Do you view recipes as heirlooms?

[beergut]

  
 GF has become EXGF, and in the process of separating everything, she has told me she wants several of my recipes.

 Some of them (my grandmother's tomato sauce recipe) are family recipes that have been passed down for generations, and since we're not going to be family anymore, I don't see the point in giving them to her.

 Some of them are recipes of my own creation, so I feel if I'm not there, you don't get to enjoy my creation. I feel like asking for my recipe in such a situation is presumptuous.

 Do you view recipes are heirlooms of sorts?

[dee27]

No, to me all recipes are meant to be shared. Sorry about the break up with your GF.

[Sharon]

If it is a recipe that wouldn't share with say people I work with or a neighbor then no I wouldn't share it with her either.  While I do tend to share recipes freely there are 3 or 4 that I don't share.  I probably wouldn't share grandma's tomato sauce recipe because this is a long time family recipe. 

[ken a.k.a OMK]

We have hand down recipes but don't consider them secret. I guess if you entered them into a competition I'd keep them secret.

[Opti]

I feel asking is OK. Its up to you to decide what you are comfortable giving her if anything. No I don't want to give you any family recipes or ones I created, is a perfectly legit response.

Sorry about the breakup.

[Pants]

Jun 14, 2017 11:53:08 GMT -5 beergut said:

  
 GF has become EXGF, and in the process of separating everything, she has told me she wants several of my recipes.

 Some of them (my grandmother's tomato sauce recipe) are family recipes that have been passed down for generations, and since we're not going to be family anymore, I don't see the point in giving them to her.

 Some of them are recipes of my own creation, so I feel if I'm not there, you don't get to enjoy my creation. I feel like asking for my recipe in such a situation is presumptuous.

 Do you view recipes are heirlooms of sorts?

No. I might not give recipes to an ex, but that would depend on the level of acrimony in the breakup, not because the recipes are my intellectual property. Unless I'm a chef and they actually ARE my intellectual property. 

Sorry about your breakup. 

[ken a.k.a OMK]

I'm famous for my "ken's chili" recipe. First got it off a can of Hunts tomato sauce.  Made changes over the years due to suggestions. My wife wanted 3 bean. DIL adds hot sauce to her bowl so I started adding some. A friend told me he uses the green label jalapeno Tabasco sauce so I changed to that.

Sorry about the breakup. I'd probably not give her anything unless you remain friends.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Unless my ex was planning on using them to start a business off of my creation then I wouldn't have a problem sharing my recipes.  

For things like my grandmother's pumpkin pie recipe it would depend on how much value I placed on keeping the recipe "in the family" only.

[ArchietheDragon]

weird thing for an ex to ask for.   a lesser man might take a on them, box them up real nice and leave them for her on her doorstep. 

[gs11rmb]

I would share.  This is going to be difficult enough without squabbling over the small things.  I might not be so inclined if I had to write them all down but would simply snap a picture of the recipes and forward.  Best to keep things as amicable as possible, especially if you will be continuing to interact in the future.  If you think you might want to get back together at some point it's best to be as civilized as possible.

[wvugurl26]

The ones that have been passed down for generations maybe not. The others I would. More likely I'd give all of them and just move on.

[kittensaver]

WWGD (what would grandma do?)

If she would share it, I would share it. I never understood "secret recipes" anyway . . . it's not like someone is going to go out and make a fortune on them at my expense . . . in Italian families, food is love. So think about if you want to be the good guy (be generous) in this parting and if its worth sharing as a parting gift. Good luck whatever you decide.

And - sorry for your break-up.

[Tennesseer]

Jun 14, 2017 11:53:08 GMT -5 beergut said:

  
 GF has become EXGF, and in the process of separating everything, she has told me she wants several of my recipes.

 Some of them (my grandmother's tomato sauce recipe) are family recipes that have been passed down for generations, and since we're not going to be family anymore, I don't see the point in giving them to her.

 Some of them are recipes of my own creation, so I feel if I'm not there, you don't get to enjoy my creation. I feel like asking for my recipe in such a situation is presumptuous.

 Do you view recipes are heirlooms of sorts?

Whether your breakup was good or bad, think of it this way-every time she makes one of your recipes like your grandmother's tomato sauce, she will think of you.

[Tennesseer]

Another idea-change one of the ingredients in the recipe.  When the EXGF makes it, it won't taste the same.

[Miss Tequila]

Jun 14, 2017 12:08:27 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

weird thing for an ex to ask for.   a lesser man might take a on them, box them up real nice and leave them for her on her doorstep. 

I don't think so. My kids love my MIL's sausage stuffing. When we got divorced my ex intentionally took it out of my recipe box. To be fair, it was her handwritten note so perhaps the note itself was special to him (she died about 8 years ago). When Thanksgiving rolled around I realized he took it and I asked him to send me a copy so I could make it for his children.  He gave it to me.

I understand that relationships don't work out but there is no reason to be petty when that happens.

[Miss Tequila]

Jun 14, 2017 12:27:35 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Jun 14, 2017 11:53:08 GMT -5 beergut said:

  
 GF has become EXGF, and in the process of separating everything, she has told me she wants several of my recipes.

 Some of them (my grandmother's tomato sauce recipe) are family recipes that have been passed down for generations, and since we're not going to be family anymore, I don't see the point in giving them to her.

 Some of them are recipes of my own creation, so I feel if I'm not there, you don't get to enjoy my creation. I feel like asking for my recipe in such a situation is presumptuous.

 Do you view recipes are heirlooms of sorts?

Whether your breakup was good or bad, think of it this way-every time she makes one of your recipes like your grandmother's tomato sauce, she will think of you.

that's just silly.  I make my MIL's sausage stuffing and I can assure you I am not thinking about my ex at all when I make it. 

[Tennesseer]

Jun 14, 2017 12:33:34 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Jun 14, 2017 12:27:35 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Whether your breakup was good or bad, think of it this way-every time she makes one of your recipes like your grandmother's tomato sauce, she will think of you.

that's just silly.  I make my MIL's sausage stuffing and I can assure you I am not thinking about my ex at all when I make it. 

Well you're special. On the other hand, the EXGF may not be.

[gooddecisions]

No, I don't consider recipes heirlooms. It seems petty to say no and taking the high road is so easy.

On the other hand, If you would have a problem with how she used them, such as posting the recipes on Facebook, posting pics of dinner parties with food made from the recipes and claiming them her own, etc then I could see why you wouldn't want to share.

Sorry about the breakup, that's tough.

[giramomma]

I do think recipes are important things to pass down from generation to generation..and to keep as family history..

However, I don't know what I'd like to do in terms of a break up.

I teach. The how I teach, what I say, and the stories I tell have been passed down. I wouldn't think of not sharing this history with my students because it needs to stay in the "family." One of my kids is also a school teacher now. I know she's been shaped by me as well, and that's likely going to get passed down. That's how we learn and grow.

However, I'm hoping to make a few pieces of heirloom stitching for each one of the kids for when they marry. If I wanted it back would depend largely on my relationship with my kid and my future daughters/sons-in-laws. If my kids are an ass and I adore their partner, I'd want them to keep whatever I make them. My love for future DIL and SILs won't end because the marital contract would. That's how I would believe that MIL would treat me. I can't imagine her asking for everything that she's made us back (or given to DH) if DH and I split.

But, if it's the other way around...and my kids were clearly the one's being hurt...I'd want them to have stuff back if that's what they chose. If they won't care...why should I?

I'm sorry you are going through it.

[ArchietheDragon]

Jun 14, 2017 12:32:36 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Jun 14, 2017 12:08:27 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

weird thing for an ex to ask for.   a lesser man might take a on them, box them up real nice and leave them for her on her doorstep. 

I don't think so. My kids love my MIL's sausage stuffing. When we got divorced my ex intentionally took it out of my recipe box. To be fair, it was her handwritten note so perhaps the note itself was special to him (she died about 8 years ago). When Thanksgiving rolled around I realized he took it and I asked him to send me a copy so I could make it for his children.  He gave it to me.

I understand that relationships don't work out but there is no reason to be petty when that happens.

You are probably right.    I never had an "adult" break up so my thought process may be clouded. 

[Miss Tequila]

Jun 14, 2017 12:40:52 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Jun 14, 2017 12:32:36 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

I don't think so. My kids love my MIL's sausage stuffing. When we got divorced my ex intentionally took it out of my recipe box. To be fair, it was her handwritten note so perhaps the note itself was special to him (she died about 8 years ago). When Thanksgiving rolled around I realized he took it and I asked him to send me a copy so I could make it for his children.  He gave it to me.

I understand that relationships don't work out but there is no reason to be petty when that happens.

You are probably right.    I never had an "adult" break up so my thought process may be clouded. 

That's something I don't hear that often on here!

[thyme4change]

Jun 14, 2017 12:03:26 GMT -5 ken a.k.a OMK said:

I'm famous for my "ken's chili" recipe. First got it off a can of Hunts tomato sauce.  Made changes over the years due to suggestions. My wife wanted 3 bean. DIL adds hot sauce to her bowl so I started adding some. A friend told me he uses the green label jalapeno Tabasco sauce so I changed to that.

Sorry about the breakup. I'd probably not give her anything unless you remain friends.

My husband's secret chili recipe is a can of Stagg. He will put 5 cans in a crock pot, simmer for a few hours and present it at pot luck dinners as his own creation. It makes me so happy when people rave over it.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Jun 14, 2017 12:08:46 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

I would share.  This is going to be difficult enough without squabbling over the small things.  I might not be so inclined if I had to write them all down but would simply snap a picture of the recipes and forward.  Best to keep things as amicable as possible, especially if you will be continuing to interact in the future.  If you think you might want to get back together at some point it's best to be as civilized as possible.

This is where I am at.

I've been the sounding board for my sister's divorce, and she wants to dig her feet in about EVERYTHING.  I have to keep reminding her what does it hurt if she gives him some of what he wants?  Most recently, it was rights of first refusal on purchasing their house in 2 years.  I had to remind her that she doesn't even want to live in in this state (let alone there is no way she could afford the mortgage to buy him out).  She was so used to digging in her feet, that it was something that she could give up that would not hurt her in the least.

[Pants]

Jun 14, 2017 12:55:37 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Jun 14, 2017 12:03:26 GMT -5 ken a.k.a OMK said:

I'm famous for my "ken's chili" recipe. First got it off a can of Hunts tomato sauce.  Made changes over the years due to suggestions. My wife wanted 3 bean. DIL adds hot sauce to her bowl so I started adding some. A friend told me he uses the green label jalapeno Tabasco sauce so I changed to that.

Sorry about the breakup. I'd probably not give her anything unless you remain friends.

My husband's secret chili recipe is a can of Stagg. He will put 5 cans in a crock pot, simmer for a few hours and present it at pot luck dinners as his own creation. It makes me so happy when people rave over it.

Like in that episode of Friends about the chocolate chip cookie recipe from Phoebe's grandmother... Nestlee Toulhooouse. Winds up being the recipe on the back of the chocolate chip bag. 

Companies spend big time and money putting together things that taste good. It shouldn't be so surprising that people love the results!

[thyme4change]

My MIL keeps giving me cookbooks with "family recipes"

1 can cream of chicken soup
1 can of black olives
1 container of sour cream

**barf**

[steph08]

Jun 14, 2017 13:03:21 GMT -5 Pants said:

Jun 14, 2017 12:55:37 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

My husband's secret chili recipe is a can of Stagg. He will put 5 cans in a crock pot, simmer for a few hours and present it at pot luck dinners as his own creation. It makes me so happy when people rave over it.

Like in that episode of Friends about the chocolate chip cookie recipe from Phoebe's grandmother... Nestlee Toulhooouse. Winds up being the recipe on the back of the chocolate chip bag. 

Companies spend big time and money putting together things that taste good. It shouldn't be so surprising that people love the results!

I was just thinking this! Nestle Toolhooose!  

I don't really have any family recipes, but I do have my MIL's gob recipe. I wonder if DH would make me give it back...

[Lizard Queen]

I don't think recipes are heirlooms, but I don't cook either.  The important thing is that you do.  I remember your posts making it seem like cooking and family cooking implements (a ravioli board, or something?) being extremely important to you as a family tradition.  In that case, if you don't want to share at this time, then don't.  Maybe tell her you're not ready to share, but if she still misses a certain recipe sometime down the line, you may find it easier to share later on.  Perspectives change with time.

[NoNamePerson]

I got custody of the Heirloom Take Out Menues when I got divorced. No way I was going to have to start a new collection.  

[weltschmerz]

I sometimes go to potlucks at work, and some nurses will NOT share their recipes.

I think it's ridiculous. If I like it, why can't I make it for myself, instead of waiting 18 months for YOU to make it again?

[dannylion]

Jun 14, 2017 12:29:19 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Another idea-change one of the ingredients in the recipe.  When the EXGF makes it, it won't taste the same.

They are your recipes; you get to decide who gets them.  If you'd rather not share them with her, just tell her no.   

Or, as Tennesseer said, alter the ingredients, leave out the secret ingredient, find a similar (but, to you, inferior) recipe on the internet, etc. 

I would choose the second option because I generally try to avoid conflict over small things. Also, I'm kinda mean.

Just decide what you want to do. No need to agonize over it once you've decided. Just follow through.

Sorry the relationship didn't work out.