wedding etiquette question

[beergut]

 I recently participated in a wedding where the bride asked that no one take pictures during the ceremony. She had hired two photographers to work the event.

During the reception, people were given disposable cameras and encouraged to take as many pictures as possible. The cameras were collected and the film will be developed online. There was no prohibition against using camera phones during the reception.

I believe the purpose of the ban during the ceremony was twofold: To have people watch the ceremony without distraction, and to allow the bride and groom to decide later what pictures of their wedding are shared online. 

Do you think this is too controlling of the bride? Do you think this is a reasonable request?

 I didn't have an issue with it, it just isn't something I have seen before. 

[Lizard Queen]

I've heard of photographers requesting this, as the amateurs like to get in the way and interfere with the professionals. Or, it could be to keep the ceremony more solemn. NBD

[zibazinski]

I'd be glad if the bride or groom just wrote thank yous. I now write checks bcuz at least when they're cashed I know they got them. The thank you? I never get. Who raised these ill mannered adults?

[justme]

May 2, 2016 6:23:27 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I've heard of photographers requesting this, as the amateurs like to get in the way and interfere with the professionals. Or, it could be to keep the ceremony more solemn. NBD

I think this is a huge part of it. You pay a couple thousand, often, for wedding photos and then they can get ruined by people holding up their phones or standing up or getting in the aisle or something.

[resolution]

It may have been at the request of the church. Our priest had some guidelines for when pictures should be taken during the ceremony so that the religious parts weren't interrupted.

[milee]

It's unfortunate that people can't control themselves and act politely. Is that type of request controlling of the bride?  Yes, but... since so many people are demonstrating en masse how little judgment they have, requests like this become more and more reasonable.

A few years ago, I would have been a little put out at a bride requesting something that would seem like such basic good manners. It would be as puzzling as her asking the guests not to stand up and yell, "Whazzup my n****!" as she walked down the aisle. Like, no duh, of course we wouldn't do something so rude.

But having been to several weddings where people disrupted the ceremony with flashes during picture taking on their phones, interfered with the photographer with picture taking on their phones and just generally made a nuisance of themselves and turning the ceremony into a low class circus, I can understand a bride making a request about not taking pictures.

[happyhoix]

I agree. I don't in general like bossy brides who make rules, but a wedding is supposed to be a solemn religious ceremony, and people can't seem to do anything anymore without pulling out their phone and documenting it.

I saw in the news this weekend there is some trend among young people to drive at dangerous speeds and document this on one of the social media sites (I think it was twitter). Apparently there is an app that can record you and your speed at the same time. (Why someone created an app like that is beyond me.) A psychologist interviewed for the story said young people have been telling her if something isn't documented on social media, they don't think it's feels 'real.'

At the risk of sounding like an ancient curmudgeon, cell phones are moving from the 'useful' category of gadgets into the 'stupid' category pretty quickly for me.

[resolution]

Now that I think about it, our church does the same thing for baptisms and confirmations. There are some guidelines on where you can and can't stand when you want to take pictures, like you aren't supposed to stand up in the pew in the middle of the ceremony to take pictures but you can have someone standing off to the side where it won't block other people.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Our photographer told us we would not believe how many times she's been in the middle of setting up a shot only to have some random guest jump into it for one reason or another.  Also she's had photos ruined because of a million different camera flashes going off during her shot.

When you pay money for photos you want what you paid for.  I have nothing against the bride reminding people not to get in the photographers way.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

May 2, 2016 6:23:27 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I've heard of photographers requesting this, as the amateurs like to get in the way and interfere with the professionals. Or, it could be to keep the ceremony more solemn. NBD

This.  I read an article written by the professional photographer hired for a wedding, and most of the photos during the ceremony shown my the photographer were of a guest's back, when they cut in on the photographer who was setting up a shot.

[Tennesseer]

May 2, 2016 7:18:04 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

I agree. I don't in general like bossy brides who make rules, but a wedding is supposed to be a solemn religious ceremony, and people can't seem to do anything anymore without pulling out their phone and documenting it.

I saw in the news this weekend there is some trend among young people to drive at dangerous speeds and document this on one of the social media sites (I think it was twitter). Apparently there is an app that can record you and your speed at the same time. (Why someone created an app like that is beyond me.) A psychologist interviewed for the story said young people have been telling her if something isn't documented on social media, they don't think it's feels 'real.'

At the risk of sounding like an ancient curmudgeon, cell phones are moving from the 'useful' category of gadgets into the 'stupid' category pretty quickly for me.

Teen took Snapchat photos while crashing Mercedes at 107 mph. Now her victim has sued Snapchat

[happyhoix]

May 2, 2016 8:42:22 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

May 2, 2016 7:18:04 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

I agree. I don't in general like bossy brides who make rules, but a wedding is supposed to be a solemn religious ceremony, and people can't seem to do anything anymore without pulling out their phone and documenting it.

I saw in the news this weekend there is some trend among young people to drive at dangerous speeds and document this on one of the social media sites (I think it was twitter). Apparently there is an app that can record you and your speed at the same time. (Why someone created an app like that is beyond me.) A psychologist interviewed for the story said young people have been telling her if something isn't documented on social media, they don't think it's feels 'real.'

At the risk of sounding like an ancient curmudgeon, cell phones are moving from the 'useful' category of gadgets into the 'stupid' category pretty quickly for me.

Teen took Snapchat photos while crashing Mercedes at 107 mph. Now her victim has sued Snapchat

Yep. This was the idiot the TV news story was about.

Not only was she going 106 MPH on a suburban 55 MPH street (with a pregnant friend in the car) she took that selfie of herself in a neck brace, behind hauled onto the ambulance, with a 'lucky to be alive' caption.

We can take cars away from chronic drunk drivers, I think we should also be able to take cell phones away from these kinds of idiots.

[milee]

May 2, 2016 9:46:38 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

May 2, 2016 8:42:22 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Teen took Snapchat photos while crashing Mercedes at 107 mph. Now her victim has sued Snapchat

Yep. This was the idiot the TV news story was about.

Not only was she going 106 MPH on a suburban 55 MPH street (with a pregnant friend in the car) she took that selfie of herself in a neck brace, behind hauled onto the ambulance, with a 'lucky to be alive' caption.

We can take cars away from chronic drunk drivers, I think we should also be able to take cell phones away from these kinds of idiots.

We should sue Mercedes.  The car was manufactured in such a manner as to be sufficiently safe to preserve the life of this idiot.  Mercedes should be responsible for preventing the healthy culling of the herd.  Normally, people this dumb find a way to off themselves, but Mercedes made the car too safe, has weakened the overall gene pool of the US, and should be held liable for their sin as it will impact our population negatively for potentially generations.

[Tiny]

Wow.... I don't think I've ever been to a wedding ceremony (in a Church, museum, public place,  in the reception hall, or in a park, or just down at the courthouse.) where a non-designated photographer (or photographers) was snapping away during the ceremony... I have witnessed people on the aisle snap a picture as the Bride (or groom or the person they personally know) comes down the aisle - but they remained in their pew/seat as it happened  they didn't jump out into the aisle.   

I know things are 'fast and loose' with the younger generation... so I guess maybe you'd have to remind/ask them NOT to be snapping away, wandering around,  trying to get a Selfie with the Bride, etc,  as she comes down the aisle  or doing other disruptive stuff during the ceremony.  <-- that's mostly sarcasm...

I can totally see the Church or place that the ceremony is taking place in REQUESTING no flash photography (other than the designated photographers)   and the Bride/Groom or the Wedding Program Card making that request to the guests. 

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

If the bride hired a competent photographer, then the photograper's pictures should be far superior to any guest's.

Of course, when brides make such reasonable requests, they do take away the guests' ability to immediately steal the wedding couple's rightful on-line spotlight.  This may be the truer reason for the requests.  

[mojothehelpermonkey]

Unless the bride already had a reputation for being a bridezilla, I would assume that the couple was probably worried about a pushy family member ruining the hired photographer's shots. Kind of like how some people have to spread the word if children are not invited because otherwise cousin Mary will show up with all five of her kids even though their names were not on the invitation and the venue is not appropriate for children. 

[kittensaver]

It is impossible for the professional photographer to get a decent picture when there are a dozen other cameras flashing at the same time. The pro has set his or her camera to a certain light setting, and everyone else messes it up when they are snapping (and flashing) at the same time.

I once attended a wedding where the family and wedding party had gathered post-ceremony for pictures and the photographer addressed the other picture takers directly. He patiently explained the need for correct lighting for his photos. He struck a "deal" with all of us other photo-takers: he set up the shot, he took his photo(s), and then he turned to us and said: "your turn." It was brilliant and it worked great. 

ETA: then again, maybe she just WAS a bridezilla. Hard to know!

[beergut]

May 2, 2016 6:45:01 GMT -5 resolution said:

It may have been at the request of the church. Our priest had some guidelines for when pictures should be taken during the ceremony so that the religious parts weren't interrupted.

The ceremony was held on the beach, so not a church request. 

[MJ2.0]

Professional wedding photographers aren't cheap, and I'd be beyond pissed if I was stuck paying for mediocre pics because people kept ruining good potential shots.

[beergut]

May 2, 2016 15:04:58 GMT -5 mojothehelpermonkey said:

Unless the bride already had a reputation for being a bridezilla, I would assume that the couple was probably worried about a pushy family member ruining the hired photographer's shots. Kind of like how some people have to spread the word if children are not invited because otherwise cousin Mary will show up with all five of her kids even though their names were not on the invitation and the venue is not appropriate for children. 

She wasn't a bridezilla, quite the opposite.

 I did offer to punch her new husband's sister in the ovaries for her, right in the babymaker. Her new sister-in-law was being a self-centered diva, and a b-word. She complained about not being involved in the wedding (for good reason, both the bride and her brother think she is a pain in the ass), and harangued her parents about it. They put pressure on her brother, who asked the bride if she could put his sister on her side as a bridesmaid. She refused, and he didn't want her to stand on his side. They agreed to let her do the 'shell blessing', which was as prestigious a job as lighting a unity candle. Two days before the wedding, she decides she doesn't want to do the shell blessing. So after all that drama, she changed her mind. She also wore a completely inappropriate dress to the wedding, trying to show up the bride. I told my GF, "I was 99.9% sure she works as a stripper, that dress leaves no doubt." 

[Ryan]

I'm sure the ban was imposed so the professionals can get as many good, unobstructed pictures as possible.

[justme]

Look, even if you take out the issue with the flash and people don't move from their seat, it can still make photos look like crap to see people holding up phones. "Here's a photo of us saying our vows, and hands in the air like they're asking questions but there's a phone attached to it".

I am really into photographs marking life (of my friends I'm the only one that still prints photos out and has an actual camera) and if I could get away with it I'd have a basket for cellphones and a metal detector. And I'm only half joking about that.

Do what you want at the reception, but at least pretend you give a fuck about actually watching me get married more than a Facebook post.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Yeah, I'm not seeing it as bridezilla, just trying to have a sense of decorum. It's not different than live theatre having a ban on any type of videography or photography. 

[marvholly]

May 2, 2016 11:45:27 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

If the bride hired a competent photographer, then the photograper's pictures should be far superior to any guest's.

Not necessarily. When DD2 got married I asked a family friend to shoot a couple pix as we came down the aisle. He used MY camera. He also shot some other shots outside. They were better than the hired photog.

[giramomma]

I could see doing something like this at our church for a wedding.

At our church, the head of religious ed sent out a reminder to parents before the group First Holy Communion stating exactly where it was appropriate and where it wasn't appropriate to take pictures during the kids' First Holy Communion mass..

[Deleted]

Our priest requested no flash photography (except for the photographer) at the beginning of the ceremony.  I've always felt it was tacky to whip out cameras during any religious ceremony anyhow.  

[ArchietheDragon]

May 2, 2016 18:05:22 GMT -5 beergut said:

May 2, 2016 6:45:01 GMT -5 resolution said:

It may have been at the request of the church. Our priest had some guidelines for when pictures should be taken during the ceremony so that the religious parts weren't interrupted.

The ceremony was held on the beach, so not a church request. 

With this new info, I think it was a little bit over the top to ask for no photos to be taken during the ceremony. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

May 3, 2016 10:32:33 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

May 2, 2016 18:05:22 GMT -5 beergut said:

The ceremony was held on the beach, so not a church request. 

With this new info, I think it was a little bit over the top to ask for no photos to be taken during the ceremony. 

When you are paying thousands of $$ for a photographer, then having guests ruin the shots you are being paid to produce is a perfectly respectable request.  


www.buzzfeed.com/terripous/no-pictures-no-problem?utm_term=.it3ebajn4#.am0aw9DL5

[ArchietheDragon]

May 3, 2016 11:39:58 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

May 3, 2016 10:32:33 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

With this new info, I think it was a little bit over the top to ask for no photos to be taken during the ceremony. 

When you are paying thousands of $$ for a photographer, then having guests ruin the shots you are being paid to produce is a perfectly respectable request.  


www.buzzfeed.com/terripous/no-pictures-no-problem?utm_term=.it3ebajn4#.am0aw9DL5

I am remiss to say that my wife and I were taking pictures during Vinny's ceremony.  

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 3, 2016 10:08:08 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I could see doing something like this at our church for a wedding.

At our church, the head of religious ed sent out a reminder to parents before the group First Holy Communion stating exactly where it was appropriate and where it wasn't appropriate to take pictures during the kids' First Holy Communion mass..

huh, our priest set up each kid for a shot, alter behind and slightly angled. Parents standing behind and next to the kid. My bil (and dd's Godfather) got the shot for us. Per my request, he stuck it on fb and tagged us.

I admit, when we did First Confessions a few months ago, I was appalled by parents taking photos of that. Dh asked me if I wanted photos. Um, no. That's a moment between God, the kid and our priest.