NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,676
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Sept 2, 2015 11:49:22 GMT -5
Honey, you personally deserve better than being in the middle of this. Legally, because she's of age and signed the loan paperwork, it's her problem. She needs to get her rude little fanny back in school full time to defer those loans, and start working as well, to get money together to begin paying them, as well as keep herself in at least some money. If she has spent the forty grand left to her (and I'm having a hard time figuring that out from your OP, but that's my best guess - it's gone and she expects more), then she'd better hope she can scrape together enough to continue her schooling. Or take a year off, work like a dog and go back part-time. The issue is between her, her dad and her mom. I know you want to help, and you can be the third party voice of reason here. I think her mom did the right thing, letting her know what the consequences would be if she stayed in Florida. I think her dad did the right thing, offering reasonable choices to her, which she refused. SD sounds like someone who really needs a lesson in how it feels for her butt to hit that proverbial rock bottom. Thanks for the support. I really don't feel like I'm in the middle at all. In fact, I'm like watching this in a surreal mind fuck on LSD. In my other posts, we've been trying to find ways to help, suggest, etc. but for the most part there is nothing for either H or I to do at this point except watch her lay in the bed she's made. We are not bailing her out (at this point). And I am staunchly against it in the future. She does need to figure out what she wants to do. She IS smart. But she isn't willing to do a thing to help herself. We thought she might have turned a corner when she wanted to stay in Florida and want our help in figuring out how. Then she asked for first months and last months rent and a security deposit. And then downturn from her mother... then she was back in Michigan faster than you can imagine. I think the three of the adults in this situation are doing a good job. Unfortunately, there is a fourth adult who isn't. Kudos to the mom and dad for sticking together on this, BTW. Sometimes, divorce does strange things to people, and one parent will stand firm, while the other caves. Does not appear to be the case here, and I applaud them for their united front on this. And I applaud you for taking it in and not letting it out by letting SD have it via a full-blown smackdown. She needs it, but it won't help. If she's willing to follow a step-by-step program in getting herself out of this mess, and you're willing to help and put all the steps in writing and sign it, that's one thing. But if she's going to scream and throw phones, then hell no. Let them come after her for the loan money. When the really threatening letters start coming in the mail, you'll hear her wail good and loud. Or maybe when the court papers show up, threatening court action. Nothing like it to whack someone back to reality.
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happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 21,556
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Post by happyhoix on Sept 2, 2015 15:44:22 GMT -5
Wow.
No way I would do anything to help her until she made a full accounting of what happened to the 40K and how much she borrowed in student loans, and then explained to me what her plan will be, going forward.
I've known a fair number of young adults that just needed to take some time off from school and work a job flipping burgers for a while in order to get some maturity and develop a good game plan. Giving money to them prior to that was just pissing it away.
However it's up to H and his XW to figure out what they're willing to do to help her, I guess. It does sound like you three have been working together to try to help her readjust her thinking, though, so that's positive. At least you're only up against the SD, and not the SD and XW combination.
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tskeeter
Junior Associate
Joined: Mar 20, 2011 19:37:45 GMT -5
Posts: 6,831
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Post by tskeeter on Sept 2, 2015 18:28:43 GMT -5
Honey, you personally deserve better than being in the middle of this. Legally, because she's of age and signed the loan paperwork, it's her problem. She needs to get her rude little fanny back in school full time to defer those loans, and start working as well, to get money together to begin paying them, as well as keep herself in at least some money. If she has spent the forty grand left to her (and I'm having a hard time figuring that out from your OP, but that's my best guess - it's gone and she expects more), then she'd better hope she can scrape together enough to continue her schooling. Or take a year off, work like a dog and go back part-time. The issue is between her, her dad and her mom. I know you want to help, and you can be the third party voice of reason here. I think her mom did the right thing, letting her know what the consequences would be if she stayed in Florida. I think her dad did the right thing, offering reasonable choices to her, which she refused. SD sounds like someone who really needs a lesson in how it feels for her butt to hit that proverbial rock bottom. Thanks for the support. I really don't feel like I'm in the middle at all. In fact, I'm like watching this in a surreal mind fuck on LSD. In my other posts, we've been trying to find ways to help, suggest, etc. but for the most part there is nothing for either H or I to do at this point except watch her lay in the bed she's made. We are not bailing her out (at this point). And I am staunchly against it in the future. She does need to figure out what she wants to do. She IS smart. But she isn't willing to do a thing to help herself. We thought she might have turned a corner when she wanted to stay in Florida and want our help in figuring out how. Then she asked for first months and last months rent and a security deposit. And then downturn from her mother... then she was back in Michigan faster than you can imagine. Sounds a bit like a nephew of mine who called Grandpa asking what he should do about the bill collectors calling about his student loans. He didn't like Grandpa's suggestion that he should get a second job so he could pay off the loans. Obviously, the answer he was looking for was who do I make the check out to? That boy don't know Grandpa very well if he thought that Grandpa was going to be that kind of a soft touch. Especially since it was after he didn't make the payments on the student loans that his mother had co-signed for and screwed up her credit, too. These gyrations were during his period as one of the responsibility challenged. I hope he's doing better with his finances these days, but I'm not betting too much on it.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 2, 2015 18:44:19 GMT -5
Isn't it funny when you tell entitled people to go suck on a lemon, how upset they get? I love being on the outside looking in on a cluster.
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garion2003
Familiar Member
Joined: Feb 20, 2011 15:48:25 GMT -5
Posts: 758
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Post by garion2003 on Sept 2, 2015 19:07:45 GMT -5
Forbearance is when you don't have to pay on the loan, although interest will accrue. It's like a deferment but not as automatic.
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