Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 16, 2015 14:07:15 GMT -5
I get along with my coworkers but don't see them outside work. I've always been the kind who was just fine with their own company so it doesn't bother. But if I count...... it seems odd. Yet I don't really feel like I'm missing out. Guess I'm good. np - I take back the frowny Lol! Hey, can I count you guys?
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Oct 16, 2015 14:07:56 GMT -5
np - I take back the frowny Lol! Hey, can I count you guys? What if I'm really a 99 year old man?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 16, 2015 14:09:08 GMT -5
Lol! Hey, can I count you guys? What if I'm really a 99 year old man? You'll always be Lady Mary to me.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Oct 16, 2015 14:10:40 GMT -5
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 16, 2015 14:20:57 GMT -5
What if I'm really a 99 year old man? You'll always be Lady Mary to me. but Lady Mary was an Ice Queen! I think it's easy when you're young because kids are still moldable. They don't have prejudices or make assumptions. They are still new to life and haven't yet experienced disloyalty, manipulation or other things we do to each other as we get older. They just see another kid and want to make a friend. That's it.
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dannylion
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Gravity is a harsh mistress
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Location: Miles over the madness horizon and accelerating
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Post by dannylion on Oct 16, 2015 14:27:30 GMT -5
Most of my friends are former long-time colleagues. I was really lucky to have had a career that seemed to be populated by really smart, mostly very nice people. I value the friendships I made there as much as my nice fat pension. Maybe more, actually.
I made friends with one set of neighbors because their dog loves me. (Dog people tend to be very nice, too).
If you don't already have a dog, maybe getting a dog and participating in dog-related activities would allow you to associate with less flaky people.
I have made some acquaintances from volunteering in the ER, but I think mostly they view me as sort of a pet, so I'm not sure that's going to be a source of new friendships.
I'm thinking of taking some of the non-credit classes offered by the local CC, mainly because I want to learn Korean and Spanish, but I might also meet some new friends there, too.
I also strike up conversations with people wherever I happen to be--grocery stores, standing in line at the bank or the MVA or Costco, waiting for a table at a restaurant, whatever. Mostly people are happy to chat. Nothing has come of these encounters so far beyond some entertaining conversations, but I'm still hopeful. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
It's hard to establish new friendships as adults as everyone else seems to be encapsulated in their own relationship circles, and few people seem to be seeking to expand their own circles. It might be cliquishness, or it could just be a lack of imagination.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 16, 2015 14:31:56 GMT -5
You'll always be Lady Mary to me. but Lady Mary was an Ice Queen! IS, the show's not over yet! But OUR Lady Mary is much less snotty than the "real" one.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 16, 2015 14:45:01 GMT -5
It's hard to establish new friendships as adults as everyone else seems to be encapsulated in their own relationship circles, and few people seem to be seeking to expand their own circles. It might be cliquishness, or it could just be a lack of imagination.
I think some part of it is that there's just no energy left to expend beyond what we're already doing.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 16, 2015 14:50:00 GMT -5
I recently reconnected with someone I went to college with and I was thinking "OMG, I have 3 friends now!" Ha! My DH and I were recently invited out for drinks on a friday night, and it was sad how excited we were. "OMG we have friends! And they want to hang out with us!" And by friends, I mean ONE co-worker who had stayed downtown late and didn't want to go to the bar alone. Yes, we are pathetic! I'm trying to grab Sroo for drinks. Sadly, we have incompatible schedules right now.
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Lizard Queen
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103/2024
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Post by Lizard Queen on Oct 16, 2015 14:56:42 GMT -5
I see my group of friends twice a year if I'm lucky. Actually saw them last night for probably the last time for this year. I don't know why, but I feel like I can't just call them to just hang out. Too many "shoulds" in my head.
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grumpyhermit
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Post by grumpyhermit on Oct 16, 2015 15:00:58 GMT -5
I am a classic introvert, and even by introvert standards, may be fairly extreme.
Almost all friends have come through school, or work. As I moved on from school, and jobs, the friends have largely evaporated. I currently have two people I would consider friends, and have stayed in touch with over the years.
My hobbies typically entail me spending time alone, so meeting new people through that avenue, even if I were so inclined, isn't likely to happen.
I am sociable at work, but once I am done with work, I mostly just want to hibernate until I have to go to work again. I have considered the meet-up thing, but after looking at groups in my area, was not really impressed with the offerings.
I do occasionally wish I had people to do certain things with (going to sporting events, going hiking, etc.) but for the most part the fact that I spend most of my non-working hours alone doesn't bother me.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Oct 16, 2015 15:14:16 GMT -5
I also think people's definitions of "friends" is very different as they get older. I honestly don't know how many friends I have bc I have no idea how the "other sides" views our relationship.
I know that I've always had high standards for friendships and it has been hard for me to call someone a friend. But I am finding out that people use that word a whole lot more loosely than I would.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Oct 16, 2015 15:37:19 GMT -5
It's hard to make friends/socialize.
Part of why I want to leave here is this is the most unsocial/unfriendly place I have ever seen. I don't expect to be best buddies with the people I work with but you could at least thank me when I hold the door open for you or not look at me like I am pond scum when I say "Good morning" by the coffee pot. Then there was the guy that screamed at me for not using the copier in what he considered the correct manner.
That was almost enough to make me quit. How about just telling the new person "Hey you might want to do X when using the copier just so you know" you didn't need to stand there and yell at me.
For awhile I kept thinking there was something wrong with me. Then FINALLY the animal tech started talking to me and she said "nope, it's not you it's the department". She said she tries her best to socialize with newbies since nobody else does.
She said they rotate thru staff like crazy around here b/c of it. People in the sciences IN GENERAL aren't well know for their social skills but this is ridiculous. I seriously thought I was the only functional lab on this floor when I started. It was a week before I finally ran into another person in the bathroom. That is how insular it is in this department. People in the sciences be crazy. When I was an undergrad, I accidentally left something in a cell culture hood once, and one of the postdocs went on a angry rant about how someone had ruined his experiment. When I apologized to him, he told me that it wasn't really that big of a deal, but he had assumed the guy who always does that was responsible. He was also in the room to hear the rant. In another lab, a few of the other members finally approached me for the first time after I had been in the lab for a month to "see if I was okay". I guess they thought the postdoc I was working for was an awful monster who must be making my life miserable. I actually thought he was an alright guy. However, one of the students in the group that approached me had recently blown up at me for putting something on her shelf in the fridge and then passive aggressively made a shelf for me with the label "new girl". On the original topic, it's hard to make real friends as you get older. I am down to only 2 friends that I see more than once a few years in person. When I was in my late 20s, I had around 5 or 6. Some moved away and some became progressively more flaky when they got into serious relationships. Understandable, but annoying.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 16, 2015 15:53:54 GMT -5
I am a classic introvert, and even by introvert standards, may be fairly extreme. Almost all friends have come through school, or work. As I moved on from school, and jobs, the friends have largely evaporated. I currently have two people I would consider friends, and have stayed in touch with over the years. My hobbies typically entail me spending time alone, so meeting new people through that avenue, even if I were so inclined, isn't likely to happen. I am sociable at work, but once I am done with work, I mostly just want to hibernate until I have to go to work again. I have considered the meet-up thing, but after looking at groups in my area, was not really impressed with the offerings. I do occasionally wish I had people to do certain things with (going to sporting events, going hiking, etc.) but for the most part the fact that I spend most of my non-working hours alone doesn't bother me. We could be friends. Visit once a year and call it good friends.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Oct 16, 2015 16:00:13 GMT -5
Most of my friends are former long-time colleagues. I was really lucky to have had a career that seemed to be populated by really smart, mostly very nice people. I value the friendships I made there as much as my nice fat pension. Maybe more, actually.
I made friends with one set of neighbors because their dog loves me. (Dog people tend to be very nice, too).
If you don't already have a dog, maybe getting a dog and participating in dog-related activities would allow you to associate with less flaky people.
I have made some acquaintances from volunteering in the ER, but I think mostly they view me as sort of a pet, so I'm not sure that's going to be a source of new friendships.
I'm thinking of taking some of the non-credit classes offered by the local CC, mainly because I want to learn Korean and Spanish, but I might also meet some new friends there, too.
I also strike up conversations with people wherever I happen to be--grocery stores, standing in line at the bank or the MVA or Costco, waiting for a table at a restaurant, whatever. Mostly people are happy to chat. Nothing has come of these encounters so far beyond some entertaining conversations, but I'm still hopeful. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
It's hard to establish new friendships as adults as everyone else seems to be encapsulated in their own relationship circles, and few people seem to be seeking to expand their own circles. It might be cliquishness, or it could just be a lack of imagination. One of the fun parts about getting older for me at least is that even though my social life doesn't involve going out a lot and meeting new people, it is a lot more relaxing than it was before. I have one person I see or talk to every day. There are a few more people I see anywhere from once a year to around once a week, but I know I can rely on them if I really need them. I like chatting with strangers sometimes while waiting in line, but the rest of the time I would prefer to just hang out at home with my cats.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Oct 16, 2015 16:14:13 GMT -5
I remember 15 yrs ago when I moved to where I live. It was hard to make friends. It wasn't hard meeting people. I have always been good in that respect but it was hard to find people I actually cared to spend time with. It took about a year but I finally started forming some close friendships.
I consider my close friends part of the family. Like I said before, there aren't many that fall into that category but they are people that would/have rescued me on the side of the road, taken me to the ER, etc. Honestly, I don't really care about having a BUNCH of friends. I like having a few close people that I can count on. I don't consider the zillion people on FB to be my friends. I see my REAL friends all the time. We have lunch/dinner, workout together, have game night, etc. We can do something or nothing at all (just hang out together).
I also like hanging out alone and enjoy my own company but I like having people I can call if I feel like socializing. My BFF and I usually go to brunch every Sunday.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 16, 2015 16:24:14 GMT -5
If I hadn't had my Newcomer group of friends, I don't know what I'd have done the last several months. Look for a Newcomer group.
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Robert not Bobby
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Post by Robert not Bobby on Oct 16, 2015 16:34:40 GMT -5
Oh God (no, it's Mother Nature...I don't believe in God )...are you that insecure of yourself?
I know this will sound "old school"...just be yourself. Whatever that is.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Oct 16, 2015 16:36:08 GMT -5
If I hadn't had my Newcomer group of friends, I don't know what I'd have done the last several months. Look for a Newcomer group. Yeah, that's the other thing... my parents didn't have a lot of friends and when mom passed away suddenly my dad was completely lost. He really could have used some friends. A lot of married people I know don't have many friends and then they get divorced or their spouse passes away and then they are wishing there were other people in their lives.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2015 16:44:38 GMT -5
We moved over a year ago and still no luck on the friend front. We don't seem to fit in well here. It is an upper middle class area and most people seem to have waited to have children until later. So the people our age have infants and toddlers. People who are a decade older than us have lots of kids and are running around like mad with absolutely no free/non kid time. Maybe when we are older we will make some friends. My dad and his wife have tons of friends that they hang out with all the time. None of them have kids at home, so they have lots of time.
Good luck.
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Robert not Bobby
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Post by Robert not Bobby on Oct 16, 2015 16:52:07 GMT -5
People have been really disappointing me lately.... flaky, dishonest, annoying, and unreachable when I need them the most. I've tried to expand my circle of friends locally (through Meetup). I scheduled two events and got majorly burnt with both, so I took a break from that. Ditto with dating but burnt a lot more than two times. Why is it so hard to follow through on plans? Reply to a text? Be honest? I like people and I don't want to turn into a hermit, but it's getting really hard to keep putting myself out there. I just don't know what to do. If I believe this...don't be discouraged. Honestly, I can't believe this. I see 20- 50 women a day that I would like to get to know (too many of you are getting grossly fat), some better and some just plain...but that's ok. What are you looking for? That is the mystery and potentially the problem.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 16, 2015 18:02:48 GMT -5
Just people to hang out with and eventually make connections with. Not 100 people, but I'd like 2-3 good friends here. Right now I have 0.
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Artemis Windsong
Senior Associate
The love in me salutes the love in you. M. Williamson
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Favorite Drink: Fresh, clean cold bottled water.
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Oct 16, 2015 20:08:49 GMT -5
I solved a lot of my social issues with Newcomers Club. It's based on socializing within groups with a common interest like bridge or bunco, lunch, coffee outings. The meet ups are regularly scheduled with a leader. The longer term members are skilled at stopping problems among the members before the issue becomes large. There are a few personality clashes sometimes.
Tennis also helped solve a lot. I still have problems of getting a woman to play tennis tournaments with me. DH gets roped into being my partner. These are mostly social events with a tennis focus. The outdoor tournaments can be fun when a lot of people watch and chat. I have been chilled out, too.
It would be nice if you could get into an organized group like volley ball, tennis, bowling to get to know peeps. Archery attracts a lot of men but managing the equipment required has a steep learning curve. Our archery club has beginner classes.
Bird watching is cheap to get into. Most places have a club that goes together to watch.
I went through a horrid time socially after my first divorce. I don't want to do that again. Sorting out people and dates. I had guys try to move in with me several times. I had people to help get rid of them then. I don't now.
Best wishes with the sorting process.
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cael
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Post by cael on Oct 16, 2015 20:14:13 GMT -5
Sorry people suck so much! I'm sure you've thought about/tried this, but any hobbies or things you've wanted to try? I've made several friends (and lots of acquaintances) in the 2 years since I joined my orchestras. It took a pretty big step outside my comfort zone to join the first group cold where I didn't know anyone, but after a month or two of being suspicious and antisocial, I loosened up and everyone is actually really nice so now we're pals. I've come a long way in my anti-socialness in the last 10 or so years, I'm more likely to put myself out there now because I'm not as self-conscious or awkward, and I just don't care as much. (don't get me wrong, I'm still perfectly happy doing things by myself a lot of the time) We may make a longer trip to NJ at Thanksgiving this year, if you have any week days or afternoons off maybe we could get a coffee or something? I'm going to try to see my grandmother near Philly for lunch one day, maybe after that I could zip up your way and we could meet somewhere? We can talk once we finalize our plans. (I know we couldn't like, hang a lot since we aren't always down there lol, but I want to meet up finally!)
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Oct 16, 2015 22:23:18 GMT -5
I just joined meet up...and because Im such a YMr it was an investing group I joined!lol. I haven't gone to the meetings but I made the first step
Im pretty outgoing so I have a lot of casual friends to go out with. But that is fun Tina. The real Tina builds walls and it is very hard for anyone to get through. So best friends are very few and far between for me but if you want to hang out and have fun, Im your girl :-)
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 17, 2015 6:20:51 GMT -5
Meetup has some sport groups, and I joined one. I went to 2-3 events and ended up dropping out. Some people are WAY too competitive and since the group has been around for a while, they are kinda clique-y. I really want to join a kayaking group but then I'd have to buy a kayak, oar, and accessories. And where the hell am I storing a kayak in a 1 bedroom apartment? I'll look again for a cycling one since I do have a bike that I'm dying to use. A lot of the other groups' events don't fit into my schedule, but I make an effort to go to the ones that I can and want to. I've met some cool people so far but none are "help me hide this body" friend material... at least not that I can tell yet.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 17, 2015 7:24:43 GMT -5
Meetup has some sport groups, and I joined one. I went to 2-3 events and ended up dropping out. Some people are WAY too competitive and since the group has been around for a while, they are kinda clique-y. I really want to join a kayaking group but then I'd have to buy a kayak, oar, and accessories. And where the hell am I storing a kayak in a 1 bedroom apartment? I'll look again for a cycling one since I do have a bike that I'm dying to use. A lot of the other groups' events don't fit into my schedule, but I make an effort to go to the ones that I can and want to. I've met some cool people so far but none are "help me hide this body" friend material... at least not that I can tell yet. Those take time. Sometimes. POM would help me hide the body, I knew that instantly.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
Senior Associate
"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Oct 17, 2015 13:11:12 GMT -5
Meetup has some sport groups, and I joined one. I went to 2-3 events and ended up dropping out. Some people are WAY too competitive and since the group has been around for a while, they are kinda clique-y. I really want to join a kayaking group but then I'd have to buy a kayak, oar, and accessories. And where the hell am I storing a kayak in a 1 bedroom apartment? I'll look again for a cycling one since I do have a bike that I'm dying to use. A lot of the other groups' events don't fit into my schedule, but I make an effort to go to the ones that I can and want to. I've met some cool people so far but none are "help me hide this body" friend material... at least not that I can tell yet. Those take time. Sometimes. POM would help me hide the body, I knew that instantly. Yup. POM is the "go to" for a lot of people on these boards. She must be a very busy woman.
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dannylion
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Gravity is a harsh mistress
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Location: Miles over the madness horizon and accelerating
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Post by dannylion on Oct 17, 2015 14:23:54 GMT -5
Yeah, it takes awhile to get to the "help me hide the body" stage of a friendship. First you have to figure out which among your new acquaintances might have the potential to be the body you're going to need help hiding.
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MJ2.0
Senior Associate
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 17, 2015 14:44:18 GMT -5
Yeah, it takes awhile to get to the "help me hide the body" stage of a friendship. First you have to figure out which among your new acquaintances might have the potential to be the body you're going to need help hiding. I already have enough people in that category, lol!
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