swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jun 14, 2017 13:59:31 GMT -5
GF has become EXGF, and in the process of separating everything, she has told me she wants several of my recipes. Some of them (my grandmother's tomato sauce recipe) are family recipes that have been passed down for generations, and since we're not going to be family anymore, I don't see the point in giving them to her. Some of them are recipes of my own creation, so I feel if I'm not there, you don't get to enjoy my creation. I feel like asking for my recipe in such a situation is presumptuous. Do you view recipes are heirlooms of sorts? No. I think you are being an ass.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jun 14, 2017 14:00:13 GMT -5
Like in that episode of Friends about the chocolate chip cookie recipe from Phoebe's grandmother... Nestlee Toulhooouse. Winds up being the recipe on the back of the chocolate chip bag. Companies spend big time and money putting together things that taste good. It shouldn't be so surprising that people love the results! I was just thinking this! Nestle Toolhooose! I don't really have any family recipes, but I do have my MIL's gob recipe. I wonder if DH would make me give it back...
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jun 14, 2017 14:01:24 GMT -5
I sometimes go to potlucks at work, and some nurses will NOT share their recipes.
I think it's ridiculous. If I like it, why can't I make it for myself, instead of waiting 18 months for YOU to make it again? ETA....and if you retire, I'll NEVER get to enjoy it again?
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 14, 2017 14:08:41 GMT -5
There is one recipe I was asked not to share outside of the family. It is for a sandwich that my Aunt supported herself and 4 kids by making and selling to local workers after her husband died and she was left with nothing. She felt like it was important to keep the recipe just within the family because of how important it was to her and her kids when she needed it. So that one only my kids get. If I didn't have kids though I'd really struggle with stuff like that. Is it better for something to die out entirely than to risk it leaving the family?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jun 14, 2017 14:16:51 GMT -5
They're your recipes, do what you want. I have a few I wouldn't share and with an ex, I'd probably laugh when they asked. I'm mean though.
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simser
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Post by simser on Jun 14, 2017 14:25:05 GMT -5
I sometimes go to potlucks at work, and some nurses will NOT share their recipes.
I think it's ridiculous. If I like it, why can't I make it for myself, instead of waiting 18 months for YOU to make it again? I know someone who was like this at a potluck party every year but she said (probably wisely, these were not the most loyal people) "if I give you the recipe, you'll have no reason to invite me next year". I got the recipe when I moved across country and I treasure it greatly. She has since given it to more people so I "can" give it out (and I can find it on the internet) but back in those days, it made it very special when she gave it to me.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 14, 2017 14:31:43 GMT -5
I sometimes go to potlucks at work, and some nurses will NOT share their recipes.
I think it's ridiculous. If I like it, why can't I make it for myself, instead of waiting 18 months for YOU to make it again? Maybe they were like me. I knew which restaurants had the best homemade tasting food and they got it there. I just put stuff in my own dish. I couldn't share the recipe since I didn't have a recipe.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 14, 2017 14:36:35 GMT -5
Maybe beergut doesn't want her cooking the stuff for some other dude
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jun 14, 2017 14:37:49 GMT -5
I sometimes go to potlucks at work, and some nurses will NOT share their recipes.
I think it's ridiculous. If I like it, why can't I make it for myself, instead of waiting 18 months for YOU to make it again? Maybe they were like me. I knew which restaurants had the best homemade tasting food and they got it there. I just put stuff in my own dish. I couldn't share the recipe since I didn't have a recipe. Ha! Maybe that's it! There's a guy near work who cooks out of his home and delivers. The BEST souse and jerk chicken and oxtail and flying fish! Maybe they got it there. Otherwise, I really don't think your dead granny in Trinidad will be all that upset if some white woman in Canada admires her recipes enough to cook the food herself.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jun 14, 2017 14:46:52 GMT -5
Recipe cards from my grandmothers stay with us, but I will gladly write down how to make xyz. I do gladly share recipes I use, the vast majority I use are from food blogs anyway. If I really like you I'll add extra tips and tricks for when I veer off course with a recipe, which happens often.
Even if you share a recipe, people still want YOU to make that dish because "but you do it best!"
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jun 14, 2017 14:59:36 GMT -5
My mom got us invited to all kinds of potlucks, with a request for pierogi. Her recipe was just out of a cookbook, but they're super time-consuming to make.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jun 14, 2017 15:17:45 GMT -5
GF has become EXGF, and in the process of separating everything, she has told me she wants several of my recipes. Some of them (my grandmother's tomato sauce recipe) are family recipes that have been passed down for generations, and since we're not going to be family anymore, I don't see the point in giving them to her. Some of them are recipes of my own creation, so I feel if I'm not there, you don't get to enjoy my creation. I feel like asking for my recipe in such a situation is presumptuous. Do you view recipes are heirlooms of sorts? No. I think you are being an ass. If it wasn't something she brought into the relationship or something they built or came up with together why does him not giving it to her make him an ass? It can make him petty to some and therefore you could say he's an ass but it's not like he's keeping anything of hers from her. Frankly I wouldn't care about my recipes but if there was a family one I probably wouldn't give it to an ex.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 14, 2017 15:21:21 GMT -5
I took something to a pot luck and someone asked me for the recipe and I started rattling off the general ingredients and directions. Then my husband corrected me, and the lady asking for the recipe eventually got disgusted with us and gave up. I guess I should write this shit down. Usually I just wing it.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Jun 14, 2017 15:23:46 GMT -5
Of all the things I might want to withhold from an ex in a fit of pique, I think recipes rank waaaaaaaay down there at the bottom, just sayin' . . .
But as always - - YMMV.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jun 14, 2017 15:40:19 GMT -5
No. I think you are being an ass. If it wasn't something she brought into the relationship or something they built or came up with together why does him not giving it to her make him an ass? It can make him petty to some and therefore you could say he's an ass but it's not like he's keeping anything of hers from her. Frankly I wouldn't care about my recipes but if there was a family one I probably wouldn't give it to an ex. It's a recipe, not great grandma's ring.
She enjoyed the food, they shared it, she wants to be able to make it. I see it as petty. When you're petty, you're an ass.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jun 14, 2017 15:45:54 GMT -5
If it wasn't something she brought into the relationship or something they built or came up with together why does him not giving it to her make him an ass? It can make him petty to some and therefore you could say he's an ass but it's not like he's keeping anything of hers from her. Frankly I wouldn't care about my recipes but if there was a family one I probably wouldn't give it to an ex. It's a recipe, not great grandma's ring.
She enjoyed the food, they shared it, she wants to be able to make it. I see it as petty. When you're petty, you're an ass.
That's how you view it, but perhaps some people could value a recipe as much as or even more than a wire/rock that goes around your finger?
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jun 14, 2017 15:49:59 GMT -5
It's a recipe, not great grandma's ring.
She enjoyed the food, they shared it, she wants to be able to make it. I see it as petty. When you're petty, you're an ass.
That's how you view it, but perhaps some people could value a recipe as much as or even more than a wire/rock that goes around your finger? They could, but it seems like an odd thing to cherish.
I have some of my grandmother's recipes. It's not the food, it's the memories that come from making it with her and eating it at her house with my cousins all around the table. I'll happily share what's in the dish. It won't change the memories. In fact, I feel like I'm sharing the love and maybe the recipient can make memories with their families.
Nothing is lost by being the bigger person.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 14, 2017 15:53:09 GMT -5
Another idea-change one of the ingredients in the recipe. When the EXGF makes it, it won't taste the same. They are your recipes; you get to decide who gets them. If you'd rather not share them with her, just tell her no.
Or, as Tennesseer said, alter the ingredients, leave out the secret ingredient, find a similar (but, to you, inferior) recipe on the internet, etc.
I would choose the second option because I generally try to avoid conflict over small things. Also, I'm kinda mean.
Just decide what you want to do. No need to agonize over it once you've decided. Just follow through.
Sorry the relationship didn't work out.
The TV show Everyone Loves Raymond did an episode on something like this. Raymond's wife Deborah wanted Marie's (Raymond's mother) recipe for Italian meatballs. Marie like keeping her recipes close to her chest. But Marie 'gives in' and lets Deborah have the recipe. Marie also supplied the herbs called for in the recipe. Deborah made the meatballs according to the recipe and used the herbs given to her by Marie. Raymond took a bite of one and nearly puked it tasted to bad. The meatballs were so bad Deborah pondered for hours what she did wrong because she followed the recipe. While looking at the herbs and handling the dried basil her container, the label fell off and the real label underneath it said rosemary. Marie had sabotaged the recipe.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jun 14, 2017 15:59:04 GMT -5
That's how you view it, but perhaps some people could value a recipe as much as or even more than a wire/rock that goes around your finger? They could, but it seems like an odd thing to cherish.
I have some of my grandmother's recipes. It's not the food, it's the memories that come from making it with her and eating it at her house with my cousins all around the table. I'll happily share what's in the dish. It won't change the memories. In fact, I feel like I'm sharing the love and maybe the recipient can make memories with their families.
Nothing is lost by being the bigger person.
It is odd to me, but what I've gleaned from him in some other thread, is this act of cooking is the very meaning of family to him. I mean, he was worried about who would inherit the grandfather's gnocchi board (or something like that). Who does that, except someone who puts extreme sentimental value into it?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 14, 2017 15:59:44 GMT -5
My MIL would be willing to give me recipes like her mom's corn beef and cabbage. The problem is I do not have my own smokehouse so it wouldn't taste the same as DH remembers no matter what I do. His grandma used to make her own sausage too. Ain't nobody got time for that! A lot of that has been lost which is a shame. My great grandmother's kolache recipe has been lost to time. I am glad people are willing to share theirs so I can attempt to recreate it. I hit the nail on the head last year with the dough, we got the recipe from a co-worker of DH's.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jun 14, 2017 16:01:05 GMT -5
They could, but it seems like an odd thing to cherish.
I have some of my grandmother's recipes. It's not the food, it's the memories that come from making it with her and eating it at her house with my cousins all around the table. I'll happily share what's in the dish. It won't change the memories. In fact, I feel like I'm sharing the love and maybe the recipient can make memories with their families.
Nothing is lost by being the bigger person.
It is odd to me, but what I've gleaned from him in some other thread, is this act of cooking is the very meaning of family to him. I mean, he was worried about who would inherit the grandfather's gnocchi board (or something like that). Who does that, except someone who puts extreme sentimental value into it? His ex gf has two kids that he helped raise for several years. I would like to think he considers them family.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Jun 14, 2017 16:06:25 GMT -5
Another idea-change one of the ingredients in the recipe. When the EXGF makes it, it won't taste the same. My great-grandmother gave her daughter-in-law (my grandmother) her special recipe for my grandfather's favorite dish. Grammy could never figure out why it never tasted as good as when her MIL cooked it. Turns out GGrandma left out a couple of spices.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2017 16:08:33 GMT -5
This doesn't sound very amicable. I'm really sorry the relationship ended this way.
I'd probably say sure and never get around to it unless reminded more than a couple of times.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Jun 14, 2017 16:23:02 GMT -5
Your recipes, your choice.
My family has one recipe we don't really share (although, now that my dad doesn't make it for potlucks/auctions as often, it's not as big a deal). If my ex had asked for recipes when we broke up, I probably would not have given them to him just because I wouldn't have felt it was worth my effort, and I'd just want to be done. It's not my job anymore to save someone else the time of trial and error to get a recipe just right.
Maybe that's petty, but I'm not a person who feels like I owe people something, especially when I'm ready to cut them out of my life.
Sorry things didn't work out, but from your posts, it sounds like it may be for the better. Best of luck finding a relationship where your financial and personal goals line up better in the future!
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jun 14, 2017 16:23:52 GMT -5
It is odd to me, but what I've gleaned from him in some other thread, is this act of cooking is the very meaning of family to him. I mean, he was worried about who would inherit the grandfather's gnocchi board (or something like that). Who does that, except someone who puts extreme sentimental value into it? His ex gf has two kids that he helped raise for several years. I would like to think he considers them family.
Three, the ignored boy.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Jun 14, 2017 16:48:02 GMT -5
GF has become EXGF, and in the process of separating everything, she has told me she wants several of my recipes. Some of them (my grandmother's tomato sauce recipe) are family recipes that have been passed down for generations, and since we're not going to be family anymore, I don't see the point in giving them to her. Some of them are recipes of my own creation, so I feel if I'm not there, you don't get to enjoy my creation. I feel like asking for my recipe in such a situation is presumptuous. Do you view recipes are heirlooms of sorts? Yes, I consider family recipes to be heirlooms. They are a part of your shared family experiences, often a tip of the hat to your ethnic heritage, etc. I have special memories associated with all of my family recipes, just like there are special memories attached to great great grandma's crystal fruit bowl. That said, I don't have an objection to sharing family recipes.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2017 18:22:46 GMT -5
Interesting topic! In my first job I had a coworker whose wife was fro the South and when she made certain family recipes (one was her pralines), she insisted that he stay out of the kitchen. The marriage didn't last long.
In my family, recipes are always shared on request. DH's cookies were very popular at church coffee hours and he shared his, too.
The tough ones are those calling for judgment- biscuits, pie crust, tomato sauce, etc. The person who originated it knew just how dry the dough should be and what to do if it needed moistening or thickening; my Ex's grandma made a pasta sauce no one could duplicate even after they watched her. DH's mother made light, fluffy biscuits and varied the lour according to how humid the air was. Hard to put that in a recipe. He said his always came out like hockey pucks.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jun 14, 2017 18:26:20 GMT -5
Another idea-change one of the ingredients in the recipe. When the EXGF makes it, it won't taste the same. That sounds a little petty. I'm not sure outright sabotage is the way to go here.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jun 14, 2017 18:31:46 GMT -5
I've shared some of my recipes online here and elsewhere.
I think if I've shared it with the public, I'll go ahead and give it to her.
Last weekend, the 17 YO went out to a Jimmy Buffett concert all day, and came home with some friends in the wee hours of the morning. I made her and friends a pepperoni and cheese calzone which received rave reviews. I told her I'd teach her to make it sometime.
The dough I use for calzones is the same I use for pizza, stromboli, zeppole, etc, so once she masters that, she'll be able to make several dishes.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jun 14, 2017 18:33:55 GMT -5
It is odd to me, but what I've gleaned from him in some other thread, is this act of cooking is the very meaning of family to him. I mean, he was worried about who would inherit the grandfather's gnocchi board (or something like that). Who does that, except someone who puts extreme sentimental value into it? His ex gf has two kids that he helped raise for several years. I would like to think he considers them family.
Only one of them (the 17 YO) has expressed any interest in staying in touch and continuing the relationship once I move out. It is a mixture of awkward and eye-opening.
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