thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Sept 15, 2015 16:30:50 GMT -5
So, here is what I would probably do.
1. Sit him down and tell him how important his health is, and that him having healthy habits is of the utmost importance to me.
2. Take him to the doctor for a complete check up.
3. Get him app Health Diary. Tell him you want to figure out why he is hungry at odd times and why his stomach hurts, so you need to look for patterns.
4. Get him a fit bit.
5. Buy him as many Wii games as he is interested in and play them together.
6. Delete games off his iPhone. You can do this as punishment if he ever says "In a minute." I think you can use a password so he would need your permission to download any new apps.
7. See a nutritionist and implement a plan. The whole family can participate.
8. Schedule a time each week to go over everything that relates to his health that week, including hunger, eating, reviewing fit bit stats, etc. If you have to write a checklist - then do it.
9. Possibly schedule a meeting with a counselor to see if he can make the poor eating and emotion connection. Maybe he is more uncomfortable with his friends that he is showing, and it is coming out via eating.
My son would hate the intensity of all those things and would start doing the easy stuff on his own, just to get me off his back. Hearing nutrition advice from not-Mom might be effective. And if he loves video games, great! The only ones we have are Wii games.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Sept 15, 2015 16:35:45 GMT -5
Seriously, I think the first step is a complete medical check.
Otherwise to get him moving get him a step tracker and make him walk the farm until he has 5000 steps in a day. When that gets easy up it to 7500 steps. I strongly agree. The boy needs a very thorough medical examination by an internist to rule out medical problems. Once that's done, you might want to talk to a child psychologist about what's going on if you can't get him more active and involved. I'm really concerned about what seems to be an attitude of: "If it isn't really easy I can't do it so I give up." If that attitude gets internalized it's going to cause him all kinds of problems. Just something to think about.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Sept 15, 2015 16:47:26 GMT -5
Electronics are a huge issue. I took everything away on Sunday because he pissed me off. I was asking him to do his homework and I kept getting the "in a minute" while he played on his iphone. Then when he did it the job was lousy and he tried pulling the quality of words is better than quantity thing even though the quality was crap too. He basically slapped a few sentences down for what was supposed to be a 100 word answer and called it good. I told him to redo it, and he said he had stuff he had to do that Caleb asked him to do (on a game), so goodbye phone, goodbye Chromebook and his Dad locked him out of the computer at his house too. I told him it was until today, but he gave me lip yesterday and now it's until at least tomorrow. He has an addiction problem with electronics. He just called me from school and said he had all his work done and was going to do some extra and could he PLEASE get his phone back today because he needed it to find Mars. OMG your DS is a clone of my DD!!! She just got her phone back on Sunday after a week hiatus and is already on the way to having it taken away again. Same.exact.issue with focus and the homework.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Sept 15, 2015 17:09:03 GMT -5
Oh man, I've been in a meeting all day and only read the first and last pages. Trying to get in a quick run, so I'll read more tonight, but just wanted to pipe in with Greek yogurt and peanut butter. I eat plain Greek with a tablespoon of natural PB almost every day for breakfast (I'll have an egg and half a bagel on weekends). It's quick, easy (put PB in yogurt cup and mix), not a lot of sugar (natural PB has 1g sugar), and filling. I eat breakfast at 6:30 and don't have my morning snack until 10.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Sept 15, 2015 17:10:36 GMT -5
I don't think that football is a horrible idea for him. If he's so much bigger than the other kids, he'll automatically be at an advantage. Being big makes him desirable to the team. It could build his confidence doing sports. Not all the positions require much coordination. He might learn to work as a team. The strategy can be pretty interesting, if you get into it (okay, most likely not at that level).
Concussions are definitely a risk. They're not supposed to hit like that, but could still happen. I have one boy that would be a natural, but still, yeah. Totally get that. Plus, respecting your child's preferences, but some things you don't know you'll like until you try. So, I'm not going to nag about it, but it's not the worst idea in the world.
Okay, as far as computer time is involved. For my son, I devised a method to make it a privilege that is earned and doled out with limits on time. Not sure how it would work on a teen, though. I'll explain, if anyone is interested.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Sept 15, 2015 17:26:15 GMT -5
Electronics are a huge issue. I took everything away on Sunday because he pissed me off. I was asking him to do his homework and I kept getting the "in a minute" while he played on his iphone. T When the kids do the "in a minute" thing DH, he cuts off their internet connection. It's pretty funny. And then when the internet cuts out for a little bit or devices get disconnected the kids are all like "WTF? We didn't do anything wrong, why did Dad cut off our internet." Which is also funny to watch.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Sept 15, 2015 17:31:15 GMT -5
I think the problem with swinging from all access to electronics to taking everything away for days is that it doesn't really teach them that if you do what you have to do you get to do what you want to do. So my technology obsessed boy can have electronics after his homework is done to my satisfaction.
My husband said "No iPad during the week" and he just came home and watched TV. I said "I will check your homework and if it is complete, you can be on the iPad" and golly gee, every day I get home from work and he has all of his homework complete and ready for me.to check.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Sept 15, 2015 17:47:50 GMT -5
Electronics are a huge issue. I took everything away on Sunday because he pissed me off. I was asking him to do his homework and I kept getting the "in a minute" while he played on his iphone. Then when he did it the job was lousy and he tried pulling the quality of words is better than quantity thing even though the quality was crap too. He basically slapped a few sentences down for what was supposed to be a 100 word answer and called it good. I told him to redo it, and he said he had stuff he had to do that Caleb asked him to do (on a game), so goodbye phone, goodbye Chromebook and his Dad locked him out of the computer at his house too. I told him it was until today, but he gave me lip yesterday and now it's until at least tomorrow. He has an addiction problem with electronics. He just called me from school and said he had all his work done and was going to do some extra and could he PLEASE get his phone back today because he needed it to find Mars. OMG your DS is a clone of my DD!!! She just got her phone back on Sunday after a week hiatus and is already on the way to having it taken away again. Same.exact.issue with focus and the homework. ROFL! DS: Mars can be found in the library. Your phone is now otherwise occupied. DD: Your phone is about to have a terrible accident. It will be run over and smooshed by the family car. It will then be cremated. RIP.
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imanangel
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Post by imanangel on Sept 15, 2015 18:07:27 GMT -5
I agree he may be lactose intolerant and need more fiber. I know it sounds wierd if he is lactose intolerant but yogurt like greek with a lot of the good bacteria helps my digestion and you could sneak in some flax seed meal mixed in for fiber. My son is lactose intolerant and he does great with greek yogurt!
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Sept 15, 2015 18:08:07 GMT -5
MPL I'm sorry because I generally don't post when I haven't read everything but this thread is already at 8 pages, and I've only read the first 2.
I really don't want to cause any disruption or offense but having lived in Europe for decades, I can only respond with European guidelines. It's no secret that more Americans than Europeans are overweight.
If weight is an issue I'd stop the full-fat milk, yesterday. Mine are older but once they turned 12 months old you went to 1% milk. Mine were always underweight so the pediatrician told me to keep them on 2% milk but since your son is not underweight I'm not sure he needs to drink full-fat milk.
I'd also STOP milk in the evenings. And then even in the afternoons. You can do that gradually, stop it in the evenings, and then stop it (or limit it) for snacks. I'm guessing your kids have access to water ... probably tap water. Have you tried to give them sparkling / fizzy water? If your DS1 finds tap water too bland, maybe that can be a solution. There are many different types / mineral contents so I'd try to find one he likes. If he needs flavored water consider a thingie where you can squash fruit, or a soda stream.
NOBODY needs 3 or 4 bowls of cereal in the mornings, with or without full-fat milk ... seriously, NOBODY. Let alone a kid who is overweight.
You say he hates veggies ... have you tried cherry tomatoes, carrot sticks (or baby carrots), radishes? Some kids hate cooked veggies because some / many veggies turn to mush when you cook them. But cherry tomatoes / carrot sticks / radishes are eaten raw, they are easy finger food, easy to take to school in a small tupperware-type container, so maybe he'd have more luck with that.
And if not, and that's all you offer him, if he's hungry, he'll develop a taste for them.
But I'm also a bitch, so I would probably tell him, you've been disrupting the class with complaints about hunger, so now pick the two fruits and two veggies you hate least, because those are the ones you'll be taking to school so you can eat them in class and stop disrupting things.
As far as fruit goes, bananas and apples are easy, and so are grapes. As far as veggies go, again, cherry tomatoes, carrot sticks / baby carrots, radishes.
If he won't eat those, he's not that hungry.
MPL, if he's gaining weight as you say, he's probably not really that hungry, he just wants to eat, for whatever reason. I think that this is the time to teach him (or even impose) good eating habits, since it has become enough of an issue that he is disrupting others, eating badly, and gaining weight.
Good luck and hugs!
And remember ... at that age, if you don't buy it, they can't eat it. Reconsider what you buy.
I stopped buying ice cream after this summer, because it is one thing I JUST. CAN'T. RESIST. I can take or leave any French pastry, but I can't not devour ice cream. So, no ice cream in the house anymore (except mango sorbet because I'm allergic to mangos. I have since learned that eaten in small enough quantities, I can tolerate it LOL!)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 15, 2015 18:45:04 GMT -5
I don't buy potato chips for the same reason. I can eat a whole bag. I'm not sure I'd tie food to his poor behavior. But he is using food to comfort himself. That needs tending to as well as ruling out medical issues. As far as interrupting class, the punishment for that needs to be swift and severe. Not only is he annoying his teachers but his classmates. WTF calling out out loud that he's hungry? STFU!!! You need to get a grip on that and NOW. I can't believe he's pulled that BS and you and his father haven't been called in to get it dealt with. OMG.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Sept 15, 2015 18:47:22 GMT -5
The social issues are another issue ... but maybe if he took enough fruit or veggies to offer around (most kids like apples / bananas / carrot sticks or baby carrots / cherry tomatoes / radishes) that might help?
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Sept 15, 2015 18:52:22 GMT -5
But I agree with Zib ... if any of my kids had pulled that sort of thing at their school, we (and the school psychologist) would have been called in, yesterday.
MPL you have so much to deal with. I would REALLY try to nip this in the bud.
I am generally very easy-going but I don't think letting your son disrupt his class, piss off his teachers, empty the fridge, be a poor role model for your younger son, and gain weight is the way to go.
ETA: I'd try to get your ex in on this too. Your DS1 doesn't sound very happy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2015 18:59:59 GMT -5
I don't buy potato chips for the same reason. I can eat a whole bag. I'm not sure I'd tie food to his poor behavior. But he is using food to comfort himself. That needs tending to as well as ruling out medical issues. As far as interrupting class, the punishment for that needs to be swift and severe. Not only is he annoying his teachers but his classmates. WTF calling out out loud that he's hungry? STFU!!! You need to get a grip on that and NOW. I can't believe he's pulled that BS and you and his father haven't been called in to get it dealt with. OMG. Well, we were called. Emailed anyhow. School has only been back for 5 days.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 15, 2015 19:03:45 GMT -5
You and his dad need to sit him down and tell him in no uncertain terms that if he does that ever again, his life isn't going to be happy. A united front might make him realize that this nonsense is stopping NOW
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2015 19:08:51 GMT -5
Also, this isn't a traditional classroom with rows of desks and a teacher giving lessons in the front. It's a Montessori Erdkinder room where there are a dozen things going on at one time, so while what he was doing deserved a tongue lashing and getting his phone taken away it wasn't quite "OMG, this kid is mentally ill".
His Dad and I went to the back to school BBQ tonight that his class put on and talked to the teachers to make sure he wasn't still doing it after we came down on him on Monday night and so far, so good. I'm going to keep replying to the original email every week asking if he's still keeping his mouth shut.
He tells me he wasn't even hungry when he said it, it was just something he was saying to say. He can be very obnoxious. That is true.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Sept 15, 2015 19:10:33 GMT -5
holy shit - when did eating became so freaking complicated MPL - you should send your kid to where I am from, I can guarantee you - within a week during winter time he'll be bagging for apples and tomatoes. For the record - I am completely out of ideas on what to feed my children, so the only smart thing I am doing is trying not to bring too much garbage into the house. But it feels like they are hungry all.the.time!!!!!
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Sept 15, 2015 19:11:48 GMT -5
Exactly ... You both want him to be happy. Letting him go on like this is NOT going to bring him happiness.
Actions have consequences. My DS3 wakes up at 6 am most days. Wed he starts much later. DH has agreed to take him to school on the motorcycle every Wed so he can sleep later and "catch up".
DS3 left to see his BF. I told him, be home by 10. He told me, no, 10.30. I told him, I said 10.
He finally rolled up at 10.50, nearly 11.
DS3 is grounded on Tuesdays nights now. This is literally the first time he has defied me, I was livid.
Actions need to have consequences.
Your DS1's actions are having consequences on a bunch of people. You need to change his actions while you still can.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2015 19:12:57 GMT -5
ArchietheDragon Just for shits and giggles I suggested joining football tonight. He said he can't run or throw. I said he could be a linebacker and just stand there and block people from going through since he's twice the size of any of the other kids. He actually thinks that sounds really cool. Not sure he really wants to sign up though.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Sept 15, 2015 19:14:16 GMT -5
It's a Montessori
At this risk of getting a lot of crap, Montessori is popular for younger kids, but not really bright kids in MS.
Maybe that's not the right place for him? Dunno, just a thought.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2015 19:21:25 GMT -5
It's a Montessori At this risk of getting a lot of crap, Montessori is popular for younger kids, but not really bright kids in MS. Maybe that's not the right place for him? Dunno, just a thought. I contemplated moving him after 6th grade to a private Jr. High, the public is a middle school and I just didn't like the set up there. Maybe moving him would have been better, I don't know. As far as the Montessori being good for middle school age kids, 80% of the alumni the last 4 years have been on the honor roll at the two high schools, so it must work for a lot of kids.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Sept 15, 2015 19:24:31 GMT -5
MPL, it sounds like you have given it a lot of thought.
Is he happy to be there? If so, he needs to make an effort.
However if he's NOT happy there, or he was sent there unwillingly, maybe you need to reconsider?
Again, dunno.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Sept 15, 2015 20:05:21 GMT -5
It's a Montessori At this risk of getting a lot of crap, Montessori is popular for younger kids, but not really bright kids in MS. Maybe that's not the right place for him? Dunno, just a thought. I contemplated moving him after 6th grade to a private Jr. High, the public is a middle school and I just didn't like the set up there. Maybe moving him would have been better, I don't know. As far as the Montessori being good for middle school age kids, 80% of the alumni the last 4 years have been on the honor roll at the two high schools, so it must work for a lot of kids. Correlation does not equal causation.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2015 20:40:33 GMT -5
I contemplated moving him after 6th grade to a private Jr. High, the public is a middle school and I just didn't like the set up there. Maybe moving him would have been better, I don't know. As far as the Montessori being good for middle school age kids, 80% of the alumni the last 4 years have been on the honor roll at the two high schools, so it must work for a lot of kids. Correlation does not equal causation. No, but there are a lot of studies that show that Erdkinder students transition very well to high school and in our district the students in the Montessori charter score higher on the state tests than the ones in the traditional schools. Maybe it's just because of parental involvement, I don't know, but I do like the way they do things with the no homework for grade school and a more relaxed, family environment class. Like I said, I did seriously consider moving him but in the end we decided to stay with it. I sometimes question that, but I question lots of things I've done as a parent. Right now, it's my yogurt choice.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Sept 15, 2015 20:56:48 GMT -5
My DS went through some chubby phases. He played football in middle school and high school and it was good for him. He played offensive line and sometimes defensive line.
Some of the good things about football - kept him busy for 3 hours - good exercise lots of running - learned teamwork - had to learn plays - coaches were good male roll models - learned to lose gracefully - hard work can lead to wins.
DS was 5'7" in freshman year but he was a year ahead in school same age as 8th graders. At start of senior year football camp he was 6'1" and 245. By end of football he was downto 210. He was still growing and stopped at 6'3" and is down to 205 and just turned 21. He actually lost weight and grew taller his first year in college.
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JustLurkin
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Post by JustLurkin on Sept 15, 2015 21:17:53 GMT -5
I've only read 1st and last page so know i'm missing a lot (getting ready to go to sleep). But, wanted to chime in and say my son is on a severe carb restriction due to his seizures. We got a spiralizer (I know a few others have discussed the spiralizer in a separate older thread) and everything that we used to either pair with pasta or rice, we now prepare with zucchini. It's really not bad, and usually now when I have pasta it tastes bland and feels heavy and I'm usually disappointed in the meal. We have zucchini with everything, mac and cheese, lasagna, we smother it in chinese food--it's really just a filler and soaks up the flavor of everything else, just like pasta and rice. Also when/if you meet with a nutritionist, know that you can get free cookbooks on amazon everyday--I pick up a low carb/ketogenic cookbook every day, usually multiples.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2015 22:30:48 GMT -5
I think there is more zuchinni than meat in my deep freeze right now...
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 16, 2015 6:48:46 GMT -5
Electronics are a huge issue. I took everything away on Sunday because he pissed me off. I was asking him to do his homework and I kept getting the "in a minute" while he played on his iphone. T When the kids do the "in a minute" thing DH, he cuts off their internet connection. It's pretty funny. And then when the internet cuts out for a little bit or devices get disconnected the kids are all like "WTF? We didn't do anything wrong, why did Dad cut off our internet." Which is also funny to watch. I remember Sum Dum Gai saying that he'd put the limit on the router, not on the kids' laptop devices - because the kids are going to go nuts searching the device to find it but are unlikely to think about the router. I thought that was brilliant.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2015 7:22:36 GMT -5
When the kids do the "in a minute" thing DH, he cuts off their internet connection. It's pretty funny. And then when the internet cuts out for a little bit or devices get disconnected the kids are all like "WTF? We didn't do anything wrong, why did Dad cut off our internet." Which is also funny to watch. I remember Sum Dum Gai saying that he'd put the limit on the router, not on the kids' laptop devices - because the kids are going to go nuts searching the device to find it but are unlikely to think about the router. I thought that was brilliant. Yeah, I wonder how he does that? I should ask DS's Dad. He's a network guru and shuts down his entire house remotely when I call him and say I want to kill the kid again.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2015 7:25:08 GMT -5
He was all done with breakfast this morning by the time I drug myself out of my room. He said he had a breakfast wrap and water (I told him last night I'm only going to buy two gallons of milk a week). The wraps are something make ahead of time and freeze. I think they're healthy, but probably not. Jimmy Dean's spicy sausage (ok, this probably isn't healthy) scrambled eggs cheese rice Wrapped in a tortilla.
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