Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Aug 11, 2015 9:45:56 GMT -5
MJ2.0 - I'm with minnesotapaintlady on this one. Not to say your ex is a bad person, but he doesn't sound like he's really got it together financially. Those are the types who tend to hold on too long and loose everything. You need to get your name off the title and mortgage and have some sort of written agreement as to what you equity is at this point in time and legally bind him to it. Otherwise he could stop paying and anything you have could be eaten up in missed payments and legal fees. This just isn't that easy especially in regard to the mortgage. The bank doesn't give a crap that they're divorcing. Seriously, It's been eight years since my divorce was finalized. The only reason DH is off the first mortgage and the title is because of HARP. He's still on the second mortgage. Granted my house is still at least $50K under water which is why I cannot refinance it.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Aug 11, 2015 9:46:48 GMT -5
MJ, what is the hesitation with getting another CC?
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Aug 11, 2015 9:47:44 GMT -5
gotta hand it to YM - ask one question and get answers to another! Believe it or not it's because we care and don't want to see you go through what we (I've) seen others go through. You've got enough running through your head as it is, you know you can count on us to point out all the potential pitfalls, after all - that's what we're here for!
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Aug 11, 2015 9:49:53 GMT -5
MJ2.0 - I'm with minnesotapaintlady on this one. Not to say your ex is a bad person, but he doesn't sound like he's really got it together financially. Those are the types who tend to hold on too long and loose everything. You need to get your name off the title and mortgage and have some sort of written agreement as to what you equity is at this point in time and legally bind him to it. Otherwise he could stop paying and anything you have could be eaten up in missed payments and legal fees. This just isn't that easy especially in regard to the mortgage. The bank doesn't give a crap that they're divorcing. Seriously, It's been eight years since my divorce was finalized. The only reason DH is off the first mortgage and the title is because of HARP. He's still on the second mortgage. Granted my house is still at least $50K under water which is why I cannot refinance it. I understand, it's a way of forcing the Ex's hand. Either he refinances and get's MJ's name off the title/mortgage or the house gets put on the market. Time to put up or shutup. MJ say's there is equity so we're not talking an underwater situation (yet).
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Aug 11, 2015 10:00:56 GMT -5
I would go with another CC myself. There are a lot that offer 0%, and it would give you the access to the funds that you need.
However, I think the bigger issue is that the house is not on the market. You don't know how much you will really get from the sale until it's sold. And if you ex can't afford the bills with his income alone, then your credit is going to get screwed when he falls behind on the mortgage payments. Do you have anything in your divorce decree about when he has to pay you for your half of the house? If not, then it might be worth talking to your divorce lawyer again, and get something in writing, that if he bought you out of of the house by a certain date it must go on the market. Because unless you live in a very hot market, you have no idea how long it could take for the house to sell.
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Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on Aug 11, 2015 10:07:48 GMT -5
If he hasn't been able to refinance by now, he isn't going to.
I agree with Minnesotapaintlady. You should stay in the house. He should stay with his folks.
The house should be on the market by Friday at the latest.
Can your son stay with Dad's folks too on Dad's days?
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 11, 2015 10:22:05 GMT -5
I'd rather DS not stay with X's parents for too long. They aren't the most reasonable people - they're conditional givers. As in any favor they do for you entitles them to basically own you. Besides, ex-FIL is not the best influence on DS. X told me that they started asking him when he'd be coming home and trying to tell him when he'd need to be home by... he's 31. If anything I would have thought it would give him incentive to get this all settled so he could get out of there. I'm thinking of giving him a choice - either I live in the house FT with him until it's sold or I live there and he (and DS) stays at his parents until the house is sold. Both are uncomfortable, undesirable options and I'm hoping it will be enough to get him moving.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Aug 11, 2015 10:24:17 GMT -5
I feel like most of these "refinance" car loans are offered only if you already have a car loan with said bank and are looking to lower the rate. Can you refinance a car you already own and don't have a loan on? Is that easy? I truly don't know. Yes, I don't know if you can do it everywhere, but I was going to get a refi loan on a car I already owned & had no loan on. I couldn't get it because you needed less than 100K miles on the car with PenFed PenFed does have low rates, it looks like it is 1.99-3.49 depending on the length of the loan.
Other than that I would try to open a new CC, but that takes time. BOA sends me checks for 0% for 18 months literally every 3 weeks.
As others have mentioned, I would start to be concerned at this point. He probably cannot refinance or give you any money for the equity. Selling takes some time. How long can you cover a loan before that starts to weigh you down?
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Aug 11, 2015 10:43:33 GMT -5
I'd rather DS not stay with X's parents for too long. They aren't the most reasonable people - they're conditional givers. As in any favor they do for you entitles them to basically own you. Besides, ex-FIL is not the best influence on DS. X told me that they started asking him when he'd be coming home and trying to tell him when he'd need to be home by... he's 31. If anything I would have thought it would give him incentive to get this all settled so he could get out of there. I'm thinking of giving him a choice - either I live in the house FT with him until it's sold or I live there and he (and DS) stays at his parents until the house is sold. Both are uncomfortable, undesirable options and I'm hoping it will be enough to get him moving. The really are the only two workable options. You guys can't afford the path you are on now. I know it's not the answer to the question you first asked - but it's the only reasonable answer unless you want to dig yourself (and Ex) deeper and deeper into a hole.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Aug 11, 2015 11:05:27 GMT -5
I'd rather DS not stay with X's parents for too long. They aren't the most reasonable people - they're conditional givers. As in any favor they do for you entitles them to basically own you. Besides, ex-FIL is not the best influence on DS. X told me that they started asking him when he'd be coming home and trying to tell him when he'd need to be home by... he's 31. If anything I would have thought it would give him incentive to get this all settled so he could get out of there. I'm thinking of giving him a choice - either I live in the house FT with him until it's sold or I live there and he (and DS) stays at his parents until the house is sold. Both are uncomfortable, undesirable options and I'm hoping it will be enough to get him moving. The really are the only two workable options. You guys can't afford the path you are on now. I know it's not the answer to the question you first asked - but it's the only reasonable answer unless you want to dig yourself (and Ex) deeper and deeper into a hole. Yeah that. ((((Hugs))))
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Aug 11, 2015 12:00:59 GMT -5
I think those are the most financially reasonable options. They're not necessarily the most emotionally reasonable options. I went the loan route and took out $15K at 4.9% for life on a Citi card. However, in our our decree, I am completely responsible for the house and got all of the "equity".
If you are paying for part of the house, you should get to stay there. XH never paid anything toward either of our houses, so that made selling his house a much easier decision. (Both houses were in both of our names. I moved out of the first one into mine. )
Hugs. I know this is difficult.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 11, 2015 12:28:29 GMT -5
so here's what he told me today:
Eligible for refinance; mortgage application submitted with all supporting documentation. <> Prior mortgage payoff is dated Sep 1; hoping, therefore, for Sep 1 or early Sep closing. <> My retirement accounts are being liquidated in order to be available by Sep closing. <> At closing you will get check for $22k; I'll wait and you can pay back the outstanding stuff after it clears. <> At closing your name will be removed and you will have no obligation to house once you've moved out. <> Real estate attorney has been hired and is doing title search and deed stuff. <> Appraisal will be done this Friday at 10a with Mrs. (realtor's name) and appraiser.
If you will be able to move to your new place and have all of your belongings out of the house by Sep 1, then we can write up a letter to say that you are no longer responsible for the house expenses after Sep 1. As the refinance should be done or very close to done by then, there won't be room for confusion. If you will need until Oct 1 to move to your new place, the refinance will most likely be done by then. We would have the letter state that Oct 1 will be the date at which you are no longer responsible for the house provided that your belongings have been removed. On top of all this, we could stipulate in the same or a different letter about the slow transition of (DS) going to the new place (one night first week, two nights second week, all nights going forward). As your things would be out of the house at that point, I would just stay at my parent's house and you would not be responsible for expenses those two weeks.
So progress.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2015 12:37:20 GMT -5
Well, there you go. I'd skip the loan thing altogether and stay in the house until the closing. It seems like he's fine with you staying there until October.
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Aug 11, 2015 12:39:00 GMT -5
so here's what he told me today: Eligible for refinance; mortgage application submitted with all supporting documentation. <> Prior mortgage payoff is dated Sep 1; hoping, therefore, for Sep 1 or early Sep closing. <> My retirement accounts are being liquidated in order to be available by Sep closing. <> At closing you will get check for $22k; I'll wait and you can pay back the outstanding stuff after it clears. <> At closing your name will be removed and you will have no obligation to house once you've moved out. <> Real estate attorney has been hired and is doing title search and deed stuff. <> Appraisal will be done this Friday at 10a with Mrs. (realtor's name) and appraiser.
If you will be able to move to your new place and have all of your belongings out of the house by Sep 1, then we can write up a letter to say that you are no longer responsible for the house expenses after Sep 1. As the refinance should be done or very close to done by then, there won't be room for confusion. If you will need until Oct 1 to move to your new place, the refinance will most likely be done by then. We would have the letter state that Oct 1 will be the date at which you are no longer responsible for the house provided that your belongings have been removed. On top of all this, we could stipulate in the same or a different letter about the slow transition of (DS) going to the new place (one night first week, two nights second week, all nights going forward). As your things would be out of the house at that point, I would just stay at my parent's house and you would not be responsible for expenses those two weeks.So progress. Progress, but I wouldn't be moving out until the refinance has closed and you have a check in your hand.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 11, 2015 12:39:03 GMT -5
Well, there you go. I'd skip the loan thing altogether and stay in the house until the closing. It seems like he's fine with you staying there until October. I still need about $3k for the deposit & rent... I'll figure it out.
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Aug 11, 2015 12:40:37 GMT -5
Well, there you go. I'd skip the loan thing altogether and stay in the house until the closing. It seems like he's fine with you staying there until October. I still need about $3k for the deposit & rent... Then you have the perfect reason for not being able to move out until you have a check from him.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2015 12:42:50 GMT -5
Well, there you go. I'd skip the loan thing altogether and stay in the house until the closing. It seems like he's fine with you staying there until October. I still need about $3k for the deposit & rent... Can't you just wait until after the closing to find a place?
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Aug 11, 2015 12:44:53 GMT -5
I still need about $3k for the deposit & rent... Then you have the perfect reason for not being able to move out until you have a check from him. Bingo! You need your 22k check to be able to move out... Simple! He is more than welcome to advance it to you if he wants
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 11, 2015 13:51:07 GMT -5
I can't move back in because of a legal agreement we made regarding the custody arrangements. I totally forgot about that. Fighting that would be really expensive and will only delay this process. (I'm not going to discuss this further so don't ask me about it.) He is amenable to drawing up paperwork saying I'm no longer responsible for the bills and if all goes smoothly, we will have a September "close" and I'll be off of it with my money in a month or less. Meanwhile I'll look for a way to just get the $3500.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2015 14:53:27 GMT -5
I can't move back in because of a legal agreement we made regarding the custody arrangements. I totally forgot about that. Fighting that would be really expensive and will only delay this process. (I'm not going to discuss this further so don't ask me about it.) He is amenable to drawing up paperwork saying I'm no longer responsible for the bills and if all goes smoothly, we will have a September "close" and I'll be off of it with my money in a month or less. Meanwhile I'll look for a way to just get the $3500. I thought you were there half the time anyway, so I don't quite get not being able to move back in, but I understand if explaining that part requires talking about something you don't want to. He's willing to give you until October, does that violate the agreement?
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 11, 2015 15:14:49 GMT -5
I can't move back in because of a legal agreement we made regarding the custody arrangements. I totally forgot about that. Fighting that would be really expensive and will only delay this process. (I'm not going to discuss this further so don't ask me about it.) He is amenable to drawing up paperwork saying I'm no longer responsible for the bills and if all goes smoothly, we will have a September "close" and I'll be off of it with my money in a month or less. Meanwhile I'll look for a way to just get the $3500. I thought you were there half the time anyway, so I don't quite get not being able to move back in, but I understand if explaining that part requires talking about something you don't want to. He's willing to give you until October, does that violate the agreement? we are each only allowed to stay overnight on the days that we have DS.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2015 15:29:39 GMT -5
Got it. Well, if he's willing to wait for you to move your things by October 1st, which he also said the refinance would be done by then, can you just keep doing what you'r'e doing now and use the money from the refinance to secure an apartment by Oct. 1?
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engineerdoe
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Post by engineerdoe on Aug 11, 2015 15:33:36 GMT -5
I thought you were there half the time anyway, so I don't quite get not being able to move back in, but I understand if explaining that part requires talking about something you don't want to. He's willing to give you until October, does that violate the agreement? we are each only allowed to stay overnight on the days that we have DS. I know this wasn't your question and it may be of no help to you: What about you and the ex renting a one bedroom apartment or studio for you to trade off staying in? Kid stays put in house and you get an actual place to live during the off weeks. Not ideal but least disruptive to kid. (I have a friend who did this about 30 years ago with his ex and their kids. YMMV)
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 11, 2015 15:37:36 GMT -5
we are each only allowed to stay overnight on the days that we have DS. I know this wasn't your question and it may be of no help to you: What about you and the ex renting a one bedroom apartment or studio for you to trade off staying in? Kid stays put in house and you get an actual place to live during the off weeks. Not ideal but least disruptive to kid. (I have a friend who did this about 30 years ago with his ex and their kids. YMMV) I had actually looked for that for a few months but demand for rentals is really high, so there's a lot of competition. I even looked for just a vacant room in a house and I had no luck.
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DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on Aug 11, 2015 15:44:24 GMT -5
On the car: yes as long as the car is less than 10yrs n some places less thsn 7 it really is that easy to refi it n get cash. I have done it twice. Have to turn over the title. Both times less than 4% interest last was less than 2
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2015 16:17:39 GMT -5
get a 0% credit card that lets you write a check to yourself or charge on the card for the same 0%. Some are as long as 21 months. I do not think you can get a loan cheaper then that. Good luck
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Aug 11, 2015 16:31:49 GMT -5
Can you join a credit union, then take out the loan? Some of them have pretty lax requirements to join. I think at one point with mine the only qualification to join was you had to live in the same county. Mine is 1.9% on used car loans right now, so pretty cheap $$.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Aug 12, 2015 2:39:31 GMT -5
I would request a two week overlap in order to allow everything to clear. For example if it closes on the 1st you would need to be out by the 15th. It is just too easy for the whole thing to blow up.
Can you try for the September 1 close? The sooner this is done the better. I just do not want to see it blow up on you.
i also wanted to add that you have handled this whole situation very well. It was difficult at best and you are a champ.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Aug 12, 2015 8:11:34 GMT -5
This is weird I know but are there any year round campgrounds near you? I know, now stop laughing. The people that I have met that live in them year round or not all seem to love them. There are some that are year round although some are seasonal. With the good part being that the season is when rentals are super expensive. This is the best I could find quickly and not knowing your location other than NJ. www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/Upper-Township-NJ/fsba_lt/2101556550_zpid/397985_rid/0-25000_price/0-92_mp/priced_sort/39.384998,-74.422761,39.110616,-75.068894_rect/10_zm/0_mmm/ www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/Dennis-Township-NJ/fsba_lt/2101651692_zpid/398262_rid/0-25000_price/0-92_mp/priced_sort/39.353148,-74.489365,39.078641,-75.135499_rect/10_zm/0_mmm/ www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/Upper-Township-NJ/fsba_lt/2102132728_zpid/397985_rid/0-75000_price/0-277_mp/priced_sort/39.384998,-74.422761,39.110616,-75.068894_rect/10_zm/0_mmm/ www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/Woodbine-NJ/fsba_lt/2101573875_zpid/43149_rid/0-25000_price/0-92_mp/priced_sort/39.264357,-74.726601,39.195744,-74.888135_rect/12_zm/
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 12, 2015 8:33:18 GMT -5
First, I live in central NJ. Second, no. I got some more details on what's going on with the house. Appraiser is coming Friday morning. X is amenable to bending the rules regarding access to the house and I may be able to stay there for a couple of days that I normally wouldn't. I also just got approved for a cc that has 0% APR for 21 months on purchases and balance transfers, so I will transfer pretty much the entire balance on my current cc onto the new one and then get a cash advance for about $3k on my old one (the cash advance rate is a bit lower).
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