zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 3, 2015 15:07:27 GMT -5
I find that mediator is fair and well paid but unless all parties agree, not happening. You're not bound by mediators decision. DH went to divorce mediation twice. Both times EX agreed then left and changed her mind. Said she was coerced Went to court. Usually judge punishes the one who wouldn't settle but not in this case.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 3, 2015 18:08:39 GMT -5
I've been involved in corporate mediation and also with a case where my business was sued. IMHO, involuntary mediation is a waste of time and money unless both parties have previously entered into a contract where they agree in advance that they will be bound by the mediation. Otherwise, logically and in the real world, it just doesn't make sense. If both parties could agree in advance like reasonable people, they most likely wouldn't be involved in litigation to begin with. So it's unlikely to result in an agreement... and if the parties aren't bound by the mediator's recommendations, then they're just going to not agree to the terms that are different than what they're already requesting.
If you're paying for the attorney for your case, I would work to minimize any fees associated with mediation. Go - because the court ordered you to - and be polite, reasonable and professional. But don't waste a lot of time or fees prepping or engaging in back and forth with the other side.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Sept 3, 2015 18:59:45 GMT -5
I don't know - - I had an experience with voluntary mediation that was very successful. Along with several neighbors, a number of years ago we were locked in a bitter dispute with a large and powerful institution who is also our neighbor. Our local councilperson publicly maintained a neutral stance, but worked pretty furiously behind the scenes to get things worked out in our favor (what was happening was truly unjust bullying by the institution).
Once the councilperson got all of us into a mediation room at City Hall, he personally drove over to the institution, sat in the president's office and told him that the building permits he (the president) was seeking for the institution's property would never see the light of day unless our/the neighbors (very reasonable) demands were met. The next morning (day 2 of the mediation), their bully lawyer came in to session and announced that we would get all of the changes we were seeking. They capitulated completely. Clearly mediation itself did not work out the deal (that was done in the background and we found out about it later), BUT agreeing to the process set the wheels in motion for the long-standing issue to be resolved.
YMMV - but I think it can work. Good luck to you!
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 3, 2015 19:09:39 GMT -5
I don't know - - I had an experience with voluntary mediation that was very successful. Different than court ordered/involuntary. Court ordered is usually a formality and not something that both sides are seeking. You also had a behind the scenes facilitator who had some authority and a very high interest in getting it settled; OP has neither. She and her attorney will be working with an employee of the court who has no power to influence or resolve.
Not that it isn't possible that mediation will work, just that it's unlikely in the situation she's describing.
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janee
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Post by janee on Sept 4, 2015 10:40:15 GMT -5
I was involved in a business mediation years ago that worked out very well. Each party was in a different room and the retired judge went back and forth. Some tips: 1. Bring something to read or do during periods the mediator is with the other party (it can be boring!) 2. Know what your "line in the sand" is. 3. Don't expect it to be done in any specific time. I planned on the whole day. In negotiating, time constraints can make someone agree to something they would rather not have. 4. Strategize with your lawyer on the options so you're prepared for the opposing arguments. 5. Realize that if mediation fails, a lawsuit can be costly. 6. Be realistic, can you win a lawsuit and at what cost?
Good luck!
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Sept 4, 2015 10:54:06 GMT -5
I don't know - - I had an experience with voluntary mediation that was very successful. Different than court ordered/involuntary. Court ordered is usually a formality and not something that both sides are seeking. You also had a behind the scenes facilitator who had some authority and a very high interest in getting it settled; OP has neither. She and her attorney will be working with an employee of the court who has no power to influence or resolve.
Not that it isn't possible that mediation will work, just that it's unlikely in the situation she's describing.
Well not to be argumentative, but . . . if the mediation had failed the next step would have been a nasty, expensive and very public lawsuit, same as what michigander is potentially "in for." We all knew the hazards and fallouts of a suit, especially for the institution that had a particular reputation to uphold. Mediation is intended to try and avoid all of that. I wish her luck and success because I think there are many 'moving parts' that may help to resolve the situation, even if the mediation itself is not the final deciding factor.
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Michigander
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Post by Michigander on Sept 7, 2015 16:09:29 GMT -5
Thanks for the comments.
Yes, mediation is part of the process.
Milee, my attorney and I agree with you that the attempt at mediation will most likely fail. My brothers won't want to give up their power and I will not budge on having my brothers continue to be involved with my mother's assets. My attorney and I will agree to 1) me being granted as conservator or 2) having a court-appointed third party agent to handle my mother's assets.
The next step will be the hearing on September 24th. I'm hoping that with the recommendation of the Guardian Ad Litem and the ALF, she won't soften, feel sorry for my brothers and give them another chance. If this happens, my attorney is going to insist on a full audit and disclosure based on elder financial abuse.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 7, 2015 17:15:50 GMT -5
2) having a court-appointed third party agent to handle my mother's assets. If there enough money for this? Paying a third party can get expensive quickly, but if there's money for it that would be a fantastic solution for all of you. Removes the emotional baggage and arguing and will provide good records of what is spent, plus professional handling of the assets.
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Sept 11, 2015 10:07:11 GMT -5
2) having a court-appointed third party agent to handle my mother's assets. If there enough money for this? Paying a third party can get expensive quickly, but if there's money for it that would be a fantastic solution for all of you. Removes the emotional baggage and arguing and will provide good records of what is spent, plus professional handling of the assets. I did this on my last job. It was $500 month. But that involved an age-in-place elder
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Sept 11, 2015 10:18:27 GMT -5
Can they just put her out on the street? I would think that they would either move her to a state run facility or tell one of her kids to come pick her up. They aren't required to continue care for someone for free.
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Sept 11, 2015 10:25:34 GMT -5
Can they just put her out on the street? I would think that they would either move her to a state run facility or tell one of her kids to come pick her up. They aren't required to continue care for someone for free. What happens if a kid doesn't pick her up yet they aren't paid?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Sept 11, 2015 10:27:35 GMT -5
I would think that they would either move her to a state run facility or tell one of her kids to come pick her up. They aren't required to continue care for someone for free. What happens if a kid doesn't pick her up yet they aren't paid? I would think that she would be moved to a state run facility. I don't know for sure and hope to never find out.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Sept 11, 2015 18:24:30 GMT -5
I would think that they would either move her to a state run facility or tell one of her kids to come pick her up. They aren't required to continue care for someone for free. What happens if a kid doesn't pick her up yet they aren't paid? I think if the family can't/won't pay, Mom is forced on to Medicaid. Then Mom goes to whatever facility will accept a Medicaid patient. Which may be neither the location nor the quaility of care that the family would like. But, it could be the same facility, with the same care, too. I know that when my Mom was in an assisted care facility to give Dad some respite, at least one other patient's care was being covered by Medicaid.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Sept 11, 2015 18:40:37 GMT -5
The continuing care retirement community my parents are in does not accept Medicaid for new residents. They have to prove there are sufficient funds to care for them for an extended time period. However, if their funds are exhausted after a few years, the CCRC then will accept Medicaid; it will not kick them out.
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Michigander
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Post by Michigander on Sept 26, 2015 7:44:46 GMT -5
*Update*
During mediation, my brothers agreed to a court ordered third party agent to act as a Conservator. This action took affect on Thursday. My attorney has informed her of my concerns and I will be meeting with her next week to provide the details.
They are, though, balking on the Guardianship issue which is stupid as they don't visit her. My one brother hasn't seen her since last December and he lives maybe 30 minutes away! We think it's an ego issue. Mediation for this will be held in October and the court date is in November.
I'm satisfied with the results and am looking forward to working with the Conservator.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Sept 26, 2015 8:43:32 GMT -5
The continuing care retirement community my parents are in does not accept Medicaid for new residents. They have to prove there are sufficient funds to care for them for an extended time period. However, if their funds are exhausted after a few years, the CCRC then will accept Medicaid; it will not kick them out. The CCRC my parents lived in was the same. There was a level of assets required to move into the community, but some of the residents had lived there for decades, and what had been adequate when they had to move into the nursing center was no longer adequate or they outlived their money or they were in the nursing home when the Great Recession happened, etc., so the CCRC accepted Medicaid for the nursing center if someone already there ran out of money.
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Sept 27, 2015 19:31:59 GMT -5
*Update* During mediation, my brothers agreed to a court ordered third party agent to act as a Conservator. This action took affect on Thursday. My attorney has informed her of my concerns and I will be meeting with her next week to provide the details. They are, though, balking on the Guardianship issue which is stupid as they don't visit her. My one brother hasn't seen her since last December and he lives maybe 30 minutes away! We think it's an ego issue. Mediation for this will be held in October and the court date is in November. I'm satisfied with the results and am looking forward to working with the Conservator. What does your elder law attorney say about this development? I live in Michigan but am not up to speed on how conservatorship works and is regulated. About a dozen years ago, one of the major papers had a pretty terrifying special report on conservators. They weren't watched much. Even the ones that billed themselves as specialists weren't held to much of a standard. It was almost impossible to get accounting or accountability from any of them and getting them removed from conservatorship was a long and convoluted process which rarely resulted in a conservator being removed from the position before assets were completely exhausted. I certainly hope that the court appointed conservator that you caught is cut from a different cloth or held to higher standards.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 28, 2015 16:11:51 GMT -5
Omg. I'd demand the conservator post a bond to make sure assets aren't pissed away. That's why people try to avoid probate because the lawyers appointed seem to drain any assets until it's all gone.
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