I'm the worst grandma

[Ombud]

I am the worst grandma in the entire world.

GS1 called me multiple times to know what to do about rooming with his friends or staying in the dorm. Today was the deadline. I told him the positives of the dorm without any of the positives about an apartment. That positive was living with friends. I just kept saying he could figure out how to pay bills / find a job to room with friends.

His friends aren't even sure where to rent an apartment / nothing firmed up yet / will look soon (?) but where they wanted to be dn have any vacancies left

He decided on the dorm bc the scholarship covers on-campus housing

I just wanted to support whatever choice he made, but the friends didn't really seem to have a firm plan

[Peace Of Mind]

I don't think you're a bad grandma at all!  Your advice was sound and I think you gave good grandma advice.


You  know what I mean...  You didn't give him good advice on being a grandma - but as a grandma.   

[NastyWoman]

What Peace Of Mind said! You did well Ombud

[quince]

Wait...where's the bad grandma bit? 

[Ombud]

He wanted moral support to live with his friends, I wanted him in the dorm

[Apple]

He can always choose to leave the dorm later in the year, next year, etc.  However, if he chose to live with friends, he may not have a place to stay when school starts, or it may be extremely expensive.  Sometimes kids have to choose between the fun decision or the smart decision (at least, what is the smart decision with the information available at the time, especially since on campus living would be paid for).

[Jaguar]

You are a awesome grandma, never forget that!

[debthaven]

I think the friends left it much too late, so you did the right thing! They can get organized sooner next time and do it for the following Sept (or Aug, whenever school starts).

[lund]

This was the smart decision!

Your DGS has no housing costs as long as he stays put.
The friends probably have, and may even pay less if they move to an off-campus site.

So GS and friends have different financial situations here.
It sounds as if it would be in his best interest to stay put.
If he can study more and work less, it probably is good for his studies - he should aim to keep the scholarship!

(I assume that he has had summer/teen/youth jobs previously, and works during the summer.)

[alabamagal]

Your GS called you for advice. You gave him advice. Sounds like good advice to me.

You should be glad to have a good relationship with your GS. That is what is most important.

My kids have awesome relationship with my parents. 2 of my kids and their 2 fiancées just spent a week visiting my grandparents. Long trips for both couples. And it helps that my parents live in Miami. But they have always had great relationship with my parents. Sometimes they even tell grandparents stuff they don't tell parents. And I am ok with that.

My kids don't have much of a relationship with their other grandmother, my widowed MIL. They will call but it is more of a duty rather than having a good relationship

[janee]

You helped him make the decision for himself which is great!

Why spend money when it's included for him now. Plenty of time to pay for housing later.

[bean29]

Well, personally I think you should have asked if he checked if his Scholarship would cover off campus housing.   Is this for this fall - or for next year?

My 2 kids go to the same school.  Neither signed a housing contract actually b/c DD swore she was not going to that school this year, and DS b/c he planned to start working and live mid point between us and school.

When it came right down to it, they checked around for housing and actually got a very nice apartment on campus (Right Across from the Library, DS says he can walk to all his classes except 1.  Normally you have to pay "Summer Rent" but since they signed so late- they don't have to pay the summer rent.  They went last week Thursday to look at the apt, and signed the lease on Monday.  Last year DS's apt was $2,700 a semester with $1,000 for the summer.  It was a basement apartment and it was clean, but not really nice.  This is a fairly large 2nd story apt with a Kitchen and a DW and a large living room.  It is furnished too.  So it comes out to $800/semester more than the apt DS had last year.  They have to pay for electric.  It does include cable but the kids say everyone says the internet is spotty and they plan to pay for internet service.

The leasing company owns most of the non-campus housing and you can pay your housing with loan funds and DS had a Grant last year that they paid out to him, so I would think there may be some places your grandson could live other than Dorms that would qualify for "student housing funds". 

The nice thing is they have a full kitchen and don't have to buy a meal plan.  Both my kids are somewhat picky eaters and had meals go to waste on their plans.  DD said DS tried to meet up with her sometimes last year to use up her meal plans but their schedules did not always allow it.  DS is powerlifting and he is a very healthy eater - I suspect the "healthy" foods are not that abundant in a cafeteria.

The nice thing about a dorm is, I think they are more secure.  But then again, the school my kids go to do not have private or semi private baths, and the bathroom in my Son's dorm the first year was disgusting (someone kept overflowing the toilets on purpose). 

They also had the option of a very nice 2 bedroom farther off campus with a patio and in unit W/D.  With the option of the one across from the library available, they did not even go look at that one, but it would have been a sublet.  DD is a Sophmore - at her school you have to have permission not to live in the dorms as a Sophomore, she got the permission last year, if she had not had that, I don't think she could have rented an apt.  This leasing company did require the letter before they let her sign a lease.

[Ombud]

Dorm = 2 bedrooms / 1 bath / living - dining room/ full kitchen but washer dryer downstairs

At coffee with BFF he pointed out that if he lived with friends I would need to cut a 2k check next Friday (apparently kid lost his job). Scholarships aren't disbursed until 8/20

Maybe I had ulterior motives?

[Tennesseer]

If this is GS's first year of college, dorm life is a pretty good introduction in living away from home for the first time.  He can move off campus once he gets settled into college and campus life.

[TheOtherMe]

Jul 21, 2016 12:54:31 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

If this is GS's first year of college, dorm life is a pretty good introduction in living away from home for the first time.  He can move off campus once he gets settled into college and campus life.

Exactly and after watching my sister's two youngest sons struggle with this decision as freshmen, they both chose the dorm for that year.  By the time they were seniors, they were finished with roommates.

[mroped]

Yes, you are the worst grandma!
Is that what you wanted to hear? Does it make feel better now?

[bean29]

Jul 21, 2016 12:49:24 GMT -5 Ombud said:

Dorm = 2 bedrooms / 1 bath / living - dining room/ full kitchen but washer dryer downstairs

At coffee with BFF he pointed out that if he lived with friends I would need to cut a 2k check next Friday (apparently kid lost his job). Scholarships aren't disbursed until 8/20

Maybe I had ulterior motives?

Wow, that is a nice dorm room. Which kid lost his job, one of the potential roommates or your grandson? Is paying upfront normal? My kids rent is paid at the beginning of the semester, you can delay full payment until financial aid comes through, but only a few weeks. So the management company tales 3 payments for rent. One in May for Summer rent, then one in Sept for fall and the third in Jan for Spring.

[Ombud]

Jul 21, 2016 21:41:40 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Jul 21, 2016 12:49:24 GMT -5 Ombud said:

Dorm = 2 bedrooms / 1 bath / living - dining room/ full kitchen but washer dryer downstairs

At coffee with BFF he pointed out that if he lived with friends I would need to cut a 2k check next Friday (apparently kid lost his job). Scholarships aren't disbursed until 8/20

Maybe I had ulterior motives?

Wow, that is a nice dorm room. Which kid lost his job, one of the potential roommates or your grandson? Is paying upfront normal? My kids rent is paid at the beginning of the semester, you can delay full payment until financial aid comes through, but only a few weeks. So the management company tales 3 payments for rent. One in May for Summer rent, then one in Sept for fall and the third in Jan for Spring.

umm. Restate

If he's in an apartment it's 1st / last / security when he signs the lease [next city over but on metro line maybe, no relationship to school]. 4 in the apartment = 700-800 each

If in the dorm, they wait until scholarships are there and take pymt in full

And apparently GS1 lost his job. He has a little saved outside the Roth but ...

[Ombud]

Jul 21, 2016 20:12:41 GMT -5 mroped said:

Yes, you are the worst grandma!
Is that what you wanted to hear? Does it make feel better now?

I thought grandma's were supposed to encourage kids to break away and stand on their own 2 feet.

[toomuchreality]

Jul 21, 2016 20:12:41 GMT -5 mroped said:

Yes, you are the worst grandma!
Is that what you wanted to hear? Does it make feel better now?

That's what I was going to say!



What a piece of crap grandma, you are. I'm SO glad you aren't mine! 



Esp. since he's no longer working, the dorm sounds like it's the best choice. Great advice.

Unless you're into S/M - beating yourself up, that is. In that case, it's the WORST!



I think it's awesome that he called and asked your opinion.