Update on a distressing situation - for those who remember..

[Rukh O'Rorke]

I had mentioned that a young man who was third generation neighbor in a building on my parents street had stabbed his friend to death during a drunken argument.

Update is he plead guilty to 2nd degree murder, and got 20 years. Credit given for 3 years spent in local lock up.

I'm surprised it took 3 years to sentencing with a guilty plea.

Curious question to the lawyers - what is the earliest he could be released?

I think of him from time to time. I first met him when he was just a few years old, and I wonder if I should send him some snacks or something? We knew the victim too, although just in passing. Is it a betrayal to the victim and his family to try to be nice to the perpetrator? I just don't know what is best in this situation.

I'd like to be charitable, but then, I don't want him showing up on our doorstop when he is released either. He's an only child, his father died of a drug overdose when he was a kid (kid found the father). His mother has moved away from the neighborhood likely sold the house. He killed his best friend, so not getting a lot of friend visits I would think.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Maybe send him a note saying you remember him from his baby days and see where that goes? No response from him = nothing you need to do.

[Deleted]

"No good deed goes unpunished."  Remember that.

I hate to be cynical, but he's not the same kid you knew.  That assumes you really knew him then.  If you feel compelled to reach out, reach out to his mom.  Just like the victim's mother, she lost a son that day as well.

[Tiny]

Did you have contact with him during the 3 years he was in the local lock up?

If not, why would you reach out to him now?

[Miss Tequila]

Apr 13, 2017 11:19:27 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

"No good deed goes unpunished."  Remember that.

I hate to be cynical, but he's not the same kid you knew.  That assumes you really knew him then.  If you feel compelled to reach out, reach out to his mom.  Just like the victim's mother, she lost a son that day as well.

It sounds like the boy had a very troubled childhood and that is awful.  But he had choices in life and it sounds like he chose to follow the path his father took.  I would not want to be involved with this person nor would I want him reaching out to me thinking we were friends.  I'm probably cold and callous but it isn't like you were close friends with him.  You are remembering the sweet, young boy he once was.  Sweet, young boys don't murder their best friends. 

[Deleted]

I wouldn't reach out to him.  I would not want to be the first person he calls when he gets out.  Sweet as he was as a kid, if a messed up childhood and killing his friend didn't destroy that, then prison will.   I've heard you have to serve 85% of your time.  Not sure if that's accurate or not, but if it is, with time served he could be knocking on your door 14 years from now. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Serious question but if you have not talked to or seen any of the players in forever why would you contact them now?   Would they even remember you or care about what your opinion is on the matter?

There is no way I would open myself up to being someone's prison pen  pal.   If we weren't speaking before he was in prison I see no need to start now and I would not send care packages.  I feel that would open up friendship doors I'd likely not be comfortable with.

As far as his mother I could see it going both ways.   I don't think I would find comfort in people who I haven't known/heard from in years suddenly popping out of the woodwork after my child was convicted.   It would feel like rubber necking to me.  If I and my family mattered you would have been speaking to us before now.

[Peace Of Mind]

Apr 13, 2017 10:38:55 GMT -5 Rukh O'Rorke said:

I had mentioned that a young man who was third generation neighbor in a building on my parents street had stabbed his friend to death during a drunken argument.

Update is he plead guilty to 2nd degree murder, and got 20 years. Credit given for 3 years spent in local lock up.

I'm surprised it took 3 years to sentencing with a guilty plea.

Curious question to the lawyers - what is the earliest he could be released?

I think of him from time to time. I first met him when he was just a few years old, and I wonder if I should send him some snacks or something? We knew the victim too, although just in passing. Is it a betrayal to the victim and his family to try to be nice to the perpetrator? I just don't know what is best in this situation.

I'd like to be charitable, but then, I don't want him showing up on our doorstop when he is released either. He's an only child, his father died of a drug overdose when he was a kid (kid found the father). His mother has moved away from the neighborhood likely sold the house. He killed his best friend, so not getting a lot of friend visits I would think.

Although your intentions sound nice and all are you freaking nuts or do you not have enough drama in your life at this time?! 

For your and your kid's sakes - No, no, no!!!   

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Why?  This sounds like a bad idea.

[souldoubt]

What's best is to stay out of it completely as others said.  If you want to be charitable donate to a charity/group/etc that works with people in tough situations as a lot of those people don't have 3 hots and a cot.  You'll already be supporting him when you pay taxes and keep a roof over his head to the tune of 30K+ a year or more depending on what state you live in.  

I knew a guy in high school that I sat next to the last two years.  We had mutual friends, hung out in groups outside of school a few times, talked every day at school and you could say we were "friends" as far as high school goes.  When he was a sophomore in college he met a 15 year old girl online and ended up raping and beating her.  He got caught when her friend who was working with the cops lured him out after finding him online and they caught him red handed as he had the same weapons he used on her friend in his car.  I read articles about his testimony and how he tried to make excuses but rightfully in the end he was given life.  I hadn't seen him since high school but a mutual friend of ours ended up going to visit him in prison and asked if I wanted to go and my answer was "no" without even needing to think about it.  The friend going to visit him was going through a born again phase and I think he wanted to help which there's nothing wrong with.  Personally I didn't see why I needed to have any connection or waste any time/effort on someone like that especially when it's not someone I had been in contact with for almost 2 years. 

[Rukh O'Rorke]

I do want to point out this was a horrible thing but not premeditated. He is not looking to hurt anyone again like the rapist above.

His eyes are so haunted, I sure he is full of remorse.


Looked it up, can't send treats, but books and magazines are ok.

Not sure - if I did send some things, not saying I would, what I could send.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Murder mysteries, usually a safe bet, not here.

[countrygirl2]

I still would not get involved.

[souldoubt]

Apr 13, 2017 15:21:28 GMT -5 Rukh O'Rorke said:

I do want to point out this was a horrible thing but not premeditated. He is not looking to hurt anyone again like the rapist above.

His eyes are so haunted, I sure he is full of remorse.


Looked it up, can't send treats, but books and magazines are ok.

Not sure - if I did send some things, not saying I would, what I could send.

My point is the guy I knew or thought I knew in high school wasn't the same guy who committed that heinous crime.  Haunted eyes or not he's not the same kid you once knew and I think that's what you see when you look at him.  This man didn't just hurt someone on accident or by doing something reckless he stabbed someone to death.  It's easy to say after the fact that he's not looking to hurt anyone again but the reality is that's what most people say when they're staring the judge and jury in the face hoping for some sort of leniency.    

[Jaguar]

Some things you walk away from, but this situation and wanting to send him things and contact him, cause sending him stuff is contacting him, you run so far from and you do not look back on ever.

Drop it.

[quince]

I wouldn't do it unless you could anonymously, for reasons of safety. Even if he wasn't a casual killer through and through, the US penal system does not spit out people intact at the other end.

You get to decide what risks you want to take though. I think it is kind of you to think of him as a person despite the extremely awful thing he did- remembering that people who do horrific things are still people and not setting them into a separate category seems to be to be a good way to make sure you treat people humanely.

Puzzle magazines, something light and entertaining that can stimulate the mind and pass time, especially if you've no idea what he'd be interested thing.

I don't think it is a betrayal to the memory of a victim(or a living victim!) to want to show compassion to the perpetrator. It's not like you're passing him a metal file in a cake or organizing a move to get him pardoned. 

Thank you- this is food for thought.

[CCL]

So when was the last time you even talked to the guy? It sounds like it was years before the crime. If you weren't friends then, you aren't friends now.

If you want to be charitable, maybe you could donate to a ministry or some other organization that works with the prisoners in some way. Or some sort of positive-influence youth organization.

I've heard of charities that help out homeless teens and have always thought they would be worthwhile causes. Maybe a bit of help could keep some of them from going down the wrong path in life?

I'm with everyone else. Stay away. Why would you want to bring this guy into your life? Don't make his problems your problems.

[Tennesseer]

Apr 13, 2017 15:21:28 GMT -5 Rukh O'Rorke said:

I do want to point out this was a horrible thing but not premeditated. He is not looking to hurt anyone again like the rapist above.

His eyes are so haunted, I sure he is full of remorse.


Looked it up, can't send treats, but books and magazines are ok.

Not sure - if I did send some things, not saying I would, what I could send.

Don't know if the prison would allow it, but send him books and mags anonmously along with an unsigned note of encouragement?

[cronewitch]

Don't do anything. If you must then a money order to his account. He can use it for stamps and hygiene items or candy bars at the prison store. Have someone else send it that he can't find.

[Peace77]

Each prison has different rules but chances are that you can't send anything other than a letter or money for his account.

If you do send a letter, don't use your home address. Use your church or a social service agency's address that will forward the letter to you.

[zibazinski]

I doubt you can send anything to a prison with no return address.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Apr 13, 2017 15:21:28 GMT -5 Rukh O'Rorke said:

I do want to point out this was a horrible thing but not premeditated. He is not looking to hurt anyone again like the rapist above.

His eyes are so haunted, I sure he is full of remorse.


Looked it up, can't send treats, but books and magazines are ok.

Not sure - if I did send some things, not saying I would, what I could send.

That's great if true but WHY would you want to insert yourself into this situation?  It doesn't sound like you've ever had any real contact with this person at all.   He lived in a building your parents owned and you knew him when he was really young.

You have no relationship with this person, why are you seeking to develop one now?   The time to have done it should it be because you feel he had such a hard life would have been BEFORE he stabbed his friend to death. 

I agree with whoever suggested donating to a charity that helps inmates get back on their feet after they are released.   That would do a lot of good not just for him but other inmates. 

Or volunteer for Big Brothers Big Sisters to help another child growing up in a similar situation from ending up in prison.

[finnime]

Your compassion shines through. I think this man carries many burdens, and you may be able to lighten his load a bit. To best do this, you can contact the prison's chaplain. Explain you would like to maybe have a small amount of money put on his account to buy incidentals, and perhaps send a card without identification beyond that you remember him and hope his future brightens. The chaplain can help arrange these things for you.

I'm moved by your impulse to reach out.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Only anonymously.

Or, better yet, there are likely already groups that support the inmates in his prison (churches, etc.). Donate to them.

[janee]

Sorry, Ruhk, I'm with everyone else that says NO.  You don't know this person now and you just never know...

I like the ideas of helping the mom or donating to some other type of prison help.

[Artemis Windsong]

Stay away from him, completely.  These convicts can do some head trip manipulation of people.  You appear vulnerable to me.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Sad to say, but even if the murder was unintentional and the result of a momentary, tragic, lack of self-control, he will be a VERY different person when he is finally released from prison. Prisoners don't sit around holding hands, singing Kumbaya, and developing their gentler sides. Let professionals and anonymous groups and his mother tend to him. You can certainly offer fervent prayers, healing thoughts, good vibes, good juju, or whatever you feel drawn to offer him. But, you are not -- and very few are -- prepared to deal with a 40 year old man who spent his adult life so far in prison.

[Jaguar]

Just stay away from this person, really do you need a reason to protect both yourself and your family.