I want a job and my self-esteem is getting in the way

[moneymom]

I became a SAHM approx 4 years ago.  I absolutely love it for the most part but I find myself almost day dreaming of having a job.  A part-time job that is.  I always want to drop off and pickup my DD from school, so ideally I want to work for 20 hours a week while she's in school.  I think the best place for me to look is school districts because there are so many positions that are part time and also have a couple summer months off.  

Here's the thing.  Sometimes I feel like my brain has gone to mush since I've been SAH.  In the last four years, I've never dressed up in business attire.  I have pretty much lost contact with all the business professionals in my world.  I was skimming the requirements for several part time positions within the district and while I may qualify for a position, when I get to the part that says "testing required", I kinda freak out.  I have no idea what type of testing and this district won't give much info other than that it "pertains to the position".  

How do I dust myself off and raise my self esteem to realize I CAN do this!?  I have let anxiety and fear put me in a position that I've just simply been lazy and unmotivated.  Any input is greatly appreciated!

oh, FWIW, I have two friends who work in the district but I feel like I have burdened them in the past with this.  I had lengthy conversations about me applying and then I've always backed out.  I feel like I don't want to involve them.

[Deleted]

Don't worry about increasing your self esteem. Do it anyway. The worst that can happen is that you don't get the job. You don't have the job now so you're no further behind. And then you will know what the testing is and can prep for it next time.

[phil5185]

so many positions  -   part time positions   -   qualify for a position   -  pertains to the position

It might be better to use the descriptor 'JOB' rather than 'position'.    When I interview engineering applicants, the Job seekers give me the feeling that they want to work - and the Position seekers, not so much. (maybe that's just me?)

[tskeeter]

MM, just go for it.  Any testing you might have to endure is liable to be pretty basic.  Like, if you are applying for an accounting position, can you add, subtract, multiply and divide?  My guess is that you're more than adequately qualified for most non-teaching positions you might pursue.

[Deleted]

There is this weird (to me) idea floating around these days that you have to be totally comfortable about doing something before you do it. I don't know where this came from. I was never taught it was a requirement for anything.

[moneymom]

Dec 21, 2015 10:34:25 GMT -5 phil5185 said:

so many positions  -   part time positions   -   qualify for a position   -  pertains to the position

It might be better to use the descriptor 'JOB' rather than 'position'.    When I interview engineering applicants, the Job seekers give me the feeling that they want to work - and the Position seekers, not so much. (maybe that's just me?)

Interesting!  Can you elaborate?

[kristinkle]

I totally understand anxiety and fear.  When there is something that I have to do that brings these 2 bad boys out I have to talk myself "down" from the anxiety.  It took a long time for me to realize that if a fail happens it was never as bad as I expected it to be.  I always build the worst case scenario and it is worse when I talk to friends because then I start to obsess which makes everything 100x worse.  I have to just do it, jump in with both feet and let the chips fall where they may. I have found that the worst that can happen is someone says no.  They can't take me out and shoot me. (if that is unacceptable then I will remove but I literally have to remind myself of this).

[Ryan]

It's not like you have anything to lose so why would it bother you?  

Besides, how hard could the testing be?  You sure it's not just a drug test?

[zibazinski]

Do you know why DD got the one spot in PA school over 59 other applicants? Three of her teachers flat out told her because she was "real." The fact that she didn't think she would get in this time around as well as just interviewing for practice for when she really would apply to many schools got her in. She was relaxed and herself and they liked what they saw, the real person not the fake nervous uber prepared for any question applicant. Be yourself and just do it. If you don't get this one, keep trying. It's not like you will starve if you don't get the job or jobs. That, in itself, should relax you. Nothing like desperation to turn people off. In relationships or job seeking.

[giramomma]

No advice, but I can totally identify. I'm totally paralyzed with fear and anxiety about my side gig. I put mentors up too far on a pedestal. So, when they treat me badly, I assume it's something that's wrong with me. And, well, if there's something bad with my teaching, then I shouldn't be doing it..It's just a huge mess, because it also plays into childhood tapes..which really doesn't help at all. I need clarity on what the "truth" is, but there's no way to get it.

And I really don't have other data points to contradict what my mentor has showed me through her behavior. (Now, I'm rambling..but my folks hinted that I was a poor parent based on an interaction I didn't even see. I've come to believe that I am not a poor parent, because others that have spent time with our family/kids do not offer such feedback. Just my parents.)

Are there positions that don't offer testing? In our area school districts, substitute classroom aides just need to have a HS diploma. If you work with special ed, I think you need a little more education. But, no exams. Plus, work when you feel like it!

[milee]

Before you get too worried about the testing, think about what types of jobs would fit the very narrow availability parameters you've described.  Not too many jobs that are just for 4 hours in the exact middle of the day leaving you available for both drop off and pick up. In our school district, even the cafeteria jobs usually go a little past pick up time.  Might be worth figuring out the exact hours of the jobs so you know which ones would fit; once you know which jobs would fit, you will probably have a better idea of the testing.   

[ArchietheDragon]

You have a brain. The testing will not be an issue.

[Lizard Queen]

I'm right there with you, but I wouldn't worry about the testing.  Where I usually blow it is in the interviews. 

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Are any of the jobs clerical in nature?

Then, of course they will test your keyboarding/typing skills.

Or, ask you to put a pile of papers in alphabetical order.

If you are seeking a position as a classroom aide, they may run some scenarios by you (little Suzy wants the book that Johnny is reading -- how would you handle it).

They'll do a CORI check, but that is nothing more than you supplying them with your address and social security number.

Unless you are going for a teaching job, then the testing will more likely be directly related to the tasks of the job than checking your linear geometry skills.  Public schools do not have the time, nor the money, to test people for the fun of it.  So, relax.  You got this.  

[thyme4change]

One of the reasons I have never not worked is my fear that I would never be able to get back in, but now as my friends, many of whom stayed home with their kids, divorce - when push comes to shove, they all got jobs.  Some of them were great jobs.  If they can land on their feet after 15 years of not working, I am sure you will be considered for some type of office position.  It might not be the very first one you apply for - but if you keep trying, you will get one of them.  

The other thing you might consider is to be an virtual assistant.  Many small business people have "adminitrivia" that they would love to farm out.  If you can get your name out there, you could work hourly for a bunch of people who just need a little help from time to time.  There are websites out there where people post what they need help with.  I am sure there is a dark side to that kind of work, but that is true with all jobs.  

[moneymom]

Thanks everyone for the optimism.  I think another part of me getting so nervous is that I've had to work with a few crazy people in my last job and I endured it for many years (until they got fired).  I get so fearful of being in that position again and feeling like I'm doing demeaning work.  

But...  I know I have to move forward and deal with what comes just like the rest of the world.  I am making this my new years resolution.  I am starting an action plan right away.  Here it is... let me know if there's anything I'm missing!

-Update my resume
-Save prospective employers websites in my favorites and check in on jobs daily at those desired schools
-Start trying to exercise and lose weight to help my self esteem
-Buy some new clothes to start looking more professional
-Consider taking child education classes since I may be considering jobs working directly with children
-Check in at indeed.com frequently
-Research childcare options in case some hours conflict with DD's schedule

[happyhoix]

My SIL was out of the job market for over 20 years and still managed to get an admin job in a school system (it took her about four years to land it, though). So I don't think four years is such a big deal.

If you can swing it, you might consider working through an admin temp agency for a few temporary gigs to freshen up your admin/typing skills and give you a little confidence. Get you back into the hang of wearing office clothes...

[phil5185]

Start trying to exercise and lose weight to help my self esteem
Consider taking child education classes since I may be considering jobs working directly with children

You probably know this - but people who 'try' to quit smoking never do, and those that say "I'm quitting" do.
Same with losing weight, exercising - 'trying' means you will fail, declaring to do it gets it done.
"Consider" is in the same category.

Update my resume
Save prospective employers websites in my favorites and check in on jobs daily at those desired schools

When you are applying (eg, on indeed and craigslist) be sure to follow the directions to the letter, otherwise your application will get trashed at the first screen.  Many companies will require that you do NOT attach a resume, you must retype your data onto their form. And follow their format request - word.doc,  .pdf  , etc.

If you know insiders at the schools, have someone check the internal job postings for you, those are usually a week or two ahead of 'going public' - if the school finds an applicant that 'hits all the bullets' w/o having to go outside, that is easier/cheaper for them.

[iono1]

It depends on how shot your self esteem is. If it's just slightly dented, then the answers above are sound advice. If it's totally shot, then you need a boost in confidence before you go back into the field you're most qualified for.

Here's my advice if it's totally shot. if it's not just ignore it and start applying for jobs you are qualified for.

When I was a lot younger, 37 years ago, I got fired & my confidence level sunk to zero. I wasn't mentally prepared to interview for any job that was worth having.  I mustered up the courage to go to an interview in the field I wanted & totally blew it because I was a basket case.

I eventually took a temporary job at something I wouldn't be making a career of, but I was really good at. I stayed there a few months & built my confidence back to a high level. I then left & looked for the job I wanted. With all my confidence back, I got exactly what I wanted-a job similar to the one I interviewed for and bombed when I was a basket case.

So, my advice to someone with temporary low self esteem looking for a job-take a job that you would be really good at but don't want to make a career out of.   That should improve your sense of self esteem when you are just about the best person there. Then when your confidence is at an all time high, go out and interview for what you want.

Also, don't be afraid of involving the people who you know. When I got serious I applied for a job & they approached my former boss (not the one who fired me) & asked her for an opinion. She said to hire me because I was a great employee. (I didn't find that out until a couple of years later when I was talking with her one day & I brought up the fact that when I was hired they immediately made me a supervisor and then she told me why).

[gooddecisions]

You need a pep talk. Remind yourself all the reasons any employer would be lucky to have you. If you get the interview, remember that you're likely only interviewing against 3-5 other people. That's it, you just have to be more awesome than 3-5 other people. You already beat out hundreds who may have applied for the job.

As a manager who has done a fair amount of interviews, if I'm interviewing you- it means your resume fits and I want to hire you, fill the position and not have to waste anymore time interviewing. I don't know any managers that look forward to interviews.

People blow it with me when they can't speak to the experience and skills they've listed on their resumes or they have 0 personality or I just can't warm up to them. I don't care how qualified a person is, I don't want them working for me if I perceive that they will be difficult to manage or difficult to work with in anyway.

So, perfect your resume, practice speaking to it and recalling all your experience with overcoming something difficult, the challenges and your greatest accomplishments. If there are skills listed, make sure you remember what they mean and how you applied them. Then, put on your best outfit, smile in the mirror, put the sparkle in your eye and turn on the charm. Good luck!

[formerroomate99]

OP,

My step-sister in law went back to work as a special ed teacher because it was easier on her than staying at home with her kids.  And she's not the only woman I know who would come unglued if she had your job.  I know you've been told over and over again that running a household and raising a child are trivial tasks, but it really isn't the case.  Your brain is not as mushy as you think.  

[zibazinski]

I noticed losing weight and getting some clothes on your list. Maybe the issue is that not a job? If you've allowed yourself to put on weight and feel frumpy, it's going to affect how you feel about yourself. Just because you're a mom doesn't mean you don't matter anymore.

[moneymaven]

mm, you've been given solid advice. One of the best ways to build confidence in the job search is to practice interviewing. Even if you don't make it through, interviewing opportunities are always a good idea. Start to take better care of yourself: go to the gym, eat well, go to the mall for some new professional attire, get a makeup tutorial and some new gloss or mascara, etc. All of this plays into how we perceive ourselves and how we outwardly show ourselves. You'll be great!

[swamp]

find some old episodes of What Not to Wear. Find someone with a body type like yours. Follow the directions.

[Formerly SK]

I have that dream job you want: 20hrs/wk at a school right smack in the middle of the day only when school is in session.  

I have to say that as soon as you mentioned stress about testing I practically fell off my chair laughing.  IME, non-teacher school staff are pretty average in intelligence - and I'm putting that kindly.  I'd put them at a receptionist level in the corporate world.  (I work in a "good" school district FWIW).  These school jobs are NOT tough at all, and with union protections, people work at 50% capacity.  By far the most difficult aspect of my job is the union attitude.  I made quite a few enemies my first year because I questioned processes that were straight from the 80s, but apparently ingenuity and problem solving make people defensive rather than excite them about efficiency.  UGH.  Now I know to keep my mouth shut when I see the secretary working in Excel and realize she doesn't know how to insert rows or use the auto sum button.

That said, I put up with it because the hours are perfect.  And I'm also just appreciative that I was able to get the job after being a SAHM for 9 years.  The school is only a mile from my house (it's my neighborhood school) and I can wear jeans every day.  There are a lot of perks to this.

All this to say, don't EVER worry you aren't good enough to work in a school.  I'd start applying asap, because IME jobs that are listed aren't really available.  The union requires you to post the open position, but usually the supervisor already knows who they are hiring.  Since it's IMPOSSIBLE to fire someone, they are VERY careful about who they hire (qualifications being they show up and have a positive attitude - strong candidates don't apply for these jobs).  

Oh, and you make pennies working in a school.  For me it isn't about the money at all, it's just to get out of the house and use my brain (I tutor 3-5th in math).  But beware that it's practically a volunteer position (especially given I lose 33% to taxes).   

[musicjenny]

You can do this! I was a SAHM and ran a small daycare from home for 7 years. Before that I had only had retail and waitress jobs through college. I needed a job that would fit well with the school schedule because I've got three kids.
I applied for a few part time admin jobs and got one interview. Then I changed my resume. I stumbled onto a job listing for an operations manager (I had no idea what that was, and I've come to realize their description is more of a admin with a few extras tacked on than a real op manager) at a historical society (I have a history degree and no prior office experience). It's part time and I can get the kids to school and be home about an hour after they get home. I get paid almost double what I was making working for myself full time so it all evened out.
What worked was changing my resume from chronological to skills-based. It really helps take the emphasis off of the SAHM and work gaps.  I also b.s.ed my way through some of the interview knowing that I could spend a few hours online learning what I didn't know already if they hired me.
I wouldn't worry at all about working at a school. I know several aides and they say it's pretty much cake, you just have to be good with the kids.

[Artemis Windsong]

Call your local job service office and ask them about the testing for those positions.

As your friends what the testing was like and about.

One test will be drug testing.

[haapai]

The other one might be TB testing. 

[princessleia]

Moneymom, doesn't your school district have temp positions call 'substitutes' for anything (range from educational assistants to cooks to secretaries, etc)? You are basically on call and you fill in whenever somebody calls in sick or can't show up. The nice thing about this is that you get to know people and the district gets to 'test' you realtime.   That way, when a position comes up, you will have a big advantage and it's easier to get hired this way.

I  working for my school district. I can't think of any other job that will enable me to fit my kids' schedules with work schedule. 

[Gardening Grandma]

I take it you want part time work in a school?

The "testing" may well be for drug useage.  

Do you have any experience in the line of work you want?  If it isn't recent, consider volunteering. That would help you develop contacts and references.

Do the weight thing and clothes thing for yourself,not for a "position".

After  my retirement,  I had a variety of part time jobs.  It was easy to find part time work because I left my ego at home and was willing to do work DH felt was "beneath my qualifications",  but I knew I simply wanted to supplement my pension and not work more than 10 days a month.  I really enjoyed working part time and finally quit when DH retired completely.