I'm not comfortable with that

[swamp]

Is this the new catch phrase with kids?

Whenever I try to get DD to try something new, she tells me that she is not comfortable with that.

Where did that come from? And WTF? You don't learn or grow as a person unless you step out of your comfort zone.

[billisonboard]

When kids say it to me when I am working with them on my course, my response is, "Good, that is why we call it a Challenge Course and not a Comfortable Course. Looks like I am doing my job."

[alabamagal]

My youngest was the worst about not trying things. He liked to know exactly how something would turn out before he tried. He never said he was "not comfortable" if he did I would probably told him tough.

Things like learning to swim and learning to ride a bike involved some screaming on his part, but once he could do it he was always happy 5 mins later.

He is now a well adjusted young man who is better about trying new things.

[geenamercile]

yea not everything is comfortable we still do it.  But I do tend to ask the kids why there are not comfortable with it.  

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Meh. I'd rather they tell me they're uncomfortable with a situation (which for my kids means anxious, nervous, worried, scared) than freak out and get all agitated in defiance because they are anxious/nervous/worried/scared.

We're all experiential learners to some point. It's natural to be uncomfortable in some new situations. Sometimes expressing that discomfort means the kiddo needs some more information about the situation, although, I will admit that sometimes the kiddo is just being difficult.

[Bonny]

Oct 29, 2016 10:05:51 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

Meh. I'd rather they tell me they're uncomfortable with a situation (which for my kids means anxious, nervous, worried, scared) than freak out and get all agitated in defiance because they are anxious/nervous/worried/scared.

We're all experiential learners to some point. It's natural to be uncomfortable in some new situations. Sometimes expressing that discomfort means the kiddo needs some more information about the situation, although, I will admit that sometimes the kiddo is just being difficult.

Because screaming and throwing a temper tantrum is such a better alternative?

I still see a lot that...with adults!

[finnime]

New situations and activities are supposed to be "uncomfortable". Tell your DD that to be comfortable with discomfort (breaking out of a comfort zone) is a great gift, and one that she'll be happy to have.

OTOH, you do want her to be uncomfortable and let that discomfort direct her actions when needed. Such as when someone tries to grope her, or peer pressures her to use tobacco, or jump off the proverbial roof.

Parenting is tough.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Maybe someone told her that was the way to say it politely? I work on that with students often: how do we phrase our discontent so we are still being respectful and using manners?

If she's over-using it and trying to get out of stuff (i.e "I'm not comfortable with setting the table tonight") then I'd be darned annoyed with my kid. 

[swamp]

Oct 29, 2016 12:00:41 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Maybe someone told her that was the way to say it politely? I work on that with students often: how do we phrase our discontent so we are still being respectful and using manners?

If she's over-using it and trying to get out of stuff (i.e "I'm not comfortable with setting the table tonight") then I'd be darned annoyed with my kid. 

bingo.

[oakheart]

These kids are really something these days. 

[busymom]

How 'bout you say "I'm not comfortable making dinner tonight"?

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Oct 29, 2016 12:15:18 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 29, 2016 12:00:41 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Maybe someone told her that was the way to say it politely? I work on that with students often: how do we phrase our discontent so we are still being respectful and using manners?

If she's over-using it and trying to get out of stuff (i.e "I'm not comfortable with setting the table tonight") then I'd be darned annoyed with my kid. 

bingo.

Here.  You're going to need these for the next 10 years.  

[giramomma]

Oct 29, 2016 12:00:41 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

If she's over-using it and trying to get out of stuff (i.e "I'm not comfortable with setting the table tonight") then I'd be darned annoyed with my kid. 

Deleted to say...Oh. I'm sorry if she's using it to get out of being a basic member of the household.

That wouldn't fly. But, it's not even about trying new things. It's about contributing to get done what needs to get done.

ETA: I had this whole other thing before about respecting boundaries and letting kids grow at their own pace...And, cripes, I'm wordy.

[swamp]

If it's something new, I do talk to her about it being ok to be nervous, I would never make her do something that was dangerous, and lots of times I've pushed something, she ends up liking it, yadda yadda yadda.

I'm ok with it in those situations, in fact, I encourage it in place of a tantrum.

It's the "im not comfortable cleaning my room right now" that makes me want to stab someone!

[Wisconsin Beth]

My "rule" is a sport per school year. DS said no to fall soccer. Fine. But he's got to some sport in spring. Soccer is likely what it will be but he could suprise me.

DD is loving gymnastics with her friends. Only one is mowing to the same group next cycle but that's not an issue.

I probably don't push sports enough with them but I also don't want an insane schedule either.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

My 14yo likes to say "but I'm resting right now. I need relaxation time." Yeah, uh-huh. Get off your behind and do your chores! Or, I'll take some relaxation time and not take you dance class. 

[cyanne]

If my child said something like that to me I would respond with, "I'm not comfortable cooking dinner when I have worked all day but I do it anyway-you need to do (insert chore here)."

[Deleted]

Oct 29, 2016 12:28:14 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

My "rule" is a sport per school year. DS said no to fall soccer. Fine. But he's got to some sport in spring. Soccer is likely what it will be but he could suprise me.

DD is loving gymnastics with her friends. Only one is mowing to the same group next cycle but that's not an issue.

I probably don't push sports enough with them but I also don't want an insane schedule either.

I did that to older son until he was maybe 10.  Then I gave up.  He hates sports, and I got sick of paying for him to be miserable (and having to haul him to all the practices).

[Deleted]

Oct 29, 2016 8:56:35 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

 
Things like learning to swim and learning to ride a bike involved some screaming on his part, but once he could do it he was always happy 5 mins later.

Ugh.  I think I'm going to force the bike riding issue with youngest here pretty soon.  I'm not looking forward to that at all...

[NancysSummerSip]

If she's over-using it and trying to get out of stuff (i.e "I'm not comfortable with setting the table tonight") then I'd be darned annoyed with my kid.

Amen to that. I'd let them know I'm going to make them a lot more uncomfortable if they don't get offa their keesters and get moving.

[Deleted]

Oct 29, 2016 12:27:42 GMT -5 swamp said:

If it's something new, I do talk to her about it being ok to be nervous, I would never make her do something that was dangerous, and lots of times I've pushed something, she ends up liking it, yadda yadda yadda.

I'm ok with it in those situations, in fact, I encourage it in place of a tantrum.

It's the "im not comfortable cleaning my room right now" that makes me want to stab someone!

I was going to say that kids are a whole lot more comfortable (LOL) telling adults "no" these days.  "Can I leave class to go get breakfast?"  "Can I go to the vending machine.  I'm hungry!"  Etc., etc.

I'm shaking my head and mentally asking, "Who are these kids? Where did they get this moxie?"

[NastyWoman]

Oct 29, 2016 12:27:42 GMT -5 swamp said:

If it's something new, I do talk to her about it being ok to be nervous, I would never make her do something that was dangerous, and lots of times I've pushed something, she ends up liking it, yadda yadda yadda.

I'm ok with it in those situations, in fact, I encourage it in place of a tantrum.

It's the "im not comfortable cleaning my room right now" that makes me want to stab someone!

Just make sure she cleans up that room before stabbing or you may regret your (too) speedy reaction

[Deleted]

Oct 29, 2016 13:21:49 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Oct 29, 2016 8:56:35 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

 
Things like learning to swim and learning to ride a bike involved some screaming on his part, but once he could do it he was always happy 5 mins later.

Ugh.  I think I'm going to force the bike riding issue with youngest here pretty soon.  I'm not looking forward to that at all...

I decided today was going to be the day! 


It wasn't....

[sesfw]

she tells me that she is not comfortable with that.

I'm curious ........ is this something the teachers are teaching the kids to say when weird people are bothering them?

Maybe being a child she can't differentiate between a weirdo and moms' suggestions.

[mmhmm]

LOL! Mine never came up with that one.  Had they, I'd probably have said:  Oooh! Thanks for sharing that! I'll see to it you get to do that much more often! Practice makes perfect and experience breeds comfort! We'll start now! 

[Green Eyed Lady]

My mom would have responded with something like, "How comfortable would a fat lip be?"

I've heard it a lot also. It seems to have replaced "This/that is NOT ok." I hate them both.

[giramomma]

DS pulls the "in a minute." thing. And the kids always fight about who sets the table. (Which reminds me, I need to make a chart about it.)

But, for DS, it's his hormones. Not that it's any more acceptable. But, I try to take a deep breath, because I still know my sweet, thoughtful, complaint child is still in there. That child comes out on occasion

We just take away currency if there's no good natural consequence.

Not helping to set the table means not being invited to eat supper with the family.

His room has been awful. He tried to "it's my house." Nope, buddy, I'm on the mortgage (first!) It's mine. Shall I charge you rent if you don't like the terms of living here? "It's my stuff." Nope buddy, most of it is bought with my money and I'd be glad to come through with a garbage bag to "help" you clean.

One thing that is better for DS is giving him a time limit. His room was looking much better when I had him spend 10 minutes cleaning his room (or give him a specific task), even a few times a day.

[Bob Ross]

Oct 29, 2016 8:37:23 GMT -5 swamp said:

Is this the new catch phrase with kids?

Whenever I try to get DD to try something new, she tells me that she is not comfortable with that.

Where did that come from? And WTF? You don't learn or grow as a person unless you step out of your comfort zone.

In olden times, it usually had to do with an errant uncle.  

[rob base]

Nov 1, 2016 15:30:04 GMT -5 Bob Ross said:

Oct 29, 2016 8:37:23 GMT -5 swamp said:

Is this the new catch phrase with kids?

Whenever I try to get DD to try something new, she tells me that she is not comfortable with that.

Where did that come from? And WTF? You don't learn or grow as a person unless you step out of your comfort zone.

In olden times, it usually had to do with an errant uncle.  

I heart Bob Ross

Missed u bud