The spinning plates are starting to tumble

[mamasita99]

I know that there may be several other posters who are in my situation or who have been in my situation, so I thought this would be a safe place to vent! I have a spouse but we are separated (due to work and other issues!), so it's just my 2 kids and me (fortunately they are older, 13 and 17).  I've got my full time job and a very small part time one as well for additional experience in my field of study, and also for some additional financial security.  Only a few weeks left of my final semester, and I'm totally focused on school so I can pass my board exam and make this dream a reality.

But now shit's starting to drop. I spaced out on a utility bill for my rental that I have taken over while my place is vacant. It didn't occur to me that I wasn't getting the bill. Apparently the electric company was sending it to the physical address and not my home address/email like all the other bills. So I paid a huge bill last week.  Stupid tax.  

After I got home from the holiday weekend I got sidetracked with something one of the kids needed, and did not switch out the parking pass for my car. Of course that night I get towed. Another $160 stupid tax on me.

I used to hit the gym for a class every morning, 5 am. Now I am so damn tired from my days and nights that I can't get up the energy to get moving that early, even though I know I feel better when I do attend. Instead I've been eating frozen cookie dough.

Not to mention the sweet but often frustrating experience of trying to launch my kids into young adulthood prepared, and hopefully not full of scars from my screw ups.

I know that I am looking at the situation as "half empty" right now, I need to change my outlook. I just had to express my panic, frustration and exhaustion somewhere safe, so I can get over this bump! Thanks for hearing me out, folks!

[zibazinski]

This is another time I wish we could be more than Internet support. Hugs.

[mamasita99]

Thanks, Zib, for listening. This, too shall pass!

[Deleted]

There are always going to be phases like this. Give yourself some credit and space to not be perfect, because none of us are... no one juggles all the balls all the time ad infinity... this is short term. Just plow through with the most important priorities like you are, almost there!

[MJ2.0]

Don't do what I did and bomb out in the first round. You are so close to being done - YOU GOT THIS!

[Pants]

Nov 30, 2016 9:03:27 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Don't do what I did and bomb out in the first round. You are so close to being done - YOU GOT THIS!

Did you drop out MJ?

[MJ2.0]

Not exactly.... Don't wanna derail this thread.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Good morning! Oh, I hate the stupid tax. I get so upset with myself when that happens.I hope you're feeling better soon. I've definitely been there. My saving grace is 1)prioritizing what must be done and 2)have extensive checklists of what must be done. 
I agree that making exercise a priority will definitely help. 
Hugs!

[giramomma]

Hugs. Please be gentle on yourself. It's the only way that you can get through. That and setting the bar really, really low. Right now, a moral victory for me is getting the kids to school on time looking and smelling decent.

My to-do list. It never gets shorter. Never gets easier. No sense in trying to make it harder on myself. All I can do is what I can do. Same goes for you.

Take care of yourself. You are worth it. 

These things, while they seem major, are minor. I promise. My stupid tax for not taking care of myself is 4K in dental work.

Mental health days from work are also a godsend. I took a day and a half off before thanksgiving so I could get my hair cut and stitch for 5ish hours.

I'm glad I did. Today we've got a meeting about how we are taking over the work of another person who is leaving.  Hiring is going very slowly in my department. We've had folks announce they were retiring almost 9 months ago, and there are still no replacements.

The Pit Bull and NE-YO song "Time of Our Lives" also really helps me, though every time I listen to it, I think Tsk Tsk, YM would tear these folks to shreds. In the song there's a line about every day you are upright is a good day. That's my mantra right now.

[finnime]

BTDT. You're doing much better than you recognize right now. Congratulations on your nearing the end of a long slog!

Suggestion: involve your kids. Tell them your cup runneth over. Ask them each to take over some chore or responsibility for the next month. And tell them that life is sometimes like this, and family pulls together when it is. You'll be there for them when their time comes.

cookie dough + a piece of fruit make a complete meal!

[Rukh O'Rorke]

you need to reframe and carry on.

Stupid taxes come and they go. Sometimes the victory is just getting into your bed at the close of another day. and rejoice in the fact that you have a bed, and so do your kids, and a roof, and no one went to bed hungry (hopefully!).

Many a day, after a frantic morning full of stress about the new day, getting kids what and where they needed to be, I'd be rushing off to work, late, worried about unpaid and unpayable bills, and as I walked to the bus or train, I'd repeat in my head "keep going, Rukh!"  "keep going Rukh"   "keep going Rukh"


Because, if you keep going, you're going to get there eventually.

so-


"keep going, mamasita99 !" "keep going mamasita99 " "keep going mamasita99 "


You're going to get there!

[Lizard Queen]

...or:
keep swimming....keep swimming  

[swasat]

Nov 30, 2016 9:46:04 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Not exactly.... Don't wanna derail this thread.

MJ2.0...come clean!

I hope you are continuing with your school plans.

I hope you are still enrolled.

I hope this time will be it! You can do this girl!

I hope there is light at he end of the tunnel.

Hope! Hope!

You got this. Just keep at it sweetie! 

[Deleted]

Nov 30, 2016 11:19:03 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

...or:
keep swimming....keep swimming  

I love Dory. 

[Pants]

Nov 30, 2016 4:53:23 GMT -5 mamasita99 said:

I know that there may be several other posters who are in my situation or who have been in my situation, so I thought this would be a safe place to vent! I have a spouse but we are separated (due to work and other issues!), so it's just my 2 kids and me (fortunately they are older, 13 and 17).  I've got my full time job and a very small part time one as well for additional experience in my field of study, and also for some additional financial security.  Only a few weeks left of my final semester, and I'm totally focused on school so I can pass my board exam and make this dream a reality.

But now shit's starting to drop. I spaced out on a utility bill for my rental that I have taken over while my place is vacant. It didn't occur to me that I wasn't getting the bill. Apparently the electric company was sending it to the physical address and not my home address/email like all the other bills. So I paid a huge bill last week.  Stupid tax.  

After I got home from the holiday weekend I got sidetracked with something one of the kids needed, and did not switch out the parking pass for my car. Of course that night I get towed. Another $160 stupid tax on me.

I used to hit the gym for a class every morning, 5 am. Now I am so damn tired from my days and nights that I can't get up the energy to get moving that early, even though I know I feel better when I do attend. Instead I've been eating frozen cookie dough.

Not to mention the sweet but often frustrating experience of trying to launch my kids into young adulthood prepared, and hopefully not full of scars from my screw ups.

I know that I am looking at the situation as "half empty" right now, I need to change my outlook. I just had to express my panic, frustration and exhaustion somewhere safe, so I can get over this bump! Thanks for hearing me out, folks!

Mamasita - i've had a tough year. Sounds like you have too. Cut yourself some slack. Just keep swimming is one of my mantras, as mentioned above. Ask yourself what the worst thing that can happen is - if you pay the stupid tax will your kids have to skip meals?

You're almost there - a few more hard weeks will totally be worth it!

[dee27]

The more you beat yourself up about dropping the ball, the less energy you have to ace your exam. Be kind to yourself because we all slip up once in a while. BTDT and I put one foot in front of the other, and you can, too!

[mamasita99]

I just got home from a long day, and read all the comments. Thanks, guys, for being the voice of reason when all I see before me are endless days of more crap! In reality, though, finishing my class in mid-December will really help. Then I just continue to study my tail off until February, when I take my exam. February is also when I finish my part-time job. Come Spring half of those spinning plates will be removed. I have to just keep pressing forward, too close to quit now. And you all are right, I want to be a positive example for my girls, so they know that if something is important to them, they can achieve great things.


MJ, I don't know your school situation at the moment, but sometimes it takes more than one start-up to get in the mindset for an intensive program. I will admit that the first time I took one of my post-grad courses, I withdrew, because the material was newish to me, and I was afraid I would fail. In reality, the material was hard, and that freaked me out. I discovered that I quit or avoided hard things more frequently than I wanted to admit. By the following semester, though, I had accepted that the courses might be hard, but I knew that if I slogged through them I would feel really proud of myself. I was ready to succeed the second time around. So maybe you need another round, or maybe something else is in the works for you. But you WILL work hard at something and feel great about it!

[mamasita99]

Nov 30, 2016 10:05:17 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Hugs. Please be gentle on yourself. It's the only way that you can get through. That and setting the bar really, really low. Right now, a moral victory for me is getting the kids to school on time looking and smelling decent.

Aww, I love chatting with other moms, you so get me!

[suesinfl]

I have/am BTDT so many times, if I had all the stupid tax I paid, I probably be in a much better position. Life is hard, but you are doing the best that you can under the circumstances. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue to see that light at the end of the tunnel.

That is what got me through my hard times with two kids, their activities, my school, their school, and all the road blocks that were thrown my way.

You can do this, you have come so far and will succeed.

[zibazinski]

Nov 30, 2016 6:06:32 GMT -5 mamasita99 said:

Thanks, Zib, for listening. This, too shall pass!

It will. It just feels like shit while it's happening.