zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 14, 2016 14:20:33 GMT -5
She's feeling the single parent guilt and those kids are feeding off it. I wish you'd have said it to them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2016 14:23:18 GMT -5
Man that crap we would have been in if one of my parents had to come home. Then again we were on a tight leash, we weren't about to screw up our unsupervised time. LOL This is my kids. Unsupervised time is precious. They'd do whatever it took to work together to not have me come home and turn off the Playstation and make them clean the bathrooms.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 14, 2016 14:26:54 GMT -5
Man that crap we would have been in if one of my parents had to come home. Then again we were on a tight leash, we weren't about to screw up our unsupervised time. I do feel sorry for your sister mich. It's easy to say what she should be do but she's the one living it. Her world's been flipped 180 and she's trying to survive. It's tough. 15-18 isn't too old to get the switch off the tree! Honestly, I'd tell them if they can't get along, I would hire a teenager to babysit them. That should embarrass them enough to get them to behave.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Dec 14, 2016 14:29:33 GMT -5
OMG, what a new low for those looking for work. Then threatens you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2016 14:58:32 GMT -5
Man that crap we would have been in if one of my parents had to come home. Then again we were on a tight leash, we weren't about to screw up our unsupervised time. I do feel sorry for your sister mich. It's easy to say what she should be do but she's the one living it. Her world's been flipped 180 and she's trying to survive. It's tough. I'm with you on that one, my mom was a single parent (widow). Myself and my two older brothers would NEVER think of phoning her at work unless, well... we just wouldn't. We were latchkey kids, neighbours sort of kept an eye on us. Mom's job fed us all and kept a roof over our heads, she would not come racing home for anything other than a near death.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 14, 2016 15:16:50 GMT -5
hahahah...good lord, people are such assholes. I'm with one of the other posters who said (or implied) that maybe she doesn't really want the job but her husband wants her to work? Much easier to throw out really crazy demands and not get the job then to tell your husband you are too lazy to work!
Earlier this year I hired a temp with a potential to turn into a full time position. She did great for a few weeks, then called in once...then called in a second time. Then came to me and asked if she could only work 30 hours a week because 40 hours was just too much with her. Why, she didn't have time to do laundry or go grocery shopping! Oh sweetie, how about we knock it down to 25 to make sure you have time to get your nails done each week, too....freaking crazy!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 14, 2016 15:29:25 GMT -5
We have had so many discussions on here about SAHM vs working moms and how hard it is to for women to get back into workforce after being out for few or more years. Well, as most of you probably know I work in hard core programming and IT coding. I am empathetic to such women, provided they meet the criteria, are re-hireable and either possess the skill set or show the aptitude to learn. So, circa last week....A women in her early 40s applied for an entry level job I had open. Experience required was 0-2 years. She has been out of workforce for 12 years, before that she had a work experience of about 5 years at a company. I had a phone screen which went ok so we called her in for a face to face interview. Well what do you know?! The lady who arrived sounded just so drastically different that it raised everyone's hackles The accent, the vocals, the tone everything was off. One of my managers couldn't shake off the feeling so he posed the same questions that she was asked in the phone screen. She couldn't answer 70% of them! So by this time I am irritated and I ask her just whats going on. She denied any wrong doings but enough prodding and she admitted that she had one of her friends do the phone screen for her By this time I was already so horrified I had made up my mind she is not coming in. But....she had the nerve to tell me, after all the advertising herself, that she is ready to take on ANY job, even an interns job PROVIDED - she gets to work 6 hour days (9-3pm)
- has the flexibility to leave whenever there are kids school events or for volunteering
- work from home options entire summer and
- enough sick days to cover kids illnesses.
Her kids are 12 and 10. You all don't even want to know the threats of gender discrimination lawsuits she threw at me when I gave her the news that she is not a fit for our company. People like this exist. They seriously do. That's beyond self sabotaging! That is fraud and depending on the type of job, that could have caused serious trouble if she was hired for some critical job. After she admitted that she should have immeditely been escorted out the door.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Dec 14, 2016 15:57:48 GMT -5
Don't I know this! My sister, who had been out of the workforce as long had finally gotten her foot in the door. With all the crap that has been going on with her divorce, her 2 younger kids (18 and 15) have turned into utter brats. Probably 2-3 afternoons a week, my sister had to leave work to go referee a battle. 6 months ago, she mentioned this to me and I told her that she needs to threaten those kids within an inch of their life. Unless they were bleeding or needed EMS, they were not to call her with their shit, they had to deal with it themselves. Last week, my sister lost her job after a little more than a year with the company. While she was doing well when she was not distracted, getting called home was just more than they could tolerate. I'm so pissed at her but I can't be because she is so down about this. I honestly can't fathom coming home because my 18 and 15 year olds were fighting. If it ever did happen, I would be so incredibly angry when I got home that it would never happen again. There's just no way they'd want me coming home under those circumstances again. Is one of the kids 'special needs' with the other one being caretaker - and whatever situation happening got beyond the skills of the caretaker to handle? I can see if the argument has escalated to the 'special needs' kid slamming their head into the wall (or otherwise hurting themselves) or attempting their best to get out of the 'locked' house...
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Dec 14, 2016 18:49:21 GMT -5
I had an applicant like that and her wants/demands. The woman was applying for a driving position which required the timely delivery/pickup of packages. The woman was a school bus driver. She asked for the latest possible interview time. I told her the latest time would be 5 P.M. (my normal leave work time) as it would take her a while to complete an application plus an interview. 5 P.M. arrives and she has not arrived. She calls me at 5:30 to tell me she's lost. I give her directions again. She got lost again and finally arrived at 6:30 P.M. and we started the process. I finally got out of the office at 8:30 P.M. as she asked so many questions and had so many demands, including what hours she could and couldn't work. The hours she could work were not compatible to the hours we needed a new employee. The woman turns around and sues the company stating she was discriminated because of her sex. She also applied at another one of our locations and was rejected for the same reason. No, lady you were not selected because you could not work the hours you were needed nor were you very good at finding homes and businesses which was critical to the job. The woman was paid a few bucks by our legal department to go away and never come back again. Fortunately, she never applied again. I understand from the company's perspective, it's probably cheaper to settle than to fight frivolous discrimination claims. But doesn't that just further encourage this kind of behavior? If every applicant did it, sure. But not everyone does it. In my ex-employer's case, not many did it and they hire quite a few new employees each year and go through even more applicants. As for existing and former employees suing the company, my ex-employer (I am retired from the company) used to eat the cost of defending the company even from frivolous lawsuits. Then they stopped eating the costs and let plaintiffs know they would eat the cost if it was determined the ex-employer was not guilty or it was a frivilous lawsuit. The number of lawsuits against my ex-employer plummeted once the plaintiffs were advised they would be responsible for paying all the legal costs and other fees (like T&E for the lawyers, company witnesses for the company, etc.) travelling to, during, and returning home afterr the trial.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 14, 2016 19:02:05 GMT -5
I understand from the company's perspective, it's probably cheaper to settle than to fight frivolous discrimination claims. But doesn't that just further encourage this kind of behavior? If every applicant did it, sure. But not everyone does it. In my ex-employer's case, not many did it and they hire quite a few new employees each year and go through even more applicants. As for existing and former employees suing the company, my ex-employer (I am retired from the company) used to eat the cost of defending the company even from frivolous lawsuits. Then they stopped eating the costs and let plaintiffs know they would eat the cost if it was determined the ex-employer was not guilty or it was a frivilous lawsuit. The number of lawsuits against my ex-employer plummeted once the plaintiffs were advised they would be responsible for paying all the legal costs and other fees (like T&E for the lawyers, company witnesses for the company, etc.) travelling to, during, and returning home afterr the trial. Yes but they usually don't have a pot to piss in or they declare bk if the judgment goes against them. I'm for insisting a bond be posted and perhaps holding lawyers also responsible for frivolous lawsuits.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Dec 14, 2016 19:28:11 GMT -5
If every applicant did it, sure. But not everyone does it. In my ex-employer's case, not many did it and they hire quite a few new employees each year and go through even more applicants. As for existing and former employees suing the company, my ex-employer (I am retired from the company) used to eat the cost of defending the company even from frivolous lawsuits. Then they stopped eating the costs and let plaintiffs know they would eat the cost if it was determined the ex-employer was not guilty or it was a frivilous lawsuit. The number of lawsuits against my ex-employer plummeted once the plaintiffs were advised they would be responsible for paying all the legal costs and other fees (like T&E for the lawyers, company witnesses for the company, etc.) travelling to, during, and returning home afterr the trial. Yes but they usually don't have a pot to piss in or they declare bk if the judgment goes against them. I'm for insisting a bond be posted and perhaps holding lawyers also responsible for frivolous lawsuits. Back in 1986, two workers in the facility I worked were terminated for refusing to take a drug test. The facility was having a high loss of valuable goods. These two were prime suspects based upon multiple investigations. The two hired a lawyer on contingency and were suing the company for $500 million. Their lawyer saw big dollar signs. As time went on, more information started coming out which pointed at the two employees. The lawyer got worried and started asking the two guys to start paying for his representation. In the end, my employer threw about $40,000 at them to go away. 40K to be split by the two of them. And then their lawyer came in for his cut. In the end, the two employees got about 5K each. I heard a few years ago one of the two ex-employees had done some time in prison for some other criminal activity. Goodcriddance to bad rubish. I was to be a witness for the defense as I had had a conversation with one of the employees about the whereabouts of one of the missing items (It was an envelope with like 50k in unsigned travel checks not delivered to a bank but on the employee's vehicle for delivery). I ended up getting an anonymous letter in the mail threatening my life if I testified at the trial. I contacted my employer's lawyers and security department. Our lawyers contacted the jerks' lawyers to knock off the death threats. Idiots.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Dec 14, 2016 19:58:45 GMT -5
I honestly can't fathom coming home because my 18 and 15 year olds were fighting. If it ever did happen, I would be so incredibly angry when I got home that it would never happen again. There's just no way they'd want me coming home under those circumstances again. Is one of the kids 'special needs' with the other one being caretaker - and whatever situation happening got beyond the skills of the caretaker to handle? I can see if the argument has escalated to the 'special needs' kid slamming their head into the wall (or otherwise hurting themselves) or attempting their best to get out of the 'locked' house...
Not special needs, but she does have emotional problems. She said she cut her wrists the last time my sister went running out of work. How many parents here would blow that off? We were latch key kids growing up too, and there is no way that my folks would have dealt with this crap. All their worlds have been rocked with my BIL walking out, and none of them are handling it well. I know the antagonism between my sister and BIL is exacerbating things. He is narcissistic and knows my sisters buttons. He seems to take great glee in pressing those buttons, and my sister can't stop biting.
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Dec 14, 2016 20:43:48 GMT -5
Sounds a tough situation, Mitch.
Sometimes, parenting has to be job 1. If she felt she needed to to go, maybe it was for the best.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 15, 2016 11:20:39 GMT -5
But thats exactly what she needs! She needs to GIVE tough love to her "kids" and she needs to GET tough love from you! I'd prefer not to break her, and I think she is at this point. It's obviously not your job to parent her.
But where is the father of these children? Do you think he is sabatozing her efforts to be independent? I ask because my father did that to us. He was very opposed to my mother working outside of the house. He actually had us call her at work to tell her we needed her. She recognized what he was doing and we were advised that if we needed to speak to her we had to make an appt.
We stopped calling.
It was a very hurtful experience being a pawn in their games with each other. Ideally, what should have happened was a sit-down family meeting explaining what was going on and how we all could/should be contacted along with expectations.
I hope your sister can work things out.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Dec 15, 2016 12:12:29 GMT -5
I'd prefer not to break her, and I think she is at this point. It's obviously not your job to parent her.
But where is the father of these children? Do you think he is sabatozing her efforts to be independent? I ask because my father did that to us. He was very opposed to my mother working outside of the house. He actually had us call her at work to tell her we needed her. She recognized what he was doing and we were advised that if we needed to speak to her we had to make an appt.
We stopped calling.
It was a very hurtful experience being a pawn in their games with each other. Ideally, what should have happened was a sit-down family meeting explaining what was going on and how we all could/should be contacted along with expectations.
I hope your sister can work things out.
Yes, I think her STBX is sabotaging her efforts, he has been doing this all along. He is using the kids as pawns, and when my sister points this out to him, he really doesn't care. So this is making her job 10x more difficult. Their father is doing what your father did, have them call her at work and deal with the problem. Add to this that when my sister tells them 'no', they call him and he says 'yes'.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 25, 2016 11:39:51 GMT -5
I've been looking for a new job, and recently got a nice offer. Well, nice until the company owner admitted that the person I would be working with was a drama mama/single mother of three kids and said, "Every day, there is always something going on with her." The other two part-times in the office never looked up at me when I entered the office for the interview - apparently, whatever was on their phone screens was more entertaining than acknowledging a visitor.
It's a shame, because the job sounded interesting. But not with that kind of thing going on. I need to work with real adults, not people with this kind of "Let-me-just-kick-myself-in-the-ass" attitude. I get that stuff happens with kids, don't get me wrong. And I can help cover and deal with that. I think pretty much every parent should automatically get a pass to sainthood, just for taking a shot a raising their kids right. But you have to draw a line somewhere.
And enough with the personal devices in the office, people. Trust me, the bosses know how much you use them.
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dee27
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Post by dee27 on Dec 25, 2016 15:46:08 GMT -5
Amen to the office drama, Nancy. I wonder why bosses keep toxic employees? I hope you find an interesting job with a calmer work environment.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 25, 2016 19:54:41 GMT -5
Nancy, be thankful the employer told you about the drama queen.
I once followed somebody (in the days of so many devices) who had been fired because, against the owner's directions, she installed messenger on her computer so she could chat with her husband and friends all day.
He could tell what she was doing because he could see her computer screen when he walked by her desk and he knew the work wasn't getting done. He canned her and hired me.
I had no intention of using messenger all day. It was at a cpa office and the software lets the boss know if you have been working or not. You really can't fudge it. I had no intention of doing what she did, but was amazed that after he took messenger off the computer, the former employee had installed it again.
Did she really think he didn't have admin rights to our computers?
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 25, 2016 20:57:50 GMT -5
Don't I know this! My sister, who had been out of the workforce as long had finally gotten her foot in the door. With all the crap that has been going on with her divorce, her 2 younger kids (18 and 15) have turned into utter brats. Probably 2-3 afternoons a week, my sister had to leave work to go referee a battle. 6 months ago, she mentioned this to me and I told her that she needs to threaten those kids within an inch of their life. Unless they were bleeding or needed EMS, they were not to call her with their shit, they had to deal with it themselves. Last week, my sister lost her job after a little more than a year with the company. While she was doing well when she was not distracted, getting called home was just more than they could tolerate. I'm so pissed at her but I can't be because she is so down about this. I honestly can't fathom coming home because my 18 and 15 year olds were fighting. If it ever did happen, I would be so incredibly angry when I got home that it would never happen again. There's just no way they'd want me coming home under those circumstances again. I agree, but I bet the sister is one of those who feels sorry for her kids because the divorce. So unknowingly she lets them play her. She might not have been blessed with the personality to read them the riot act so the family had money coming in.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 26, 2016 16:21:05 GMT -5
Nancy, be thankful the employer told you about the drama queen. I once followed somebody (in the days of so many devices) who had been fired because, against the owner's directions, she installed messenger on her computer so she could chat with her husband and friends all day. He could tell what she was doing because he could see her computer screen when he walked by her desk and he knew the work wasn't getting done. He canned her and hired me. I had no intention of using messenger all day. It was at a cpa office and the software lets the boss know if you have been working or not. You really can't fudge it. I had no intention of doing what she did, but was amazed that after he took messenger off the computer, the former employee had installed it again. Did she really think he didn't have admin rights to our computers? Dang, that is pretty dense of her. Well, either dense or really entitled.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 26, 2016 19:17:33 GMT -5
The way my co-workers described her she did not want to work. Software used by CPA firms tracks time. Can't get by with that.
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