How do you know if someone has an eating disorder?

[Deleted]

I'm worried about my 35YO son. He was skinny until he hit middle school. But he was always a picky eater who preferred junk food.

His wife and he have lost mega-weight using Tru-V or TruVision.  His wife has lost 30 pounds or so.  He has lost 90 pounds (down from 240 to 150).

My DIL (his wife) has become a representative or whatever in this program.  It is a MLM program, and they are the poster children for its success.  His wife's FB posts are pretty much an infomercial these days.

I've tried to stay out of it and be supportive.  It was great when he got down to 160 pounds although I wondered if the program had bad effects.  He assured me it wasn't really the pills at all--it is calories and exercises.  I asked if he was eating healthy, and he said not really.  He eats the same old junk food (pizza and McDonald's), but he keeps under his daily calorie count.

Right now that calorie count is 1700 calories a day with 30 minutes of cardio.  His wife says he takes vitamins (I realized today that that was part of the program), and that she made him up the calories recently.  I have no idea what the calorie count was previously.  She seems pretty balanced about it despite the infomercial attitude.  Her FB pages now consist of "Here's the food we ate today and lost weight!"  "Don't you hate it when you try on a medium and it falls down?"  And then laying new sizes on top of old sizes  You get the idea.

What really frightened me was the pride that he only weighs 150 pounds/still losing and seeing him in an XL t-shirt that was swallowing him.  Like I said, I have tried to stay out of it, but he is my son.  He is 5'9" by the way.  DH weighs the same thing and is 6'1".  He looks like a scarecrow.  I'm sure my son doesn't look that bad, but he certainly was wearing clothes that hid what he does look like.

So how do you know if someone has an eating disorder?  And what can you do when they are adults besides worry about them?

[Deleted]

Can one of the moderators move this? I meant to put it in off-topic. Although we COULD discuss Tru-Vision as a MLM opportunity.

[Tiny]

Well, a 5'9inch guy at 240 is, um, pretty big...

5'9 and 150 seems like he'd be fine. My 'fireman' brother was fit and trim at 165 and 5'11 - he had to be in good shape (lifting weights/cardio) (to do his job).

1700 calories per day isn't that bad -- it's a daily amount for weightloss if you hold to it religiously. I would assume he has some cheat days during the week (where he has a couple of beers? or the second slice of pizza or chicken wings - where he's going over the 1700 daily 'allowance'. - the 30 minutes of cardio a day isn't much 'excercise' if he's sedentary the rest of the day... it was a lot back when he started - but as time goes on it's not burning tons hundreds of calories.


One thing Weight Watchers emphazised was that you needed to look at your whole 'week' of eating... when you start to get near your goal weight it's easy to undo a 'weeks worth of work' with a weekend binge. On the other hand - looking at the whole week is who you 'maintain' weight loss - you "cut back" or "be good" for the majority of days (the 1700 calories) so on the weekend you can have a moderate amount of beers/chips/pizza OR cake...


At this point, I doubt he's got an eating disorder... he's not underweight and he's eathing a reasonable amount (if he is doing 1700 a day with a 'cheat day' during the week).


We've all got some serious 'portion distortion' and skewed views of body size... just saying to keep in mind your own perceptions.

ADDED:  according to the HATED BMI calculator - he's in a good range...     30 minutes of cardio isn't going to put him in a muscle-y weight lifter body which skews the BMI numbers (my 25 yo nephew who 6'1 and doing weight lifting competitions and spends most of his non-working life at the gym - BMI isn't a good representation of anything for him.  He's got muscles on top of muscles.  The ladies swoon when he walks past - he can't buy 'regular' shirts... )

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

How tall is he?
Would his wife (whom you've known her whole life, right?) recognize it?
Do you actually see him eating?

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Oh, I see the 5'9" now. DH is 5'11". He weighs 200 and is chubby. When he hits 230, he's in what I would call the fat range. 
I do think the t-shirt size has something to do with it. DH wears an XL because he has really broad shoulders and an L is too tight on his shoulders. The rest of the shirt is baggy on him. 

[Tennesseer]

SS-when you dine with your son and DIL, what do his meals look like and do you know if he treats himself on occassion to 'fun' foods that might not be on his regular diet?

[Tiny]

Meant to say that 1700 calories a day - may cause him to loose some weight - but maybe not very fast. The commended for guys is 2000 to 2200. To loose a pound in 7 days - you need to eat 500 fewer calories than your body needs EVERY day...

The really extreme diets are 1200 calories or fewer a day. Of course if you are a 50 yo woman - you might really only need 1500 calories a day - so 1200 isn't that big a deal...

The other thing to consider is that it's a general rule that you shouldn't be loosing more than 2 pounds a week. Of course when you weigh a really lot - you may very well drop more per week at the beginning and then as you get closer to your goal weight it gets harder to keep lose (because you just aren't eating all that much.... and MAINTENING your new lower weight. ) So you might only be loosing 1/2 pound per week.


How fast has he lost his weight?  3 months or less <-- not so good.    Or more like 6 to 9 months or longer? 
 

[Wisconsin Beth]

When my dh was under 160 lbs, he looked like a starving refugee. He was literally skin and bone. My dh is 6 foot 1.

Everyone thought dh looked great but they weren't seeing him naked. It was terrifying how skinny he was.

Dh had been on a candida yeast infection diet, which is eliminate all sugars, including natural ones, from one's diet. I think about half of his daily calories were supplements and vitamins bease s quack of a doctor wad acruelly going along wits this.. I think his total calories per day was around 1200 but he wasn't counting them, he was just eating small amounts of low fat, low sugar, low carbs and lean protein.

[bobosensei]

People I've known with eating disorders are very secretive about it.  What you are saying sounds more like lifestyle changes.  Though I hate all that supplement kind of stuff so what DIL is doing would annoy me, but I have a hand full of facebook friends that do the same thing selling advocare and some other stuff.

He sounds fine to me, but also like it isn't going to be sustainable forever so at some point (probably when his wife loses steam) they will go back to old habits.

[Deleted]

At this point it doesn't sound like an eating disorder to me.  His BMI is in a really healthy range and 1700 calories is also acceptable.  Hopefully he will start incorporating healthier foods soon.

[Deleted]

The 1700 calories a day is more than he was eating as he lost the original weight. I have no idea what he was eating before. His wife insisted he up it.

I think it has been about 9 months.  Remember that he has lost about 90 pounds.  That's pretty substantial for 9 months.

I haven't seen him eat, but I have talked to him about whether he has started eating healthy.  He said no.  He treats himself to "fun" foods constantly.  He hasn't really changed his (bad) diet.  He has changed his portions within that framework.  He still primarily eats fast food, pizza, etc.  But he is more likely to eat a kids' meal than a quarter pounder.  It is strictly calories and exercise.

It was the pride in continuing to lose that disturbed me.  I thought he looked great at 160, which was a couple of months ago.  But he asked me yesterday whether I had noticed that he had lost even more weight.  That's when I talked to his wife who told me that she insisted he up it.

I'm trying to be supportive.  I think it is awesome that he has this lost much weight.  I just wondered how you knew when someone developed an eating disorder.  As I said, I know what my husband looks like at 150 pounds.  He is significantly taller (5"), but my husband resembles a Holocaust victim.  He is a walking toothpick.  I keep telling myself that the inches mean my son looks much better, but I couldn't tell under that t-shirt. 

ETA:  He apparently lost 70 pounds in 8 months so 90 pounds in 10 months.

[Tiny]

I think it has been about 9 months. Remember that he has lost about 90 pounds. That's pretty substantial for 9 months.

Yeah, that is substantial amount of weight but that sounds like a reasonable time span to have lost the weight. He probably dropped bigger amounts early on. It means he's been paying attention to what he eats and getting some exercise and making lifestyle changes (probably not drinking so many calories (alcohol's a big one for most people or flavored coffees or other non-diet sodas/juices/teas - and maybe not eating out so much and maybe changing his activities so not everything/everyday is centered on food.).

I haven't seen him eat, but I have talked to him about whether he has started eating healthy. He said no. He treats himself to "fun" foods constantly. He hasn't really changed his (bad) diet. He has changed his portions within that framework. He still primarily eats fast food, pizza, etc. But he is more likely to eat a kids' meal than a quarter pounder. It is strictly calories and exercise.

That doesn't sound all that bad. He's making it work. What do you mean when you say 'healthy' food?

FWIW: When I started loosing weight I just ate less of the food I was use to eating (so a kids meal versus a burger, large fries, and whatever else came with it...) at some point I found that the fast food wasn't particularly 'filling' and I reached a plateau - where when I cut back more on the junk food diet I just got HUNGRIER and CRANKIER. I started switching out to actual food... like veggies (as filler) and fruit and whole grains (along with a protein) and I felt better and started loosing weight again. It IS ultimately all about calorie counting with some exercise thrown in.   But 100 calories of a fiber filled veggie/fruit serving is way more 'filling' and long lasting than a 100 calorie donut and black coffee.  It's a horrible awful truth.


I'd be worried if you think he might be binging and purging - so eating the entire pizza and then purging it.
I'd be worried if he starts excercising compulsively - 'cause while exercise is good - you just can't excersize enough in a day to 'use up' the calories from binging on a quart of ice cream (or a box of donuts) or an entire pizza - but you sure the hell might try to...

If he starts avoiding get together's where there's food... that's another sign. As a weight watcher I might EAT before some 'event' so that at the event I might opt to eat/drink what appears to be a lot less than every one else (because it IS!) but I'm not starving myself... I'm just trying to manage my calorie intake while watching other people shovel yummy food into their mouths... I will eat  Less at an event with food - might be only having 2 chicken wings and an alcoholic beverage and maybe a piece of pizza the size of my hand. Everyone else will be eating 8 to 10 wings, having multiple alcoholic bevvies and eating pizza that fills their plate. I could shovel in what everyone else is... BUT, I'd have to be really really really good for 6 days straight and there's just too many 'eating out events' in my life to do that... so I have to limit myself dramatically at each event (or else I'd probably have to 'fast' 4 days a week... ) 

I imagine most people who manage to maintain their weight struggle with this kind of stuff - either that or they have the metabolism of a shrew high on cocaine.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Mar 6, 2016 18:32:59 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

Can one of the moderators move this? I meant to put it in off-topic. Although we COULD discuss Tru-Vision as a MLM opportunity.

Moved as requested

[violagirl]

When my husband took up running he lost a lot of weight quite quickly, but he didn't really change his eating habits - ie chips and beer in the evening. I knew he'd gain it back as soon as the winter hit and he couldn't run as much, but men in particular do not seem to want input from their wives/mothers about stuff like that. 

After gaining 20lbs he is losing it very quickly, but he does it by basically not eating. Personally, I'd say the best way would be to substitute more vegetables for the chips and beer, but everyone has their way. He injured his leg running so he can't run as much (yet again not listening to his wife) but he is very religious about going for a 45 min walk every day. 

But when someone is losing weight they are very focused, especially once they see results, and it sounds like your son is just a typical dieter. 

Generally though his body will only let him get to a certain weight and then he won't lose more. 1700 calories a day is not a starvation diet. Usually your enthusiasm when losing weight makes you go down a bit further than your body will be able to sustain, so it would not be unusual for him to gain a bit.

I'm not sure if there is a good way to tell someone they are looking kind of gaunt without it seeming like sour grapes. I have a friend who took up running and was very careful with what she ate, and she looked good, but her face got too thin. But how do you tell someone their face looks a little like they have cancer when they are doing their best to be healthy? 

[tloonya]

Mar 7, 2016 1:27:12 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Totally not working for me.

Having fruit or veggie only starting me wanting food.

And than there I go...actually no more.

Nowadays we share a cheesestake and it keeps us full.

We share breakfast sandwich.

We just swear by portion control however I do not really

understand how I can't finish bowl of soup if it is bit more.

It is like after weight loss my metabolism have changed

and I can't stick into me more than I should.

My only concern with OP son is that he is proud of his

weight loss and acting like he wants to get into negative numbers!

[ArchietheDragon]

to me it would be a disorder when it was negatively affecting other aspects of his life.   Is he withdrawn from friends and family?  Is he not able to go to work functions because of the eating arrangements?  Has he given up all other hobbies expect for food related activities?  Has he lost his sex drive?

[tloonya]

Mar 7, 2016 12:57:26 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

to me it would be a disorder when it was negatively affecting other aspects of his life.   Is he withdrawn from friends and family?  Is he not able to go to work functions because of the eating arrangements?  Has he given up all other hobbies expect for food related activities?  Has he lost his sex drive?

Archie!!!!!!!!!

You don't have to have an eating disorder to have a driving issues.

[happyhoix]

The only person I know for sure had an eating disorder was a GF of mine years ago (probably I've known more but wasn't paying close attention and didn't realize what was going on with them).

The biggest warning signs to me was she lost a lot of weight very fast - going from somewhere around 260 - 280 to less than a size four in maybe six months - and she became obsessed with food. She wanted to go out to eat with our group of friends but would only sit and drink a glass of milk while she made comments about what the rest of us were eating. At some point she would always go to the bathroom and when she came back she would make these noises in her throat that would embarrass her - I have to think she was going to the bathroom to vomit, but I don't know for sure.

I would ask my son what his weight goal was, and if he wanted to continue to lose weight. If he's happy where he is, I wouldn't worry too much. If he can sit and eat a 'normal' dinner with you guys, he's probably ok.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

hat really frightened me was the pride that he only weighs 150 pounds/still losing and seeing him in an XL t-shirt that was swallowing him

My guess would be that at 150 pounds he no longer needs an XL t-shirt.  Maybe finding one that fits would make him look less skeletal?

[debthaven]

Does he go to the bathroom immediately after he eats? That's a red flag for eating disorders.

Have you tried talking to him frankly? Saying, you looked so great at 160 pounds but you're a bit too thin now? Since his wife is forcing him to up his calorie intake, it sounds like she probably feels the same way. But if she's got a lot invested in this (and it seems like she has since she is a spokesperson for them) she may not be all that objective.

Good luck SS, this is a difficult one.

[Deleted]

I don't see my son that much . . . maybe every couple of months.  I work, he works, they have four kids with activities, etc.  We do FB constantly including PMs (I don't text) so I'm definitely out of the loop.  But I don't SEE him.   So I have no idea of his bathroom habits, his sexual function, or whatever.  As if any 36YO guy talks about that with his mom . . . 

I did mention the shirt as in DH is always cleaning out his closet of perfectly good t-shirts.  My son said no thanks.  He feels he still wears a L or XL.  As he said, these sizes vary . . . an XL in one manufacturer is close to a M in another.  I was offering Polo, and he said he definitely couldn't wear a medium in that.

I guess I just wish he was doing this by eating tons of healthy veggies.  He is doing it by eating the same old crap he has always loved but just less of it.

I worry because I'm his mom, but it is probably ok.  His wife/my DIL is obviously paying attention.  

Thanks for the assurances.

[tloonya]

Mar 7, 2016 19:24:46 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

I don't see my son that much . . . maybe every couple of months.  I work, he works, they have four kids with activities, etc.  We do FB constantly including PMs (I don't text) so I'm definitely out of the loop.  But I don't SEE him.   So I have no idea of his bathroom habits, his sexual function, or whatever.  As if any 36YO guy talks about that with his mom . . . 

I did mention the shirt as in DH is always cleaning out his closet of perfectly good t-shirts.  My son said no thanks.  He feels he still wears a L or XL.  As he said, these sizes vary . . . an XL in one manufacturer is close to a M in another.  I was offering Polo, and he said he definitely couldn't wear a medium in that.

I guess I just wish he was doing this by eating tons of healthy veggies.  He is doing it by eating the same old crap he has always loved but just less of it.

I worry because I'm his mom, but it is probably ok.  His wife/my DIL is obviously paying attention.  

Thanks for the assurances.

Have another 2 cents to add. When I was 250lb I had a good cholesterol numbers.

When I had lost 75lb I went on my favorite junk food without guilt. And my cholesterol went up.

I told doctor I know exactly why and promised to stop.

So I would just communicate it to him. Just as a health precaution. While 36 it might be not as big

of an issue as he grows older.

[greeniis10]

As a mom I would worry, too. Have you asked him what his goal weight is? I mean, I'd HOPE that he doesn't want to lose anymore. They sound like they are "caught up" in the program and who knows how long it will last. Could just be a passing fad, but in the meantime, as long as he is healthy then that's all you can ask for.

You said he exercises, so perhaps he'll shift to more fitness related goals soon now that he's shed some extra weight.

[mojothehelpermonkey]

He is probably just excited about losing weight and over shooting his goal weight. I did the same thing in college. I got down to that same weight again last year due to stress, and it made me wonder what I was thinking for aspiring to be that bony.
Is he supposed to keep taking the vitamins forever? I don't know anything about TruVision, but I hope none of the vitamins are actually stimulants. Anyway, it is probably a good thing in the long run that he is learning about calorie counting and portion control, as long as he doesn't take it too far. 

[tloonya]

FDA Warnings – “Not Good” In April of 2015, the Food and Drug Administration reached out to several companies because products included 4-amino-2-methylpentane citrate. The businesses haven’t established DMBA as a dietary ingredient. If not removed, the FDA could request the supplements be taken off the market. The issue has yet to be resolved. www.dietspotlight.com/truvision-review/

[flamingo]

My DH lost 50 pounds about 5 years ago. He can wear a medium or a large in t-shirts. Yet, without fail, he grabs the XL. He tells me it's because 1. he has broad shoulders and 2. because he was an XL for most of his life, he doesn't see himself as a medium/large. I know he'd also like to lose another 10-20 pounds. He's lost that 10 pounds before, and people think he looks emaciated/skeletal at that weight. And, when he's wearing his XL clothes, he definitely does! As his wife, who sees him without those overly large clothes on, I can say that he's not skeletal, just that he loses weight in his face/arms easily so it looks like he is.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be concerned. Just another perspective on things

[Tiny]

Mar 7, 2016 19:24:46 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

  

I did mention the shirt as in DH is always cleaning out his closet of perfectly good t-shirts.  My son said no thanks.  He feels he still wears a L or XL.  As he said, these sizes vary . . . an XL in one manufacturer is close to a M in another.  I was offering Polo, and he said he definitely couldn't wear a medium in that.

I guess I just wish he was doing this by eating tons of healthy veggies.  He is doing it by eating the same old crap he has always loved but just less of it.

I worry because I'm his mom, but it is probably ok.  His wife/my DIL is obviously paying attention.  

Thanks for the assurances.

As for the clothing sizes... he's dropped a lot of sizes and his body is different but I bet his PERCEPTION of what size he should be buying/wearing hasn't changed yet.     I dropped 40 pounds and 4 sizes and kept it off for 2 years - but it wasn't until I was about 12 months into staying a steady smaller size that I would gravitate towards the smaller clothes that actually fit at the stores.  For the LONGEST time I'd pull something small off the rack and immediately go "no, that's not gonna fit!" when it would in fact fit.       

There's some time required to re-adjust one's perceptions and stereotypes/defaults about what fits and what does not,  when it comes to clothes and loosing weight.

 

don't forget == he's lost 90 pounds.  That's nearly a whole person.

 

[tloonya]

Mar 8, 2016 17:02:04 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Mar 7, 2016 19:24:46 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

  

I did mention the shirt as in DH is always cleaning out his closet of perfectly good t-shirts.  My son said no thanks.  He feels he still wears a L or XL.  As he said, these sizes vary . . . an XL in one manufacturer is close to a M in another.  I was offering Polo, and he said he definitely couldn't wear a medium in that.

I guess I just wish he was doing this by eating tons of healthy veggies.  He is doing it by eating the same old crap he has always loved but just less of it.

I worry because I'm his mom, but it is probably ok.  His wife/my DIL is obviously paying attention.  

Thanks for the assurances.

As for the clothing sizes... he's dropped a lot of sizes and his body is different but I bet his PERCEPTION of what size he should be buying/wearing hasn't changed yet.     I dropped 40 pounds and 4 sizes and kept it off for 2 years - but it wasn't until I was about 12 months into staying a steady smaller size that I would gravitate towards the smaller clothes that actually fit at the stores.  For the LONGEST time I'd pull something small off the rack and immediately go "no, that's not gonna fit!" when it would in fact fit.       

There's some time required to re-adjust one's perceptions and stereotypes/defaults about what fits and what does not,  when it comes to clothes and loosing weight.

 

don't forget == he's lost 90 pounds.  That's nearly a whole person.

 

Same here. I had only changed clothes after 12 month steady 75lb off.

People started noticing when I had lost weight in my face. And then I had

wore something tighter and people went ballistic!

I am still wearing my 2X and 3X clothes. It is just feeling good to have a lot

of fabric floating around me making waves...