giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 21, 2015 10:47:14 GMT -5
DS is theoretically invited to a birthday party. At a water park. We do not know if the plan is to sleeping over or how he's getting there (it's an hour away.)
We do not know the family well. We talk, on average 3 minutes every year, if that.
DS cannot swim very well (I know..there are plans to fix that within the year..) and I'm assuming there will be one parent for 6ish boys.
We went to a waterpark as a family over the summer and DS elected to not get in the water. He said the smell made him nauseous and he and DH hung out in the hotel room.
There's more. I'm not sure if I'm getting triggered because of a lot of other things (ie, my normal meter's off) or if I've got a right to be concerned. That said, if it were a different family, I'd have no issues...
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 21, 2015 10:50:15 GMT -5
not if I don't know the family, the ride/sleeping arrangements, if he doesn't swim, etc. But your post is a bit vague and you're kinda rambling a bit.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 21, 2015 10:55:10 GMT -5
My dad was pretty strict on pool parties. If I couldn't swim then I wasn't going period.
Once I started learning to swim it was a case by case basis.
If he cannot swim then my answer would be no. Water parks are too big for the lifeguards/other parents to have their eyes on every kid at once. All it takes is a second and he's under water.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2015 10:59:40 GMT -5
Does he even want to go if he doesn't like water parks?
I would let my 13 year old go to a water park party an hour away. Heck, he's gone most weekends with the scouts anyhow, but it sounds like your issue is with this particular family, so just say no.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Oct 21, 2015 11:02:14 GMT -5
Define "theoretically invited". Will there be a definitive invitation forthcoming? If so, I would wait for that to get the complete details. If it is just going to be a day trip, then I would let him go. *Most* of the water parks I have been to have been well-staffed with life guards. You can check that -- look online for their description of the water park and call and ask. Just make sure he understands the setting (huge pool with hundreds of kids, lots of noise, definite chlorine smell, nowhere else to hang out, etc.) and that he knows his limits (i.e., can't be in water over his head/can't go off boards or slides if he doesn't know how to hold his breathe and swim under water up to a distant surface, etc.). Let the experience motivate him to learn to swim competently this winter. If it is an overnight, I might still let it be a day trip and go pick him up later in the evening with some lame excuse such as "a prior family commitment the next morning". But, then, I was the parent who made a similarly reluctant YDS do a recreational swim team for 4 years because swimming is a life skill and who didn't let her kids roam hotels on their own, not even at Disney, until they were in high school and able to take care of themselves if any creep approached them, so feel free to take or leave my advice.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 21, 2015 11:04:52 GMT -5
Define "theoretically invited". Will there be a definitive invitation forthcoming? If so, I would wait for that to get the complete details. Not yet, but the rumor is yes. More later.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Oct 21, 2015 11:08:19 GMT -5
No. He can't swim. You don't know these people well. And he can't swim.
If my kid couldn't swim, she wouldn't be going to any pool or waterpark parties, especially not ones where I'm not there to watch her. You really get shot out the end of some of those slides and can be disoriented in the water.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 21, 2015 11:08:24 GMT -5
DS is theoretically invited to a birthday party. At a water park. We do not know if the plan is to sleeping over or how he's getting there (it's an hour away.) We do not know the family well. We talk, on average 3 minutes every year, if that. DS cannot swim very well (I know..there are plans to fix that within the year..) and I'm assuming there will be one parent for 6ish boys. We went to a waterpark as a family over the summer and DS elected to not get in the water. He said the smell made him nauseous and he and DH hung out in the hotel room. There's more. I'm not sure if I'm getting triggered because of a lot of other things (ie, my normal meter's off) or if I've got a right to be concerned. That said, if it were a different family, I'd have no issues... I'm mostly agreeing with MPL on this but I want to vent about the stuff I bolded. WTH is up with this? Because DD's got 2 of them!!! And she's in 2nd grade. I'm holding out for "you get some kind of invite with a day, time and location for me otherwise it's a nogo" I think she wanted to do 1 but she's definitely not wanting to do the 2nd (she doesn't much like the kid) so for now, she's ok with my line.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2015 11:12:11 GMT -5
If it is just going to be a day trip, then I would let him go. *Most* of the water parks I have been to have been well-staffed with life guards. I agree with that. Unless it's just a little rinky dink place, they probably have lifeguards everywhere. I let my parents take my non-swimming 5 year old to the Dells all the time even though my mother is not the most "attentive" on vacations, but the place is crawling with lifeguards to deal with all the kids that are running amok.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Oct 21, 2015 11:16:50 GMT -5
Define "cannot swim very well".
As for those theoretical invitations, I always took the approach that they weren't true invitations until I received either a paper invitation or an e-vite.
Some kids like to verbally invite everyone and anyone and then the parent only formally invites the closest friends. Some kids are fickle and are friends with another child today so invites that child verbally today, only for some imperceptible slight tomorrow cause them to be friends with an entirely different child tomorrow and then extend the invite in that direction.
Or, some parents (probably the ones who never RSVP) can't be bothered to issue formal invites and/or share the pertinent details thinking their child took care of that.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Oct 21, 2015 11:22:13 GMT -5
Most waterparks that I have been to don't have any deep water except at the wave pool. I would be comfortable with the water park aspect if I could trust he wouldn't get into the wave pool, and I felt like he actually wanted to go (doesn't sound like he really even wants to?).
As far as a family I don't know, that is a little iffy. What is your feel for the family based on your 3 minute convos?
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Oct 21, 2015 11:22:32 GMT -5
The smell of the water at the water park is going to be no different than what it was when his family took him to a water park this past summer.
Based upon that and the fact he is not a very good swimmer, I would decline the invitation should it arrive.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Oct 21, 2015 12:01:52 GMT -5
Giramomma: Does your DS get migraines? I ask b/c my DD is prone to migraines and she claimed Chlorine and bromide in pools made her nauseated. When she was younger I considered her a decent swimmer, but I was always pretty vigilant when we took our kids to waterparks. We went 2x a year, fall and spring for the kids b-days. When DD was about 10 she says she nearly drowned in a pool at the Wilderness. She says the lifeguard was looking right at her struggling in the water, and finally asked her if she needed help, and she said yes...and she said it still took him awhile to get in the water and help her. This was at the Wilderness - they have a deeper pool that is set up to play basketball in the water? I think that is the one she was in. I was looking for her when this occurred.
Later when she was a little older, she was invited to Cool waters, I don't know if I realized that she had formed a fear of swimming at this point, but I was always pretty vigilant when my kids were swimming. It was my neighbor that invited her, (we were friends and I trusted her), but my DB's kids swam like fish, and one of my nieces had an issue at Cool Waters where another kid dove under the water, and grabbed my niece by the feet and pulled her underwater. The lifeguards did not see it happen, but my SIL was there and saw it happen. So, I just offered to go along and took a day off and went with, so I could keep an eye on my own kid, and I did not have to deny her the experience.
I think given that your son says the smell makes him nauseated, a birthday party is not the place to try to overcome the many possible problems that may come up. I would claim a previous commitment, and then I would actually go somewhere that day so your DS has something to talk about to the friends that do attend the event. (A haunted house, the zoo, or a museum trip?).
ETA, when I was a kid, 10,11, 12, 14 we rode our bikes to Greenfield park and spent the day at the park. Before we were old enough to ride on our own, Mom would drop us off and pick us up. Pre cell phones, we would have a dime or a quarter for the pay phone and if we were being picked up we would call for a ride home. My DB was 3 years younger and DS was 1.5 yrs older, and we would have mostly been together with a group of kids from the neighborhood. I never let my kids go to the county pools like that. My in-laws would take them to Sheridan Park Pool, but they stayed there while the kids swam. IDK if my in-laws swim, but my MIL is the kind of person that has eyes in the back of her head. DD also used to give me a hard time, b/c I talked about riding my bike places with my friends, and I never let my kids do that. The area we lived in did not have sidewalks, and I did not want the kids riding on the apron of a road with a 45 mph speed limit to get to their destination. I did used to drop DS and his friends at a local skateboard park and they would spend the day there. That place was set up with ramps and jumps so it was no lame entertainment. It is in the valley (4 Seasons) and it is supposed to be moving to BayView, so something like this may be an option for your DS as a fun alternative to swimming.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Oct 21, 2015 12:06:29 GMT -5
The smell of the water at the water park is going to be no different than what it was when his family took him to a water park this past summer. Based upon that and the fact he is not a very good swimmer, I would decline the invitation should it arrive. This. And I 2nd the question: does he WANT to go? What does he say about it? Or, maybe since the invitation is forthcoming he doesn't know about it yet.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 21, 2015 12:30:12 GMT -5
The smell of the water at the water park is going to be no different than what it was when his family took him to a water park this past summer. Based upon that and the fact he is not a very good swimmer, I would decline the invitation should it arrive. This. And I 2nd the question: does he WANT to go? What does he say about it? Or, maybe since the invitation is forthcoming he doesn't know about it yet. Pesky work getting in the way of replying. Yes, he wants to go. Badly. The other problem is he has prior commitment on the weekend this party is supposed to happen. Of course he wants to ditch his prior commitment (scouting campout) to hang out with his friends. We have not received a formal invite, assuming one will be coming at some point. If the activity was an in-town thing. I'd be OK. DS went to this kids birthday party last year. They went to a haunted house and had a sleepover at the birthday child's home. DS couldn't take the haunted house, and ended up waiting outside the haunted house with several other kids until those that did enjoy the haunted house experience got done. There's lots of things I'm not comfortable with. DS's approach to discussing this with me (the version DH got was much different), DS wanting to back out of prior commitments, his lack of swimming skills, the likely lack of parental supervision. What happens when the other kids do things he doesn't want to do...DS tried to tell me he'd be perfectly content sitting in a lounge chair watching his friends have fun... And we haven't even touched on how he's going to handle things if the other boys want to find some girls to experiment with...
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 21, 2015 12:33:29 GMT -5
This. And I 2nd the question: does he WANT to go? What does he say about it? Or, maybe since the invitation is forthcoming he doesn't know about it yet. There's lots of things I'm not comfortable with. DS's approach to discussing this with me (the version DH got was much different), DS wanting to back out of prior commitments, his lack of swimming skills, the likely lack of parental supervision. What happens when the other kids do things he doesn't want to do...DS tried to tell me he'd be perfectly content sitting in a lounge chair watching his friends have fun... And we haven't even touched on how he's going to handle things if the other boys want to find some girls to experiment with... so basically behaving like a tween boy....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2015 12:39:40 GMT -5
Well, I wouldn't let my son back out of a scouting commitment. If he's wanting to get the rank advancements they cover a lot of the requirements on those.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 21, 2015 12:52:25 GMT -5
Well, I wouldn't let my son back out of a scouting commitment. If he's wanting to get the rank advancements they cover a lot of the requirements on those. There won't be much advancing done on this campout. But, we did pay for it, and DS did commit to it. And there's the issue of "making" him do something. I'm not into the physical aspects of making a kid do something...
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 21, 2015 13:10:21 GMT -5
There's lots of things I'm not comfortable with. DS's approach to discussing this with me (the version DH got was much different), DS wanting to back out of prior commitments, his lack of swimming skills, the likely lack of parental supervision. What happens when the other kids do things he doesn't want to do...DS tried to tell me he'd be perfectly content sitting in a lounge chair watching his friends have fun... And we haven't even touched on how he's going to handle things if the other boys want to find some girls to experiment with... so basically behaving like a tween boy.... Right. And this is huge new territory for us...I can't use my background as a resource, because the parenting I have experienced was not stellar at times and I'm trying to choose a different path for my own kids. So, I don't know if my responses are because I'm being triggered from my own childhood (I sound just like my folks), over concerned, or if I'm being a normal parent. My gut says this is NOT a good idea, regardless of having another commitment. Usually I don't need to do gut checks with parenting decisions. Aside from my DH this is the only place that challenges my thinking and provides opinions that I value.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 21, 2015 13:17:42 GMT -5
And there's the issue of "making" him do something. I'm not into the physical aspects of making a kid do something...
I think personally it's a bit different when he made a commitment (which you had to pay for) and wants to drop it suddenly b/c he found something he THINKS will be more interesting. Plus it sounds like he hasn't even actually been invited yet so why drop a previous commitment on a maybe?
I'm not for making kids do things they genuinely don't want to do/hate. But I am not going to let them back out of a prior commitment just b/c they think something else sounds better. We all have commitments we'd rather not honor b/c we later discovered something more "fun" but that's life.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Oct 21, 2015 13:52:40 GMT -5
How old is the kid?
Going to the water park wouldn't bother me. But backing out of the other commitment would.
My boys did scouts and we put a high priority on going to all activities. Even in high school when you had Fridaynight away football game and got home after midnight, we will get up early Sat and I will drive you to camp out. Both boys made it to Eagle Scout
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Oct 21, 2015 14:04:02 GMT -5
Previous problem with the water park + previous (paid for) commitment? No, I would not let the kid blow off the scouting thing for this. It's a double whammy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2015 14:09:55 GMT -5
Well, I wouldn't let my son back out of a scouting commitment. If he's wanting to get the rank advancements they cover a lot of the requirements on those. There won't be much advancing done on this campout. But, we did pay for it, and DS did commit to it. And there's the issue of "making" him do something. I'm not into the physical aspects of making a kid do something... I make my son go to campouts, service projects etc, and believe it or not he thanks me for it. He can quit scouts any time he wants (with my blessing!), but if he wants to be in he has to be IN, and I certainly wouldn't pay for a campout and then let him back out.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 21, 2015 14:41:46 GMT -5
Previous problem with the water park + previous (paid for) commitment? No, I would not let the kid blow off the scouting thing for this. It's a double whammy. PLUS not being comfortable with the family he's going with on your part. Yeah, big fat NOPE. I'm a very fussy person about my kids and water. My dad's family was very stringent about no one swimming alone and/or unsupervised. Generally more than one adult out with the kids if they were in the water. I do have people I trust my kid with if I'm not there, but I still worry until they get back or I hear from them. If you don't feel good sending your kid off with this family for whatever reason, don't.
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Oct 21, 2015 14:49:32 GMT -5
For most tweens I think the scenario you mention is fine, but based on your post I wouldn't let him go. It has nothing to do with any of the external factors- the family, the distance, etc. The biggest reason would be how he behaved at the water park you went to this summer. If only a few months ago he couldn't take the smell so much that he had to go to the hotel why would it be different now? If he had such a horrible reaction just a few months ago, and it was a genuine issue, no way would I put him in a situation to mess up a kids party and then have to go so far away to pick him up. You know your kid, and based on things you are posting it seems like you don't think he is ready for this. And I think it is totally okay to tell him exactly that.
The scouting event would be the second reason. I think it is sometimes okay to back out of things, even things you paid for, but to me a birthday party isn't a good enough reason.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 21, 2015 18:12:56 GMT -5
Thanks, all. I appreciate it..
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Oct 29, 2015 10:57:42 GMT -5
Well, I wouldn't let my son back out of a scouting commitment. If he's wanting to get the rank advancements they cover a lot of the requirements on those. There won't be much advancing done on this campout. But, we did pay for it, and DS did commit to it. And there's the issue of "making" him do something. I'm not into the physical aspects of making a kid do something... I think there's a big difference between making a kid do something, and letting him choose to do something and then making him honor his commitments. Even if you don't want to make him honor his commitments, you can always let him out of the camping if he really doesn't want to do it. That doesn't mean he gets to go swimming though. He can sit at home all weekend, that's certainly an option.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2015 12:17:05 GMT -5
I guess I'm odd woman out. He has already proven he has no problem watching other people have fun doing something he doesn't want to do so that isn't an issue. He has slept over at this kid's house before with no adverse effects so that shouldn't be an issue. I'm not sure what you mean by "experiment with girls" but this is the age that stuff starts and it won't have to be a birthday party for it. As for the scout thing, you said he does a lot of scout activities and in fairness he did not know about this party when the scouting trip came up. So I think I would let him go.
And not knowing the parents is on you if your kid has been hanging out with theirs this long. You should make a point of getting to know the parents.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 29, 2015 15:26:52 GMT -5
I put my then 10yo solo on a plane from Singapore to Bangkok so he could spend a weekend with his BF (for BFs birthday). Does that count as an answer?
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Oct 29, 2015 16:08:53 GMT -5
I put my then 10yo solo on a plane from Singapore to Bangkok so he could spend a weekend with his BF (for BFs birthday). Does that count as an answer? Seriously, as long as you didn't let him walk to a friend's house alone or play in your yard unsupervised, you're good.
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