's lived alone for over 40 years. I don't think she'll adapt well to a group type home. We saw this with one of our friend's mom. Other than going down for meals she would just stay in her room.
ETA: One bright spot is that DH has finally got the message that HE needs to socialize himself for his own mental health. That apple wasn't falling far from the tree!
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 22, 2017 19:41:08 GMT -5
I've watched my dad become more and more withdrawn at his independent living apartment because he doesn't socialize. The only thing he does is bingo once a week. He spends the rest of his time in his apartment. He doesn't hear well enough to talk on the phone. I shouldn't be surprised because he and mom kept to themselves and now he is alone.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 22, 2017 19:45:16 GMT -5
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, Bonny. It stinks and will probably get stinkier before it's all done. If your MIL doesn't get along with most people and doesn't want to be around people, then that makes your job easier. Instead of trying to force that square peg into a round hole, accept it; especially since it gives you so many more options for housing. Don't worry about finding group activities or social stuff - she doesn't like and and won't do it. Shrug and move on.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jun 22, 2017 20:30:25 GMT -5
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, Bonny. It stinks and will probably get stinkier before it's all done. If your MIL doesn't get along with most people and doesn't want to be around people, then that makes your job easier. Instead of trying to force that square peg into a round hole, accept it; especially since it gives you so many more options for housing. Don't worry about finding group activities or social stuff - she doesn't like and and won't do it. Shrug and move on. Don't worry, I'm not going to waste my time trying to set up a social calendar for her. I was responding to comments saying that assisted living could be good for her because of the social setting. The irony, of course, is that she's terribly lonely but it's due to her own making.
I also want DH to learn from her example and he seems to getting it.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 22, 2017 20:44:39 GMT -5
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, Bonny. It stinks and will probably get stinkier before it's all done. If your MIL doesn't get along with most people and doesn't want to be around people, then that makes your job easier. Instead of trying to force that square peg into a round hole, accept it; especially since it gives you so many more options for housing. Don't worry about finding group activities or social stuff - she doesn't like and and won't do it. Shrug and move on. Don't worry, I'm not going to waste my time trying to set up a social calendar for her. I was responding to comments saying that assisted living could be good for her because of the social setting. The irony, of course, is that she's terribly lonely but it's due to her own making.
I also want DH to learn from her example and he seems to getting it.
My friends and I were recently discussing retirement. I realized that I would LOVE to live in assisted living with this group of friends - we'd have so much fun and cause so much trouble! But I also realized I would HATE to live in assisted living with about 98% of the other random humans on the planet. Guess I'd rather be lonely than get my socialization with people other than my friends. Your MIL might be similar. Or she might be even less social and really not want to socialize regularly with anyone. That's not the end of the world. Socialization is a great general idea, but the actual way that works can be tricky for some people.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Jun 22, 2017 20:54:57 GMT -5
My mom was like this, a loner. My sister thought that she could turn into a social butterfly and wore herself out. Finally Sis decided that if mom didn't want to socialize, that was her issue not Sis's. The thing is my mom never had any close friends so being left alone didn't bother her.
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stillmovingforward
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Post by stillmovingforward on Jun 22, 2017 22:52:56 GMT -5
Sue- I might be your mother..... just saying. I'd love to be social but I have no idea how. And most people sort of bug me with standard social conventions......
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Jun 23, 2017 6:21:09 GMT -5
Sue- I might be your mother..... just saying. I'd love to be social but I have no idea how. And most people sort of bug me with standard social conventions...... We moved so much when I was growing up that I was never able to make friends. Every few months we'd move again and any friendships would be gone again. Eventually, I learned to never make friends. Even as an adult, I just don't know what to do to maintain a friendship.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 23, 2017 8:16:51 GMT -5
Sue- I might be your mother..... just saying. I'd love to be social but I have no idea how. And most people sort of bug me with standard social conventions...... This is me. I have lived alone since 1976 or 77. I don't get lonely (except when I was stuck at home after my surgery). Dad isn't used to living alone.
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WholeLottaNothin
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Post by WholeLottaNothin on Jun 23, 2017 8:28:29 GMT -5
Sue- I might be your mother..... just saying. I'd love to be social but I have no idea how. And most people sort of bug me with standard social conventions...... This made me think of Sheldon
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Jun 23, 2017 9:30:00 GMT -5
Sue- I might be your mother..... just saying. I'd love to be social but I have no idea how. And most people sort of bug me with standard social conventions...... We moved so much when I was growing up that I was never able to make friends. Every few months we'd move again and any friendships would be gone again. Eventually, I learned to never make friends. Even as an adult, I just don't know what to do to maintain a friendship. Anne, this is the exact reason why I have never been able to make friends. The constant moving, terrible home life and no guidance on how to make friends, is why I still don't have friends.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Jun 23, 2017 10:30:50 GMT -5
Sues - that's exactly my problem. I do have one or two friends, but I seem to gravitate to people who are damaged in some way too and they don't make good friends either. Years spent in therapy didn't help and I'v read a ton of self-help books. If it weren't for DH and his family, I'd still be living alone.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jun 23, 2017 15:30:56 GMT -5
We moved so much when I was growing up that I was never able to make friends. Every few months we'd move again and any friendships would be gone again. Eventually, I learned to never make friends. Even as an adult, I just don't know what to do to maintain a friendship. Anne, this is the exact reason why I have never been able to make friends. The constant moving, terrible home life and no guidance on how to make friends, is why I still don't have friends. It's work for someone like me. I was essentially in the same house for almost 25 years. I had two close friends growing up but both moved away when it came to college. When I met DH it seemed like we were moving every 6 months (I'm exaggerating of course). I had to learn a whole new skill set. And of course if you didn't know how I grew up you probably thought I was making up stories.
After making 5 major moves as an adult, I've learned to put myself out there and to be open to new friendships. There's actually a lot of nice and interesting people out there.
Sure, there's some jerks too but I think I've gotten much better at avoiding trouble as I've gotten older. Now family is another story...
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