Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2017 14:31:59 GMT -5
Does it make you uncomfortable? How much is too much? Do you participate in it?
A friend of mine started dating a mutual acquaintance about two weeks ago. She asked us to go get a burger with them and then go to a high school basketball game - since we all knew each other. Well, she was practically sitting on his lap, rubbing his leg and back, kissing, etc. even at the ball game.
Today the guys BF works with were talking and laughing about it. Apparently they were the talk of the gym in this small town.
I think she did it because this is a small town and she wanted everyone to see that they were together. They are both in their 40s and divorced with school-aged children, so there is nothing wrong with them dating.
But the PDA? WTF? I have to admit, it sort of made me uncomfortable sitting next to them. (Of course, this is the same friend that always tells me about the wild sex she had even though I share zero information with her.)
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 25, 2017 14:34:49 GMT -5
I went with a date to a movie once while in high school and I swear the couple next to us were having sex. She was on his lap, we couldn't see either face and they were doing A LOT of moving. I didn't say anything but as we were leaving my date turned me and said "Is it just me or was that couple next to us having sex?" Apparently it was not just in my head.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jan 25, 2017 14:38:52 GMT -5
I definitely don't consider myself uptight but I think when it comes to PDA certain times and places are off limits. If you told me two high school kids were doing that in the bleachers at the game that's one thing but when adults do it that tells me they're either inebriated and/or looking for attention. If you're at a bar, dinner in a dimly lit restaurant with a private or semi-private table/setting, at a movie theater and so on that's one thing but otherwise you can refrain from overdoing the PDA in broad daylight or when you're in plain sight of a lot of people.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jan 25, 2017 15:02:28 GMT -5
I definitely don't consider myself uptight but I think when it comes to PDA certain times and places are off limits. If you told me two high school kids were doing that in the bleachers at the game that's one thing but when adults do it that tells me they're either inebriated and/or looking for attention. If you're at a bar, dinner in a dimly lit restaurant with a private or semi-private table/setting, at a movie theater and so on that's one thing but otherwise you can refrain from overdoing the PDA in broad daylight or when you're in plain sight of a lot of people. I think it is even a bit much for high school kids.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 25, 2017 15:04:43 GMT -5
Eh. DH and I will hug, give pecks, hold hands in public. We usually kiss when we exchange peace during mass.
TMI warning...
We had sex outside once when we were far too old too do such silly things (over 35)....could have been caught, as weren't terribly far off a main trail..learned that sort of behavior isn't for me.
When we were first dating, DH didn't like having sex in a tent. Thin walls and too close to neighbors.
Now, go get brain bleach.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jan 25, 2017 15:12:37 GMT -5
I definitely don't consider myself uptight but I think when it comes to PDA certain times and places are off limits. If you told me two high school kids were doing that in the bleachers at the game that's one thing but when adults do it that tells me they're either inebriated and/or looking for attention. If you're at a bar, dinner in a dimly lit restaurant with a private or semi-private table/setting, at a movie theater and so on that's one thing but otherwise you can refrain from overdoing the PDA in broad daylight or when you're in plain sight of a lot of people. I think it is even a bit much for high school kids. I'm not saying it's appropriate for them either rather high school kids you can attribute to hormones and if I was the parent of a kid in that situation I would put a stop to it real quick. Adults on the other hand should be able to control themselves more and act like, well adults.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jan 25, 2017 15:14:00 GMT -5
I don't mind it, if it's tasteful. I don't want to see people all over each other, but don't mind a hug or kiss here and there. I'm very affectionate with anyone I date, but we don't have to make out like teenagers in public.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Jan 25, 2017 15:21:48 GMT -5
My first year teaching (university) I threw a couple out of class because they were making out.
I told them that visibly they had more important things to do than be in class, but since they were disturbing everyone else, they needed to leave. They stopped but I still made them leave.
I was pretty freaked out by it at the time lol.
ETA: They were sitting towards the front in a class of about 20 students.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jan 25, 2017 15:42:28 GMT -5
Quick kisses, hugs, holding hands doesn't bother me. People who need to get a room well that's different.
Depending on how drained I am, people touching me is more exhausting to me than just being around people. My dad's family is fairly reserved with affection and I grew up with a stepmom who definitely liked her kid more than me or my brother. DF has this compulsive need to just be resting a hand on my knee, holding hands, etc. I can't deal when I'm super tired. I just want to be left alone without anyone touching me! Like I'm here with you do you need to be touching me the whole time too?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2017 15:43:53 GMT -5
I don't mind it, if it's tasteful. I don't want to see people all over each other, but don't mind a hug or kiss here and there. I'm very affectionate with anyone I date, but we don't have to make out like teenagers in public. I don't mind it if it's tasteful either.
In my opinion, what I witnessed was a little too much. 1) They are in their 40s with children at the event. 2) They have only been dating about two weeks. 3) They were at a school event. 4) It was more than a hug or kiss here and there. It was heavy petting.
Maybe I am a prude.
Maybe they were trying to make the exes (plural) jealous.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jan 25, 2017 15:47:50 GMT -5
Some forms of affection in public are very sexy. Like a man taking my hand or resting his hand on the small of my back as we are walking. Anything more than that and I'm in the "uncomfortable" range in public. I know I don't like watching so I figure most others don't either.
Give me a smile and a whisper in my ear any day over wanting to passionately kiss and grope in public. But? I'm very old-fashioned so I guess it's not surprising.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jan 25, 2017 16:08:00 GMT -5
Hugging, handholding, putting their arm around someone, and a quick (not wet) kiss is okay. Anything else not so much.
Seeing people trying to suck each others faces off makes me want to get out a hose.
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quince
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Post by quince on Jan 25, 2017 16:38:02 GMT -5
Leave genitals out of it and nothing really bothers me.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jan 25, 2017 17:15:39 GMT -5
There's levels of pda. I like some pda but never been told to get a room.
One person in our friend group does what you describe. One of the many reasons we invite her without the dude as often as possible or well often don't invite either.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2017 17:33:33 GMT -5
So many factors to give a yay or nay, im guilty of a couple heinous PDA's where there is no gray area. And yes, both involved copious amounts of alcohol.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jan 25, 2017 17:36:26 GMT -5
So many factors to give a yay or nay, im guilty of a couple heinous PDA's where there is no gray area. And yes, both involved copious amounts of alcohol. Ugh. Been there. Once I had to do the walk of shame after. At least I think it was only once.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2017 18:24:27 GMT -5
There's levels of pda. I like some pda but never been told to get a room. One person in our friend group does what you describe. One of the many reasons we invite her without the dude as often as possible or well often don't invite either. This friend has done it before with a different guy she was dating. A group of us were out for the evening and she was hanging all over her date. She doesn't drink so she cannot use that as an excuse. She must be proud to have a date.
Ugh! Why don't I learn
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2017 18:38:16 GMT -5
Right outside my classroom door is a popular spot. These aren't even my students, who know better. I've been known to interrupt and say embarrassing stuff like, "Have you two been practicing?"
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 25, 2017 18:59:37 GMT -5
Eh. DH and I will hug, give pecks, hold hands in public. We usually kiss when we exchange peace during mass. TMI warning... We had sex outside once when we were far too old too do such silly things (over 35)....could have been caught, as weren't terribly far off a main trail..learned that sort of behavior isn't for me. When we were first dating, DH didn't like having sex in a tent. Thin walls and too close to neighbors.Now, go get brain bleach. It probably was not you and your husband next door to us, but back in the early 1960s, my parents took my siblings and me to Cape Cod for Memorial weekend. I was probably 10-11 years old. We camped out in a pop up camper. It rained all weekend so we were pretty much stuck in the camper all weekend. There was a tent pitched about 12 feet away from us and occupied by three guys and a gal. Throughout the whole weekend that tent shook with a lot of moaning going on inside. When we asked our parents what was going on inside the tent they told us they were wrestling.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jan 25, 2017 19:47:53 GMT -5
Eh. DH and I will hug, give pecks, hold hands in public. We usually kiss when we exchange peace during mass. TMI warning... We had sex outside once when we were far too old too do such silly things (over 35)....could have been caught, as weren't terribly far off a main trail..learned that sort of behavior isn't for me. When we were first dating, DH didn't like having sex in a tent. Thin walls and too close to neighbors.Now, go get brain bleach. It probably was not you and your husband next door to us, but back in the early 1960s, my parents took my siblings and me to Cape Cod for Memorial weekend. I was probably 10-11 years old. We camped out in a pop up camper. It rained all weekend so we were pretty much stuck in the camper all weekend. There was a tent pitched about 12 feet away from us and occupied by three guys and a gal. Throughout the whole weekend that tent shook with a lot of moaning going on inside. When we asked our parents what was going on inside the tent they told us they were wrestling. Lol, that's priceless!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jan 25, 2017 19:58:49 GMT -5
Eh. DH and I will hug, give pecks, hold hands in public. We usually kiss when we exchange peace during mass. TMI warning... We had sex outside once when we were far too old too do such silly things (over 35)....could have been caught, as weren't terribly far off a main trail..learned that sort of behavior isn't for me. When we were first dating, DH didn't like having sex in a tent. Thin walls and too close to neighbors.Now, go get brain bleach. It probably was not you and your husband next door to us, but back in the early 1960s, my parents took my siblings and me to Cape Cod for Memorial weekend. I was probably 10-11 years old. We camped out in a pop up camper. It rained all weekend so we were pretty much stuck in the camper all weekend. There was a tent pitched about 12 feet away from us and occupied by three guys and a gal. Throughout the whole weekend that tent shook with a lot of moaning going on inside. When we asked our parents what was going on inside the tent they told us they were wrestling. And she ain't walked right since.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 26, 2017 5:45:58 GMT -5
I don't mind it, if it's tasteful. I don't want to see people all over each other, but don't mind a hug or kiss here and there. I'm very affectionate with anyone I date, but we don't have to make out like teenagers in public. I don't mind it if it's tasteful either.
In my opinion, what I witnessed was a little too much. 1) They are in their 40s with children at the event. 2) They have only been dating about two weeks. 3) They were at a school event. 4) It was more than a hug or kiss here and there. It was heavy petting.
Maybe I am a prude.
Maybe they were trying to make the exes (plural) jealous.
This isn't heavy petting. Well, maybe it is in a small town.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jan 26, 2017 7:15:31 GMT -5
20somethings, yeah i am a bit more tolerant of. 40somethings, get a room! A hug and nice kiss on the lip, fine. But, groping, fondling and tongue, uh No!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 26, 2017 7:52:45 GMT -5
My mom used to say that too much pda meant you were trying to convince yourselves. A secure relationship doesn't need to prove it to others.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2017 9:44:39 GMT -5
I don't mind it if it's tasteful either.
In my opinion, what I witnessed was a little too much. 1) They are in their 40s with children at the event. 2) They have only been dating about two weeks. 3) They were at a school event. 4) It was more than a hug or kiss here and there. It was heavy petting.
Maybe I am a prude.
Maybe they were trying to make the exes (plural) jealous.
This isn't heavy petting. Well, maybe it is in a small town. Sorry.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Jan 26, 2017 16:25:24 GMT -5
I am okay with hand holding, a hug, peck on the lips, etc. but anything beyond that needs to be taken behind closed doors.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 26, 2017 17:50:54 GMT -5
Too much?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 26, 2017 17:52:49 GMT -5
Now I've got this in my head
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2017 18:34:34 GMT -5
It makes me uncomfortable because it seems forced and fake, like someone's trying to prove their desirability or their libido. Affection is one thing; arousal and sex are another. We went to dinner last night with another couple and a single, all good friends. I think I patted DH's arm or shoulder once or twice (he's had a tough week with another basal cell growth diagnosed); the other couple did the same (one of them finally found part-time employment after being laid off months ago). I felt our gestures to our partners were communicating compassion and support-not "let me rip your clothes off right now".
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Jan 30, 2017 10:39:27 GMT -5
I think she did it because this is a small town and she wanted everyone to see that they were together. They are both in their 40s and divorced with school-aged children, so there is nothing wrong with them dating.
I don't think I'd like living in a small town, where everyone knows and gossips about every little thing everyone else does. Not for my PDA habits, which are non-existent, but for my penchant to wander aimlessly about town wearing only an open robe and bear paw slippers.
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