Unsuccessful/Unhappy People

[Tiny]

I always read lists of things successful (or happy) people DO.   I often wonder if anyone who reads them is motivated to change  (or if the people who actually read those kinds of articles are already doing the things - so the article is just preaching to the choir...)  

I found this list of interest... just because it seemed to explain some of the behaviors I have witnessed at work (and at 'home').   I've been guilty of few from time to time -  Ignoring something in hopes that maybe it would just go away on it's own... and definitely the 'surfing' problem

How about you?  Anything that could be added to the list?  I highly recommend reading the article - it's short and  fleshes out what is exactly meant by each of the points below:

10 things Unsuccessful people never stop doing
www.inc.com/bill-murphy-jr/10-things-really-unhappy-and-unsuccessful-people-never-stop-doing.html

1. Ignoring
2. Envying
3. Resenting
4. Slow Playing
5. Hiding
6. Nit Picking
7. Condescending
8. Shaming
9 Surfing (internet or TV)
10. Backstabbing

[emma1420]

I'd add acting entitled, negative, and manpulating (although the later could fall under backstabbing).  I'd also add people who are fake. They tell you they like something, but you can tell they don't.  Oh, and ass kissers.

im guilty of the surfing the net thing, and some of the others on occasion. But in general the people who I know who are unhappy generally see very little good in the world.  In the work place the people who seem the unhappiest people are those that are resentful and entitled.  I think about our new hire, and he claims he loves the work, but the resentment just whafs off of him.  It is a shame because I think he's someone who has potential and if he embraced things he would be happier, and he would be where he wants to be professionally.

[whoisjohngalt]

Taking this personally.

[giramomma]

How do you define "unsuccessful"? Or "successful" for that matter?

My mom is likely has BPD (borderline personality disorder). For my entire life, she's engaged on most of the things on the list (except backtabbing, hiding, and ignoring). She, by most definitions has had a "successful" life. She married a good partner, who gave her to choice to move in and out of the workforce as she saw fit. They live in a nice middle class house. They raised a "successful" child, and for the most part, they could afford to spend a crap ton on my activities. They were able to retire and not needing to eat cat food. They've taken a few vacations. Paid off their house quite early. Found a few hobbies.

So, successful, despite doing 6-7 things on that list for at least 4.5 decades with no plans to stop ever. Mom's has been unhappy, but never unhappy enough to change and seek medical treatment.

I don't engage in as many things on the list, and I should be successful...but there's many areas where I'm really not.

[Deleted]

Sept 3, 2015 7:49:17 GMT -5 @tbird said:

Sept 3, 2015 6:56:55 GMT -5 giramomma said:

How do you define "unsuccessful"? Or "successful" for that matter?

My mom is likely has BPD (borderline personality disorder). For my entire life, she's engaged on most of the things on the list (except backtabbing, hiding, and ignoring). She, by most definitions has had a "successful" life. She married a good partner, who gave her to choice to move in and out of the workforce as she saw fit. They live in a nice middle class house. They raised a "successful" child, and for the most part, they could afford to spend a crap ton on my activities. They were able to retire and not needing to eat cat food. They've taken a few vacations. Paid off their house quite early. Found a few hobbies.

So, successful, despite doing 6-7 things on that list for at least 4.5 decades with no plans to stop ever. Mom's has been unhappy, but never unhappy enough to change and seek medical treatment.

I don't engage in as many things on the list, and I should be successful...but there's many areas where I'm really not.

Yeah - I was thinking of my former nemesis when reading the list.

He's an awful person on so many levels, but he ended up getting paid more than everyone else and doing maybe about half the work, after about 10 years of continuously manipulating the situation/work load to his advantage.

I think it's kind of wishful thinking that people who do these things aren't succeeding. 

But are they happy?  Yeah, you can be financially successful, but if they're doing a lot of the things on that list I would think they would be bitter, angry people and not really successful in the broader sense.

[movingforward]

Does ignoring the negative/unhappy people count ?  I think they are the only "problems" I tend to ignore . 

I think everyone has been envious about something at some point in their lives but yeah, I think unhappy people are pretty much envious ALL the time.  I have worked with people like that.  They are generally unhappy and always jealous of someone so they try to sabotage that person which also kind of plays into the backstabbing and resentfulness. 

Most people surf the net but I have noticed that the people I know IRL who are CONSTANTLY attached to their electronic leases do seem to be quite unhappy.  They can't just "be."  It is almost as if they don't like themselves enough to just enjoy their own company (not sure if I am saying that exactly right).  Most people who surf the net for a normal amount of time (not really sure what that is) are doing it either because they are bored at work (for instance this is our slow time of year) or they are doing it with a purpose - they are specifically looking for information on something (e.g. what time a movie starts, vacation research, latest news, etc.). 

[Lizard Queen]

Just a thought here, but how about, people who put themselves first tend to be happier/more successful?  It could be in a selfish way, or not necessarily in a selfish way.  I wonder if that would be more correct that this list, as it covers the self-serving people that are happy/successful.

[movingforward]

Sept 3, 2015 9:00:54 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Just a thought here, but how about, people who put themselves first tend to be happier/more successful?  It could be in a selfish way, or not necessarily in a selfish way.  I wonder if that would be more correct that this list, as it covers the self-serving people that are happy/successful.

I think that would be an interesting study.  I tend to put myself first sometimes, not in an effort to hurt anyone else but for my own sanity and well being.  This is one reason why I decided not to have children.  I have been called selfish for that decision a couple of times in my life. 

[Waffle]

From an article referenced in the OP article:

"This is about those woefully pathetic souls--and we all know them--who squander every opportunity, and then complain loudly about how their lives have turned out."

According to this article these unhappy people share 13 common behaviors:

1. Procrastinating.
2. Blaming.
3. Minimizing.
4. Consuming.
5. Talking.
7. Naysaying.
8. Malingering.
9. Loafing.
10. Equivocating.
11. Safeguarding.
12. Sour graping.
13. Quitting.

Between the 10 things they never stop doing and the 13 common behaviors, it sounds like these unsuccessful/unhappy people are awfully busy.

Link to 2nd article

[emma1420]

Sept 3, 2015 9:28:16 GMT -5 Waffle said:

From an article referenced in the OP article:

"This is about those woefully pathetic souls--and we all know them--who squander every opportunity, and then complain loudly about how their lives have turned out."

According to this article these unhappy people share 13 common behaviors:

1. Procrastinating.
2. Blaming.
3. Minimizing.
4. Consuming.
5. Talking.
7. Naysaying.
8. Malingering.
9. Loafing.
10. Equivocating.
11. Safeguarding.
12. Sour graping.
13. Quitting.

Between the 10 things they never stop doing and the 13 common behaviors, it sounds like these unsuccessful/unhappy people are awfully busy.

Link to 2nd article

Some people genuinely get a rough go of it.  I know many people who have lived through horrible things but they keep moving forward.  I really believe that, by in large, that happiness is a choice.  You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be miserable.   That isn't to stay that there won't be times that will be incredibly difficult (afterall life throws some pretty significant curve balls to most people at one point or another), and that there will be times when you feel that the world is working against you.  Obviously, the exception for this would be people who suffer from depression or some other mental illness that doesn't really provide them with the choice to be happy or not.

The behaviors listed above I see in the people who I know are unhappy.  Most of them have been provided opportunities, but they tossed them away (and to be honest they never saw them as opportunities).  But, in the end you can't do anything about those kind of people.  They are the ones that have to change.  Some do, some don't.

[Tiny]

Sept 3, 2015 9:00:54 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Just a thought here, but how about, people who put themselves first tend to be happier/more successful?  It could be in a selfish way, or not necessarily in a selfish way.  I wonder if that would be more correct that this list, as it covers the self-serving people that are happy/successful.

Well, from the same business related site there is this:

www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/8-mental-habits-the-most-successful-people-learn-to-break.html

It too is a quick read... and basically confirms that to be successful in business you do need to be a bit more, what boils done to, selfish.      And, it's not talking about being selfish in the stereotypical TV comedy sitcom way. 

[Tiny]

Sept 3, 2015 6:56:55 GMT -5 giramomma said:

How do you define "unsuccessful"? Or "successful" for that matter?

My mom is likely has BPD (borderline personality disorder). For my entire life, she's engaged on most of the things on the list (except backtabbing, hiding, and ignoring). She, by most definitions has had a "successful" life. She married a good partner, who gave her to choice to move in and out of the workforce as she saw fit. They live in a nice middle class house. They raised a "successful" child, and for the most part, they could afford to spend a crap ton on my activities. They were able to retire and not needing to eat cat food. They've taken a few vacations. Paid off their house quite early. Found a few hobbies.

So, successful, despite doing 6-7 things on that list for at least 4.5 decades with no plans to stop ever. Mom's has been unhappy, but never unhappy enough to change and seek medical treatment.

I don't engage in as many things on the list, and I should be successful...but there's many areas where I'm really not.

I think the articles intended audience is someone in the Work Place.     

It's pretty obvious, that all people sometimes engage in the various behavours listed at least sometimes.... especially when you aren't 100% on board with some action/work/whatever you OUGHT to do...   who hasn't surfed the net/watched TV when they OUGHT to have been doing house work (maybe prepping for a party or one's MIL's visit?)  or actual work work... even though the procrastination was pretty much gaurenteed to result in some painful circumstances in the near future?    

I think the article is more about when one's default (or typical)  behavior is consistently one or more of the things on the list - that they will indeed have a difficult time with their work life - and probably their personal life as well.    

[Deleted]

Sept 3, 2015 10:34:47 GMT -5 @tbird said:

Sept 3, 2015 7:54:43 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

But are they happy?  Yeah, you can be financially successful, but if they're doing a lot of the things on that list I would think they would be bitter, angry people and not really successful in the broader sense.

How would anyone know, really, how happy any particular person is?

He seemed to enjoy the game?

Do I assume because he was a manipulative ass that deep down he was unhappy?

Like I said, seems like a feel-Good rationalization on the part of those with a conscience and morals.

You're right.  You don't know if someone is really happy, and I'm sure there are plenty of happy sociopaths out there.

I was just looking at it more from an introspective, self-help, point of view.  That being that whenever I find myself slipping into any of the behaviors on the list it's often because I'm unhappy about some aspect of my life and it tends to be counterproductive to actually helping the problem and in fact often makes it worse.

[Tiny]

Deminmaine said:

I must admit that at one time or another I have been guilty of most of those things. I don't believe I have ever shamed or backstabbed, and I don't know what "slow play" is.

From the article:

4. Slow-playing.

Related to passive-aggressiveness, unsuccessful and envious people often play along at being a part of a team working together toward a goal--but the key phrase here is "play along at." Have you ever gotten together with a few friends to help someone move, for example, only to find there's one guy in the group who carries half the load of everyone else, and twice as slowly? (He's probably first in line for pizza and beer afterward, too.) That's slow-playing.

I'm sure everyone has worked with someone who consistently didn't 'pull their weight'. The problem is when it's a consistent behavior - you can pretty much predict their behavior.

I sometimes wonder if the youngsters in the work force who have had 'helicopter parents' who took care of everything for them - will be perceived as "slow-playing" by other workers. Why would they put forth effort - since whatever needs to get done will get done without them doing anything (it use to be their parents and maybe now they will expect their "office parents" to do it. Don't know.

FWIW: I suspect at least once or twice in our work lives we couldn't muster up the enthusiasm to give 110% to some group task... and so 'just played along' and waited for the task to be over. This stuff is all basic human nature. It's when this becomes one's standard behavior that it's bad.

[tskeeter]

Sept 3, 2015 10:23:02 GMT -5 emma1420 said:

Sept 3, 2015 9:28:16 GMT -5 Waffle said:

From an article referenced in the OP article:

"This is about those woefully pathetic souls--and we all know them--who squander every opportunity, and then complain loudly about how their lives have turned out."

According to this article these unhappy people share 13 common behaviors:

1. Procrastinating.
2. Blaming.
3. Minimizing.
4. Consuming.
5. Talking.
7. Naysaying.
8. Malingering.
9. Loafing.
10. Equivocating.
11. Safeguarding.
12. Sour graping.
13. Quitting.

Between the 10 things they never stop doing and the 13 common behaviors, it sounds like these unsuccessful/unhappy people are awfully busy.

Link to 2nd article

Some people genuinely get a rough go of it.  I know many people who have lived through horrible things but they keep moving forward.  I really believe that, by in large, that happiness is a choice.  You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be miserable.   That isn't to stay that there won't be times that will be incredibly difficult (afterall life throws some pretty significant curve balls to most people at one point or another), and that there will be times when you feel that the world is working against you.  Obviously, the exception for this would be people who suffer from depression or some other mental illness that doesn't really provide them with the choice to be happy or not.

The behaviors listed above I see in the people who I know are unhappy.  Most of them have been provided opportunities, but they tossed them away (and to be honest they never saw them as opportunities).  But, in the end you can't do anything about those kind of people.  They are the ones that have to change.  Some do, some don't.

Emma, I do think that your are right when you say that happiness is largely a choice.  Seems that there are people who are faced with really difficult situations, yet they always seem to be upbeat.  Others, are always unhappy, regardless of how their life is going.  As a friend of mine used to say, "they'd complain if you hanged them with a new rope".  I think happiness is closely related to whether or not a person clooses to be a victim or whether they choose to overcome the obstacles they encounter during their lives. 

With the media attention on New Orleans and Katrina recently, it strikes me that Katrina provided the opportunity to observe the difference.  After Katrina, some NO residents sat on the porch of their damaged homes and waited for someone to come and fix everything for them, all the while complaining that others and the government weren't doing enough to help them, weren't responding quickly enough, and that someone else should have prevented the damage that occurred.  Other residents got to work, clearing damage and preparing for rebuilding.  Now, a decade later, some are still "sitting on the porch" complaining about what happened years ago, while others have gotten on with their lives.

Guess if you are a victim of life, there's a pretty good chance that you won't be very happy with your life. 

[Tiny]

Sept 3, 2015 10:34:47 GMT -5 @tbird said:

Sept 3, 2015 7:54:43 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

But are they happy?  Yeah, you can be financially successful, but if they're doing a lot of the things on that list I would think they would be bitter, angry people and not really successful in the broader sense.

How would anyone know, really, how happy any particular person is?

He seemed to enjoy the game?

Do I assume because he was a manipulative ass that deep down he was unhappy?

Like I said, seems like a feel-Good rationalization on the part of those with a conscience and morals.

That is a good observation.  Since you could say that for the most part people ONLY do things that make them feel good (or that they get some benefit from).    Yeah, we're all hedonistic at heart.     Someone who's sour or cranky or evil-ly manipulative is happy on some level - after all if they were unhappy with being sour or cranky or 'evil'  wouldn't they try to avoid the behavours/circumstances that add to their sour/cranky/manipulativeness?

[Deleted]

Sept 3, 2015 10:54:14 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Sept 3, 2015 10:34:47 GMT -5 @tbird said:

How would anyone know, really, how happy any particular person is?

He seemed to enjoy the game?

Do I assume because he was a manipulative ass that deep down he was unhappy?

Like I said, seems like a feel-Good rationalization on the part of those with a conscience and morals.

That is a good observation.  Since you could say that for the most part people ONLY do things that make them feel good (or that they get some benefit from).    Yeah, we're all hedonistic at heart.     Someone who's sour or cranky or evil-ly manipulative is happy on some level - after all if they were unhappy with being sour or cranky or 'evil'  wouldn't they try to avoid the behavours/circumstances that add to their sour/cranky/manipulativeness?

It could just be poor coping skills or learned behavior responses that they don't know how to quit doing.  It's kind of like saying a drug addict must be happy being an addict otherwise he'd quit. 

[Tiny]

Sept 3, 2015 10:52:16 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

Emma, I do think that your are right when you say that happiness is largely a choice.  Seems that there are people who are faced with really difficult situations, yet they always seem to be upbeat.  Others, are always unhappy, regardless of how their life is going.  As a friend of mine used to say, "they'd complain if you hanged them with a new rope".  I think happiness is closely related to whether or not a person clooses to be a victim or whether they choose to overcome the obstacles they encounter during their lives. 

With the media attention on New Orleans and Katrina recently, it strikes me that Katrina provided the opportunity to observe the difference.  After Katrina, some NO residents sat on the porch of their damaged homes and waited for someone to come and fix everything for them, all the while complaining that others and the government weren't doing enough to help them, weren't responding quickly enough, and that someone else should have prevented the damage that occurred.  Other residents got to work, clearing damage and preparing for rebuilding.  Now, a decade later, some are still "sitting on the porch" complaining about what happened years ago, while others have gotten on with their lives.

Guess if you are a victim of life, there's a pretty good chance that you won't be very happy with your life. 

Happiness isn't a 'choice' as in "today I will be happy no matter what!"   it's a choice in that you choose to do say things or do things or have things that give your life more "meaning" to YOU.     The Happiness Project by G. Ruben describes a year in her life when she explored what philosophers, scientists, religion, and dozens upon dozens of writers over centuries-- who have pondered 'what makes people happy' and what they have said about happiness.  She attempted to apply some of their findings to her everyday life.

Happiness isn't an unending euphoric state.    Happiness is more about feeling content and confident and comfortable with yourself.  There are things you can do every day - things you usually need to choose to do - because they aren't default behavours that can (if the author's experience is any indication) add to one's feeling of general 'happiness' with one's life.

All of this is outside depression or mental illness.    The  author strongly indicates that in the opening chapter of the book... someone who is depressed can not 'make themselves' happy.     

[Tiny]

Sept 3, 2015 11:01:49 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Sept 3, 2015 10:54:14 GMT -5 Tiny said:

That is a good observation.  Since you could say that for the most part people ONLY do things that make them feel good (or that they get some benefit from).    Yeah, we're all hedonistic at heart.     Someone who's sour or cranky or evil-ly manipulative is happy on some level - after all if they were unhappy with being sour or cranky or 'evil'  wouldn't they try to avoid the behavours/circumstances that add to their sour/cranky/manipulativeness?

It could just be poor coping skills or learned behavior responses that they don't know how to quit doing.  It's kind of like saying a drug addict must be happy being an addict otherwise he'd quit. 

yes, there are flaws in that line of thinking     Addicts have a whole other problem as does someone with a mental illness.

But for someone who has some behavior - say the person who ALWAYS finds fault with stuff...      I do agree that it probably is poor coping skills/learned behavior that they either aren't truly aware they are doing or don't know how to quit doing. I sometimes wonder if they do achieve awareness of the actions that are holding them back - if they would attempt to find a way to change OR if they would just accept that that's the way they are and they can't change.

I've met people who seem completely unaware that the back handed compliments they give - are - well - back handed - and then can't quite understand why someone just complimented gives a negative reaction.  

[Deleted]

Sept 3, 2015 11:13:19 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Sept 3, 2015 11:01:49 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

It could just be poor coping skills or learned behavior responses that they don't know how to quit doing.  It's kind of like saying a drug addict must be happy being an addict otherwise he'd quit. 

yes, there are flaws in that line of thinking         I do agree that it probably is poor coping skills/learned behavior that they either aren't truly aware they are doing or don't know how to quit doing. I sometimes wonder if they do achieve awareness of the actions that are holding them back - if they would attempt to find a way to change OR if they would just accept that that's the way they are and they can't change.

I have some behaviors/reactions that I'm quite aware of that I don't like about myself and would like to change, but it's hard! 

[emma1420]

Sept 3, 2015 11:01:49 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Sept 3, 2015 10:54:14 GMT -5 Tiny said:

That is a good observation.  Since you could say that for the most part people ONLY do things that make them feel good (or that they get some benefit from).    Yeah, we're all hedonistic at heart.     Someone who's sour or cranky or evil-ly manipulative is happy on some level - after all if they were unhappy with being sour or cranky or 'evil'  wouldn't they try to avoid the behavours/circumstances that add to their sour/cranky/manipulativeness?

It could just be poor coping skills or learned behavior responses that they don't know how to quit doing.  It's kind of like saying a drug addict must be happy being an addict otherwise he'd quit. 

I agree that often the person doesn't know how to quit doing what they are doing.  But, at the same time, I do think there is some sort of reward they are getting for that behavior.  Be that negative attention, sympathy, etc.   I think they are getting something out of it.  However, I also wonder if those people even recognize that their behavior is contributing to their circumstances?  

I think a lot of this comes down to there being some people who believe that exterior things or people will magically make them happy.  if they find the right job they will be happy, if they find the right spouse they will be happy, if they win the lottery they will be happy.  What I don't think they realize is that happiness comes from within.  

[swamp]

Sept 3, 2015 7:49:17 GMT -5 @tbird said:

Sept 3, 2015 6:56:55 GMT -5 giramomma said:

How do you define "unsuccessful"? Or "successful" for that matter?

My mom is likely has BPD (borderline personality disorder). For my entire life, she's engaged on most of the things on the list (except backtabbing, hiding, and ignoring). She, by most definitions has had a "successful" life. She married a good partner, who gave her to choice to move in and out of the workforce as she saw fit. They live in a nice middle class house. They raised a "successful" child, and for the most part, they could afford to spend a crap ton on my activities. They were able to retire and not needing to eat cat food. They've taken a few vacations. Paid off their house quite early. Found a few hobbies.

So, successful, despite doing 6-7 things on that list for at least 4.5 decades with no plans to stop ever. Mom's has been unhappy, but never unhappy enough to change and seek medical treatment.

I don't engage in as many things on the list, and I should be successful...but there's many areas where I'm really not.

Yeah - I was thinking of my former nemesis when reading the list.

He's an awful person on so many levels, but he ended up getting paid more than everyone else and doing maybe about half the work, after about 10 years of continuously manipulating the situation/work load to his advantage.

I think it's kind of wishful thinking that people who do these things aren't succeeding. 

Amen.

I've got 2 people in mind who, according to this list, should be societal dregs.  They are professionals.  I'm not sure about well respected, but they are well employed.

[happyhoix]

Sept 3, 2015 11:01:49 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Sept 3, 2015 10:54:14 GMT -5 Tiny said:

That is a good observation.  Since you could say that for the most part people ONLY do things that make them feel good (or that they get some benefit from).    Yeah, we're all hedonistic at heart.     Someone who's sour or cranky or evil-ly manipulative is happy on some level - after all if they were unhappy with being sour or cranky or 'evil'  wouldn't they try to avoid the behavours/circumstances that add to their sour/cranky/manipulativeness?

It could just be poor coping skills or learned behavior responses that they don't know how to quit doing.  It's kind of like saying a drug addict must be happy being an addict otherwise he'd quit. 

This is an interesting question.

My mom and dad had four daughters, and all of us were very self pitying. My mom was the queen of self pity, as well as blaming and envy. Did we inherit some kind of gene for that behavior, or did we model her behavior? 

One of them, my little sister, is the worst of us. To me, she seems miserable almost all the time. She has melt downs. She cries a lot. She fights with her DH a lot. Despite having a master's degree, she's jumped from one entry level job to another over the years, because she believes all her bosses are mean to her and want to make her life hard. She's not on speaking terms with most of her relatives.

I don't understand why, if she's so miserable, she doesn't change things in her life to make them better? I've kind of decided that she must not WANT to change things, that somehow she gets something out of being this sad and unhappy person all the time. Or maybe she's been this way for so long she can't imagine being any other way? Maybe this seems normal to her? She does seem to crave drama, so maybe being this way makes her the center of attention in her family? 
 

[Shooby]

Surfing? Well, then I guess we all suck!

[mamasita99]

Sept 3, 2015 12:56:42 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

Sept 3, 2015 11:01:49 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

It could just be poor coping skills or learned behavior responses that they don't know how to quit doing.  It's kind of like saying a drug addict must be happy being an addict otherwise he'd quit. 

This is an interesting question.

My mom and dad had four daughters, and all of us were very self pitying. My mom was the queen of self pity, as well as blaming and envy. Did we inherit some kind of gene for that behavior, or did we model her behavior? 

One of them, my little sister, is the worst of us. To me, she seems miserable almost all the time. She has melt downs. She cries a lot. She fights with her DH a lot. Despite having a master's degree, she's jumped from one entry level job to another over the years, because she believes all her bosses are mean to her and want to make her life hard. She's not on speaking terms with most of her relatives.

I don't understand why, if she's so miserable, she doesn't change things in her life to make them better? I've kind of decided that she must not WANT to change things, that somehow she gets something out of being this sad and unhappy person all the time. Or maybe she's been this way for so long she can't imagine being any other way? Maybe this seems normal to her? She does seem to crave drama, so maybe being this way makes her the center of attention in her family? 
  

I think that the consequences of the miserable behavior are reinforcing. Usually behavior is to escape or avoid something, gain some form of attention, to acquire something (get what he or she wants), or to satisfy an internal need. Until the consequences of her miserable behavior are no longer reinforcing, it will be very difficult for her to change. An alternative behavior must be even more reinforcing than the miserable behavior. 

 And I think you're correct, that your sister might think that her behavior is normal, she might not even know how to act normal. Some people really do need to be educated on more appropriate forms of behavior. Then they need to practice those behaviors until they become a habit.

Change is a lot of work, that is why the new behavior has to be super reinforcing, preferably in the moment. Delayed gratification/reinforcement is tough for a lot of people to swallow, that is why so many potentially great life changers don't happen.

Isn't behavior fascinating?!!    

[8 Bit WWBG]

Count me in on those who say we need to define "unsuccessful". I see people who have gotten quite a bit farther than me doing some of those things. I do a few of them. I may not own 10 companies, but I'm not hurting.

[quince]

I'm definitely full of enough 9 to make up for any lack of any of the rest. 

My life is wonderful, and I should be in a constant state of euphoria, but I'm not. Mostly anxiety, some depression I've had counseling for...otherwise, whacha gonna do? 

My husband does none of the 10 things, and very much shrugs off bad things, embraces the good, and is actually a very happy person, and pretty successful by many measures.

10 things that unsuccessful people don't stop doing obviously isn't the same as "if you do these 10 things, you'll be unsuccessful."