Stupid is alive and I can't handle it!

[Deleted]

Several days ago a friend called to say his daughter's house in the Dallas area was destroyed in the tornado outbreak just after Christmas.  He talked to DH and said we could get updates on the daughter's FB page.  I checked it out and, of course, everything was private except a GoFundMe appeal.  Because there have been some fraudulent fundraising scams connected with this (and every other!) disaster, I called our friend today to verify that his daughter's GoFundMe account was the real deal.  He proceeded to tell me that the reason his daughter hasn't received the FEMA aid he feels she is entitled to is that POTUS is on vacation. Dear God, FEMA aid is based on the uninsured damage meeting a minimum threshold and they are still surveying the freaking damage up there!  He told me his daughter's insurance adjuster just showed up yesterday so how in bloody hell is the government supposed to know what's covered, what isn't and if the threshold has been met or not?  Can we not leave politics out of anything?  I reluctantly kicked in on the GoFundMe to keep the peace but really resent the Dad's b.s.  Plus, the funding appeal said she's a single mom of 3 with no help from her ex.  Even her dad said the ex showed up right after the storm to offer all possible help and, as a highly paid professional, I can't see him dodging child support.  Oh well, she's raised $11,000 of the $15,000 goal which ain't too bad.  Do you owe Fed tax on GoFundMe receipts?

[Deleted]

You are nicer than me, I wouldn't have contributed.

[taz157]

Jan 2, 2016 21:16:21 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

You are nicer than me, I wouldn't have contributed.

[CCL]

I'm not that nice either.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I have never contributed to one of those, and I cannot fathom that I will. 
I have paid the Ronald McDonald House fees for a family with a child in the hospital. 
I just cannot trust that my my money will be used in what is my version of appropriately. 

[taz157]

I've contributed to a Go Fund Me campaign for a coworker's 12 year old's daughter's medical bills for her cancer fight, but that's the only GFM campaign I've done.

FWIW, I've heard that the coworker's daughter isn't doing too good.  

[Tiny]

Here's what the Google found about GoFundMe funds ---  from the GoFundMe website:

support.gofundme.com/hc/en-us/articles/204295498-Am-I-responsible-for-taxes-US-Only-



The answer is maybe...but I'm guessing in this case probably not.

[NastyWoman]

I have never contributed to a GoFundMe request and I most certainly would not without any additional information, or in this case, when the info I do receive is contrary to what is said in the request. 

[swamp]

I did once.  It was fir funeral expenses for a mom of 3 who died of an aneurism. 

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

IF I know the person (or a close friend of the person) and IF I think the need is genuine, I might donate. I have in the past. I've also encountered a LOT of those requests that are fishy and/or fraudulent, too.

[geenamercile]

I haven't yet, I won't say I never will.  But so far if I know someone well enough to help with a donation I have sent a gift card, check, ect...  I figured there is no fees that way.

[bean29]

I thought Tornado (Wind) Damage was covered by Homeowner's Insurance? Why does she need $$ from GoFund Me?  Her insurance should cover temporary housing too, I would think.

Was she uninsured?

I get really irritated when people ask for $$ and they will eventually get an insurance payout.

I have also contributed to a go fund me campaign for a child who needed a Kidney Transplant.

[Deleted]

I'm not saying I wouldn't contribute to anything, just not this. They don't know what payouts they will get yet and just how big a bill are you running up for living at your father's for a few days. I don't think of this as fraud but it is a money grab.

[mojothehelpermonkey]

My mom (who normally just loves helping out the poverty stricken) stopped donating to these types of fundraisers after attending a benefit for a friend of a friend of hers who had terminal cancer. He really did have terminal cancer, which is terrible. However, he also had plenty of savings and insurance, so he spent the donated money on toys and vacations. I guess if you look at it as a make-a-wish fundraiser for an adult, he did nothing wrong. However, most people thought they were donating to help pay his bills.
I still sometimes donate a small amount to these types of fundraisers, but never enough money to where I would get really annoyed if I found out it was wasted.

[Artemis Windsong]

I gave my GrD3 a check.  She can use the 8% more than Go fund me can.  Since our name didn't show up on her list, others think we didn't donate.  If someone asks, she will tell them.

From your post, this looks like Mom of 3 jumped on the opportunity to get $$$$.

[sesfw]

You are nicer than me, I wouldn't have contributed.





We have sent checks directly to people we know but not to 'go-fund-me'.  I had heard they take a cut and I would rather my recipient got the full amount.

[TheOtherMe]

I have a friend whose daughter needed a bone marrow transplant in an attempt to save her life.  She had just moved to a new state and had to quit her job when she was diagnosed with leukemia.  I sent checks to people who  then sent out updates on where the money was going.

I'm glad I did this as this young woman survived.  She had been told that she most likely was sterile due to all the chemo and radiation.  Last spring, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy.  Happy I contributed to the happiness of my friend and her daughter. 

My friend had earlier lost another adult child when he was stung by a bee.  Last winter, her husband was hospitalized with something and got staph and died.  Last thing she needs is to lose another child.

[Deleted]

Can I hijack? I just got on facebook and the daughter of a friend asked me in private message if I knew how to post/get people to look at her gofundme page...

I'm not sure I can get in to the whole sordid messed up family dynamics here, on one hand she is a very manipulative girl, but on the other this has been fed and cultivated and she did not have proper role models or necessarily a great childhood.. (I met her mom later) anyway. she is... 20? Has 2 kids with a married man who is much older than her and was not good but he lives on the west coast, so she has custody. Her older brother still lives at the family home. She and her boyfriend were apt to tease him when they visited. He told them if they'd come back he'd kill them and the next time they drove down the drive way he shot up their car... with the kids in it. The police kept the car for a month, she lost her job, brother is out on bail and lives 5 minutes away... her gofundme goes in to great detail, written through the eyes and ears of her older son who is maybe 4? about his uncle almost shooting them, and how they can't pay rent...

Anyway... should I give?

[Deleted]

written through the eyes and ears of her older son who is maybe 4?

I'd be calling children's services and linking them to the page.

[Deleted]

I thought about it. I do think her brother is unstable too, and that worries me. He just got out of jail on bail and will stop taking his meds.

[taz157]

Jan 3, 2016 22:46:55 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

written through the eyes and ears of her older son who is maybe 4?

I'd be calling children's services and linking them to the page.

Yeah that. Sounds very bizarre!

[bean29]

My husband tells his nephews he will "borrow" them $$ once, if they don't pay it back, never ask again.

I might contribute to help them get first/last to rent an apt. I do think desperately poor people know how to manipulate people & tug their heartstrings. Just give a limited amount like $20.

I have a friend that lives with a bipolar sister. She often won't let my friend in kitchen or to watch TV. There is very little help for mentally ill people. Also if your friend is the Mom, remember her too. Take her to lunch. Invite her for coffee etc.

[Deleted]

I donated to one GoFundMe campaign; the parents of a relative of DH by marriage were selling everything and moving from CA to KS hoping for a fresh start and better opportunities. I hadn't met them but had met their daughter and she seemed solid and responsible. They lived with daughter and son-in-law for awhile, then found work and got their own place, so I'm glad we were able to help.

I'd be less inclined to contribute for people who have losses covered by insurance, as in the OP, general money grabs (help send my kid to Europe) or to rescue people from poor decisions.

[beergut]

Did you ask for an address and look online to see if it was in the actual area hit?

I live in Dallas, and work in Garland. Two of my clients had the tornado come within a few hundred yards of their houses. I know where they live, so I know they weren't joking. 

[happyhoix]

My house got struck by a tornado in 2011, and there is NO WAY this person knows what she will have to pay out of pocket right now.

If she has home insurance, they will pay - but won't cover everything. Won't cover tree removal, for example, except for trees that fell onto the house. (We got $1500 for tree removal from our insurance carrier for the four trees that fell onto our house, not a dime for the two acres of trees that fell on our lot).

FEMA does not go around handing out money. They help the community shelters, they provide money to the community for tree removal/landfilling of storm debris, etc. The ONLY home owners that got FEMA money were those who had no insurance at all - and they didn't magically get money to cover all their losses, just SOME money to get back on their feet.  FEMA also had money to help farmers who lost crops. But homeowners like us that had insurance? We didn't see a dime of FEMA money, although we were out of pocket by about $30,000. (Home owners will only replace what got broken - so, for instance, if you had half your windows blow out, they will replace those windows, but not the unbroken windows, because, as our insurance agent told us repeatedly, they are only obligated to make sure you have windows that work, it doesn't matter if you have mismatched windows that make it impossible for you to sell your house - if you want matching windows, you have to pay the difference in price - so we had to kick in our own money on the repairs).

Our insurance DID pay for hotel rooms and then 3 months in a furnished rental, plus storing our furniture while the home was rebuilt.

IMHO I wouldn't give anything to this person, because there is no way she knows she'll be out of pocket $15,000 - not yet, not if the insurance company only just came out to visit. And besides, this is what you're supposed to have an emergency fund for. Unless she has some other financial hard ship (widow with small kids, for example, or recently lost her job) she should pay for her own home repairs.

Dh and I got lots of sympathy, and free labor shoveling debris out of our yard, and free food from the church that operated as a crisis center, and free water from police and random citizens who were going around providing water bottles to people who were digging out. Our church offered us some cash, but we're better off than most of the people who live in our little town, so we told them to give that to someone with a greater need. I would have been ashamed to go begging on GoFundMe for strangers to send me money. People have these little tragedies every day - sickness, car wrecks, job losses, divorces, house fires - since when did we start asking strangers to foot the bill for us?

[cktc]

Jan 3, 2016 22:33:26 GMT -5 oped said:

Can I hijack? I just got on facebook and the daughter of a friend asked me in private message if I knew how to post/get people to look at her gofundme page...

I'm not sure I can get in to the whole sordid messed up family dynamics here, on one hand she is a very manipulative girl, but on the other this has been fed and cultivated and she did not have proper role models or necessarily a great childhood.. (I met her mom later) anyway. she is... 20? Has 2 kids with a married man who is much older than her and was not good but he lives on the west coast, so she has custody. Her older brother still lives at the family home. She and her boyfriend were apt to tease him when they visited. He told them if they'd come back he'd kill them and the next time they drove down the drive way he shot up their car... with the kids in it. The police kept the car for a month, she lost her job, brother is out on bail and lives 5 minutes away... her gofundme goes in to great detail, written through the eyes and ears of her older son who is maybe 4? about his uncle almost shooting them, and how they can't pay rent...

Anyway... should I give?

Do you think money would help the situation, no matter how it is spent? If you only want it to go towards rent maybe you could contact her landlord directly to contribute to the rent. If you can, do it anonymously so the hand doesn't come right back out to you.

[Deleted]

I haven't decided what to do. I'm getting together with some other friends who know the situation/players tomorrow and thought I'd bounce it off them... Giving right to the landlord sounds like not a bad thing. It's just such a yuck situation all around, and of course complicated by past bad decisions on many sides.

[Deleted]

Jan 4, 2016 19:00:25 GMT -5 oped said:

I haven't decided what to do. I'm getting together with some other friends who know the situation/players tomorrow and thought I'd bounce it off them... Giving right to the landlord sounds like not a bad thing. It's just such a yuck situation all around, and of course complicated by past bad decisions on many sides.

There are some situations where helping out just lowers the persons bottom before they realise they have to make changes. Helping isn't always helping.

[Deleted]

True.

You know it's always the kids that get me... They can't help the crap they are born into.

[TheOtherMe]

There was a car accident where my mom's relatives live this past summer.  A family lost three of their five children in the accident.  The corn was too high for either vehicle to see the other and there were no stop signs.  The got more money than friends were asking to help pay for the funeral of the three children, as well as to help them with unpaid time off from work.

I didn't donate because I didn't know them and the goal was far exceeded.