Is respite care deductible?

[Deleted]

DH has acute myeloid leukemia which hasn't responded to treatments. At this point he's so shaky, even with a cane, that I don't want him walking without someone nearby in case he stumbles-a fall might mean bruises or it could be the beginning of the end. He's OK if I'm gone for a couple of hours-he has little energy so if he has reading material and stuff to eat and drink nearby, he's OK, but Thursday I have commitments about 45 minutes away and will be gone for about 5 hours. So, I've arranged for an agency to have someone here.

This won't be the last time. Can I deduct this expense? They won't be cleaning the house, grocery shopping, etc. Most of what he feels like eating are prepared foods (Italian ice, packs of jello or pudding) so they won't be cooking. Mostly they need to be there to get what he needs/wants and keep him from falling.

[zibazinski]

Nope. Not unless a doctor requests it and says it's necessary for your DH, not for you.

[bean29]

Well, if he is on Medicare you might be able to get them to cover it. Maybe someone with more knowledge can direct you. Are you working with a social worker?

My mom had someone coming in once a week to help with my Dad and Medicare was paying for it. Initially she left the house and went to a stained glass class while the caregiver was there. Eventually there got to be a sequence of problems with the caregivers arriving on time, and then my Mom set them up assist with giving Dad a shower 1x per week.

They had visiting nurse coming in 1x per week and they even had visiting Dr's come to the house.

My Mom and Dad also had a few friends who offered to sit with Dad for an hour here or there so she could get out, or she would have one of us kids drop in with something for Dad to eat while she was out and about. 

[Deleted]

Thanks. DH isn't classified as being in hospice care yet but he is getting in-home care, which right now is a nurse once a week. Hospice care may include respite care but we haven't gotten him into that category because he's had a couple of transfusions that seem to have perked him up. Hospice care won't cover that because it's considered treatment of the leukemia rather than just "game over" palliative care. I was also concerned that it would complicate his care if he had a health crisis in the road trip to my mother's funeral which, thank God, he didn't.

Just thought I'd check. I'll take any legitimate deduction I can but it looks like this isn't one of them.

[zibazinski]

Oct 24, 2016 14:44:38 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Thanks. DH isn't classified as being in hospice care yet but he is getting in-home care, which right now is a nurse once a week. Hospice care may include respite care but we haven't gotten him into that category because he's had a couple of transfusions that seem to have perked him up. Hospice care won't cover that because it's considered treatment of the leukemia rather than just "game over" palliative care. I was also concerned that it would complicate his care if he had a health crisis in the road trip to my mother's funeral which, thank God, he didn't.

Just thought I'd check. I'll take any legitimate deduction I can but it looks like this isn't one of them.

Yes, if they can get someone like a spouse to do it for free, they're all over it. Which is why caregivers look like the walking dead and feel like it, too.

[Deleted]

Zib, I'm happy to say I'm not at that point- in fact, I'm posting this from the gym and I haven't missed a workout day in months. Money helps. Crass but true. It also helps that this won't be a long road and DH isn't suffering, just weak. Alzheimer's or a long, ugly battle with something like Parkinson' would be a whole 'nother story. And I won't be marrying again. I wouldn't mind the companionship of a good man but once through this role is enough.

[TheOtherMe]

So sorry, Athena.  When my mom was in hospice, we don't think my dad even realized what that meant.  Of course, he does now.  He also had no idea of just how much care he was providing.  While that stage of her/his life was 5 months, he said a few months later how he wasn't tired.  Mom was waking him up multiple times a night but she wouldn't hear to my sister or I taking off work to go their all night. 

She had a hospice nurse and a personal aide, also provided by hospice.  Medicare covered the hospice care.  All I know is that from that time forward, mom no longer paid for any medication because they were for her comfort, not to treat her illness.

BIL's dad had Parkinson's and was in a nursing home for 17 years.  I can not imagine.  His wife never missed a day of visiting him.  It cost every dime they had received from the sale of their farm and he still ended up on Medicaid.  I don't think anybody can plan on being in a nursing home for 17 years. 

Of course, his mother was able to keep her home.  She sold it when she went to a nursing home.  She would have gone on Medicaid the next month when she passed away.

No, you don't sound crass.  Those diseases that take so much time are horrible.

That is not to say that cancer is easy because it isn't. 

Hugs to you and your hubby.

[Blonde Granny]

Oct 24, 2016 15:19:14 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Zib, I'm happy to say I'm not at that point- in fact, I'm posting this from the gym and I haven't missed a workout day in months. Money helps. Crass but true. It also helps that this won't be a long road and DH isn't suffering, just weak. Alzheimer's or a long, ugly battle with something like Parkinson' would be a whole 'nother story. And I won't be marrying again. I wouldn't mind the companionship of a good man but once through this role is enough.

Amen Athena....and welcome to the pinkie swear club of "I'll never get married again."  From what I've seen so far that claims to be available out there, all the good guys are still married and those that aren't only want a nurse with a purse.

[NoNamePerson]

Oct 25, 2016 8:56:19 GMT -5 Blonde Granny said:

Oct 24, 2016 15:19:14 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Zib, I'm happy to say I'm not at that point- in fact, I'm posting this from the gym and I haven't missed a workout day in months. Money helps. Crass but true. It also helps that this won't be a long road and DH isn't suffering, just weak. Alzheimer's or a long, ugly battle with something like Parkinson' would be a whole 'nother story. And I won't be marrying again. I wouldn't mind the companionship of a good man but once through this role is enough.

Amen Athena....and welcome to the pinkie swear club of "I'll never get married again."  From what I've seen so far that claims to be available out there, all the good guys are still married and those that aren't only want a nurse with a purse.

And people wonder why I never remarried. Not widowed though - just divorced for 34 yrs. But that's just me. Marriage is a wonderful thing - just not for me.

[Deleted]

Oct 25, 2016 8:56:19 GMT -5 Blonde Granny said:

Amen Athena....and welcome to the pinkie swear club of "I'll never get married again."  From what I've seen so far that claims to be available out there, all the good guys are still married and those that aren't only want a nurse with a purse.

Yeah, I've heard it as "a nurse OR a purse" but it stuck with me. There's a nice widower in my garden club who's about my age and I noticed he had medical "dog tags" on a chain around his neck. I peeked at them. "Warfarin" (anticoagulant, presumably stroke risk), "Stents" (little metal tubes put in major arteries to keep them open) and "Diabetic". Umm, no, thanks.

[Blonde Granny]

Our little club is getting bigger and bigger.

Some days I can hardly take care of me, how would I take care of someone else, especially when I've been there/done that!!

[countrygirl2]

I figure everything we have will go to take care of MIL, DD, either DH or me. What we gave son this year may be

all he ever gets. With longevity and the obscene costs of care you can't take care of that many people unless you

are multi multi millionaires even with govt  help and I think it will get less and less. 

If we can buy his cousins sisters house we may do that and rent it back to her sister, she and her sister both had

bad bad marriages. Married rich little boys, one had schizophrenia and she never married again but had a good job.

Other had a wife beater and abuser and she didn't have a good job, finally finished nursing school and here she is

in older years working a hard job and nobody to help, her son got in big trouble and is out of jail and she is trying

to help him. Now the years of stress is taking a toll. If we can buy the house we will rent it to her for $300 less then

she is paying and I suggested to hubby will it to her when we die. They were good kids, very close to my husband,

one just died at 62, now her sister is getting diabetes and has heart problems.  I don't mind helping them, they

were good kids, took care of their mom for years also. All their kids but one turned out to be fine adults.

I wouldn't give my cousins the time of day, we were looked down on by mom's family because we were poor.  My

cousins on my dads side did very well and I like them but only one left. We aren't poor yet but may end up that

way so we will do what we can.

[dee27]

I took care of my mom and my dad before they died, but if DH gets sick, I will have to hire help because I cannot lift him. We do have LTI which covers in-home care, and at the rate that the state is closing nursing homes, he would be better off at home. He did register at the VA because he served in Vietnam, but I do not have much faith in the VA moving quickly. My uncle was a widower who lived in a rural area, and he waited two years for the VA to approve him for care, but then he died a few weeks later. 

[Blonde Granny]

The VA is sadly under funded and under staffed. That's why 10-15 years ago the category system was enacted. 1-8, yep 8 meant "don't call us we'll cal you" and #1 meant the vet went to the head of the line.

For a number of years the VA ignored the means testing of new veterans, but no longer. The means test paperwork has to be filled out every year. If income is over the level stated, the vet is likely to be shown the door or have to start making copays for his/her care. The higher the veterans disability rating the higher the benefits become. 50% disabled is the first magic number, 70% and above offers even more benefits and 100% P & T is the golden ring for benefits.....that's why that rating isn't given out with the drop of a hat.

We can't see the future unfortunately, but if your DH would have applied 10-20 years ago he'd be looking at a different situation. The Medical Center where I volunteer served 685K veterans in 2015 and we'll break that record for 2016. Our staff is good, the doctors and nurses really care, but it is a federal government run dept. and we can all see how well the govt. does anything.

All the best to you....