Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2015 17:50:08 GMT -5
I think you can reinvent yourself without changing your name and hiding your past, however you are still stuck being you. When I moved across the country I thought I might reinvent myself as warmer and more friendly, but I ended up being the same old me. I'm wanting to move out of state, but I realize the issues plaguing me can be traced back to me, not my location. I might still move eventually, but I'm spending more time working on myself than planning some fabulous new life elsewhere that will magically occur just because I moved.
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Oct 24, 2015 20:19:02 GMT -5
I'm wanting to move out of state, but I realize the issues plaguing me can be traced back to me, not my location. I might still move eventually, but I'm spending more time working on myself than planning some fabulous new life elsewhere that will magically occur just because I moved. +1 i think it's easy to daydream about a new life, new job, new partner, and how that will "fix" things in your life. But, the reality is you are the same person with the same issues no matter where you go and who you are with.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Oct 25, 2015 7:44:17 GMT -5
In theory, it wouldn't be too hard to cut contact if I wanted to. I probably wouldn't have to create a new identity. I'd just close my phones and change my email address and move away. Though I guess someone determined could find me. And I don't have a reason to do that, anyway.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 25, 2015 8:37:57 GMT -5
Changing your name sounds like a nightmare. You would have to jump through a lot of hoops for that. And, not just your driver's licenses but your accounts, professional licenses and on and on. How are you going to get job references? Oh, we are calling about Mr Jones, who changed his name and is now known as Mr. Onomatopoeia. I mean, that would be like a big red flag to any employer, even if you did that for very innocent reasons.
And, what about your retirement funds, social security, life insurance, etc. You know a lot of these companies arent' so swift, I would want any of those to get screwed up. I don't have a problem with moving and trying out a new place. But, I don't understand why you would change your name. That seems like you have something to really hide and would make you suspect in other people's eyes. I don't think that is a good way to start out fresh.
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haapai
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Character
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Post by haapai on Oct 25, 2015 8:42:21 GMT -5
Shoobs, that's the best recruitment spiel for the Lucy Stone League that I've heard in quite some time.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Oct 25, 2015 13:08:26 GMT -5
Shoobs, that's the best recruitment spiel for the Lucy Stone League that I've heard in quite some time. We adhere to the tenets of Lucy Stone up here, and have for quite some time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2015 13:49:53 GMT -5
Changing your name sounds like a nightmare. You would have to jump through a lot of hoops for that. And, not just your driver's licenses but your accounts, professional licenses and on and on. How are you going to get job references? Oh, we are calling about Mr Jones, who changed his name and is now known as Mr. Onomatopoeia. I mean, that would be like a big red flag to any employer, even if you did that for very innocent reasons. And, what about your retirement funds, social security, life insurance, etc. You know a lot of these companies arent' so swift, I would want any of those to get screwed up. I don't have a problem with moving and trying out a new place. But, I don't understand why you would change your name. That seems like you have something to really hide and would make you suspect in other people's eyes. I don't think that is a good way to start out fresh. I had the same thought as weltschmerz, although I had to look up the Lucy Stone League! A woman who takes her husband's name has to go through all that and most people accept it as a normal part of life.
One of the good things about FaceBook was that many women included their own (pre-marriage) surnames in their listings. I've made contact with a lot of female classmates that way.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Oct 25, 2015 13:54:42 GMT -5
Changing your name sounds like a nightmare. You would have to jump through a lot of hoops for that. And, not just your driver's licenses but your accounts, professional licenses and on and on. How are you going to get job references? Oh, we are calling about Mr Jones, who changed his name and is now known as Mr. Onomatopoeia. I mean, that would be like a big red flag to any employer, even if you did that for very innocent reasons. And, what about your retirement funds, social security, life insurance, etc. You know a lot of these companies arent' so swift, I would want any of those to get screwed up. I don't have a problem with moving and trying out a new place. But, I don't understand why you would change your name. That seems like you have something to really hide and would make you suspect in other people's eyes. I don't think that is a good way to start out fresh. I had the same thought as weltschmerz, although I had to look up the Lucy Stone League! A woman who takes her husband's name has to go through all that and most people accept it as a normal part of life.
One of the good things about FaceBook was that many women included their own (pre-marriage) surnames in their listings. I've made contact with a lot of female classmates that way.
The only legal name you have in Quebec is the one you're born with. You can go through the hassle and headache of legally changing it to reflect the idea that you belong to your husband, but why bother? Husbands can come and go....your name should stay the same.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Oct 25, 2015 14:07:37 GMT -5
My dad's girlfriend's son went off the grid for a few years about a decade ago. He didn't cut off his family, but he moved to Alaska and pulled of a somewhat more well thought out version of what the guy in Into the Wild did. His brother joined him after a couple of years but then passed away suddenly, so he moved back to where his mother lived after that. My mom and her sister's family have pretty much been dead to each other for over 10 years now. Neither changed their names or anything, but my aunt moved away and didn't leave a forwarding address. Then a year or so later my cousins sent my mom a letter saying they had good memories, but my mom was no longer family to them. I can sort of understand why they did it, but it was pretty cold. My mom could still track them down if she really wanted to. In theory, all she would have to do is ask either me or my brother, but I don't think either of us would share information and risk getting involved in that mess.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Oct 25, 2015 14:10:16 GMT -5
I think it is impossible to disappear completely between technology and the simple randomness of life.
During one summer between college, I was in Venice with my family. I turned a corner and came face to face with someone who lived 3 doors down from me in the dorm. Sure the likelihood is lower if you are going to avoid major areas, but never impossible.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Oct 25, 2015 18:45:26 GMT -5
One of my mantras is that "you have to behave wherever you go because you never know who'll you'll run into". My maternal grandparents are from Quebec. I kept my maiden name. I have found my tribe. Also, on a related note, I have moved away to a new city/town knowing no one in my new home. I didn't run away. I simply up and moved -- once for graduate school and once for a new "vibe". I'm not hiding. But, I did start all over again in terms of friends. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I like adventure.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Oct 26, 2015 5:10:05 GMT -5
When I was young I did that once. We moved to Florida then Georgia without my family knowing where we were. I didn't want mom to worry so I sent letters to a friend in New York who mailed them. In Georgia we changed our names he always called me Karen and I called him Ben because of old jokes and we chose the last name Star after a dog we used to have. He worked for an old roommate so worked under his name and I was a housewife but the landlord never knew our names. I just need a break from parents who thought I was a child and so it was nice not having them know where we lived. We never did live in New York but they thought we did.
I considered moving to a distant state after my divorce so my ex couldn't find me. Changing names is actually easy for woman especially. I could simply say I changed it with the divorce, my attorney would have to anything I wanted. I could pretty much be called my middle name and a new last name and never be found even if work records were under my old first name.
With housewives who don't need to work or anyone working for a spouse it would be easy to hide your name. So if a man were to say work for a wife as a janitor so the 1099 is under her name or work for her in any business he wouldn't need a name at all. I know one man who works for his wife, she manages 50 homes and he does some of the work so he has not income. My brother worked for his wife after he retired in her home based business so he had no earned income.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 26, 2015 6:02:40 GMT -5
I had the same thought as weltschmerz, although I had to look up the Lucy Stone League! A woman who takes her husband's name has to go through all that and most people accept it as a normal part of life.
One of the good things about FaceBook was that many women included their own (pre-marriage) surnames in their listings. I've made contact with a lot of female classmates that way.
The only legal name you have in Quebec is the one you're born with. You can go through the hassle and headache of legally changing it to reflect the idea that you belong to your husband, but why bother? Husbands can come and go....your name should stay the same.
Changing your name to get married is quite a bit different than just changing your name for no particular reason. Sorry, but I would find it very suspect to be hiring someone who felt they had to leave everything and change their name. It would make them seem suspect and I would think a lot of employers would be leary of that. You can do whatever you want to do but there are consequences to it. As for marriage, husbands don't "come and go". Maybe in your world but most of the people I know are still married to the same person.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2015 10:06:35 GMT -5
Changing your name to get married is quite a bit different than just changing your name for no particular reason.<snip> As for marriage, husbands don't "come and go". Maybe in your world but most of the people I know are still married to the same person. Changing your name after marriage still entails exactly the same hassles pointed out earlier. I find Quebec's law extremely enlightened. As for husbands coming and going, Stuff Happens. I won't repeat my story here but my first marriage ended in divorce for very good reasons. My husband, son and I each have different last names. It doesn't matter. We know we're a family.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 26, 2015 10:11:31 GMT -5
Everyone can do what they want. But, part of my job on the School Board is to interview and hire teachers. And, I am sure that the Board would take pause if someone had just up and changed their name completely for no particular reason. Getting married is a common and accepted thing. Maybe if someone changed their name because they had a crazy ex stalking them, then that would seem reasonable, but then again, not sure I would want to hire someone who has a crazy stalker out there. And, if there was no particular reason for the name change, then that would seem like a red flag.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Oct 26, 2015 10:20:05 GMT -5
The only legal name you have in Quebec is the one you're born with. You can go through the hassle and headache of legally changing it to reflect the idea that you belong to your husband, but why bother? Husbands can come and go....your name should stay the same.
Changing your name to get married is quite a bit different than just changing your name for no particular reason. Sorry, but I would find it very suspect to be hiring someone who felt they had to leave everything and change their name. It would make them seem suspect and I would think a lot of employers would be leary of that. You can do whatever you want to do but there are consequences to it. As for marriage, husbands don't "come and go". Maybe in your world but most of the people I know are still married to the same person. The divorce rate in the USA is at about 50%, regardless of "the people you know." So, yes...husbands come and go.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Oct 26, 2015 11:26:43 GMT -5
Shooby: how far would you investigate the reason if an applicant changed his/her name? If the reason seemed "reasonable", would you let it go, or would you dig anyway? What if the applicant had a very ethnic name that was difficult to pronounce and simply wanted to Anglicize it. Would you accept that for face value? Or, would you check to see if the applicant was hiding something more? What if the applicant said his/her identity had been stolen and after years of trying to clear his/her name, he/she gave up and made a fresh start? Would you accept that at face value? Certainly there are folks out there in witness protection programs who need to make a living. They often change their identities. Maybe the backstory is sufficiently complete as to avoid any suspicion, but maybe not. Any, or all, of these individuals could be very gifted teachers who simply changed their identities. Would you hire any of them?
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 26, 2015 12:28:39 GMT -5
Well, since we are hiring people who deal with kids, then yes, that would have to be thoroughly looked into. Honestly, we so many applicants, that it simply would not be worth the effort. As I said, those actions would have consequences.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 26, 2015 12:43:52 GMT -5
Well, since we are hiring people who deal with kids, then yes, that would have to be thoroughly looked into. Honestly, we so many applicants, that it simply would not be worth the effort. As I said, those actions would have consequences. What about transgendered folks? An interesting case...can't be explained as consequences so much. I'd assume you'd have to tip toe very carefully. Discussing someone's transgendered-ness shouldn't be talked about during an interview, right, no more than you or I would be expected to talk about how we we identify as women and are biologically women when we are interviewing. And, well, to deny a qualified applicant a chance at a job because they changed their first name and gender identification and didn't want to explain that to you during an interview...well, that's got it's own set of implications..
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 26, 2015 12:45:46 GMT -5
I don't know. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. But, our responsibility is not to the Applicant. Our responsibility is to the kids.
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