Man advice please.

[naughtybear]

I'm a little confused about a guy that I know. He was a bartender at the place I go to (he has a regular full time job) he quit last Saturday. Now he always chatted with me, occasionally would come up to me and say hello when he wasn't working but I never got the impression he was interested. Friday he came up to me FOUR times and initiated conversation !!  Like boom, there he was. Then outside (he smokes and I have friends that smoke) while I was on the bench he sat on the table like right in front of me, so freaking close as the conversation went on like our knees and legs started touching, that's how close we were getting. I freaked out and excused myself.


Did him quitting give him some kind ok to pursue a former customer. I have made out with him, years ago though. Surely a man doesn't hold an interest for this long?


Don't we move on after a while.

[Pants]

This, folks, is what's known as burying the lede. 

[naughtybear]

Yeah I get that, just how I write. It's a message board not a dissertation.

[Green Eyed Lady]

I don't think a bartender has the same "can't see the clients" as like a doctor or lawyer or something like that.  Maybe he just quit because he was tired of it.

[swamp]

it's apparent he didn't move on.

Whether he was looking to hook up or wants to be your boyfriend, I don't know.  You need to ask him.

[giramomma]

It's been several decades since I have been in the bar scene, but isn't the point to hook up? At least that what it was when I was in college.

I still think a few men I've worked with for the past 15 years are cute. I will always think they are cute, likely, because of some of their personality quarks. One of them is like super awkward shy, nerd type with a dry sense of humor. The other is super high powered. Respectful. Thoughtful. Supportive no matter what. And generally awesome.

(Not that I would make out with them. Because boundaries on many, many levels)

I guess I don't see what the problem is...Maybe he was just looking for a bootie call?  Why does it have to be a thing?

[giramomma]

Jun 19, 2017 14:20:59 GMT -5 Pants said:

This, folks, is what's known as burying the lede. 

I had to look this up. No snark intended, but thanks for posting this. I really did learn something new today.

[Waffle]

Jun 19, 2017 14:51:07 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jun 19, 2017 14:20:59 GMT -5 Pants said:

This, folks, is what's known as burying the lede. 

I had to look this up. No snark intended, but thanks for posting this. I really did learn something new today.

I had never heard of that phrase either.

[swamp]

He knew he got some action from you a few years ago. Can't fault him for trying again. You go the path of least resistance.

[naughtybear]

The place I go to the bartenders if they are hooking up they are very discreet then. I don't know of any shenanigans. LOL. I know there isn't a client thing like lawyers etc of course but some relationships go sour very badly add alcohol to that and there could be problems.

There isn't a problem, I am just a little (very) surprised and it was unexpected. I shall keep an eye on the situation LOL he's cute though.

[Green Eyed Lady]

Well now....I did hear of one local bartender who was told if he wanted to keep his job, his girlfriend could not be present at the bar during his shifts. Apparently, she did not like the attention he received from the female customers and was very vocal about it - basically flew off the handle at any female who so much as cast a smile his way.   I guess there could be some rules in place about....pottying where you eat. Don't know.

[andi9899]

Jun 19, 2017 14:51:07 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jun 19, 2017 14:20:59 GMT -5 Pants said:

This, folks, is what's known as burying the lede. 

I had to look this up. No snark intended, but thanks for posting this. I really did learn something new today.

Same!

[andi9899]

Jun 19, 2017 16:10:02 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

Well now....I did hear of one local bartender who was told if he wanted to keep his job, his girlfriend could not be present at the bar during his shifts. Apparently, she did not like the attention he received from the female customers and was very vocal about it - basically flew off the handle at any female who so much as cast a smile his way.   I guess there could be some rules in place about....pottying where you eat. Don't know.

I could see that. I would think that he wouldn't want her there anyway. I've never tended bar, but I've waited tables and would occasionally be a little flirty so I'd get a better tip. I never took anyone home.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

What advice was required? I can't find the request.

[naughtybear]

Sigh....so soon. It's there.

[hoops902]

To answer the question, no, guys never move on after so long. Once we've done something physical with a girl, we'll keep going back to that girl for more physical things in the future. If I were single and saw the first girl I ever fooled around with out at a bar, I'd probably still try to take her home over 20 years later. I look around the bar and see...stranger, stranger, stranger, girl I've been with, stranger, stranger, stranger...I figure she's my best shot out of all the possibilities. Even if I haven't even thought about her in 20 years...she's the easiest target so she gets my attention.

I don't know about this particular bar, but lots of bars have rules that bartenders can't drink (or even if they don't, or if people break the rules, they usually don't get drunk). There's a big difference in how much someone "likes you" when they're sober vs drunk...that only increases the "find the easiest target" mindset.

[souldoubt]

Jun 20, 2017 8:36:41 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

To answer the question, no, guys never move on after so long. Once we've done something physical with a girl, we'll keep going back to that girl for more physical things in the future. If I were single and saw the first girl I ever fooled around with out at a bar, I'd probably still try to take her home over 20 years later. I look around the bar and see...stranger, stranger, stranger, girl I've been with, stranger, stranger, stranger...I figure she's my best shot out of all the possibilities. Even if I haven't even thought about her in 20 years...she's the easiest target so she gets my attention.

This.  That doesn't mean the guy doesn't like the OP but we're all creatures of habit to some degree and going after what you know is easier than what you don't know.  I spent a lot of time at bars in my 20's and while I wasn't the random hookup type one of my friends was.  So many times he would chat up some new girl yet at the end of the night he ended up with a girl he had hooked up with before.  There were a couple of girls he did this with and they were all in the same boat - looking for something new but most nights it was easier to go for the for sure thing that you knew.  Of course those girls had more than one guy like him in their arsenal as well and most of them knew each other.     

[imawino]

Honestly to me, it sounds like he was just being friendly. Sorry.

Did he ask you to go home with him?

Did he ask you on a date?

Did he at the very least pay for your drinks, mention "that time we made out" and reach out and purposefully touch your leg and shoulder/arm a few times?

If the answer to these is no, he's just not that into you.  Men, especially men who are drinking and hoping to get laid, are not known for their immense subtlety. If you're not sure he wanted some, he didn't.  And if you are sure, why are you asking?   

[NoNamePerson]

Jun 20, 2017 14:46:04 GMT -5 imawino said:

Honestly to me, it sounds like he was just being friendly. Sorry.

Did he ask you to go home with him?

Did he ask you on a date?

Did he at the very least pay for your drinks, mention "that time we made out" and reach out and purposefully touch your leg and shoulder/arm a few times?

If the answer to these is no, he's just not that into you.  Men, especially men who are drinking and hoping to get laid, are not known for their immense subtlety. If you're not sure he wanted some, he didn't.  And if you are sure, why are you asking?   

   I don't see the confusion.  

[Virgil Showlion]

Jun 19, 2017 14:16:20 GMT -5 naughtybear said:

I'm a little confused about a guy that I know. He was a bartender at the place I go to (he has a regular full time job) he quit last Saturday. Now he always chatted with me, occasionally would come up to me and say hello when he wasn't working but I never got the impression he was interested. Friday he came up to me FOUR times and initiated conversation !!  Like boom, there he was. Then outside (he smokes and I have friends that smoke) while I was on the bench he sat on the table like right in front of me, so freaking close as the conversation went on like our knees and legs started touching, that's how close we were getting. I freaked out and excused myself.


Did him quitting give him some kind ok to pursue a former customer. I have made out with him, years ago though. Surely a man doesn't hold an interest for this long?


Don't we move on after a while.

...oh, and he's my ex-husband, who fought our divorce tooth and nail.

But surely.

[zibazinski]

Sometimes after a divorce you need to feel that every man is after you. Or you're confused about the new world of dating.

[Shooby]

    Are you interested or not interested?  If you are not interested, then his personal drama of why he quit or why he does anything really isn't relevant to your life.  So, his motives one way or the other really don't seem worth wasting your time to think about it.  People quit jobs all the time so there could be a lot of reasons for that.
  If you have made out before, then perhaps he thought you would again?  So, he might have been interested in a one night stand.  Or, maybe he's interested in a relationship. But, really the question is what do you want, not what he does or doesn't do.