Well, now I'm stressed...

[Deleted]

Jul 22, 2016 12:46:11 GMT -5 skubikky said:

I swear MInn.....I'm gonna come out there.    I'm gonna do it...

Do you need a room while you're here?  I'll be carpeting them both. 

[Deleted]

Jul 22, 2016 12:46:33 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Do it. Get the dumpster. Fill th as t sucker. And make sur ed your brother sees it and tell him that your done keeping everyone's crap.

I feel like such a bitch when it comes to the tire and stuff.  I have a TON of room and it's out in the country, the perfect place...scratch that....the ONLY place he has where he can take it. 

That's why I'm sitting here chanting to myself "please don't bring the tire back...please don't bring the tire back...please don't bring the tire back..."

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"He also has a set of chains with links that are about 8 inches long. Each chain weighs over 250 pounds. He drags them up and down the property or goes up in the hay loft and lifts them up into the loft. Over and over and over.":::...

Does he moan "Eeeebeeneezzer Scrooooooge" while he's walking?

[NastyWoman]

Tell him he can stay for a maximum of x weeks (may have to be 8 to get the first, last saved up) and that you expect him to help you out with filling that dumpster. Also add, that after that all of his belongings (incl. that fat ass tire) need to move out with him. Nothing can be left behind!

[skubikky]

In the end, this is more your issue than your brother.
You seem unwilling to stand up for what YOU want as opposed to what someone else wants.
But, then, you'll bemoan the result after having done what in your heart you know you shouldn't.

You're also enabling an able adult by providing a place to live.
If he's broke, it's not YOUR problem.  It's his.
It's his to resolve and if you provide a place to live and store his junk, you're just taking the
pressure off of him......
I would advise that you not allow him to move in.

He'll only figure it out if he's forced to.

[skubikky]

Jul 22, 2016 12:43:16 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jul 22, 2016 12:30:52 GMT -5 skubikky said:

  But this is HIS PROBLEM.
  His, not yours.
  His....do you truly understand this?
  You're allowing yourself to be sucked into this.
He's playing you pretty good here....a true manipulator.

If he's broke he should have stayed in FL and gotten unbroke.
Not spent whatever money he had driving back to MN.

ETA:  Zib....where are you on this?

He's been trying to make it in FL.  He just can't find anything that pays half what he was making in MN with a lower cost of living.  The dumb part was moving down there in the first place, he took a risk there, but coming back is a good idea. 

I know it's his problem, but I guess I'm kind of in the "that's what family is for" camp.  I'm 47 and he's 41.  This is the first time he's ever asked me for any kind of hand...well...except for when he was keeping his exercise stuff at my place.

In the final analysis your causing him more harm than good.
41 years old, healthy, able to work, has a marketable skill set, and broke? 

And it always someone/something else's fault.....never his.

Ok, I've said my piece.

[skubikky]

Jul 22, 2016 12:47:38 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jul 22, 2016 12:46:11 GMT -5 skubikky said:

I swear MInn.....I'm gonna come out there.    I'm gonna do it...

Do you need a room while you're here?  I'll be carpeting them both. 

You're too much

[Deleted]

I don't know.  Yeah, I don't want him to move in, and yes that's my issue since I agreed, but I've had people take me in short-term too.  My aunt took me, my boyfriend, two dogs and a cat in after our house was sold and while new one was being built.  I'm sure she didn't WANT to have us all there, (and it ended up being for 6 months!) but she did it to help us out.  

[Deleted]

Jul 22, 2016 13:15:20 GMT -5 skubikky said:

Jul 22, 2016 12:43:16 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

He's been trying to make it in FL.  He just can't find anything that pays half what he was making in MN with a lower cost of living.  The dumb part was moving down there in the first place, he took a risk there, but coming back is a good idea. 

I know it's his problem, but I guess I'm kind of in the "that's what family is for" camp.  I'm 47 and he's 41.  This is the first time he's ever asked me for any kind of hand...well...except for when he was keeping his exercise stuff at my place.

In the final analysis your causing him more harm than good.
41 years old, healthy, able to work, has a marketable skill set, and broke? 

And it always someone/something else's fault.....never his.

Ok, I've said my piece.

He WANTS to work.  He's always worked.  He's been working in FL but can't get anything more than $11/hr where he's at.  Up here he was making closet to $20.   He just wants to come back and go back to his old job, but spent everything getting moved/set-up down there. 

[lexxy703]

MPL - for what it's worth I would let him move in whether I wanted him there or not. It's what family does. With that said, every time I've done something like that to help someone out I always end up getting screwed in the end.

[8 Bit WWBG]

Can you get 800lb tires as part of that "buy 3 get one free" deal at Costco?

[Deleted]

Back in 2013 when my ex was on a rampage and the sheriff was came to my door saying he was threatening to kill me, my brother camped out in my yard for a week to make sure he didn't show up in the night. Pretty sure he didn't want to do that.

I think he's pretty dumb with money, but he's not lazy by any means.   He's always been a hard worker.  He went down with several thousand dollars in savings to carry him for awhile, but didn't count on the job market being bad.  Then he had this huge Maine Coon that he took with him. The cat was a diabetic and his insulin and other meds was crazy expensive. He didn't take well to the move apparently (and was old) and started having issues with seizures and other things. My brother is one that doesn't have a dollar value on his pets.  From the sounds of it a lot got thrown at the cat before he eventually had to be put down.  Yeah....his problem...he should have just put the cat down right away, but he didn't and now he's broke and wants a do-over. 

[Deleted]

Jul 22, 2016 13:52:58 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

Can you get 800lb tires as part of that "buy 3 get one free" deal at Costco?

Most people only need one. 

[lexxy703]

Jul 22, 2016 14:27:19 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Back in 2013 when my ex was on a rampage and the sheriff was came to my door saying he was threatening to kill me, my brother camped out in my yard for a week to make sure he didn't show up in the night. Pretty sure he didn't want to do that.

I think he's pretty dumb with money, but he's not lazy by any means.   He's always been a hard worker.  He went down with several thousand dollars in savings to carry him for awhile, but didn't count on the job market being bad.  Then he had this huge Maine Coon that he took with him. The cat was a diabetic and his insulin and other meds was crazy expensive. He didn't take well to the move apparently (and was old) and started having issues with seizures and other things. My brother is one that doesn't have a dollar value on his pets.  From the sounds of it a lot got thrown at the cat before he eventually had to be put down.  Yeah....his problem...he should have just put the cat down right away, but he didn't and now he's broke and wants a do-over. 

From this post I really like your brother.  Sorry he is a downer to be around but he sounds like he is good of character.

[Deleted]

Jul 22, 2016 14:31:17 GMT -5 lexxy703 said:

Jul 22, 2016 14:27:19 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Back in 2013 when my ex was on a rampage and the sheriff was came to my door saying he was threatening to kill me, my brother camped out in my yard for a week to make sure he didn't show up in the night. Pretty sure he didn't want to do that.

I think he's pretty dumb with money, but he's not lazy by any means.   He's always been a hard worker.  He went down with several thousand dollars in savings to carry him for awhile, but didn't count on the job market being bad.  Then he had this huge Maine Coon that he took with him. The cat was a diabetic and his insulin and other meds was crazy expensive. He didn't take well to the move apparently (and was old) and started having issues with seizures and other things. My brother is one that doesn't have a dollar value on his pets.  From the sounds of it a lot got thrown at the cat before he eventually had to be put down.  Yeah....his problem...he should have just put the cat down right away, but he didn't and now he's broke and wants a do-over. 

From this post I really like your brother.  Sorry he is a downer to be around but he sounds like he is good of character.

He is a good guy.  I just didn't want the impression to be that he was a freeloading leech. 

But yeah.  I don't want to live with him longer than I have to either. 

[movingforward]

I am honestly not sure what I would do if my brother asked to live with me.  He is the type that "gets comfortable."  My fear would be him never leaving.  It sounds like your brother isn't like that though. 

[Sam_2.0]

Jul 22, 2016 12:19:13 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jul 22, 2016 12:05:10 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

WTF do you do with one 800 lb. tire??

You flip it.  Over and over and over.  He also has a set of chains with links that are about 8 inches long.  Each chain weighs over 250 pounds.  He drags them up and down the property or goes up in the hay loft and lifts them up into the loft.  Over and over and over. 

The pro football player that lives a couple houses down from us has one of these. Sounds like a big drum when he's flipping the tire. It's the siren's call for Aly - she runs out to the very edge of the street to talk to him. She told DH "Daddy, I LOVE the big boys!" Can't say she doesn't have good taste, lol!!

[NastyWoman]

Jul 22, 2016 14:41:58 GMT -5 movingforward said:

I am honestly not sure what I would do if my brother asked to live with me.  He is the type that "gets comfortable."  My fear would be him never leaving.  It sounds like your brother isn't like that though. 

Both my brothers are retired widowers, so no that's not going to happen. Although DB2 is a great cook and a price winning pastry chef, hmmmm... Maybe still no since my butt is wide enough as is

 Neither they nor my sisters wouldn't ask me though since they all live on the other side of the world. That said, if one of my siblings were in the situation MPL describes - yes my door would be open for them and to my kids.  As would their doors be to me if I needed help.

we are family

[zibazinski]

My opinion, for what it's worth, is that there are a lot of jobs available in Florida. You'd have to go out of your way not to work here. But if you're willing to take him in, it's him only, not all his junk, too. Speakers and other stuff can be sold for money. 

[Chocolate Lover]

Depends on where you are in FL, not all areas are created equal. 

[zibazinski]

Of course now you "owe" him so of course he's welcome to your home. You do know that a lot of single people work more than one job. Wow, even Costco pays more than $11 an hour even in Florida. I see somewhat older people working as servers. One I know works weekends only while her husband is home with the kids and makes almost as much as she did in her old 40 hour a week job. 

[Deleted]

Jul 22, 2016 15:23:38 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

My opinion, for what it's worth, is that there are a lot of jobs available in Florida. You'd have to go out of your way not to work here. But if you're willing to take him in, it's him only, not all his junk, too. Speakers and other stuff can be sold for money. 

I suppose all parts of FL aren't the same.  Moving to a different area would be just as difficult on him as just coming back to MN.  He had several jobs while down there, but the pay and benefits were awful.  I think he might have some experience in welding (not positive though), but he doesn't have any kind of degree.  Around here there is a lot of manufacturing and the place he was at before he left claims they want him back. 

[zibazinski]

Jul 22, 2016 15:27:06 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Depends on where you are in FL, not all areas are created equal. 

That's very true. Just like we tell everyone else, you go where the jobs are.

[zibazinski]

Jul 22, 2016 15:31:52 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jul 22, 2016 15:23:38 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

My opinion, for what it's worth, is that there are a lot of jobs available in Florida. You'd have to go out of your way not to work here. But if you're willing to take him in, it's him only, not all his junk, too. Speakers and other stuff can be sold for money. 

I suppose all parts of FL aren't the same.  Moving to a different area would be just as difficult on him as just coming back to MN.  He had several jobs while down there, but the pay and benefits were awful.  I think he might have some experience in welding (not positive though), but he doesn't have any kind of degree.  Around here there is a lot of manufacturing and the place he was at before he left claims they want him back. 

Well, it looks like a done deal then.  Good luck.

[Deleted]

Jul 22, 2016 15:34:26 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Jul 22, 2016 15:27:06 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Depends on where you are in FL, not all areas are created equal. 

That's very true. Just like we tell everyone else, you go where the jobs are.

And that's what he's doing!  He only went to FL to live by our other brother.  He doesn't want to move to a different part of the state and not be by any family. 

[zibazinski]

Jul 22, 2016 15:41:19 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jul 22, 2016 15:34:26 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

That's very true. Just like we tell everyone else, you go where the jobs are.

And that's what he's doing!  He only went to FL to live by our other brother.  He doesn't want to move to a different part of the state and not be by any family. 

Then coming back to you is the right choice. 

[Deleted]

My other brother struggled for a long time after going down there too, but he was married and his wife kept her job here and her MN wages, but was allowed to work remotely which is what kept them afloat.  He is an amazing craftsfman and has now built a clientele down there doing custom cabinetry and furniture, but it took a while.  

[dannylion]

Jul 22, 2016 12:49:54 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jul 22, 2016 12:46:33 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Do it. Get the dumpster. Fill th as t sucker. And make sur ed your brother sees it and tell him that your done keeping everyone's crap.

I feel like such a bitch when it comes to the tire and stuff.  I have a TON of room and it's out in the country, the perfect place...scratch that....the ONLY place he has where he can take it. 

That's why I'm sitting here chanting to myself "please don't bring the tire back...please don't bring the tire back...please don't bring the tire back..."

The mere fact that you have the space does not make it necessary for you to allow him to use it to store stuff you don't want stored there.  It's your space, you get to decide what happens to it.  It's not his space to use as he chooses.  It is not his space.  It is your space.  Just tell him he can't store his stuff in your space.  You don't need to come up with an explanation that will satisfy him or provide any reasons or excuses.  It's your space.  You don't want junk in it.  Period.  He doesn't have to agree with your reasons.  He just needs to understand that no stuff will be stored there and comply. 

[Deleted]

Jul 22, 2016 18:16:19 GMT -5 dannylion said:

Jul 22, 2016 12:49:54 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I feel like such a bitch when it comes to the tire and stuff.  I have a TON of room and it's out in the country, the perfect place...scratch that....the ONLY place he has where he can take it. 

That's why I'm sitting here chanting to myself "please don't bring the tire back...please don't bring the tire back...please don't bring the tire back..."

The mere fact that you have the space does not make it necessary for you to allow him to use it to store stuff you don't want stored there.  It's your space, you get to decide what happens to it.  It's not his space to use as he chooses.  It is not his space.  It is your space.  Just tell him he can't store his stuff in your space.  You don't need to come up with an explanation that will satisfy him or provide any reasons or excuses.  It's your space.  You don't want junk in it.  Period.  He doesn't have to agree with your reasons.  He just needs to understand that no stuff will be stored there and comply. 

Yeah.  I need to work on this.  I am not very good at saying no in these situations.  Him moving in doesn't bother me as much because I really think he'll want his own place about as bad as I'll want him to get his own place, but the tire?  That damn thing will live here forever! 

[milee]

Jul 22, 2016 18:47:13 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jul 22, 2016 18:16:19 GMT -5 dannylion said:

The mere fact that you have the space does not make it necessary for you to allow him to use it to store stuff you don't want stored there.  It's your space, you get to decide what happens to it.  It's not his space to use as he chooses.  It is not his space.  It is your space.  Just tell him he can't store his stuff in your space.  You don't need to come up with an explanation that will satisfy him or provide any reasons or excuses.  It's your space.  You don't want junk in it.  Period.  He doesn't have to agree with your reasons.  He just needs to understand that no stuff will be stored there and comply. 

Yeah.  I need to work on this.  I am not very good at saying no in these situations.  Him moving in doesn't bother me as much because I really think he'll want his own place about as bad as I'll want him to get his own place, but the tire?  That damn thing will live here forever! 

From what you've described, I'd probably let him move in for a while, too.  Here's how I'd handle the carpet and the tire:

Carpet - reply to him (text maybe?) that you love him and want to help, but that the carpet isn't in and you're not sure if you can get it done before he gets there.  He can help install the carpet when he gets there if he wants, but surely he'll understand if you can't get it done that quickly.

Tire and stuff - be a little funny and appeal to his brotherly nature to help and protect you.  Bring it up proactively and enlist him in solving the issue.  Tell him again how you love him and can't wait to see him, especially since you could use some help getting rid of all the hoarder junk that your two Xs have left.  Tell him pretty much what you told us - how all the junk lying around has been driving you nuts and you're eager to clean things up and be tidy and neat again, about how you probably need to fill a couple of dumpsters (make joke about how he can help you fill them and build muscles at the same time) to clear things out.  Get him involved in cleaning things up.  That way, if he shows up with the tire and associated junk, he'll probably realize it doesn't fit with your plans to clean up; if he doesn't realize, then after he helps you fill the dumpsters and clean up, you just bring it up and say something like, "now that we've got all that junk cleared away, where can we store these big toys?"  Maybe he can figure out somewhere to tuck them away in the newly cleaned up area.  That - or get him to build a small shed to hold them.