Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Oct 15, 2016 18:14:29 GMT -5
When I was in high school was had a rash of suicides. And not the kids you would expect. One was a popular football player and another was homecoming queen (she did it shortly after we graduated). There were a few others but the memory of who they were escapes me. I also worked with a 16 year old kid who killed himself My very close girlfriends fiancé killed him self at age 48. He struggled with depression for years so while I didn't see it coming it wasn't a complete shock I have to admit I get angry when parents kill them selves. Once you become a parent life stops being about you and it is now about the children. You hate yourself so much you believe the kids are better off without you I admit that I can't understand that thinking.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 15, 2016 18:26:28 GMT -5
I have battled major depression since 5th grade. It's a daily battle.
I have not considered suicide seriously in at least 15 years. There was a period in my life when it was a constant thought and I had a plan. I just never got up the guts to do it. Then my next door neighbor committed suicide while his wife was out of town. I saw him when I was getting my mail. He must have locked himself in the garage right after that. Next day, I hear all these sirens and go outside. See him being taken away in ambulance. Another neighbor says he was dead when they took him.
House went up for sale immediately. She never came back.
I know the only reason I didn't do it was because I was afraid I would take my cats with me and I couldn't do that.
Luckily antidepressants have improved. Since I was put on the correct dosage of medication. I have not considered suicide. I can't criticize anybody who does commit suicide because I have walked in those shoes and lived to tell about it.
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Oct 15, 2016 18:32:48 GMT -5
When I was in high school was had a rash of suicides. And not the kids you would expect. One was a popular football player and another was homecoming queen (she did it shortly after we graduated). There were a few others but the memory of who they were escapes me. I also worked with a 16 year old kid who killed himself My very close girlfriends fiancé killed him self at age 48. He struggled with depression for years so while I didn't see it coming it wasn't a complete shock I have to admit I get angry when parents kill them selves. Once you become a parent life stops being about you and it is now about the children. As I mentioned, I was a kid when my parent killed themselves. I think I ended up with a better life because of it. I got more stability, didn't have to worry about if my mom was dying in a gutter somewhere drunk, or would show up for visitation. It probably sounds horrible to say that (and maybe I am a horrible person for thinking that) but I know my mom wouldn't have been able to get fixed up enough to be a good parent, especially at that time and place. She had tried rehab multiple times (for the alcohol abuse) but had many demons and she coudn't handle the depression (I think she was abused as a child by a family member but couldn't ever confirm it. her family was one where there were lots of secrets and no one ever talked about things). Being the big stigma on mental health issues, the lack of good medications and therapy, and being in a family where you didn't acknowledge you needed help, her prospects for getting better were very dim. I think she loved me and my sister enough to do this for us so we wouldn't have to worry about her and would have more stability (My dad had just remarried my DSM when she died and the 2 of them got along well. I think she knew DSM would be good to us and felt she could go because we were taken care of. I saw it as an act of love for us as well as a way for her to end her pain
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Oct 15, 2016 18:46:30 GMT -5
When I was in high school was had a rash of suicides. And not the kids you would expect. One was a popular football player and another was homecoming queen (she did it shortly after we graduated). There were a few others but the memory of who they were escapes me. I also worked with a 16 year old kid who killed himself My very close girlfriends fiancé killed him self at age 48. He struggled with depression for years so while I didn't see it coming it wasn't a complete shock I have to admit I get angry when parents kill them selves. Once you become a parent life stops being about you and it is now about the children. As I mentioned, I was a kid when my parent killed themselves. I think I ended up with a better life because of it. I got more stability, didn't have to worry about if my mom was dying in a gutter somewhere drunk, or would show up for visitation. It probably sounds horrible to say that (and maybe I am a horrible person for thinking that) but I know my mom wouldn't have been able to get fixed up enough to be a good parent, especially at that time and place. She had tried rehab multiple times (for the alcohol abuse) but had many demons and she coudn't handle the depression (I think she was abused as a child by a family member but couldn't ever confirm it. her family was one where there were lots of secrets and no one ever talked about things). Being the big stigma on mental health issues, the lack of good medications and therapy, and being in a family where you didn't acknowledge you needed help, her prospects for getting better were very dim. I think she loved me and my sister enough to do this for us so we wouldn't have to worry about her and would have more stability (My dad had just remarried my DSM when she died and the 2 of them got along well. I think she knew DSM would be good to us and felt she could go because we were taken care of. I saw it as an act of love for us as well as a way for her to end her pain How incredibly sad that your mom had such demons. I'm glad you had a better life than she could have provided.
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Oct 15, 2016 19:03:25 GMT -5
How incredibly sad that your mom had such demons. I'm glad you had a better life than she could have provided.
Thanks... It makes me sad too but I hope she got some relief from her pain. I know she loved us and I do have good memories of her. I think mental health issues are probably the worst afflictions to have. We have a lot more options for physical issues (cancers, diabetes, etc) but we still haven't conquered the mental health arena. the amount of support that people get for physical ailments is a lot higher as well. I can only imagine how painful it would be to have these issues that you can't escape from because they are in your head. I worked in an inpatient psych unit for awhile and it was eye opening to see what our patients went through. people who had schizophrenia and were hearing voices, having to question every thought they had. People with depression who didn't get as much help as they needed because the illness had them essentially paralyzed. it was nice to be able to help the patients but it was sad seeing what people had to deal with.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2016 19:08:42 GMT -5
I have to admit I get angry when parents kill them selves. Once you become a parent life stops being about you and it is now about the children. Most people that kill themselves aren't thinking about how it will affect loved ones. Rational thought is kind of out the window at that point or they wouldn't see it as the only option. The ones that I get angry with are the ones that kill the kids too because they don't want them to have to live on without their parent.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Oct 15, 2016 20:02:38 GMT -5
I have to admit I get angry when parents kill them selves. Once you become a parent life stops being about you and it is now about the children. Most people that kill themselves aren't thinking about how it will affect loved ones. Rational thought is kind of out the window at that point or they wouldn't see it as the only option. The ones that I get angry with are the ones that kill the kids too because they don't want them to have to live on without their parent. I absolutely agree. We had a case about two years ago just a few streets over. The wife was filing for divorce. The sperm donor had the gorgeous little 2 year old while the mom worked. He called the mom at work and said "calling to let you know you will never see your daughter again". By the time the cops got there the little girl and monster were dead :-(
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 15, 2016 20:40:51 GMT -5
You hate yourself so much you believe the kids are better off without you I admit that I can't understand that thinking. I didn't hate myself. But I honestly did think my kids would be better off with someone else who'd be a better parent than me. I got help but I still feel like a lousy parent about 80% of the time. Eta a lot of my journey out of depression is actually chronicled on WIR, a thread called "Thank You All"
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2016 21:04:01 GMT -5
Most people that kill themselves aren't thinking about how it will affect loved ones. Rational thought is kind of out the window at that point or they wouldn't see it as the only option. The ones that I get angry with are the ones that kill the kids too because they don't want them to have to live on without their parent. I absolutely agree. We had a case about two years ago just a few streets over. The wife was filing for divorce. The sperm donor had the gorgeous little 2 year old while the mom worked. He called the mom at work and said "calling to let you know you will never see your daughter again". By the time the cops got there the little girl and monster were dead :-( My ex when he is really bad scares the crap out of me. He starts talking a lot about God and heaven and returning home and how I'm a demon that is going to ruin our son. I could totally see him doing something insane like that when he's in that messed up place. It's awesome.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Oct 15, 2016 21:06:33 GMT -5
I admit that I can't understand that thinking. I didn't hate myself. But I honestly did think my kids would be better off with someone else who'd be a better parent than me. I got help but I still feel like a lousy parent about 80% of the time. Eta a lot of my journey out of depression is actually chronicled on WIR, a thread called "Thank You All" I'm very glad you got the help you needed :-). I will read that thread to gain some insight...but not now because I'm leaving for a cruise in the mornnng!
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Oct 15, 2016 21:21:57 GMT -5
I didn't hate myself. But I honestly did think my kids would be better off with someone else who'd be a better parent than me. I got help but I still feel like a lousy parent about 80% of the time. Eta a lot of my journey out of depression is actually chronicled on WIR, a thread called "Thank You All" I'm very glad you got the help you needed :-). I will read that thread to gain some insight...but not now because I'm leaving for a cruise in the mornnng! Have a wonderful cruise. Where are you cruising?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 15, 2016 21:43:25 GMT -5
Have a wonderful time.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 15, 2016 22:04:01 GMT -5
I didn't hate myself. But I honestly did think my kids would be better off with someone else who'd be a better parent than me. I got help but I still feel like a lousy parent about 80% of the time. Eta a lot of my journey out of depression is actually chronicled on WIR, a thread called "Thank You All" I'm very glad you got the help you needed :-). I will read that thread to gain some insight...but not now because I'm leaving for a cruise in the mornnng! I am not able to back and reread it yet.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Oct 16, 2016 3:59:59 GMT -5
I agree with some of the other posters here that have struggled with depression about just wanting to stop the pain. At the time I was suicidal, I was divorced and living with a roommate. I wanted the psychic pain to stop, but couldn't figure air how to kill myself so my roommate wouldn't find me. I knew I couldn't do that to her because her son had committed suicide a few years before and that had devastated her.
I wasn't rational some of the time. I was at work one day and just started crying and couldn't stop. Thank god my boss called my therapist who had me admitted to the hospital.
My son was away at college at that time, so he didn't realize how bad it was for me and I don't think I ever told him either. I do know that I did or said some things to him that caused estrangement between us.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Oct 16, 2016 4:01:37 GMT -5
I don't ever talk much about this part of my life although DH knows about it. It's really hard for me to talk about and think about.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Oct 16, 2016 17:16:40 GMT -5
Medications could help you cope better when you have those "low" periods, but I think a therapist could help you learn ways to cope with your family and job. Therapy and medication have done wonders for me.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 17, 2016 6:23:23 GMT -5
My mother attempted it when I was about 6. I was the one who found her but had no idea what was going on. I just ran across the street and got my best friend's mother as she was a nurse. Turns out depression and alcoholism runs in her family. I think about it every night I go to work. I hate my job with the passion of a thousand suns but I just feel too tired to look for another one. I think about whether I will swallow my full bottle of pills (prescription was just filled) with a chaser of vodka or drive off a bridge on 95. It won't screw up traffic because it will be at 3:30 in the morning. I hadn't done it because DH threatened to put my cat down if I did but now that the cat is gone, I really have nothing to keep me here. It gets so hard existing, I'm not living, every day and wondering why I bother staying here. DH sits on his ass in front of the TV sleeping all day and night. I'm working a shit job for the health insurance for DH and am too tired of trying to give a fuck about anything. My parents are gone and my sister is useless. I have no friends and DH can go live with his brother. All he does is sleep so it won't matter where he sleeps. Yes, I am well aware I need therapy. Thanks. I am sorry you are going thru this! I can understand feeling tired. Life has a way to beat you down. And, maybe there are things in your life that just are the way they are. However, is it possible to at least find another job that might be more pleasant? I understand you don't feel like you have any energy in reserve to do this, but if you at least put yourself out there with a resume, you might be pleasantly surprised. Maybe being able to change one thing in your life would put you in a better place.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 18, 2016 10:45:02 GMT -5
My mother attempted it when I was about 6. I was the one who found her but had no idea what was going on. I just ran across the street and got my best friend's mother as she was a nurse. Turns out depression and alcoholism runs in her family. I think about it every night I go to work. I hate my job with the passion of a thousand suns but I just feel too tired to look for another one. I think about whether I will swallow my full bottle of pills (prescription was just filled) with a chaser of vodka or drive off a bridge on 95. It won't screw up traffic because it will be at 3:30 in the morning. I hadn't done it because DH threatened to put my cat down if I did but now that the cat is gone, I really have nothing to keep me here. It gets so hard existing, I'm not living, every day and wondering why I bother staying here. DH sits on his ass in front of the TV sleeping all day and night. I'm working a shit job for the health insurance for DH and am too tired of trying to give a fuck about anything. My parents are gone and my sister is useless. I have no friends and DH can go live with his brother. All he does is sleep so it won't matter where he sleeps. Yes, I am well aware I need therapy. Thanks. *Hugs Empress* I hope things look up soon. If you are able to find a therapist that would be great. Or maybe your dh could do the leg work of looking up a handful of options for you that are covered by your insurance. (I'm assuming that the threat to put your cat down was his leverage to keep you here and that he isn't really an a$$).
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naughtybear
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Post by naughtybear on Oct 18, 2016 15:33:33 GMT -5
I think about the trauma I would leave my kids and grand daughter, that is what stops me.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Oct 19, 2016 7:10:12 GMT -5
My mother attempted it when I was about 6. I was the one who found her but had no idea what was going on. I just ran across the street and got my best friend's mother as she was a nurse. Turns out depression and alcoholism runs in her family. I think about it every night I go to work. I hate my job with the passion of a thousand suns but I just feel too tired to look for another one. I think about whether I will swallow my full bottle of pills (prescription was just filled) with a chaser of vodka or drive off a bridge on 95. It won't screw up traffic because it will be at 3:30 in the morning. I hadn't done it because DH threatened to put my cat down if I did but now that the cat is gone, I really have nothing to keep me here. It gets so hard existing, I'm not living, every day and wondering why I bother staying here. DH sits on his ass in front of the TV sleeping all day and night. I'm working a shit job for the health insurance for DH and am too tired of trying to give a fuck about anything. My parents are gone and my sister is useless. I have no friends and DH can go live with his brother. All he does is sleep so it won't matter where he sleeps. Yes, I am well aware I need therapy. Thanks. Very sorry you're going through this. I never had depression, so I won't attempt to give you any advice, but I hope you find a good therapist and find a way out of this, it sounds miserable.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Oct 19, 2016 7:21:29 GMT -5
How incredibly sad that your mom had such demons. I'm glad you had a better life than she could have provided.
Thanks... It makes me sad too but I hope she got some relief from her pain. I know she loved us and I do have good memories of her. I think mental health issues are probably the worst afflictions to have. We have a lot more options for physical issues (cancers, diabetes, etc) but we still haven't conquered the mental health arena. the amount of support that people get for physical ailments is a lot higher as well. I can only imagine how painful it would be to have these issues that you can't escape from because they are in your head. I worked in an inpatient psych unit for awhile and it was eye opening to see what our patients went through. people who had schizophrenia and were hearing voices, having to question every thought they had. People with depression who didn't get as much help as they needed because the illness had them essentially paralyzed. it was nice to be able to help the patients but it was sad seeing what people had to deal with. I agree, we don't do nearly enough for people with MH issues. Too many of them end up living under bridges, or mired in alcohol or drug addictions because they're self medicating.
I think a lot of the problem is people who don't have MH problems have a hard time imaging what it's like to be depressed enough to kill yourself or to hear voices or be unable to sleep - ever.
I'm guilty of this myself, my older sister was a hoarder and refused to clean her house. I know she had some kind of MH problems but all I could think of was 'how in the world can someone live like this, in this filth?' The truth is, normal people can't live that way, and the fact that she could meant she had some serious issues. It wasn't just that she was lazy or irresponsible, which is what I often thought about her.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Oct 19, 2016 7:41:11 GMT -5
I realized I didn't answer the original question - I've watched two parents die slowly from Alzheimers/Dementia and have decided if I get to the point where I start down the road towards mental incompetence I'll kill myself. I don't want to spend the last five years of my life spending my life savings in a facility having someone change my diapers for me, gradually being unable to do even the smallest things that used to bring pleasure to my life, being unable even to remember my family. I think suicide in such circumstances - terminal illnesses or dementia - is the best option for the person going through it as well as his family. I haven't started researching it yet but as I approach retirement, I'll have a plan to exit life as well.
As for suicide caused by anything other than the above, especially with young adults, it's tragic. In some cases I think it's sudden thoughtless impulse, but in talking to people with mental health issues, it can also be their only way out after years of struggling with a debilitating MH problem. Not having MH problems myself, but knowing you can't just 'snap out of' those kinds of things, I can't really judge if suicide is the best option for them. It's tragic regardless, though.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2016 9:00:28 GMT -5
I find it sad and also it really ticks me off when you hear things like "that person was so selfish." Well no, that person was in...I don't know...mental agony and felt that was the only way to solve it. I agree.
Regarding the guy that was fighting over the family farm with his sister - he committed suicide because he was sick of arguing with his sister. I had the conversation with someone that couldn't understand why he did it because now his sister will get everything instead of half. I defended the guy that died by saying "he was sick of fighting!"
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2016 21:47:01 GMT -5
Hi all, Thanks for the concern. I appreciate it. I feel better today than I did last week. I took time to think and I researched my medication and found a side effect is suicidal thoughts so I will be talking to my doctor about that. I am also going to be looking into support groups for caregivers and MS patients. I need to be around other people in my, and DH's, situation. I have also decided I will sign up to volunteer at the MSPCA, work my way into the cat room and the small animal room. I cannot afford to bring home a new cat right now and besides, we have the bitch twins, who are not people friendly, to put it mildly, and would shred a new cat to pieces. Sorry the saga there and I feel embarrassed spouting out there but I will admit it was a bit cathartic. Thank you. And the happiest news of all is THE TRIPLETS ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They were born by c-section this morning. They are only 31 weeks and the tiniest little things I have ever seen but the babies (2 girls, 1 boy) and parents are doing well so that is something to look forward to.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Oct 21, 2016 22:07:24 GMT -5
@empressspunkles - I'm glad to read your earlier post was cathartic for you. I'm also glad to read that you have some ideas on what to do next to help you and/or DH along with everything. Also, great news the triples made it to 31 weeks considering the average is 32 weeks for triplets! I'm so happy to hear 2 girls and 1 boy considering I saw a post a couple of weeks ago about a possible issue the boy!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 22, 2016 8:52:32 GMT -5
Having something to redirect your mind will help. After the one thread that Bluester started about being married one day and widowed the next, I had a very bad night. I didn't want to kill myself, I just wanted to die. After a huge cry and a bad nights sleep, it was another day. I'm still in a funk but I'm dog sitting and the weather is cool enough for open windows and doors so I'm trying to think good thoughts and enjoy what is good.
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