NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 15, 2016 19:37:07 GMT -5
I would start making shit up...like make up the most pitiful sob story and see what she says to top it. Are you sure we aren't kin. I love to take stuff and run with it. We might be a trio. I do the same thing, just to see steam come outta someone's ears. I worked with a martyr for eight years. Anything that happened to you, happened to her worse. Any answer you came up with, she had a better one and yours was wrong 100% of the time. Anything you did/bought/ate/drove, she did/bought/ate/drove it too, and knew more about it than you did. Martyrdom is just another form of bullying. The one good thing that came out of being laid off earlier this year was 1) never having to see her ugly puss again and 2) hearing her rant, rave and cry in the boss' office about how "shocked" she was at being laid off, how hard it would be on her financially (this is the person who ate out every day, drove three states away to purchase two dogs instead of adopting locally, and wouldn't spend money on decent tires for her car, but thought forty grand for a tricked out truck was an outstanding idea). Let her BS stream go in one ear and out the other. Disengage from her, other than strictly work stuff, and stay disengaged.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2016 20:00:03 GMT -5
Are you sure we aren't kin. I love to take stuff and run with it. We might be a trio. I do the same thing, just to see steam come outta someone's ears. I worked with a martyr for eight years. Anything that happened to you, happened to her worse. Any answer you came up with, she had a better one and yours was wrong 100% of the time. Anything you did/bought/ate/drove, she did/bought/ate/drove it too, and knew more about it than you did. Martyrdom is just another form of bullying. The one good thing that came out of being laid ......
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NoNamePerson
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Is There Anybody OUT There?
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Post by NoNamePerson on Apr 15, 2016 20:17:28 GMT -5
We might be a trio. I do the same thing, just to see steam come outta someone's ears. I worked with a martyr for eight years. Anything that happened to you, happened to her worse. Any answer you came up with, she had a better one and yours was wrong 100% of the time. Anything you did/bought/ate/drove, she did/bought/ate/drove it too, and knew more about it than you did. Martyrdom is just another form of bullying. The one good thing that came out of being laid ...... You sure like to live dangerously don't you If you disappear from the board we just have to see who bought a new freezer!!!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 15, 2016 20:37:55 GMT -5
I try point out the many things she has that others don't. Example: boat, camper, four-wheelers, kayaks, many acres of land
In conversation I say that we don't have any of that fun stuff. (We are okay with that. Don't want it.)
When a package gets delivered and she isn't here, I usually text her to let her know. Next time I will tell her she got a package from Goodwill. :-)
To top it off, she doesn't have to or want to work a lot of hours.
You are wasting your breath, time and energy. Why? Anything you will say will fall on deaf ears. She isn't going to have some epiphany and understand your point. So, just make peace with the noise coming out of her pie hole. Pretend she is Miss Opthmar from Peanuts. Wah, wah, wah.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Apr 16, 2016 7:02:23 GMT -5
If you feel the need to listen and not be rude, do that. But ONLY that. As many others have said already, do NOT respond, or engage her!
Then if you are so inclined, when she gets through with her tale of woe for the day, talk about something totally different. Change the subject, as if she hadn't said a word.
Because you were willing to listen, it's likely to happen again. But the number of times will become fewer and farther between, if you don't let her engage you. Any attention, is better than no attention. When you stop, so will she -eventually. She'll find someone else.
Ask yourself, is she worth it? Only give her what she is worth.
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mamasita99
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Post by mamasita99 on Apr 16, 2016 7:27:20 GMT -5
A good rule of thumb when working with children engaging in attention-seeking behavior? Ignore and redirect. That might work for your co-worker
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Apr 16, 2016 7:54:49 GMT -5
Say, "I'm sorry to hear that. That must be awful for you."
Rinse and repeat.
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NancysSummerSip
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Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 16, 2016 13:34:16 GMT -5
You sure like to live dangerously don't you If you disappear from the board we just have to see who bought a new freezer!!! I can spot her stop-a-clock fugly puss coming a mile away. She'd never get a shot in. And BTW, she still has no job. Nothing to support that lifestyle of hers. I'm kind of thinking she's waiting for her elderly folks to kick the bucket, figuring she'll inherit their money.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Apr 19, 2016 16:40:02 GMT -5
My little sister is one of these. Always complaining about how hard her life is, but lives in a very nice big house, has two great kids, a DH who works hard to support their lifestyle, a boss that allows her to work flexible hours, (plus summers off) and at least four vacations a year.
She's living a very nice upper middle class lifestyle but when she looks around, she can only see those people on a higher economic level then her - she never notices the masses of people with far less than she has, and with much harder issues to deal with, day to day.
I think this is just their personality. I feel bad for her because she is always so unhappy, but you really can't change someone's personality. I just tune it out.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Apr 20, 2016 5:23:49 GMT -5
My little sister is one of these. Always complaining about how hard her life is, but lives in a very nice big house, has two great kids, a DH who works hard to support their lifestyle, a boss that allows her to work flexible hours, (plus summers off) and at least four vacations a year.
She's living a very nice upper middle class lifestyle but when she looks around, she can only see those people on a higher economic level then her - she never notices the masses of people with far less than she has, and with much harder issues to deal with, day to day.
I think this is just their personality. I feel bad for her because she is always so unhappy, but you really can't change someone's personality. I just tune it out.
Do you suppose they're really that unhappy, or are they voicing their desire for what they'll strive for next? I know they all just sound like whiners and I hate listening to them too. But this thought ^ ^ ^ just occurred to me, so I'm curious what you think.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Apr 20, 2016 6:53:36 GMT -5
My little sister is one of these. Always complaining about how hard her life is, but lives in a very nice big house, has two great kids, a DH who works hard to support their lifestyle, a boss that allows her to work flexible hours, (plus summers off) and at least four vacations a year.
She's living a very nice upper middle class lifestyle but when she looks around, she can only see those people on a higher economic level then her - she never notices the masses of people with far less than she has, and with much harder issues to deal with, day to day.
I think this is just their personality. I feel bad for her because she is always so unhappy, but you really can't change someone's personality. I just tune it out.
Do you suppose they're really that unhappy, or are they voicing their desire for what they'll strive for next? I know they all just sound like whiners and I hate listening to them too. But this thought ^ ^ ^ just occurred to me, so I'm curious what you think. I don't want to speak for all the martyrs out there, but with my little sister, I think she likes feeling like a victim. She talks in a melodramatic way about all her 'burdens.' And she always has a list of 'villains' - those people who she thinks hate her and want to make her life hard.
She's always been a drama queen (even as a toddler we called her Sarah Bernhart) and I think if she admitted the truth to herself (she's been very fortunate all her life, both financially and in her family/husband, and there isn't anyone out there plotting against her) her life would suddenly seem very dull and pointless. You can't be the fairytale princess if there are no monsters or evil queens trying to get you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2016 9:36:42 GMT -5
The latest on my martyr from the OP:
I was sad because my friend/acquaintance died in a murder/suicide. I found out Monday her husband shot her, leaving behind a teenage daughter. It was all over the news.
Martyr says in a sad, whiney voice: "I hope my husband never does that."
REALLY? Are you turning this into your problem? WTF?
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Apr 21, 2016 9:45:32 GMT -5
The latest on my martyr from the OP:
I was sad because my friend/acquaintance died in a murder/suicide. I found out Monday her husband shot her, leaving behind a teenage daughter. It was all over the news.
Martyr says in a sad, whiney voice: "I hope my husband never does that."
REALLY? Are you turning this into your problem? WTF?
If he ever did, that would give her plenty to whine about
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 21, 2016 9:49:51 GMT -5
The latest on my martyr from the OP:
I was sad because my friend/acquaintance died in a murder/suicide. I found out Monday her husband shot her, leaving behind a teenage daughter. It was all over the news.
Martyr says in a sad, whiney voice: "I hope my husband never does that."
REALLY? Are you turning this into your problem? WTF?
Why are you bothering to listen to her? You should have just rolled your eyes. A person who has to top something that serious must have a pretty pathetic life. Why are you wasting mental and emotional energy on this woman? You do realize she does this for attention right and that's exactly what you are giving her. If you want her to go away stop reacting every time she opens her mouth.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2016 9:52:17 GMT -5
The latest on my martyr from the OP:
I was sad because my friend/acquaintance died in a murder/suicide. I found out Monday her husband shot her, leaving behind a teenage daughter. It was all over the news.
Martyr says in a sad, whiney voice: "I hope my husband never does that."
REALLY? Are you turning this into your problem? WTF?
Why are you bothering to listen to her? You should have just rolled your eyes. A person who has to top something that serious must have a pretty pathetic life. Why are you wasting mental and emotional energy on this woman? You do realize she does this for attention right and that's exactly what you are giving her. If you want her to go away stop reacting every time she opens her mouth. I told her if things are that bad and she has to wonder it, she should leave him.
She shut up.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Apr 21, 2016 17:12:08 GMT -5
The latest on my martyr from the OP:
I was sad because my friend/acquaintance died in a murder/suicide. I found out Monday her husband shot her, leaving behind a teenage daughter. It was all over the news.
Martyr says in a sad, whiney voice: "I hope my husband never does that."
REALLY? Are you turning this into your problem? WTF?
Why are you bothering to listen to her? You should have just rolled your eyes. A person who has to top something that serious must have a pretty pathetic life. Why are you wasting mental and emotional energy on this woman? You do realize she does this for attention right and that's exactly what you are giving her. If you want her to go away stop reacting every time she opens her mouth. If it's a coworker seated right next to you, kind of hard to just rudely ignore her or roll your eyes. We are all mandated to play nice at work. Even if we work with idiots, we can't tell them they're idiots.
I've got a sports nut coworker who insists on try to talk to me about sports. I look at him and ask him things like 'which one is baseball, the one with the pointy ball or the little round one?" Or "Are the Steelers the ones from St Louis or Memphis?" He just laughs and keeps flapping his mouth, spouting off team names and player names like I give a crap.
Coworkers. Can't live with them, get written up by HR if you kill them.
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