Kids and their "art shows"

[whoisjohngalt]

My oldest wants to be in a art show.  It's an annual thing one of the bigger homeschooling groups does around here.  I think he is OK as far as his paintings, and I think some of this stuff is better than others.

Would you "recommend" to him what he should be displaying or leave it completely up to him?

This will be his first time showing his stuff to anyone other than family and he is super excited and I prefer that it was a positive experience for him.  I am usually hands off with the kids, especially in those type of decisions, but he is a sensitive kid and I am worried a bit.

[Deleted]

I'm torn. Id be tempted to lead, but art is do subjective I've learned what I like isn't always what others will like...

[giramomma]

Can you do both? How about you narrow down options and the let him pick the finals?

My youngest is very sensitive but also completely stubborn and things really need to be done on her own terms. I have to pick and choose my battles carefully, so with my youngest, in this situation, I'd let her totally be in control.

[cael]

I'd probably let him decide, and if he was unhappy with the result just talk to him about selecting things carefully based on what he likes, but also considering how he thinks others would like it?.. I guess there's always a chance you'll see your pieces of art differently than others, so learning that is probably a valuable lesson. Maybe explain to him the possibility of other people seeing his pieces differently than he does if he picks one you think isn't the best option?

[Deleted]

Ultimately do you think people would be mean at a homeschool art show for little kiddos?

[Tennesseer]

I would leave it up to the artist which work(s) are exhibited.

[milee]

Leave it up to him. At first I was going to add "because he's young and it should be mostly about what he's most interested in and proud about, plus people will be polite even if it's finger paint with macaroni." But the more I thought about it, no matter how old the artist was, unless s/he directly asked for input shouldn't s/he be the one to decide what to display?

But take that advice with a grain of salt because I'm the kind of mom that also lets my kids pick out their own clothing with some pretty horrific/interesting results.

[milee]

I was volunteering in my 11 year old's history class last week. They were making Roman vases, which involved various layers of paint, stencils, etc. At first I wanted to guide my son because he had made a really ugly border, but I bit my tongue figuring it was his vase. Interestingly enough by the end of the class, he - on his own - decided the border was ugly and had changed it.  His vase ended up looking quite nice.

I still would have loved him if it had been ugly, though.

Unlike one of the other mom volunteers, who I noticed actually took her daughter's vase and painted parts of it herself after she was unhappy with what her daughter painted.    That is one scary group of moms at that school.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Unlike one of the other mom volunteers, who I noticed actually took her daughter's vase and painted parts of it herself after she was unhappy with what her daughter painted. That is one scary group of moms at that school.

Well how would she ever get into Harvard if her mom let her paint an ugly vase?

No experience with picking out artwork to display.  When they do the art shows in schools here it is the teacher that nominates pieces.  I had one in high school which I didn't understand b/c to me it looked like crap.  I don't consider myself very artistic but apparently the teacher disagreed with me.

I'd let him pick, it's his artwork.  The artist should get to decide which of his works are displayed.  

[Tiny]

I'd let him do it...   and I'd try to be encouraging - which means you don't tell him which thing(s) to display and you don't "fix" whatever he's done, and you don't "help" him do his art.

There's a lot more to this than just displaying some art - well, I assume there is - there's all the parts - producing the art, figuring out what should be in the display, and then all the social stuff... what to say and how to say it.

Don't be like my mother -  she would outright discourage me from doing something - but would let me do it if I pressed hard enough- and when it turned out not so great (which it almost always did) - I didn't get any sort of "after help" - other than "there see you should have listened to me".   Needless to say,  I wasn't always the brightest kid on figuring out how to learn from my 'mistakes' -- sometimes all I saw was a dead end... so figuring it out on my own didn't always work so good.  Mostly I learned that it was best to just NOT doing anything I FELT I wasn't really good at - even if it might be fun or the other kids were doing it... Unfortunately, being a kid - I wasn't really good at much of anything and felt that way (because I didn't have the opportunity to keep trying and build the skills needed... and there was always some kid that was better at it than I was).   So, I'm really good at "filling in" the sidelines at stuff... I'm a spectator and never a player.    

Let your kid do it - and have a plan for how you'll help him navigate any disappointments  AND a plan for how you'll help him navigate success gracefully.     Both of those are very valuable skills to have.          

[milee]

May 2, 2016 10:55:00 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Unlike one of the other mom volunteers, who I noticed actually took her daughter's vase and painted parts of it herself after she was unhappy with what her daughter painted. That is one scary group of moms at that school.

Well how would she ever get into Harvard if her mom let her paint an ugly vase?

You're joking, but that's exactly the type of comment these moms make. All the time. They're so focused on it that they're a little nasty to my friend and her daughter because it's obvious that unless the daughter gets a traumatic brain injury taking her IQ down by more than 50 points or creates an art project that involves the torture of kittens, she is pretty much guaranteed a Harvard spot for that year.  Although sometimes Harvard will take more than one from a class, the graduating classes at the school are small enough (under 200) that usually they just take one or two.  If I were my friend I'd be a little worried that these crazy moms might try to free up a Harvard spot by running over my daughter in the parking lot. 

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

YDS just submitted a single photo to an art show.  Granted, he's almost 18, but he's not one to put himself out there.  So, I pushed him to submit something but allowed him to make the selection.  He is a budding nature photographer and the art show is about trees.  Can't wait to see which photo he selected.  

I figure art is a process both in making it and sharing it.  If his photo doesn't attract positive reviews, he'll hopefully take something from the experience for the next time his mother pushes him to show his art.  

[Tennesseer]

May 2, 2016 10:36:13 GMT -5 milee said:

I was volunteering in my 11 year old's history class last week. They were making Roman vases, which involved various layers of paint, stencils, etc. At first I wanted to guide my son because he had made a really ugly border, but I bit my tongue figuring it was his vase. Interestingly enough by the end of the class, he - on his own - decided the border was ugly and had changed it.  His vase ended up looking quite nice.

I still would have loved him if it had been ugly, though.

Unlike one of the other mom volunteers, who I noticed actually took her daughter's vase and painted parts of it herself after she was unhappy with what her daughter painted.    That is one scary group of moms at that school.

Consider yourself lucky. At least they were not painting Greek urns.

[kittensaver]

May 2, 2016 12:11:07 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

May 2, 2016 10:36:13 GMT -5 milee said:

I was volunteering in my 11 year old's history class last week. They were making Roman vases, which involved various layers of paint, stencils, etc. At first I wanted to guide my son because he had made a really ugly border, but I bit my tongue figuring it was his vase. Interestingly enough by the end of the class, he - on his own - decided the border was ugly and had changed it.  His vase ended up looking quite nice.

I still would have loved him if it had been ugly, though.

Unlike one of the other mom volunteers, who I noticed actually took her daughter's vase and painted parts of it herself after she was unhappy with what her daughter painted.    That is one scary group of moms at that school.

Consider yourself lucky. At least they were not painting Greek urns.

No photos of boys playing "leapfrog"?  

[Tennesseer]

May 2, 2016 12:24:34 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

May 2, 2016 12:11:07 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Consider yourself lucky. At least they were not painting Greek urns.

No photos of boys playing "leapfrog"?  

Oh there were plenty of R and X rated vases I could have selected but as these boards must by a max of PG rated, I had to leave those others 'behind'.

[whoisjohngalt]

May 2, 2016 10:33:01 GMT -5 milee said:

Leave it up to him. At first I was going to add "because he's young and it should be mostly about what he's most interested in and proud about, plus people will be polite even if it's finger paint with macaroni." But the more I thought about it, no matter how old the artist was, unless s/he directly asked for input shouldn't s/he be the one to decide what to display?

But take that advice with a grain of salt because I'm the kind of mom that also lets my kids pick out their own clothing with some pretty horrific/interesting results.

I am exactly the same way, but.....

He started writing in a journal awhile back and read it to me.  One sentence made NO sense, grammatically or otherwise.  So I said so.  He erased the whole thing and it took almost an hour to get him to the point where he wanted to try again.

ETA:  I am not trying to direct him so he would be "the best".   I am just worried that if something goes wrong, he won't do it again. 

[happyhoix]

I think an art show would be a good opportunity for him.

I don't see how he could be embarrassed. I know in the art shows I participated in in school, you entered your pieces anonymously so the judges wouldn't be biased, and there were a few pieces that were awarded prizes, but the rest of them had no comments at all - no one is going to point out which pieces got the least number of points.

If he enters and wins a prize, that would be a boost for him. If he enters and doesn't win a prize, he'll be one of probably many other students who also didn't win prizes, and you can have a discussion with him about how beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so not winning doesn't mean his art was bad - and you can point out that the fact that he has fun doing his art is more important than if someone else thinks it's good.

My DS used to stress out when he didn't do well in a particular thing. I tried to point out to him that no one is good at everything, and usually, there is going to be someone better than you in most areas. That doesn't mean you don't participate, if you can't always be the very best.

[milee]

I'm confused. Are you worried that he won't win a prize or that people will be unkind? I'm not sure what you're trying to avoid or how you can help him avoid it.  Is most of his stuff reasonable but he's irrationally in love with one of his bizarre and awful pieces and you're trying to steer him into not selecting it?

I'll also confess that unless he's older than I think he is, the differences between "fantastic" level art and "OK" level art for his age isn't huge, so I'm not sure what you think would be so much better about entering one thing versus another.

If you'll explain more, maybe I'll get it and agree on how you could help or see a different perspective.

[whoisjohngalt]

May 2, 2016 16:30:31 GMT -5 milee said:

I'm confused. Are you worried that he won't win a prize or that people will be unkind? I'm not sure what you're trying to avoid or how you can help him avoid it.  Is most of his stuff reasonable but he's irrationally in love with one of his bizarre and awful pieces and you're trying to steer him into not selecting it?

I'll also confess that unless he's older than I think he is, the differences between "fantastic" level art and "OK" level art for his age isn't huge, so I'm not sure what you think would be so much better about entering one thing versus another.

If you'll explain more, maybe I'll get it and agree on how you could help or see a different perspective.

Definitely that part. 

You probably right and it makes no difference what he enters.  It's just this is his first "public" appearance of anything, so I hope it goes well.

[adela76]

May 2, 2016 13:20:01 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

May 2, 2016 10:33:01 GMT -5 milee said:

Leave it up to him. At first I was going to add "because he's young and it should be mostly about what he's most interested in and proud about, plus people will be polite even if it's finger paint with macaroni." But the more I thought about it, no matter how old the artist was, unless s/he directly asked for input shouldn't s/he be the one to decide what to display?

But take that advice with a grain of salt because I'm the kind of mom that also lets my kids pick out their own clothing with some pretty horrific/interesting results.

I am exactly the same way, but.....

He started writing in a journal awhile back and read it to me.  One sentence made NO sense, grammatically or otherwise.  So I said so.  He erased the whole thing and it took almost an hour to get him to the point where he wanted to try again.

ETA:  I am not trying to direct him so he would be "the best".   I am just worried that if something goes wrong, he won't do it again. 

Awwww, you picked apart the grammar in his journal? Poor kid! 

As a kid who was pretty sensitive and not always good at handling criticism, I was *most* sensitive to my mom's opinion.  If he doesn't win a prize or overhears some stranger commenting on his art, that might be easier for him to handle than his mom suggesting that some of his art isn't "good enough" for an art show, however diplomatically she tries to do it.  

Example: In high school, my mom once told me, in a polite way, that I was never going to be great at English lit class because my brain wasn't wired that way, being more technical/analytical.  Everything in school was easy for me, except English class, and I had a bit of an inferiority complex about it.  In her way, she was trying to help me be OK with not being great in English class.  Instead, I broke down in tears because it felt to me like she was rubbing salt in the wound.  If a friend had said it, it wouldn't have bothered me in the same way.

 Also, how ruthless do you expect an art show for homeschooled preadolescents to be? 

[milee]

May 2, 2016 19:05:53 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

May 2, 2016 16:30:31 GMT -5 milee said:

I'm confused. Are you worried that he won't win a prize or that people will be unkind? I'm not sure what you're trying to avoid or how you can help him avoid it.  Is most of his stuff reasonable but he's irrationally in love with one of his bizarre and awful pieces and you're trying to steer him into not selecting it?

I'll also confess that unless he's older than I think he is, the differences between "fantastic" level art and "OK" level art for his age isn't huge, so I'm not sure what you think would be so much better about entering one thing versus another.

If you'll explain more, maybe I'll get it and agree on how you could help or see a different perspective.

Definitely that part. 

You probably right and it makes no difference what he enters.  It's just this is his first "public" appearance of anything, so I hope it goes well.

While I'm not a proponent of the watered down, everybody-is-a-winner-and-gets-a-prize-for-breathing theory, it would seem surprising that people would be jerky at a kid's art show.  Again, once he's high school age there may be appropriate, polite critique, but isn't he elementary age?  If anybody is unkind that would be an issue of the event and not something you could or should reasonably expect or worry about preventing.  If it's the kind of group that might do something like that, then get the heck out of that situation instead of trying to contort yourself of hurting your child's feelings in an attempt to ensure others respect basic standards of social nicety.  

[teen persuasion]

May 2, 2016 10:36:13 GMT -5 milee said:

I was volunteering in my 11 year old's history class last week. They were making Roman vases, which involved various layers of paint, stencils, etc. At first I wanted to guide my son because he had made a really ugly border, but I bit my tongue figuring it was his vase. Interestingly enough by the end of the class, he - on his own - decided the border was ugly and had changed it.  His vase ended up looking quite nice.

I still would have loved him if it had been ugly, though.

Unlike one of the other mom volunteers, who I noticed actually took her daughter's vase and painted parts of it herself after she was unhappy with what her daughter painted.    That is one scary group of moms at that school.

When I did Preschool Story Hour, with crafts at the end, some of the moms did the craft for their child so it was perfect, rather than just helping a bit as needed.  Drove me crazy - these are preschoolers, I don't expect perfection.  The process, the creativity, the motor skills practiced, the connection to the themed stories we'd read together were the point behind the weekly craft session, not truly the end product.  Yes, the youngest ones needed some help, but one particular mother that I recall doing this was critiquing her bright 5 yo, clearly the oldest in the group and best able to complete it independently.

I generally gave simple instructions, and let the kids embellish as they wished.  Some followed instructions to the letter, and needed explicit examples, but some were very creative and tried things I'd never considered.  I always encouraged experimentation, and explained to the kids (and indirectly to the parents ) that choices and variety were good things, and that different people liked different things.  So if Joe's favorite color was green, he could make a green dog, but Alexis could also choose to make her dog look exactly like Fido at home, if she wanted.

Art is very personal, and is as much about the process as it is about the end product.  Let the artist decide what to display; if he asks for advice, then you can offer your thoughts, but also ask him to tell you about the pieces he's considering.  The ES art teacher would send home the children's works, and they always included a typed explanation on the back of what they'd discussed in that unit, and how this project tied in to that.  They would study a certain artist, like Van Gogh, or certain concepts like perspective.  One project I remember well involved recreating the painting of Whistler's Mother, but placing it in their own home with objects significant to each student.  The kids loved explaining each object and why they included it.

[tloonya]

I would have a family meeting (or just you can do it) after he picks what he wanted to display and just tell him 'I looove this one' and another relative would 'admire this piece' and someone would be 'nuts about this one' - so DS will see that and not getting offended. And then let him to choose. After all it is HIS show!

[toomuchreality]

I hope it goes well.   I'm sure it will.

I hope he comes away feeling like it was a very positive experience and that he'd like to do it again sometime.

Best of luck! 

[whoisjohngalt]

Thank you - that's very sweet of you!

It's next week, so we shall see!