suicide thoughts

[Deleted]

This may be a morbid topic for some. What are your thoughts on suicide?

There has been an unusual amount of suicides in our small town (like maybe six over the past six months). It is mostly middle aged men. What I know of, two were going through divorces and one was fighting over the family farm with his sister.

I have noticed the different reactions people have. Some people are appalled one would go to that extreme. Some people seem really confused. I felt empathy because the person was suffering to such an extreme.

What do you think when you hear of someone committing suicide?

[hoops902]

I typically think it's just sad. I think the people who seem confused have probably never felt that way, or don't understand some of the brain chemistry behind those kinds of feelings of deep depression.  It's a cliché, but I think the saying of "it's a long term solution to a short-term problem" is pretty accurate. I've known people who have struggled with this kind of thing and gotten help, nobody I've known has ever said "ya know, I wish I'd just gone ahead and killed myself back then".

It's sad when people can't imagine a time when their lives will be so happy as to make them want to continue living. 

[alabamagal]

My grandfather committed suicide.  He was in his 70s and had chronic health problems, heart disease,diabetes.  He actually had a bad stroke or heart attack and was hospitalized.  When he got home he committed suicide.  He was always going to be impaired due to his health.  It was tough on the family, especially my grandmother who found him with gunshot.  Honestly that was the worst part.  I think in the long run everyone understood that he did not want to live his life impaired and in pain.

When it is younger people (and I put middle age in that category) who are just upset about their situation I think it is harder to understand.

My son had a friend from school die in murder-suicide.  He was 24 and it was him an his girlfriend.  Guessing the girlfriend was leaving and it is the "If I can't have her no one can" mentality.  It is really sad.

[movingforward]

I think about how horribly sad it is that someone believes that is their only option.  I think they probably have some deeper mental issues and it isn't just about the current situation they were in.  It is just terribly, terribly sad and I can't imagine what family members much go through as well.  A boy I knew in high school committed suicide.  Everyone was shocked.  No one expected it from him but apparently he had some deep seeded issues that no one knew about. 

[souldoubt]

I think it must have taken a lot to get them to that point.  Reactions vary and the way someone feels can change as they go through the stages of grief - anger that the person selfishly killed themselves, sadness that they didn't reach out for help, blaming themselves that they didn't see the signs and the list goes on.  Someone in my fiances family in his early 20's committed suicide in the last few years.  Like most of the family we didn't hear about what had been going on in his life until after the fact and there were some screams for help that were ignored against the advice of other family members.  His mom either didn't think he needed help or didn't want to believe it.  In the end though none of that matters because he's gone and nothing anyone does now will change that.  His mom cut off contact with most the family and is dealing with it on her own for better or worse and like most people who deal with suicide she'll always be left wondering "what if I..."

[Tiny]

I think it's sad - in the same way I feel when anyone dies unexpectedly. I feel sympathy for their family (they've just lost a loved one).

Depression and other mental health issues can be a like a 'chronic health' issue. I don't think anyone out of the blue wakes up one morning and decides - "I'll kill myself today." - unless maybe if they are taking some prescription medications that have 'suicide' as a side effect. The key here is 'out of the blue' I think it's a rather long path (painful, exhausting, difficult) that gets a person to the point of suicide.

I don't think having a family member commit suicide reflects badly on their relatives (or friends).

I don't put the blame on someone who dies from life long bad habits like eating or smoking or hanging around with the wrong crowd. I don't blame someone who dies because of a dangerous hobby they have or a dangerous job. Why would I put any sort of blame on someone who commits suicide?

I think most religions do more harm than good when it comes to suicide... which is unfortunate.

Now, the people who kill other people and then kill themselves... that kind of baffles me - is it mental illness coupled with anger? vindictiveness? some weird version of "love"? That one I have a harder time with.

ADDED: I think we humans want 'reasons' for things... and we're usually brought up to believe that "living" no matter how horrible or awful or terrible living is... is worth more than dying.      Death is a kind of 'failure'.       I think many people are afraid to think of their own death (which isn't really about suicide - it's just thinking about one's own death).   It's like they are afraid that thinking about their own death is BAD... when it's not.     Fine line I guess. 

[MJ2.0]

I think it's sad when otherwise young and healthy people kill themselves.... Especially since life usually improves dramatically once you're out of the teen years and into adulthood. For people who are terminally ill people, I understand why they would.

[zibazinski]

I had thoughts of it. I did while I was pregnant with number two as well. I knew the feelings would pass but if I were younger, would I have had the sense to know the ache would eventually subside?

[motherto2]

I think it is sad for all involved, whether it's the person that felt there was no other option, the family and friends left behind to wonder why.  My DD's godfather committed suicide a few years ago.  One of the funniest, most outgoing and popular persons you'd ever want to know.  It sent a shock wave through our small community.  He was ExDH's cousin, and was in our wedding.  Suicide is so different than other deaths.  Each one is very different as to reasons why.  In his case, he'd had throat cancer that left him with a permanent ringing in his ears.  Afterwards, we all heard about the wife that was fooling around with one of his best friends.  But ultimately, no one knows what pushed that last button to make him take his life.  DD was deployed at the time and couldn't attend his funeral.  she still to this day refuses to go to his gravesite.  She's not had any sort of closure, which is hard to watch.  His funeral was one of the largest I've ever been to, had to be held at the high school auditorium due to the volume of people attending.  I'm sure each and every one of us wondered how we missed the signs (not sure there were any) and what we could have done to help him.

[countrygirl]

I didn't even know them, but I have had 2 cousins from 1 family commit suicide, both smart, don't know what

happened.  Another cousins son did a couple years ago, I heard he was an alcoholic she has never gotten over it.

My husband had a cousin that did too, again a very very smart intelligent person, a success in life, and yet.....

Also the valedictorian of my graduating class, a very successful woman. Why?

Lived next door to an older very sad lady, could not connect to anyone, she did too.

And my neighbor on the other side tried, did not succeed and never tried again.

To many that must be living with some deep hurt.

I'm not letting people off that easy, I will make them all miserable.

Didn't realize how many I had known about until I typed this, damn.

[msventoux]

I don't know anyone personally who has committed suicide, so it hasn't hit close to home.  When hearing about others, I guess I feel sorry that they feel like that was their only option.  If they only killed themselves.  If they killed others, then themselves, then I wish they'd just ended their own lives and left the others alone.

But I also understand why someone would feel like they didn't have any better options than killing themselves.  I've never seriously considered it, but have had long stretches where life was utterly exhausting, meaningless, and didn't seem like it would get better no matter what I did.  I wished I didn't have to hang around for it and could just skip to the end to whatever comes after...or not.  Logic and not wanting to hurt others with my actions has always won out, but I could see how people with worse problems or more intense pain could come to the conclusion to end it. 

[sesfw]

Dr. Norman Vincent Peale wrote an essay on suicide that is great.  I read it while I was part of a grief recovery website many years ago.

I know I considered it after my DH passed but I couldn't figure out a way to keep from hurting myself.  By the time I found out how to do it permanently without pain I no longer wanted to do it.

It is so sad ..... a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  The family and friends are left with a hole in their hearts that nothing can help.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

DH and I are currently working our way through the Netflix series Grace and Frankie and, as it so happens, we watched a couple of episodes tonight that deal with a suicide. The person was terminally ill, so somewhat understandable. Still, we felt sad at the sudden loss of a TV character we'd grown to like. I hope I am never faced with making such a decision.

[Deleted]

My mother attempted it when I was about 6. I was the one who found her but had no idea what was going on. I just ran across the street and got my best friend's mother as she was a nurse. Turns out depression and alcoholism runs in her family.

I think about it every night I go to work. I hate my job with the passion of a thousand suns but I just feel too tired to look for another one. I think about whether I will swallow my full bottle of pills (prescription was just filled) with a chaser of vodka or drive off a bridge on 95. It won't screw up traffic because it will be at 3:30 in the morning. I hadn't done it because DH threatened to put my cat down if I did but now that the cat is gone, I really have nothing to keep me here. It gets so hard existing, I'm not living, every day and wondering why I bother staying here. DH sits on his ass in front of the TV sleeping all day and night. I'm working a shit job for the health insurance for DH and am too tired of trying to give a fuck about anything. My parents are gone and my sister is useless. I have no friends and DH can go live with his brother. All he does is sleep so it won't matter where he sleeps.

Yes, I am well aware I need therapy. Thanks.

[msventoux]

Oct 14, 2016 23:35:36 GMT -5 @empressspunkles said:

My mother attempted it when I was about 6. I was the one who found her but had no idea what was going on. I just ran across the street and got my best friend's mother as she was a nurse. Turns out depression and alcoholism runs in her family.

I think about it every night I go to work. I hate my job with the passion of a thousand suns but I just feel too tired to look for another one. I think about whether I will swallow my full bottle of pills (prescription was just filled) with a chaser of vodka or drive off a bridge on 95. It won't screw up traffic because it will be at 3:30 in the morning. I hadn't done it because DH threatened to put my cat down if I did but now that the cat is gone, I really have nothing to keep me here. It gets so hard existing, I'm not living, every day and wondering why I bother staying here. DH sits on his ass in front of the TV sleeping all day and night. I'm working a shit job for the health insurance for DH and am too tired of trying to give a fuck about anything. My parents are gone and my sister is useless. I have no friends and DH can go live with his brother. All he does is sleep so it won't matter where he sleeps.

Yes, I am well aware I need therapy. Thanks.

I'm so sorry things are so rough for you. 

[cronewitch]

I can see for someone who is elderly and alone but for everyone else there are other answers. I was in a bad place in 1983 but I considered my options and decided if worse came to worse I could move to Florida and disappear. My ex was abusive and threatening my family if I left and leaving meant losing my house and everything and having to hide. Since we were in WA and didn't know anyone in Florida he wouldn't ever look for me there. Turned out I went to my parents and keep my old job and he didn't even try to find me but if he had I would have hid better. I also considered killing him, accidentally and collecting his life insurance but I didn't have time to stay long enough and had to go.
I feel really sad for high school and younger kids who can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I wonder if some have impulse control issues and just decide spur of the moment or do it to get revenge on someone. My ex dated a girl once who he broke up with and she parked in front of his home and blew her brains out so he would feel bad. He actually was glad he hadn't given in to her threats and been stuck with her.

[Deleted]

Oct 15, 2016 0:27:32 GMT -5 cronewitch said:

I can see for someone who is elderly and alone but for everyone else there are other answers. I was in a bad place in 1983 but I considered my options and decided if worse came to worse I could move to Florida and disappear. My ex was abusive and threatening my family if I left and leaving meant losing my house and everything and having to hide. Since we were in WA and didn't know anyone in Florida he wouldn't ever look for me there. Turned out I went to my parents and keep my old job and he didn't even try to find me but if he had I would have hid better. I also considered killing him, accidentally and collecting his life insurance but I didn't have time to stay long enough and had to go.
I feel really sad for high school and younger kids who can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I wonder if some have impulse control issues and just decide spur of the moment or do it to get revenge on someone. My ex dated a girl once who he broke up with and she parked in front of his home and blew her brains out so he would feel bad. He actually was glad he hadn't given in to her threats and been stuck with her.

It's not that simple. Brain chemistry has a lot do do with it. I inherited the loony gene and the alcoholic gene from my mother's side. Throw in the issues from spinal meningitis and I have a a whole new set of problems. Nobody is abusive except for me to myself. I hate myself and don't particularly like living. The girl your ex dated could have used a therapist just as much as I can. Who knows. But being blown off like that tends to be a large part of the problem, not any part of the solution. Compassion. Try some.
I only know myself and if someone is going to give me the claptrap crap about impulse control, then they need to get over themselves. I am well aware I need to get over myself and maybe someday I will, but, until that happens, or I do succeed in killing myself, then I really don't need that kind of shit-forsaken crap.

[taz157]

Oct 14, 2016 23:48:44 GMT -5 msventoux said:

Oct 14, 2016 23:35:36 GMT -5 @empressspunkles said:

My mother attempted it when I was about 6. I was the one who found her but had no idea what was going on. I just ran across the street and got my best friend's mother as she was a nurse. Turns out depression and alcoholism runs in her family.

I think about it every night I go to work. I hate my job with the passion of a thousand suns but I just feel too tired to look for another one. I think about whether I will swallow my full bottle of pills (prescription was just filled) with a chaser of vodka or drive off a bridge on 95. It won't screw up traffic because it will be at 3:30 in the morning. I hadn't done it because DH threatened to put my cat down if I did but now that the cat is gone, I really have nothing to keep me here. It gets so hard existing, I'm not living, every day and wondering why I bother staying here. DH sits on his ass in front of the TV sleeping all day and night. I'm working a shit job for the health insurance for DH and am too tired of trying to give a fuck about anything. My parents are gone and my sister is useless. I have no friends and DH can go live with his brother. All he does is sleep so it won't matter where he sleeps.

Yes, I am well aware I need therapy. Thanks.

I'm so sorry things are so rough for you. 

Yeah that. ((((Hugs)))) I hope things turn around soon.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Oct 14, 2016 23:35:36 GMT -5 @empressspunkles said:

My mother attempted it when I was about 6. I was the one who found her but had no idea what was going on. I just ran across the street and got my best friend's mother as she was a nurse. Turns out depression and alcoholism runs in her family.

I think about it every night I go to work. I hate my job with the passion of a thousand suns but I just feel too tired to look for another one. I think about whether I will swallow my full bottle of pills (prescription was just filled) with a chaser of vodka or drive off a bridge on 95. It won't screw up traffic because it will be at 3:30 in the morning. I hadn't done it because DH threatened to put my cat down if I did but now that the cat is gone, I really have nothing to keep me here. It gets so hard existing, I'm not living, every day and wondering why I bother staying here. DH sits on his ass in front of the TV sleeping all day and night. I'm working a shit job for the health insurance for DH and am too tired of trying to give a fuck about anything. My parents are gone and my sister is useless. I have no friends and DH can go live with his brother. All he does is sleep so it won't matter where he sleeps.

Yes, I am well aware I need therapy. Thanks.

So, how do we help you get out of this trap you're in?  Because that's how I read that post.  

I admit that I know nothing about any of this and I certainly do NOT mean to minimize your distress, and you know you can tell me to butt out entirely, but isn't there health insurance for people who are disabled?  If there is, I suspect it's crappy insurance, but even if he went on it just for a while so that you could re-group, would that be so horrible?  You could get coverage on the exchange for yourself.  Then, take a trip somewhere you've always wanted to go.  I find that sometimes just getting myself physically out of my usual environs does a ton for my frame of mind.  

Do you need to finish a degree?  Go back to school for something else?  Move?  What is it that you want to do with your life but that current circumstances prevent you from doing so?

[zibazinski]

Empress, time to cut that cord. 

[Deleted]

Oct 14, 2016 23:35:36 GMT -5 @empressspunkles said:

My mother attempted it when I was about 6. I was the one who found her but had no idea what was going on. I just ran across the street and got my best friend's mother as she was a nurse. Turns out depression and alcoholism runs in her family.

I think about it every night I go to work. I hate my job with the passion of a thousand suns but I just feel too tired to look for another one. I think about whether I will swallow my full bottle of pills (prescription was just filled) with a chaser of vodka or drive off a bridge on 95. It won't screw up traffic because it will be at 3:30 in the morning. I hadn't done it because DH threatened to put my cat down if I did but now that the cat is gone, I really have nothing to keep me here. It gets so hard existing, I'm not living, every day and wondering why I bother staying here. DH sits on his ass in front of the TV sleeping all day and night. I'm working a shit job for the health insurance for DH and am too tired of trying to give a fuck about anything. My parents are gone and my sister is useless. I have no friends and DH can go live with his brother. All he does is sleep so it won't matter where he sleeps.

Yes, I am well aware I need therapy. Thanks.

Not meaning for this to sound insensitive, but maybe it's time to get another cat?   Some little (and cute and fuzzy) thing to give you a reason to keep going.

[Mardi Gras Audrey]

I think suicide is sad. I think that a person must be in a lot of pain if they end up killing themselves.

My Mom committed suicide when I was a kid. I miss her but I also understand that she was in a lot of pain and saw no way out. She suffered from depression and was an alcoholic for many years before killing herself.  From what my dad and her family say, she was talking about killing herself for years before she actually did it.  Given where she lived (Midwest, rural conservative area) and the depression treatments available at the time (Late 70s-early 80s), I doubt things would have gotten better anytime soon. So, in that respect, I feel that she got some relief by killing herself (I am not happy she died, but I understand how that would get her relief and would not want her to continue suffering).  

While I miss her and am not happy she died, I am glad she is no longer in pain. I am a firm believer in euthanasia and think that we should have the right to end our lives when the suffering becomes too great.  I think it should apply to mental health as well as physical health.  Suffering is a very personal matter and I think each person should get to be the judge of when they've had enough. 

On a personal note, her death did enable me and my sister to have a more stable childhood. Dad remarried and our stepmom is a great mom (She never said anything bad about our mom, just treated us as one of her own).  I've watched my stepsibs' experience with their dad (drug user, in and out of their lives) and the constant drama of having a parent in/out of your lives, stealing your stuff, wanting "forgiveness", etc is horrible. I think my mom loved us enough to give us a stable childhood and not constant worry/upheaval 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I personally have never had a suicidal thought in my life. I've had a good, easy life, though. Both of my parents were functioning alcoholics. My mother has been depressed my entire life, and  my grandmother believed it started when my mother was a teenager. Her depression manifests itself as her being a dirty hoarder and an unkind person. I became a pregnant at 17, giving birth at 18. I had a wretched first marriage, which was at minimum 50% my fault. Those are the biggest challenges I've had.  I don't know if it's because I've really had a pleasant life or because I'm simply not susceptible to that type of mental illness. I have had bouts of situational depression, and I have general anxiety. 


My aunt (father's sister) has attempted at least twice. She's had three failed marriages, been raped, and had an overall difficult life. My paternal grandmother struggled with mental illness her entire life; she did die of cancer not suicide,though. My aunt is now an amputee with her right leg due to multiple health issues, but she seems to be mentally healthy for the last decade. 

My husband (current/second) had suicidal ideation while going through his divorce. He had a couple of plans to carry it, so he started seeing a therapist. His main purpose in staying alive was his children who were in their pre-teen/teen years at the time. He really is a highly, successful adult. Suicidal ideation is part of mental illness. Anyone can have it. 

[Phoenix84]

I've thought about it at times, but never actually made plans to do it.  I never saw it as a long term solution, I viewed it as a form of weakness, taking the easy way out.  

Note I'm not saying those who commit suicide are weak, but that's I viewed it for myself.  I decided I wanted to solve my problems instead of giving up.  And like msventoux said, I was able to keep some form of objectivity and look at it logically.

Devotion to God helped a lot during those times.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Oct 15, 2016 9:20:46 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

Oct 14, 2016 23:35:36 GMT -5 @empressspunkles said:

My mother attempted it when I was about 6. I was the one who found her but had no idea what was going on. I just ran across the street and got my best friend's mother as she was a nurse. Turns out depression and alcoholism runs in her family.

I think about it every night I go to work. I hate my job with the passion of a thousand suns but I just feel too tired to look for another one. I think about whether I will swallow my full bottle of pills (prescription was just filled) with a chaser of vodka or drive off a bridge on 95. It won't screw up traffic because it will be at 3:30 in the morning. I hadn't done it because DH threatened to put my cat down if I did but now that the cat is gone, I really have nothing to keep me here. It gets so hard existing, I'm not living, every day and wondering why I bother staying here. DH sits on his ass in front of the TV sleeping all day and night. I'm working a shit job for the health insurance for DH and am too tired of trying to give a fuck about anything. My parents are gone and my sister is useless. I have no friends and DH can go live with his brother. All he does is sleep so it won't matter where he sleeps.

Yes, I am well aware I need therapy. Thanks.

So, how do we help you get out of this trap you're in?  Because that's how I read that post.  

I admit that I know nothing about any of this and I certainly do NOT mean to minimize your distress, and you know you can tell me to butt out entirely, but isn't there health insurance for people who are disabled?  If there is, I suspect it's crappy insurance, but even if he went on it just for a while so that you could re-group, would that be so horrible?  You could get coverage on the exchange for yourself.  Then, take a trip somewhere you've always wanted to go.  I find that sometimes just getting myself physically out of my usual environs does a ton for my frame of mind.  

Do you need to finish a degree?  Go back to school for something else?  Move?  What is it that you want to do with your life but that current circumstances prevent you from doing so?

Yes, there is health insurance for those disabled.  After you have been on disability for 2 years, you can get Medicare.  HOWEVER, finding a medigap policy is damn near impossible.  Luckily, my health care needs have been minimal since my year of medical hell.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I had vague thoughts about how my kids would be better off with our me and were young enough to forget me. That and crying in the highway on my way to grocery shop were when I knew I needed to get help.

I could also, from that place, see how women could kill their babies. I knew I wouldn't do it but from the place of depression I could see how they'd get to that place. And once I trusted my therapist, I told her that.

I'm sorry for anyone who is deeper in depression than I was. Where I was was horrible.

[Anne_in_VA]

I struggled with severe depression for years.  Had some great therapists and psychiatrists that finally got me to a place where I could begin to think about being happy.  

I was actively suicidal several times and was hospitalized 3 times.  We finally got the right blend of Meds and that helped too.

I was very open about what I was going through with my friends and family as well as certain co-workers and my bosses.  I got an interesting mix of reactions; advice to "just get over it", concern, anger at me, just a lot of different reactions. 

[Miss Tequila]

When I was in high school was had a rash of suicides. And not the kids you would expect. One was a popular football player and another was homecoming queen (she did it shortly after we graduated). There were a few others but the memory of who they were escapes me. I also worked with a 16 year old kid who killed himself

My very close girlfriends fiancé killed him self at age 48. He struggled with depression for years so while I didn't see it coming it wasn't a complete shock

I have to admit I get angry when parents kill them selves. Once you become a parent life stops being about you and it is now about the children.

[swamp]

Oct 15, 2016 18:01:14 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

When I was in high school was had a rash of suicides. And not the kids you would expect. One was a popular football player and another was homecoming queen (she did it shortly after we graduated). There were a few others but the memory of who they were escapes me. I also worked with a 16 year old kid who killed himself

My very close girlfriends fiancé killed him self at age 48. He struggled with depression for years so while I didn't see it coming it wasn't a complete shock

I have to admit I get angry when parents kill them selves. Once you become a parent life stops being about you and it is now about the children.

You hate yourself so much you believe the kids are better off without you 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Oct 15, 2016 18:07:00 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 15, 2016 18:01:14 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

When I was in high school was had a rash of suicides. And not the kids you would expect. One was a popular football player and another was homecoming queen (she did it shortly after we graduated). There were a few others but the memory of who they were escapes me. I also worked with a 16 year old kid who killed himself

My very close girlfriends fiancé killed him self at age 48. He struggled with depression for years so while I didn't see it coming it wasn't a complete shock

I have to admit I get angry when parents kill them selves. Once you become a parent life stops being about you and it is now about the children.

You hate yourself so much you believe the kids are better off without you 

or you are positive you are a horrible parent, a lousy role model and anyone would be better for the kids.