daylight
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Post by daylight on Mar 16, 2011 15:05:27 GMT -5
Wow. Sometimes I think Carl comes up with these posts to satisfy our thirst for trainwrecks... I'd be the first to admit that I kinda miss them. The decision definitely would have raised my eyebrows too. But you know, the worst is that even if it were our business somehow, even then you can only say it's not the best idea, and then, if they ask for detailed advice, only then can you offer an opinion (hopefully you would also know more details). And yes, the husband seems pretty useless (esp. based on the last post), but how to word that to someone who is 5 months pregnant? (Also, money advice does not equal relationship advice.)
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DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on Mar 16, 2011 15:07:07 GMT -5
SF I don't think its intellect to pick good men that is our problem (women that are good earners) its the lack of good prospects that is the issue. so sometimes we settle for what we can get to have a "man" and "familly"
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 16, 2011 15:31:37 GMT -5
We also don't know why they decided to have a child now. Maybe her clock was ticking. Maybe she figured "if he'll stay unemployed for 2 years, he'll stay unemployed for 10". Or maybe as cawiau said, they are actually sitting on other money.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2011 15:40:55 GMT -5
We also don't know why they decided to have a child now. Maybe her clock was ticking. Maybe she figured "if he'll stay unemployed for 2 years, he'll stay unemployed for 10". Or maybe as cawiau said, they are actually sitting on other money. She is 25 so unless the is aging as a faster rate than all women alive, ticking clock is not one of them But the others might be right : but if they are really sitting on a pile of money why did the mom have to take a loan for the wedding... mmm
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 16, 2011 15:48:13 GMT -5
...:::"She is 25 so unless the is aging as a faster rate than all women alive, ticking clock is not one of them":::...
I've seen it both ways... 22 year olds happily pushing two strollers, and 32 year olds saying "whats the hurry?" Plus like I said, she has no idea how long he'll stay unemployed ESPECIALLY if he is waiting for the dream job. 25 could quickly become 35 if she waits.
...:::"but if they are really sitting on a pile of money why did the mom have to take a loan for the wedding... mmm":::...
Maybe they didn't want to part with their own cash. Maybe Mom wanted to pay. Didn't you say something like Haitian culture judges you on that sort of thing? That you want to pay for your kids wedding to show off to your friends that you can?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2011 15:49:04 GMT -5
Wow. Sometimes I think Carl comes up with these posts to satisfy our thirst for trainwrecks... I'd be the first to admit that I kinda miss them. The decision definitely would have raised my eyebrows too. But you know, the worst is that even if it were our business somehow, even then you can only say it's not the best idea, and then, if they ask for detailed advice, only then can you offer an opinion (hopefully you would also know more details). And yes, the husband seems pretty useless (esp. based on the last post), but how to word that to someone who is 5 months pregnant? (Also, money advice does not equal relationship advice.) Believe me I wish I was making them up. My side of the family is full of train wrecks with no money / no desire to get higher education except for a few and just live for today. They are always complaining on how they are broke but don't want to do anything about it. While on my wife side of the family they are all well educated (graduate school for all of them and more) but they love shiny/flashy and expensive things so they kinda spend it as fast as they make it. So between the two families I have enough crazy stories to go around for some time. Back to the story: Her family is really worried for them but they mostly keep their mouth shut and smile. My wife is worried for them too but like I tell her, there is nothing we can do about it. I just hope they figure something out and quick because from where I am standing it is not looking good. I feel he needs to get a job and soon, but doesn't seems like he is in a rush to do so.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Mar 16, 2011 16:51:39 GMT -5
Is that you in your avatar, Cawiau?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2011 17:27:13 GMT -5
Is that you in your avatar, Cawiau? Yes
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 16, 2011 17:40:51 GMT -5
Next time I'm definitely budgeting for a housekeeper during maternity leave. Dragging our beast of a vacuum machine was a little too much those first few weeks.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Mar 16, 2011 17:59:52 GMT -5
Same here, on both counts. DH had to go back to work a week after I had the baby, and I had a rough labor and delivery. I wasn't physically up to cleaning for awhile. It was nice to not have to worry about it. If I were ever to become a SAHM, I would not pay a cleaning lady ... unless we hit the lottery and were really rich!
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Plain Old Petunia
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bloom where you are planted
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Mar 16, 2011 18:12:38 GMT -5
My goodness, you have some muscles. Are you doing a lunge?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2011 22:49:49 GMT -5
My goodness, you have some muscles. Are you doing a lunge? Thank you and no I am not. I was doing a lat spread for the pic which made me tense up my calves a bit.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Mar 17, 2011 7:59:04 GMT -5
"The one that the mom had to co-sign for them to be able to buy their house at about 400K (looked it up on zillow)."
"But again, what to I know "
I know that this is a money board and a place to voice your opinion about money matters...but from reading the many posts you've made .....you are one nosy SOB....JMHO.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2011 8:17:59 GMT -5
"The one that the mom had to co-sign for them to be able to buy their house at about 400K (looked it up on zillow)." "But again, what to I know " I know that this is a money board and a place to voice your opinion about money matters...but from reading the many posts you've made .....you are one nosy SOB....JMHO. Off course I am because we are considering settling down between my parents/family in Northern NJ and her family in Long Island, NY. So yes the past two years we have been looking at different families homes and how much it costs since those are the areas of NJ and Long Island we are familiar with. I can tell you exactly how much my parents and 3 other members of my family paid for their houses; taxes past couple of years, how the value has increase/decrease or remained the same and how is the school district. Same for about a few family members in my wife family since they are all living around the same area. So yes I've been nosy but I will do the same if we decide we are ok with staying permanently upstate NY and just do the drive to visit family members... I would do the same digging or being nosy in regards to the houses/neighborhood that some of our current friends live in and we like. We already decided that if we are to move back further upstate we going back to Clifton Park, NY since we liked it there. I call it doing my homework but nosy SOB seats fine with me
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Mar 17, 2011 10:03:40 GMT -5
I would argue that there is a lack of good men out there. For some reason men as a group seem to have become lazy & let the women take care of themI would argue that men these days avoid marriage because it has been so bastardized over the last 40 years. Historically it has always been a bad deal for men, and today, even after nearly 50 years of women's liberation and equal rights, etc., marriage has transmogrified into a much worse situation. Considering the fact that women initiate divorce 75% of the time, and mostly because they "still love the guy" but are "not in love with him"...is it any wonder why men seek to avoid quagmires such as this. Divorce laws are not only unfair to Men...there are plenty of Women here who are the ones that were Sc*wed in the divorce. I don't particularly want to see either of my kids get married. What you gain vs what you lose does not add up to choosing to get married. If Cawiau's cousin was not married to this loser, I doubt she would still be with him. Cawiau, I agree with you, they can not afford a nanny or a housekeeper. I want to say their standards need to give but at the same time I think the non-working spouse needs to get off his but and clean and cook. Lena, you go girl. I agree. When I was on Maternity leave nothing ever seemed to be done. Sleeping when the baby slept, get real I had to do laundry and dishes! Dinner on the table when DH got home just did not work out how I expected either. I was glad to go back to work and let my MIL take over the childcare, at least then I had a pay check to show for the work I did all day long. Edit: Corrected spelling of Cawiau's name
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 17, 2011 10:41:10 GMT -5
There are men and there are women that get screwed in divorce. It always seems that the one who doesn't want it or is blindsided when it happens and is too hurt emotionally to do the best for themselves. We aren't talking about the woman haters and man haters here, we are talking financial trainwrecks but believe me, there is nothing out there worth having so stay married if you can!!!!
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Mar 17, 2011 10:50:26 GMT -5
No. You're making a judgment on how this family has decided to live. You've gone far beyond the realm of what does something cost to ...
"Geeh.... unrealistic much?", "I wanted to go: Are you f*cking kidding me?", "Put your freaking grown man pants back on and take care of business."
BTW, you don't need to delve into someone's personal life to find out what it costs to live. Especially when you believe that your judgment is so much better than theirs and that you wouldn't ever make the decisions that they've made......
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Poppet
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Post by Poppet on Mar 17, 2011 18:55:57 GMT -5
It is very interesting that women lack the intellect to make intelligent choices in men. Never thought I'd give S.F. karma. I also agree that housework and managing kids and bills an all that was pretty easy work. I loved it, actually. Best time of my life was when my kids were little.
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motherto2
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Post by motherto2 on Mar 17, 2011 21:35:40 GMT -5
I've always worked a full time job and when DD was little she was a very sick baby. Luckily I had a sitter that would continue to let her come most days. But I had to work a job I hated because I needed the income, then came home (or to the doctor's) every evening and dealt with a sick child. I was up most nights taking care of her, and I would catch alot of what she came down with (since she was so sick she caught anything that thought about hanging around). I still cooked, and cleaned, and washed the clothes, paid the bills, etc. And my ex was able to go and do his fire dept stuff, keep up with his emt, etc. while I was home taking care of things. Then when DS came along 3 years later, luckily he wasn't as sick as she was, but he had his share of emergency room visits with croup and bronchitis. And I was having to take courses for my job at the local comm. college, and going away to take required courses for certification for my job (no internet back then, had to go away for weeks at a time). When I took classes that were fairly close to home, I'd have to stay on travel for the week, come home on weekends, go to work to get things somewhat caught up, get things ready at home for the following week (like pack lunches, kids stuff for the sitters, etc.). And of course, the ex basically was taken care of by his mom by coming over to help him or have him and the kids over to eat. He never had to take care of them by himself. And one time when I had a 3 week stint away he decided to hire 2 ladies to come and clean the house. So I do get a little jaded when I hear of men (or women for that matter) that don't/won't work, but also won't help out at home and pick up the slack. I would have dearly loved to stay home with my kids especially when they were young, but we couldn't afford it. Irony of it all, when we divorced and he took up with SO, she quit her job and stayed home (took some little part time jobs from time to time). Oh, and did I mention she didn't have any children?
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philly1
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Post by philly1 on Mar 18, 2011 6:18:42 GMT -5
Can't play X-box with a baby crying.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Mar 18, 2011 6:33:12 GMT -5
If people want to spread out their financial issues to family members, then it's okay for the family member to develop opinions about them. No one had to tell other family members that their mother had to take a $40k loan to pay for the wedding. If you don't want your business commented upon, then don't spread it around. I think what people do with money, including myself at various times in their lives, is very interesting. Anyone with a loan for their big, fancy wedding, with leased luxury cars and where one spouse refuses to work and the other spouse is letting them get away with a bad attitude and then gets knocked up by said lazy spouse, makes for interesting fodder on a board like this. We're all nosy SOB's to an extent here.
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Elizabeth
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Post by Elizabeth on Mar 18, 2011 20:16:05 GMT -5
If people want to spread out their financial issues to family members, then it's okay for the family member to develop opinions about them. No one had to tell other family members that their mother had to take a $40k loan to pay for the wedding. If you don't want your business commented upon, then don't spread it around. I think what people do with money, including myself at various times in their lives, is very interesting. Anyone with a loan for their big, fancy wedding, with leased luxury cars and where one spouse refuses to work and the other spouse is letting them get away with a bad attitude and then gets knocked up by said lazy spouse, makes for interesting fodder on a board like this. We're all nosy SOB's to an extent here. I agree with Nazgul Girl here. Just because Cawiu knows all of this stuff doesn't mean he necessarily asked about it. Some families are like open books and share everything. I have friends that will give unsolicited tmi about a lot of things.
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