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Post by tea4me on Mar 18, 2011 9:35:01 GMT -5
Wouldn't you love to help some other people budget their money?
My niece (receives welfare) was telling me that she cannot afford health care or retirement savings. Yet she bought new furniture.
My nearly 40 year old neighbor lives in her parent's home with her three kids. The very least she receives from the state is Medicaid. She has the latest computers (yes plural) and cell phone, and goes out of town a lot.
It is getting harder and harder for me to bite my tongue when they complain they cannot afford anything. Does anybody in the welfare/social services help people budget their money?
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Mar 18, 2011 13:51:39 GMT -5
No they don't, they just hand it out if you meet the criteria.
DH's daughter gets welfare, Medicaid for her two kids (by different baby daddy's), WIC and about $600/mo in food stamps. She babysits for her brother's child and makes some money that way but she drives a Lincoln Navigator (that daddy got a loan so she could have it), her mom buys all her gas, etc. She gets something from almost everyone in her life (except me and her SIL), but she thinks she is doing just fine out on her own and that she's paying her bills. Except she's not and you cannot convince her otherwise although several people have told her that she needs to grow up and learn to support her and her two kids.
Mommy and daddy need to stop enabling her and I've tried to tell DH that he's not doing her any good by giving her whatever she asks for, but he agrees and then turns around and gives her whatever she asks for.
She was living with her brother and his wife - they actually rented a bigger house so she could babysit their son and go to school at night while they watched her kids. They didn't charge her any rent and paid her to babysit as well as provide food, utilities, gas for her car, etc.
A few months into the new lease she told them she wanted to move out but bro told her she was staying put until the lease was up and she did (I don't know what he threatened her with but it must have been good). The end of January '11 she moved into a 2 br apt. with her two kids - her mom,and dad paid the deposit and part of the first month's rent and DH agreed to cosign the lease since she didn't qualify on her own (I tried to talk him out of it but he didn't listen). Fast forward, we found out last night she wants to break her lease and move in with her boyfriend and his 2 kids.
Today, I told DH that if he doesn't put his foot down this time, I'm done with it. I've seriously considered moving out and separating. There's been constant drama since this girl moved back here from WV with her mom almost 2 years ago.
I'm not only dealing with his daughter's drama, but he has a house in KY that he's so far underwater that he can't sell it without coming to the table with a boatload of money that he doesn't have. He has a tenant in it who doesn't pay his rent, and hasn''t for almost 2 years and he refuses to boot him out. I don't get it!
Sorry to hijack the thread and rant over - somebody give me some karma 'cause I'm about ready to explode.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 18, 2011 14:04:21 GMT -5
Karma given.
Is the brother also your DH's kid? Your DH took the loan out for the navigator?
I'm so sorry, this sounds like a major drain on your finances and your emotions. I hope it all works out, and I hope your DH respects your wishes this time. I hope you are at least insulated from the co-signing on that loan.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Mar 18, 2011 14:13:12 GMT -5
Thanks WWBG - the brother is also DH's son. He's a really wonderful man and I just love his wife and their baby. Yes, DH took out a loan for the navigator - she made payments to him for a while, but hasn't for a while now.
It's DIL's birthday next week and we're taking DSS and DIL to dinner tomorrow night. DSS is going to talk to DH about the situation too as I think he's pretty fed up with his sister's behavior too. DH's Ex thinks that she's the only one who does anything for her daughter and told DSS that last night. Ex says that DH and DSS have turned their back on the daughter and don't do anything for her. She even had the nerve to tell DSS that his sister does so much for him that he should be grateful! Do you believe it!
Until DH's daughter moved back here we had a really good relationship and had very few disagreements. Now, it's constant and I don't know how much more I can take.
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DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on Mar 18, 2011 14:40:54 GMT -5
depends on your state and area, Ours offers some classes, requires other ones sometimes, but most of it is optional. One local program works to get them off assistance but really makes them work to budget/shop/find affordable housing.
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DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on Mar 18, 2011 14:41:10 GMT -5
depends on your state and area, Ours offers some classes, requires other ones sometimes, but most of it is optional. One local program works to get them off assistance but really makes them work to budget/shop/find affordable housing.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 18, 2011 14:53:46 GMT -5
tea, you spend a lot of time posting about what other people have and how they spend their money, and about how unhappy you are because you don't have someone to take care of you financially. Maybe you wouldn't be so miserable if you didn't pay so much attention to them.
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Post by tea4me on Mar 18, 2011 15:00:09 GMT -5
No they don't, they just hand it out if you meet the criteria. DH's daughter gets welfare, Medicaid for her two kids (by different baby daddy's), WIC and about $600/mo in food stamps. She babysits for her brother's child and makes some money that way but she drives a Lincoln Navigator (that daddy got a loan so she could have it), her mom buys all her gas, etc. She gets something from almost everyone in her life (except me and her SIL), but she thinks she is doing just fine out on her own and that she's paying her bills. Except she's not and you cannot convince her otherwise although several people have told her that she needs to grow up and learn to support her and her two kids. Mommy and daddy need to stop enabling her and I've tried to tell DH that he's not doing her any good by giving her whatever she asks for, but he agrees and then turns around and gives her whatever she asks for. She was living with her brother and his wife - they actually rented a bigger house so she could babysit their son and go to school at night while they watched her kids. They didn't charge her any rent and paid her to babysit as well as provide food, utilities, gas for her car, etc. A few months into the new lease she told them she wanted to move out but bro told her she was staying put until the lease was up and she did (I don't know what he threatened her with but it must have been good). The end of January '11 she moved into a 2 br apt. with her two kids - her mom,and dad paid the deposit and part of the first month's rent and DH agreed to cosign the lease since she didn't qualify on her own (I tried to talk him out of it but he didn't listen). Fast forward, we found out last night she wants to break her lease and move in with her boyfriend and his 2 kids. Today, I told DH that if he doesn't put his foot down this time, I'm done with it. I've seriously considered moving out and separating. There's been constant drama since this girl moved back here from WV with her mom almost 2 years ago. I'm not only dealing with his daughter's drama, but he has a house in KY that he's so far underwater that he can't sell it without coming to the table with a boatload of money that he doesn't have. He has a tenant in it who doesn't pay his rent, and hasn''t for almost 2 years and he refuses to boot him out. I don't get it! Sorry to hijack the thread and rant over - somebody give me some karma 'cause I'm about ready to explode. That's a terrible situation Anne. I don't blame you for giving DH the ultimatum. You are in a very stressful situation. |
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reader79
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Post by reader79 on Mar 18, 2011 15:01:57 GMT -5
I wish they would give them some budgeting advice, especially this time of the year when the refunds are rolling in. It's that whole teach a man to fish thing. My sister has blown at least half of her $11K (EIC boosted) tax refund so far. Yet she still saw a need to call my mother to ask for $100 to pay for BIL's metrocard to get to work, she figured mom hadn't heard about the $$, which was ridiculous because she's been spending like a drunken sailor.
Hmmm, maybe you should invest some of that refund into a years worth of transportation? My dad was pisssssssed that she would try to take advantage of my mother like that. Meanwhile, sis is mad that someone snitched to mom about the refund.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Mar 18, 2011 15:07:00 GMT -5
Thanks tea! DH has some wonderful qualities and I really do love him, I'm just at the end of my rope with all this. I was single for almost 20 years before I met him and hadn't dated in 7 or 8 years of that time. So I've been very independent and it's been hard adjusting to being with someone again. Add to the mix that I'm kind of a neat freak and he's messy.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Mar 18, 2011 15:07:40 GMT -5
I know to get foodstamps around here you have to go to some classes. I don't think they teach budgeting, but they go over things like where to find a job & companies that are hiring, how to dress for an interview & such. I know you have to do some sort of work to keep your foodstamps also, but don't know the details of that.
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Post by tea4me on Mar 18, 2011 15:13:39 GMT -5
Thanks tea! DH has some wonderful qualities and I really do love him, I'm just at the end of my rope with all this. I was single for almost 20 years before I met him and hadn't dated in 7 or 8 years of that time. So I've been very independent and it's been hard adjusting to being with someone again. Add to the mix that I'm kind of a neat freak and he's messy. That's good to know. I have been living alone for 20 years now. BF is going to put his house up for sale and move in with me. Yikes! He doesn't have any debt or any kids so maybe it won't be too bad. :-) |
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Mar 18, 2011 15:24:56 GMT -5
Nah, you should be fine.
I'm sending you good wishes for a happy relationship.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Mar 18, 2011 17:52:06 GMT -5
No they don't, they just hand it out if you meet the criteria. DH's daughter gets welfare, Medicaid for her two kids (by different baby daddy's), WIC and about $600/mo in food stamps. She babysits for her brother's child and makes some money that way but she drives a Lincoln Navigator (that daddy got a loan so she could have it), her mom buys all her gas, etc. She gets something from almost everyone in her life (except me and her SIL), but she thinks she is doing just fine out on her own and that she's paying her bills. Except she's not and you cannot convince her otherwise although several people have told her that she needs to grow up and learn to support her and her two kids. Mommy and daddy need to stop enabling her and I've tried to tell DH that he's not doing her any good by giving her whatever she asks for, but he agrees and then turns around and gives her whatever she asks for. She was living with her brother and his wife - they actually rented a bigger house so she could babysit their son and go to school at night while they watched her kids. They didn't charge her any rent and paid her to babysit as well as provide food, utilities, gas for her car, etc. A few months into the new lease she told them she wanted to move out but bro told her she was staying put until the lease was up and she did (I don't know what he threatened her with but it must have been good). The end of January '11 she moved into a 2 br apt. with her two kids - her mom,and dad paid the deposit and part of the first month's rent and DH agreed to cosign the lease since she didn't qualify on her own (I tried to talk him out of it but he didn't listen). Fast forward, we found out last night she wants to break her lease and move in with her boyfriend and his 2 kids. Today, I told DH that if he doesn't put his foot down this time, I'm done with it. I've seriously considered moving out and separating. There's been constant drama since this girl moved back here from WV with her mom almost 2 years ago. I'm not only dealing with his daughter's drama, but he has a house in KY that he's so far underwater that he can't sell it without coming to the table with a boatload of money that he doesn't have. He has a tenant in it who doesn't pay his rent, and hasn''t for almost 2 years and he refuses to boot him out. I don't get it! Sorry to hijack the thread and rant over - somebody give me some karma 'cause I'm about ready to explode. Anne, that is just plain old crummy. I really, really hope that dh will see the light. Do you and dh keep separate finances, so that it is "his" money and not "our" money that is going to his dtr? I hope so. |
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motherto2
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Post by motherto2 on Mar 18, 2011 21:09:45 GMT -5
Where I work they are talking about having to downsize, and even though they won't come out and say which positions are in jeapardy, it's not rocket science to figure out a large portion of them will be the different support positions. They of course would like to keep the professionals, which is understandable. I just wish I could make the ones that I have a feeling might be in jeapardy that are my friends (which I've made very generic comments hoping they would get a clue) they should be really focusing on paying off as much debt as possible before it happens, but it just seems to go on deaf ears. Oh well, I am willing to talk about myself and what I've gone through the last few years to pay things off, and how my kids school loans and mortgage will be paid off before I retire. Maybe I can help someone with my experiences. I've actually given out several of the books I purchased to people that may help them with their situation.
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