inappropriate student / teacher relationships

[Deleted]

When there is an inappropriate (dating) relationship between a student and teacher, do you blame it all on the teacher?

Shouldn't the high school student know better? What about the student's parents? If a teacher is "hitting" on a student, shouldn't the student report it to authorities?

Whenever something like this is in the news, I wonder about it because they make it sound like it is 100% the teacher's fault.

In our high school, there was a girl that was dating a teacher and later ended up marrying her school bus driver.

[Deleted]

The teacher is the adult in the situation and the student is a subordinate, so yeah.  Teacher gets the blame. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

The teacher is an adult and in a position of authority.  I don't care "tempting" that cheerleader is or that she's "throwing herself at the teacher" it's the responsibility of the adult/authority figure to not engage.

[Deleted]

It takes two to tango. :-)

When I was 16ish, I think I knew better.

I guess people mature at different rates too.

[swasat]

Sometimes students know the right from the wrong. But at that age, with not enough financial security, not enough certain future, all the other bodily and psychological changes going on and loads of immaturity, a person can get confused. 

Confused about authority, whether to report or who to report.

Frankly, a LOT of such poached on students do not have the family support they'd need to handle this. 

So yeah, despite the fact that it takes two to tango, I put full blame on the teacher who knew what he/she was doing and the repercussions it would have, but did it anyways 

[Deleted]

Jul 29, 2016 10:20:19 GMT -5 @bluester said:

It takes two to tango. :-)

When I was 16ish, I think I knew better.

I guess people mature at different rates too.

Is it ok for a teacher to punch a 16 year old if they're being an asshole?  No.  They need to restrain themselves no matter how the know it all 16 year old is behaving. 

[midjd]

Jul 29, 2016 10:20:19 GMT -5 @bluester said:

It takes two to tango. :-)

When I was 16ish, I think I knew better.

I guess people mature at different rates too.

Yes, and when someone in a position of authority is planning to abuse this authority by having an inappropriate relationship with a minor, he or she is probably not going to choose a person they know will run screaming to the authorities. They're going to get someone vulnerable, who maybe doesn't have good adult or relationship role models, who craves positive adult attention, or who perhaps isn't even aware that the relationship has turned inappropriate until it's too late.

To answer the OP, no, I do not blame minors when adults commit crimes against them, even if perhaps they don't feel/act/look like what we think a victim should be. That holds true regardless of the gender of the teacher or victim. 

[Deleted]

I wonder if the student ever gets punished.

If it was my kid, I think he/she would be grounded. (I don't have kids, so I never know for sure what I would do or how my kids would turn out.)

[midjd]

Jul 29, 2016 10:33:41 GMT -5 @bluester said:

I wonder if the student ever gets punished.

If it was my kid, I think he/she would be grounded. (I don't have kids, so I never know for sure what I would do or how my kids would turn out.)

Punished for what exactly? 

[Pants]

Jul 29, 2016 10:35:08 GMT -5 midjd said:

Jul 29, 2016 10:33:41 GMT -5 @bluester said:

I wonder if the student ever gets punished.

If it was my kid, I think he/she would be grounded. (I don't have kids, so I never know for sure what I would do or how my kids would turn out.)

Punished for what exactly? 

For being a slutty mcslutface obviously.

[Deleted]

Jul 29, 2016 10:35:08 GMT -5 midjd said:

Jul 29, 2016 10:33:41 GMT -5 @bluester said:

I wonder if the student ever gets punished.

If it was my kid, I think he/she would be grounded. (I don't have kids, so I never know for sure what I would do or how my kids would turn out.)

Punished for what exactly? 

Punished for not knowing it was wrong to sleep with a teacher, an adult 6+ years older than me.

When I was in high school, I knew it was wrong. I thought the teachers and bus drivers that pursued students were "creepy".

Like I said, I don't have kids . . . . .

[ken a.k.a OMK]

16 yo boy gets his 35 yo teacher pregnant. Now his parents are going to be grandparents who will need to help him. I'd be pissed at him.

[justme]

Because teenagers are widely known for having amazing impulse control and are always thinking logically and rationally and hormones have no effect on this.


This reason for punishing the kid sounds a lot like the rationale when another topic comes up, but I don't want to derail this thread by specifically pointing to it.

[Sam_2.0]

There's nothing to punish for. It's a moment to learn about boundaries, for sure, and to help recognize what an improper relationship looks like.

[midjd]

Jul 29, 2016 10:46:43 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

There's nothing to punish for. It's a moment to learn about boundaries, for sure, and to help recognize what an improper relationship looks like.

Exactly. And to the extent boundaries/improper relationships haven't been addressed in the past, that's on the parents, not the child. 

[Sam_2.0]

Jul 29, 2016 10:45:35 GMT -5 ken a.k.a OMK said:

16 yo boy gets his 35 yo teacher pregnant. Now his parents are going to be grandparents who will need to help him. I'd be pissed at him.

Maybe angry at the situation, sure. But that kid is now a parent and needs support and guidance. Guessing that his parents aren't going to be the best at that though. (assuming it's hypothetical still - not against you, ken)

[Deleted]

When does a child/teenager get morals?

morals: a person's standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do

I am not saying it is the students fault, but they do play a teeny, tiny part in the incident.

Edited: Were my parents too strict with me?

[Deleted]

Jul 29, 2016 10:43:02 GMT -5 @bluester said:

Jul 29, 2016 10:35:08 GMT -5 midjd said:

Punished for what exactly? 

Punished for not knowing it was wrong to sleep with a teacher, an adult 6+ years older than me.

When I was in high school, I knew it was wrong. I thought the teachers and bus drivers that pursued students were "creepy".

Like I said, I don't have kids . . . . .

You would punish someone for not knowing something was wrong? 

[swasat]

Jul 29, 2016 10:33:41 GMT -5 @bluester said:

I wonder if the student ever gets punished.

If it was my kid, I think he/she would be grounded. (I don't have kids, so I never know for sure what I would do or how my kids would turn out.)

If anyone needs punished its the TEACHER!! NOT THE VICTIM, NOT THE PARENTS.

If a woman gets raped, would you say she had it coming so she was responsible?

If a person gets killed in a fight would you say he is to be blamed because he obviously got into a fight?

[Deleted]

Jul 29, 2016 10:53:09 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jul 29, 2016 10:43:02 GMT -5 @bluester said:

Punished for not knowing it was wrong to sleep with a teacher, an adult 6+ years older than me.

When I was in high school, I knew it was wrong. I thought the teachers and bus drivers that pursued students were "creepy".

Like I said, I don't have kids . . . . .

You would punish someone for not knowing something was wrong? 

I wonder if the parents question where they went wrong.

[Deleted]

Jul 29, 2016 10:53:55 GMT -5 swasat said:

Jul 29, 2016 10:33:41 GMT -5 @bluester said:

I wonder if the student ever gets punished.

If it was my kid, I think he/she would be grounded. (I don't have kids, so I never know for sure what I would do or how my kids would turn out.)

If anyone needs punished its the TEACHER!! NOT THE VICTIM, NOT THE PARENTS.

If a woman gets raped, would you say she had it coming so she was responsible?

If a person gets killed in a fight would you say he is to be blamed because he obviously got into a fight?

Oh my goodness, NO!

When you were 16, would you have had an inappropriate relationship with a teacher? What about your friends or siblings? Would you have thought it was okay and there was nothing wrong with it?

[swasat]

Man....

I hope to God if either of my kids is ever in a situation like this that they come to us and tell us whats going on. Without the fear for being grounded and punished.

I would never, NEVER EVER hold this against my child or ANY child that has had to undergo the trauma.

[Tiny]

Jul 29, 2016 10:19:57 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

The teacher is an adult and in a position of authority.  I don't care "tempting" that cheerleader is or that she's "throwing herself at the teacher" it's the responsibility of the adult/authority figure to not engage.

Or "how much in love" they are...   'cause maybe it is True Love and they were really meant to be together.     It's still inappropriate.      There's that teacher/student couple who are still a couple - even after the teacher got out of prison.   It's not wrong that they are still a couple.... it was wrong when the kid was 13  and probably even until he was 18....   I'm sure there's really mature 13yos out there but still.  Just wrong.

[Sam_2.0]

Jul 29, 2016 10:51:34 GMT -5 @bluester said:

When does a child/teenager get morals?

morals: a person's standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do

I am not saying it is the students fault, but they do play a teeny, tiny part in the incident.

Edited: Were my parents too strict with me?

A person's morals are outside of this situation. A teenager is capable of making the decision to have a relationship with someone or to not have a relationship. Two teenagers in a relationship isn't the issue. The issue is an adult choosing to prey on a child. That's a moral issue for the adult, not the child.

[swamp]

Jul 29, 2016 10:54:44 GMT -5 @bluester said:

Jul 29, 2016 10:53:09 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

You would punish someone for not knowing something was wrong? 

I wonder if the parents question where they went wrong.

Of course they do. Anytime your kid does something stupid, you question it, and sleeping with the teacher is dumb.

However, a kid is a kid. THEY LEGALLY CANNOT CONSENT TO THIS RELATIONSHIP!!!!

[swamp]

Jul 29, 2016 10:56:26 GMT -5 @bluester said:

Jul 29, 2016 10:53:55 GMT -5 swasat said:

If anyone needs punished its the TEACHER!! NOT THE VICTIM, NOT THE PARENTS.

If a woman gets raped, would you say she had it coming so she was responsible?

If a person gets killed in a fight would you say he is to be blamed because he obviously got into a fight?

Oh my goodness, NO!

When you were 16, would you have had an inappropriate relationship with a teacher? What about your friends or siblings? Would you have thought it was okay and there was nothing wrong with it?

when I was 16, I may have been flattered by the attention.  I don't know.    Thankfully, my teachers weren't creepers.

[alabamagal]

There was a case here where the student and teacher got married.  When it went to trial they tried to say the (former) student couldn't testify because of marital privelege, but I think that got thrown out.  The student went away somewhere so that the DA couldn't find her to testify and the case got dismissed.  I guess they will live happily ever after (well for now anyway).

There was another case near here at a small private school where both a husband and wife were arrested for sex with students in separate unrelated cases.

At my kids former school, there was a young male coach for baseball team.  There was a group of boys on the baseball team that he was always hanging out with.  He was just openly "friends" with them.  It was a very small private school and everyone was in everyone else's business anyway.  The group would do things like go out to dinner.  My son was not in that group.  There was no sex involved (that I know of), but it was still very inappropriate.  He was not rehired.

[Deleted]

Jul 29, 2016 10:56:26 GMT -5 @bluester said:

Jul 29, 2016 10:53:55 GMT -5 swasat said:

If anyone needs punished its the TEACHER!! NOT THE VICTIM, NOT THE PARENTS.

If a woman gets raped, would you say she had it coming so she was responsible?

If a person gets killed in a fight would you say he is to be blamed because he obviously got into a fight?

Oh my goodness, NO!

When you were 16, would you have had an inappropriate relationship with a teacher? What about your friends or siblings? Would you have thought it was okay and there was nothing wrong with it?

Um...YES!  There were a couple hotties that I was flirting with all the time!



Young teacher, the subject
Of schoolgirl fantasy
She wants him so badly
Knows what she wants to be

Inside her there's longing
This girl's an open page
Book marking, she's so close now
This girl is half his age

[swasat]

Jul 29, 2016 10:56:26 GMT -5 @bluester said:

Jul 29, 2016 10:53:55 GMT -5 swasat said:

If anyone needs punished its the TEACHER!! NOT THE VICTIM, NOT THE PARENTS.

If a woman gets raped, would you say she had it coming so she was responsible?

If a person gets killed in a fight would you say he is to be blamed because he obviously got into a fight?

Oh my goodness, NO!

When you were 16, would you have had an inappropriate relationship with a teacher? What about your friends or siblings? Would you have thought it was okay and there was nothing wrong with it?

You are missing the point that MOST of the students who become victims of teacher abuse come from not so secure backgrounds. They are already underprivileged, so they for them right and wrong morales are no as pronounced as its for other kids.

Irrespective of what the child thinks, the onus is on the teacher to enforce the right, as the adult in the situation.

If a 16 yo girl throws herself at her male teacher, should he go with the flow just because she is an obviously eager female? Its on him to enforce the right as the adult in the situation.

[midjd]

Jul 29, 2016 10:54:44 GMT -5 @bluester said:

Jul 29, 2016 10:53:09 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

You would punish someone for not knowing something was wrong? 

I wonder if the parents question where they went wrong.

I wonder if the teacher's parents question where they went wrong.