Another Dating Thread

[Deleted]

I like dating. It's fun. Until you decide maybe it's time you start to be open to the idea of something more than just keeping everything fun and games. Then you meet someone that really likes you, you really like them, and both of you want to just enjoy getting to know each other and see what happens. And then their life goes haywire and they get all stressed out and you fade into the background because of all the serious shit they're dealing with and you haven't known each other long enough to have the kind of bond to just ride it out. Then dating sucks.

I posted that in the Dating Sucks thread back in April. The man I was talking about, we never stopped talking completely and over the last few months we've gotten a lot closer. He got a handle on all the stress in his life and we're great now. He tells me all the time that he's grateful to have me in his life and he treats me like he means it. We've known each other for over a year now.

Apparently my stalker is still lurking, or at least he was a few weeks ago when he sent me a picture of my guy's car in my driveway. That caused some discomfort because I felt like I needed to be honest about it since I didn't/don't know what else he might do. I'd already had to explain about him last year when he rang my doorbell because that same car was in my driveway. Ugh! But that's a whole 'nother story.

Anyway, Phoenix's latest thread about dating reminded me of the previous threads about how dating sucks. Every once in a while something good does happen. I've been happily single by choice for over 20 years and now I'm happily dating someone exclusively. I don't worry about what the future will bring, I'm just enjoying the present. If an old broad like me can meet someone that thinks I'm just as awesome as I think he is (and he's a little younger than this old broad at that lol!), there is hope for all the single people out there that would like to meet someone special.

[Deleted]

I'm happy for you

[tloonya]

You right. People bring too much stress into dating. Instead of just enjoying it.
But what do I know? Its been over 20 years ago...

[Apple]

I like all but the stalker part (too familiar with that brand of crazy   ...)  I've given up any attempt at dating for the last couple years, but glad that it's working out for you after the long break!

[Deleted]

Dec 14, 2015 13:38:44 GMT -5 tloonya said:

You right. People bring too much stress into dating. Instead of just enjoying it.
But what do I know? Its been over 20 years ago...

I think sometimes people make it more stressful than it has to be too. I never stopped going out with men, I just wasn't trying to do anything serious or have a relationship. I swore off relationships (not men though lol) when I became a single parent and wanted to focus on raising my kids. Over the years I just got use to it and being single was fine with me. When I met someone new, it was a potential new friend, not a potential mate, and I think that made dating easier and more fun.

[lexxy703]

Congrats.  It sounds like you are in a good place.

Do you know who your stalker is?

[andi9899]

Dec 14, 2015 15:31:18 GMT -5 lexxy703 said:

Congrats.  It sounds like you are in a good place.

Do you know who your stalker is?

I'm thinking it's an ex because he rang her doorbell last time he saw the car in the driveway. Also since he had her cell phone number to send her a picture of the car in the driveway again recently. I could be wrong, but that's how it sounds to me.

[debthaven]

I'm happy for you Pink! (except about the stalker). Should you get a restraining order? 

[Chocolate Lover]

Yay for all but the stalker! 

[happyhoix]

A stalker !!! Ugh.

Good news on the nice relationship, though. The good thing being at a certain 'vintage' in life is there is no pressure about getting married in order to have kids, etc. It's just dating for fun and companionship, which is the best type of dating.

I've been thinking of getting a paintball gun to blast my neighbor's pack of dogs when they come digging up my yard (they have five, and they are similar to the Bumpises' dogs in the Christmas Story - hillbilly dogs that aren't ever leashed who crap and dig in my yard, drag trash into it, chew up whatever they can find). I wonder if a paintball gun would deter your nasty stalker? Or maybe just make him mad.  crappy stalkers.

[Deleted]

Yes, I know who the stalker is. We use to go out and it turned into a situation because he's crazy and I don't do crazy. When he rang my doorbell last year it was a nasty surprise and I hadn't had any problems with him since then. So getting the text with the picture was another nasty surprise. I thought surely he'd gotten the message by now.

I'm not sure how to handle that. I didn't react, mostly because I knew that was what he wanted, but I don't know if continuing to ignore him is going to make him do something else to try to get my attention or not. I'm not afraid of him, but I don't want him trying to ruin what I have going on now. I'm happy and I don't want to deal with any stupid shit.

[HoneyBBQ]

Send him a photo of a picture of a gun that "belongs to the car's owner" and a picture of restraining order. 

[Deleted]

Dec 14, 2015 16:37:00 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

A stalker !!! Ugh.

Good news on the nice relationship, though. The good thing being at a certain 'vintage' in life is there is no pressure about getting married in order to have kids, etc. It's just dating for fun and companionship, which is the best type of dating.

I've been thinking of getting a paintball gun to blast my neighbor's pack of dogs when they come digging up my yard (they have five, and they are similar to the Bumpises' dogs in the Christmas Story - hillbilly dogs that aren't ever leashed who crap and dig in my yard, drag trash into it, chew up whatever they can find). I wonder if a paintball gun would deter your nasty stalker? Or maybe just make him mad.  crappy stalkers.

Yes, the benefit of being at this 'vintage' in life is that I'm not trying to find a husband and I'm definitely not trying to have babies. I just want to have fun and that's what we're doing with no pressure about where it's going.

The stalker would probably think a paintball gun was really funny.

[Deleted]

Dec 14, 2015 17:01:54 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Send him a photo of a picture of a gun that "belongs to the car's owner" and a picture of restraining order. 

I know how this fool's mind works in some ways. A picture like that of a gun would be like an invitation. He knows I have guns and that I know how to use them and hit what I'm aiming for. I'm not giving him any new information about either of us. I considered trying to get a restraining order, but only as a formality in case something does happen. I'm under no illusion that it would deter him or make him stay away from my house. 

[obelisk]

Dec 14, 2015 17:25:48 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Dec 14, 2015 17:01:54 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Send him a photo of a picture of a gun that "belongs to the car's owner" and a picture of restraining order. 

I know how this fool's mind works in some ways. A picture like that of a gun would be like an invitation. He knows I have guns and that I know how to use them and hit what I'm aiming for. I'm not giving him any new information about either of us. I considered trying to get a restraining order, but only as a formality in case something does happen. I'm under no illusion that it would deter him or make him stay away from my house. 

The best counter offence against a stalker is not to respond in any shape or form.  Just ignore the intrusion.  Stalkers need intrusion into your life to justify their existence. 

[mojothehelpermonkey]

My mom made me call a domestic abuse hotline when I had a stalker. (Even though I was 30 and thought I could handle it and should have known better, which shows how naive I was). The counselor said the best thing to do was to ignore every email, text message and phone call. I did all of that and this guy still showed up in front of my place a couple of times. I ignored that too and within a few months he either snapped out of his crazy or found some other poor woman to focus it on. Either way, no contact at all worked for me.

Edit: I should add that I met my SO right after I broke up with my stalker. I was really worried that my ex was going to show up on one of our first few dates and do something crazy that would make my SO think I had too much drama in my life. Luckily, that didn't happen. In addition to cutting off contact with the stalker, I think it also helped that I went lights out on social media and altered my routine to make sure we would not run into each other. It sucks to alter your life, but it can be worth it to rip the band aid off for him. I hope he will be a distant memory for you soon.

[milee]

Dec 14, 2015 16:37:00 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

I've been thinking of getting a paintball gun to blast my neighbor's pack of dogs when they come digging up my yard (they have five, and they are similar to the Bumpises' dogs in the Christmas Story - hillbilly dogs that aren't ever leashed who crap and dig in my yard, drag trash into it, chew up whatever they can find). 

Instead of a paintball gun, get a live trap and just start turning the dogs you trap in to the local shelter. Either they'll get a better home or the owners will get the point that it's expensive to leave their dogs unleashed and they'll stop doing it... either way will solve your problem and better protect the dogs.

[beergut]

Dec 14, 2015 16:59:35 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Yes, I know who the stalker is. We use to go out and it turned into a situation because he's crazy and I don't do crazy. When he rang my doorbell last year it was a nasty surprise and I hadn't had any problems with him since then. So getting the text with the picture was another nasty surprise. I thought surely he'd gotten the message by now.

I'm not sure how to handle that. I didn't react, mostly because I knew that was what he wanted, but I don't know if continuing to ignore him is going to make him do something else to try to get my attention or not. I'm not afraid of him, but I don't want him trying to ruin what I have going on now. I'm happy and I don't want to deal with any stupid shit.

[emma1420]

I am sorry about the stalker.  I suspect not reacting at all is the best move.  But, as I've never had a stalker myself I don't have anything much constructive to add.

Congrats on the good relationship.  I think it's lovely when you either meet someone or begin a relationship and it's kind of unexpected.  I am in that situation now.  It's someone I've known for several years (although not well), and we got to know each other much better.  It's early days and it is long distance (which complicates things), but it's been unexpected and really lovely.