The apartment thread has me thinking.

[bobbysgirl]

Many of you know DH passed in July. I told everyone that I would not be changing anything nor would I make any decisions for a year.

I own a home with 4 acres of land, a hugh garage and a barn. Since DH has passed I've had to replace the fridge, well pump, front door (this was planned), bathroom window, and furnace exchanger. DH was a commercial building engineer so when we bought, these things were not a problem.

Original thought: I thought I would stay here forever because of an extremely low mortgage and when it was paid off in 3 years I would not have this expense.


Now I am thinking it may be worth it to pay rent in VA near 2 of my kids and 3 grandchildren (I have 2 here, also) Leaving all maintenance concerns behind. The difference in costs is 110.00 a month. (VA is higher) At this point in time I'm thinking the cost may be worth it. The snow has gotten to me and I feel the cold to my toes. The land has to be mowed and the driveway (long) has to be plowed. The costs associated with maintaining the equipment has not been put into the equation. I only used shelter payment and basic utilities. VA also has it's own gas warehouse and supply so the cost is (at this time) .30 a gal lower there.

I think I'm beginning to realize I don't have responsibly to anyone else anymore. I think I like it.

I would appreciate any input. Thank you.

[Deleted]

I didn't read the other thread, but while the difference is only 110 now... in a few years your mortgage will be zero... so just taxes and insurance, and rent will likely continue to rise. Can you sell your house and acrage and buy a place without so much maintnance? Are you set to be able to afford rent increases in the future?

[Deleted]

If you can afford it in the long term like oped said I would probably move. Your location says rural - as you get older it will probably be nice to be close to medical facilities, libraries, entertainment, other people!

[bobbysgirl]

Are you set to be able to afford rent increases in the future?

Read more:


Yes, OPED

ANNA, I forgot about the rural part.

[Deleted]

You've had long enough to think about this that it wouldn't be one of those irrational decisions people make too soon after a loss of a loved one. It also sounds like a perfectly reasonable "downsizing" decision. Sometimes I worry that just about the time DH and I decide to sell our too-big house, the rest of the boomers will also have "For Sale" signs up. You may be ahead of the rush.

As for not having mortgage payments in a few year- if you've built up that much equity, you may be able to take the cash and buy a more manageable property such as a condo in VA- or at the very least, invest it in something fairly conservative but income-producing, such as a mutual fund containinf mostly dividend-paying stocks.

[Gardening Grandma]

Mar 12, 2011 13:30:03 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

You've had long enough to think about this that it wouldn't be one of those irrational decisions people make too soon after a loss of a loved one. It also sounds like a perfectly reasonable "downsizing" decision. Sometimes I worry that just about the time DH and I decide to sell our too-big house, the rest of the boomers will also have "For Sale" signs up. You may be ahead of the rush.

As for not having mortgage payments in a few year- if you've built up that much equity, you may be able to take the cash and buy a more manageable property such as a condo in VA- or at the very least, invest it in something fairly conservative but income-producing, such as a mutual fund containinf mostly dividend-paying stocks.

I'm with Athena. You've had time to absorb what has happened. You are thinking of the future and not simply reacting. And it is nice to be near family.
I did not know about your loss. My condolences.

[bobbysgirl]

Are you set to be able to afford rent increases in the future?

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Thank you kindly, GRAMMA

[Deleted]

First I am sorry for your loss.

I am probably different than you, in that I don't love my house. I have told DH that if he passes the for sale sign goes up on the lawn. My house has a long driveway, that needs plowed, a large lawn that needs mowed, and trees that fall and need disposed. It is a ton of work. I can't maintain it and would need to pay people to do that for me.

I dream of owning a townhouse with a small yard for my dog. I think you are being realistic, given your situation.

[april47]

If your place will sell, then you could take the money and buy a smaller place that will be in a warmer climate, near family, and easier to take care of. If you go to a LCOL where housing is cheap then you may end up paying cash with no mortgage. I don't know how old you are,but at 63 and a widow too I can not see how I would take care of 4 acres and all the upkeep living by myself. You need to investigate all the options available where you want to move. Good luck.

[lurkyloo]

First, list all your monthly obligations and outgo....Kidding!

Is it possible to do a trial run before you pull the trigger? I'd recommend trying a short-term (2-4 months) rental/house sitting gig in the area you're considering first, before you commit irrevocably. Depending on where you go, I think VA might be a bit of culture shock from your rural upstate utopia, it'd be good to make sure you like it! Would your northern relations look after your property for a while, while you try out your new lifestyle? (I too think it's totally reasonable to downsize and move closer to services--that's a lot of maintenance you're signed up for right now.)

I followed your story on the old boards, but was lurking there and couldn't weigh in to express my sympathies. I'm sorry now, as then, for your loss.

[bobbysgirl]

LURKY: You have some good points. I have lived in the area before and loved it. I have a number of friends there as well as family. But what I can do is spend time there next winter with a DD or DD2 and the 2 kids up here will take care of my property. Great suggestion.

A year before DH passed he was begging me to move 'HOME'. I was happy in VA but he was so desperate that I agreed to move back with the condition that he didn't drag me out in the winter. (we rented for 2 years not knowing if we would like it) I had work(my job is still available to me) and friends and loved the warmth.

Little did either of us know why he was so desperate. I'm so glad I agreed to what he needed. Now it's my time to relax. I am a bit tired of being a 100% responsible person. I think owning would keep me 100% responsible. I always have to keep ahead of everything. EEECK!!!!

I come here because you all are honest and truthful and freely give varied opinions. This is what I need.


APRIL: I am in the same age range as you are.

[wvugurl26]

My grandma sold her house about seven months after my grandpa died. It probably would have been sooner but we had to settle everything and empty 30 plus years worth of stuff. She knew after my grandpa died she wanted to move into town. We gave a relative first right of refusal on the property and he bought it. Which eliminated the need to move grandpa's 2 older horses to a boarding facility. The last one died last month so that's done with now.

She paid cash for a new house in town on a small lot. It can be mowed in 20 mins from getting lawnmower out to being done with edging. It has been nothing but a blessing for her. The old house was needing a lot of work that she couldn't do and family didn't have the time to do. Her new house has needed some things but being in town, it is easy to hire it done. She is also closer to my dad and his brother.

I understand not making rash decisions but it sounds like a good decision for you. I like the idea of trying it out first to make sure. With my grandma she had been born and raised in the city and dragged out to the country kicking and screaming by my grandpa and her sons.

Being close to things has a lot of advantages as you age. The driving associated with my grandpa's multiple doctor appointments and hospitalizations was really too much for my grandma. She no longer needs to drive 45 minutes one way to a decent sized grocery store or restaurant. Its 10 minutes in peak traffic.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

I do like the idea of trying things out next winter and then you'd really be sure, but that's only if I wasn't already sure about the move.

[Elizabeth]

Hi Bobbysgirl,

My deepest condolences for your loss . We just lost my grandpa two years ago, and my grandma did the same thing as you. She waited a year before making any decisions. She now is renting a really nice condo and is really enjoying it. As a 70 year old woman, she also didn't want the hassles of maintaining a house. She decided to sign only a one year lease in case she didn't like it or wanted to move somewhere else entirely. So far, she seems to be really happy there.

[lurkyloo]

Oh, I didn't realize you'd already lived there! It is nice to have kids to stay with for a bit (my dad is actually out for his yearly extended visit right now.)

One other thing occurred to me: I seem to remember that you were a gardener? You might like to think about whether you're going to need a patio space in your new digs (I'm probably projecting, but I'd have a hard time going cold turkey on that front. Especially since the last-frost date is so much earlier in VA )

[bobbysgirl]

LURKY: That's OK, I could have been more clear. Your advice is well received.

MOLLY: I know you have my best interest at heart and I appreciate your thoughts. I came up with the same thought. There is no rush in making any move. I think next winter i will sponge off my DDs in VA to see if my problem is the winter only. The end result will be selling before I get decrepit and moving to an apartment on a first floor.

Thanks for all of your input.

[Deleted]

I'm for your loss as well.

It sounds like you have given the process a lot of thought. I think it's wise to consider downsizing as this point since you already know it's a lot of work. It may take a while to sell so better to do it on your time table and not when it's a crisis (e.g. you have a medical problem and must move).

I'm glad you've lived in the prospective area before and have some kind of existing support system besides your kids. Unfortunately DH's aunt gave up a rather lucrative living situation (life estate in her Dad's home) to move across country be with her kids and grandkids. DS#1 split with his wife so she and GC#1 moved to the far north end of the state. And son#2 moved 1500 miles away to take another job. She's stuck in an underwater condo at a dead end job.

She's a sweet lady who deserves better.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and will make some good decisions.

[woodwand]

My DH passed three years ago yesterday. Last year, I sold the house & now live in a small, rented mobile. I love not having to maintain a pool & when something goes wrong, the maintenance man fixes it. I just turned 64 & even though I'm still in good shape, it's nice not having to climb on the roof to coat it or do the maintenance on the swamp cooler. It also gives me the freedom to travel when & where I want & for how long.

[bobbysgirl]

Karma for WOOD for being a brave soul.

[daylight]

I'm sorry for your loss.
The concerns you listed seem valid, but I would wait the whole year if I were you. When my grandpa died, it took my grandma two years not wanting to die, too. Obviously, her loss was extreme, they were married for 50+years, he handled almost every administrative matter in their marriage. It was a tough change, and that's putting it mildly. Having to remain alone in a rural home without your husband's help must be quite similar, I guess.
Waiting a year is suggested not just in this situation but in many other ones that take an emotional toll, and that's why I'd stick with it. Maybe nothing will happen during that time. But, you know, I sort of think that waiting has the extra purpose of keeping you in the same place while grieving and getting some sort of closure. Your reasons for moving seem valid, but maybe you need to stay put just a little while longer, to be emotionally able to deal with all the hassle of moving and living in a different place.

[Deleted]

From a purely financial perspective I think that renting might actually be cheaper if you haven't factored in maintenance costs. Then there are the savings of not travelling to see family.

[Deleted]

Double post.

[Deleted]

BG....when we both turned 65 last year, suddenly things started looking a little bit different, so it got me thinking.."what would I do if"....

Living where we do isn't exactly rural, but we have a 3,000 sf house, 3 car garage, and 3 new cars along with a travel trailer. Our only child and his family lives 7 hrs away, and here I'd be alone. Living WITH son and family is out of the question, as they are a young family with 3 kids and deserve a life of their own as I was able to have.

I finally decided if I'm the one left, I would sell this house and move to the city where son is located, likely in an apartment where I don't have to worry about snow/ice, heating and a/c units etc. Just a nice rental insurance policy. As for the car, 2 of the 3 are very expensive, but I believe I'd trade all 3 in for a new smaller SUV.

I'd have more than enough money using the proceeds of this house (it is paid for) and that would more than cover the rent for years to come. The rest of our investment funds would pay for monthly living expenses, with plently left over.

It's difficult to have to make these decisions, other of my friends here who are widows have stayed put with their families living hundreds of miles away...I would not put my son in that situation if/when the day comes I'd need a little help.

Only you can decide what is best for you, just take time to think about it and plan it out if you think it might work. If you have a friend or neighbor who you trust, talk it out with them....I feel it's better than talking to someone who may have a vested interest in your decision.

All the best whatever your decision is, and remember too, it doesn't have to be made today.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Bobbysgirl ... just wanted to give you a ((( hug! )))

[michelyn8]

I also wanted to offer my condolenses.

Lurkyloo brings up some very good points and suggestions. I don't know what part of VA your kids live in, but if you've lived here for any period of time in the last 15-20 years, you know that we are not the least bit consistent in our weather. We can go years without snow and then get slammed like we did this year. Also, NOVA was much harder hit than where I live south of Richmond. Then there are the summers - one year of mild and then the next is like last years when most of July was 95 and over.

I like the suggestion that you do a trial run. Not only is weather a factor, but after living in a rural area, you may find you don't really care for having your neighbors as close as you would in a suburban area. I've grew up in a small city and have lived in a rural county the last 20 years. I've thought of moving back "to town" many times, but have found that despite the convenience of being able to run to the store at 10 p.m. if needed, I simply can't stand the "crush". Funny thing is, it was the reverse when I moved to "the country" 20 years ago - I couldn't stand not being able to go to a store after 8 or 9 when I was used to being with 5 minutes of a 7-11 walking or driving.