In Memory of Mom

[finnime]

I spent the past few days helping a close friend after the death of her mother, and it reminded me -

Years ago I met my uncle's girlfriend, who had just bought herself a new IPad. She explained that it was a birthday gift in memory of her mother. Each year since her mother had died, she bought for herself a birthday present, knowing her mother would have wanted her to enjoy something nice.

I've taken up the practice myself. Something I wouldn't ordinarily treat myself to, but that I know Mom would have liked me to have. If I only have spare change, it's a small thing. Or clothes from Talbot's, or a trip to see my sister, but something. I miss my mother.

[zibazinski]

Feb 28, 2016 6:50:32 GMT -5 finnime said:

I spent the past few days helping a close friend after the death of her mother, and it reminded me -

Years ago I met my uncle's girlfriend, who had just bought herself a new IPad. She explained that it was a birthday gift in memory of her mother. Each year since her mother had died, she bought for herself a birthday present, knowing her mother would have wanted her to enjoy something nice.

I've taken up the practice myself. Something I wouldn't ordinarily treat myself to, but that I know Mom would have liked me to have. If I only have spare change, it's a small thing. Or clothes from Talbot's, or a trip to see my sister, but something. I miss my mother.

I'm glad you do and that you have good memories of her. I hope my kids remember me fondly.

[Deleted]

Wonderful way to both think of her and give yourself a present she'd like you to have...

I know, I miss my mom too. I only had her the first 10 yrs. of my life and I'm now 58 and still miss her, everyday. May sound crazy, but one of the reasons I can't wait to pass is to meet her again and have an eternity of love shared between us that we didn't get to have here while on Earth. I'll take eternity over 60-70 yrs. anyday. That's the way I think of it anyway, now that I've matured a lot more. I don't think one ever stops missing their mom, no matter how long or short they had a relationship/time with each other, ya know?

Here's to Our Moms  

[zibazinski]

I envy those who had good relationships.

[TheOtherMe]

I lost my mom in May 2014.  I'm going out of town this year.  I like the idea of giving myself a gift from her as I know she was the one of my parents who always did the gift buying.  I think this is an idea I am going to do as I remember my mom.

My mom and I had had a turbulent relationship when I was a teenager.  I think it would have remained so if I had not moved 700 miles away.  Relationships with people who like to approve your choices are easier if they don't know your choices. 

[sesfw]

I envy those who had good relationships



I had the unfortunate problem of being a carbon copy of my paternal grandmother.  Someone mom hated until her dying day.  Even when I was in my 50s mom reminded me that I looked like 'Mother Dodge'.  OK, you picked my dad ........... what am I supposed to do about it.

Amongst other things ..................

[Tiny]

Feb 28, 2016 6:50:32 GMT -5 finnime said:

I spent the past few days helping a close friend after the death of her mother, and it reminded me -

Years ago I met my uncle's girlfriend, who had just bought herself a new IPad. She explained that it was a birthday gift in memory of her mother. Each year since her mother had died, she bought for herself a birthday present, knowing her mother would have wanted her to enjoy something nice.

I've taken up the practice myself. Something I wouldn't ordinarily treat myself to, but that I know Mom would have liked me to have. If I only have spare change, it's a small thing. Or clothes from Talbot's, or a trip to see my sister, but something. I miss my mother.

I think this is a nice tradition - more so because it makes you feel better. 

This is much nicer than having a day (or week) of 'mourning' where you go around all glum and when ever anyone (even the clerk at the store) asks "how are you/is everything ok/why are you upset?" you become more upset and remind them that it's the anniversary of a loved one's death...  I have a couple of friend's who do the "mourning" thing... I'm honestly not sure if they are "sorrowful" because they lost someone they truly loved or if they are 'punishing' themselves for not having had a good relationship.   They never talk about 'happy memories' - just that "this is the day my mother died... no I'm NOT having a good day".    I'm not sure how all that Drama makes they feel better - but apparently it does.

I have other friends who have Masses said for their loved ones - and they make the effort to go to that Mass and then maybe make a trip to the cemetery to put flowers/decorations.

I didn't really have a good relationship with my mother and I don't really miss her (or my dad who died when I was young) all that much...   and I'm not particularly good at remembering "special dates" so I tend to not have days/dates of 'remembrance' .        During my childhoo, My mom used to go around to the cemetery on special days and I went with her...  I still go  a couple times a year and visit all the 'dead relatives'.   An oddly fond childhood memory. (My mother was a late in life baby and I was a late in life baby - I had lots of 'dead relatives' as a kid.

Many, many years ago, I poked around in my memories in order to find something that was vaguely positive so I could focus on that - when other people talk about  or remember how much they miss their loved one.    Makes it a bit easier to  empathize and understand the deep enduring sense of 'loss'. 

I'm glad that you have a 'tradition' that brings you comfort. 

  

[bean29]

Feb 29, 2016 10:35:29 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Feb 28, 2016 6:50:32 GMT -5 finnime said:

I spent the past few days helping a close friend after the death of her mother, and it reminded me -

Years ago I met my uncle's girlfriend, who had just bought herself a new IPad. She explained that it was a birthday gift in memory of her mother. Each year since her mother had died, she bought for herself a birthday present, knowing her mother would have wanted her to enjoy something nice.

I've taken up the practice myself. Something I wouldn't ordinarily treat myself to, but that I know Mom would have liked me to have. If I only have spare change, it's a small thing. Or clothes from Talbot's, or a trip to see my sister, but something. I miss my mother.

I think this is a nice tradition - more so because it makes you feel better. 

This is much nicer than having a day (or week) of 'mourning' where you go around all glum and when ever anyone (even the clerk at the store) asks "how are you/is everything ok/why are you upset?" you become more upset and remind them that it's the anniversary of a loved one's death...  I have a couple of friend's who do the "mourning" thing... I'm honestly not sure if they are "sorrowful" because they lost someone they truly loved or if they are 'punishing' themselves for not having had a good relationship.   They never talk about 'happy memories' - just that "this is the day my mother died... no I'm NOT having a good day".    I'm not sure how all that Drama makes they feel better - but apparently it does.

I have other friends who have Masses said for their loved ones - and they make the effort to go to that Mass and then maybe make a trip to the cemetery to put flowers/decorations.

I didn't really have a good relationship with my mother and I don't really miss her (or my dad who died when I was young) all that much...   and I'm not particularly good at remembering "special dates" so I tend to not have days/dates of 'remembrance' .        During my childhoo, My mom used to go around to the cemetery on special days and I went with her...  I still go  a couple times a year and visit all the 'dead relatives'.   An oddly fond childhood memory. (My mother was a late in life baby and I was a late in life baby - I had lots of 'dead relatives' as a kid.

Many, many years ago, I poked around in my memories in order to find something that was vaguely positive so I could focus on that - when other people talk about  or remember how much they miss their loved one.    Makes it a bit easier to  empathize and understand the deep enduring sense of 'loss'. 

I'm glad that you have a 'tradition' that brings you comfort. 

  

Same,

We always visited the cemetery with my Maternal Grandmother.  Actually we sometimes visited 2-3 cemeteries on the same day.  Grandma was the last of many of her relatives and felt she needed to plant flowers on her relatives graves.  If the graves were not up kept and weeded and the flowers thriving, she felt it would appear to others that the family did not love and respect the departed relatives.  Grandma was just such a lovely person...she commented to the caretaker at the Cemetery were my Grandfather was buried "I don't know who will care for my grave once I am gone" and he told her "I will."  My Mom and her Brother of course do and did, but live somewhat distant from the area they were born in.

My In-laws babysat for my kids and they went to many funerals and visited many cemeteries before they started school.  DD was driving already when my Dad passed, and a few months after he passed she snapped a picture of his crypt with the headstone on it and posted in on FB with the caption "Visited Grandpa today".  I got a kick out of it, b/c it did not seem like the thing your average teenager would do without prompting. 

I agree that I like the thought of memorializing a loved one's passing by buying yourself a birthday gift, or even just visiting a loved one on that day.

[Deleted]

Feb 28, 2016 6:50:32 GMT -5 finnime said:

I spent the past few days helping a close friend after the death of her mother, and it reminded me -

Years ago I met my uncle's girlfriend, who had just bought herself a new IPad. She explained that it was a birthday gift in memory of her mother. Each year since her mother had died, she bought for herself a birthday present, knowing her mother would have wanted her to enjoy something nice.

I've taken up the practice myself. Something I wouldn't ordinarily treat myself to, but that I know Mom would have liked me to have. If I only have spare change, it's a small thing. Or clothes from Talbot's, or a trip to see my sister, but something. I miss my mother.

I like that idea and may use it.

My mom just died a few weeks ago.

 Last week I had a birthday and before she died she made sure to tell me where my present was so she probably would have liked this idea also.